Re: Meltdowns, holidays, things have gotten really bad

[Guest guest]

My son has a small punching bag, a squishy hand ball and a few other

things that are " safe " for him to pummell, jump on, squeeze and beat

the heck out of. When he turns to these things, he gets rewards. When

he catches himself before an outburst, he gets lavishly praised. When

he fails, he loses privilages. But never in the heat of the moment. We

used to punish at that moment. But not only was he unable to listen in

that moment, we would usually go overboard in the punishment (because

we were ticked off too) and the punishment itself would spark a new

outburst. So now we try to stay calm and work on calming him down.

Then afterward, we talk about the punishment and why it has to be

carried out. He's much more accepting of it now, because it feels more

fair to him. We also talk to the OCD or the emotion (Egdar the Angry)

so my son feels less attacked. We've had plenty of bumps this week -

too excited, bored, etc - but he's made tremedous progress in the past

few months.

As for your husband, ask for his help. Barb is right - it's not

personal. But it sounds like being on the recieving end of your son's

anger entitles you to a little time away when you need it. No medals

being given out for being a human punching bag (emotional or

physical). Give yourself a needed break. You're not a failure just

because you recognize a need to keep yourself sane.