Re: When is it too much screen-time?

[Guest guest]

I have found that the video games and computer are a source of comfort for Joei

when she is really anxious or her OCD thoughts are off the hook.  She uses it as

a way to calm herself and to refocus her thoughts.  I don't know what I would do

without her nintendo ds when her anxiety is full throttle!

 

If I take away any of her technology stuff, I take away the computer because she

uses that for social stuff with her friends. 

 

In fact, the way her mouth is moving and spouting off tonight, she is about

ready to get it taken away for a few days if she doesn't get herself under

control *wink*

 

 

 

~~Kathy

 

gkathy40@...

http://www.myspace.com/clearingachannel

yahoo messenger id  gkathy40@...

Courage is not living without fear.

Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.

-Chae

Subject: When is it too much screen-time?

To:

Date: Sunday, December 7, 2008, 6:16 PM

I am wondering if you all would be willing to share how you structure

the amount of screen time your children are allowed each week? My 14

year old thinks that I the 'only parent' amongst all his friends who

is strict with screen time. Mind you, I allow 2 hours per night

during the week after homework is done, and am looser on weekends

which can result in anywhere from 4 to 8 hours per day depending on

what else is going on. We have figured out he has about 30 to 40 hours

a week combined screen time which includes XBox, TV, computer and his

video IPod. It's probably closer to the 40 mark.

My son has a panic disorder, OCD, and ADHD and claims that he'needs'

the screen

time to relax. I believe that it does relax him, but I am concerned

that it has grown into a screen addiction. It is the only thing I

know that he would care about if I took away, so I tend to use it

against him when he is being disciplined. When this happens (like

today) he throws a complete horrible fit about not be allowed to play

his XBox

and just goes at it with me all day. When we are away from screens

(like over Thanksgiving) he repeatedly refers to being excited to

return to his XBox. When his friends come over, they almost

exclusively play XBox the whole time which can be 3,4 or more hours if

they are sleeping over. I think all the boys like to play, but I

think it is my son who encourages it. Whenever we ask him to get off

he ALWAYS asks for more time. When we finally get him off, he

literally does not know what to do with himself, except go to the next

screen. His father (also ADHD) watches alot of TV, so my son

(actually both sons) tend to collapse on the couch and watch with my

husband. It bothers me so much.

He had a long lapse in between Fall baseball and basketball which

starts in January, so he really was getting no exercise. From prior

posts you may remember that this is the kid who does not want to join

any school group or activity. He actually decided to go out for the

school ski team (of which I am grateful) and tryouts are this week.

Our school is very competitive so we are hopeful, but not sure if he

will make it. His OCD has actually gotten better lately (knock

on every piece of wood), although ever omni-present, so I think I have

re-focused on the screen situation. I know it may not sound like a

big deal, but the arguments have taken over our relationship.

Is a good amount of relaxing screen time necessary for our anxious

children? When is enough enough and when is it considered an addiction?

[Guest guest]

>>Is a good amount of relaxing screen time necessary for our anxious children?

When is enough enough and when is it considered an addiction?

That's a really good question and I don't know the answer! I'm guessing it is

pretty family dependent.

Our daughter is only 9 so she doesn't get much screen time. She gets to do

WebKinz for no more than 45-60 minutes about 4 days a week. She also watches

videos on occasion which can add up pretty quickly. Fortunately, we don't have

an XBox or Wii or even a GameBoy so she doesn't play with those. As a rule she

doesn't watch television, just videos. I'd say we allow her about 6-12 hours a

week of screen time but she'd happily take more!

I don't know what is considered " ideal " for a 14-year-old . . . nor what would

be considered excessive to the point of " addiction. "

Beth

[Guest guest]

I have nine year old twins.  My daughter has OCD and my son doesn't.  My son

" lives " to be on one form of tech or another, be it Wii, Nintendo DS, or the

computer.  In order to make sure that they don't rush to finish their homework,

I have made the rule that they can't go on technology until 7:00.  They don't

have any technology or toys in their bedrooms so when they wake up early in the

morning, as they inevitably do, they read until 7:00 am when they are allowed to

go downstairs and use the technology until 7:30 when they get dressed for

school.  My son's playdates inevitably revolve around the computer or their

Nintendos.  I really think it is a boy thing.  My son does play sports and

have other after school activities.  It sounds like yours does too.  Thus, I

think your son sounds perfectly normal.  Enjoy the fact that he is doing better

OCD-wise and don't worry about the tech time.  If I remember correctly, when I

was growing up, if we were doing homework, my family spent the evening watching

tv.  At least with this there is more of an active thinking.  

When is it too much screen-time?

I am wondering if you all would be willing to share how you structure

the amount of screen time

your children are allowed each week? My 14

year old thinks that I the 'only parent' amongst all his friends who

is strict with screen time. Mind you, I allow 2 hours per night

during the week after homework is done, and am looser on weekends

which can result in anywhere from 4 to 8 hours per day depending on

what else is going on. We have figured out he has about 30 to 40 hours

a week combined screen time which includes XBox, TV, computer and his

video IPod. It's probably closer to the 40 mark.

My son has a panic disorder, OCD, and ADHD and claims that he'needs'

the screen

time to relax. I believe that it does relax him, but I am concerned

that it has grown into a screen addiction. It is the only thing I

know that he would care about if I took away, so I tend to use it

against him when he is being disciplined. When this happens (like

today) he throws a complete horrible fit about not be allowed to play

his XBox

and just goes at it with me all day. When we are away from screens

(like over Thanksgiving) he repeatedly refers to being excited to

return to his XBox. When his friends come over, they almost

exclusively play XBox the whole time which can be 3,4 or more hours if

they are sleeping over. I think all the boys like to play, but I

think it is my son who encourages it. Whenever we ask him to get off

he ALWAYS asks for more time. When we finally get him off, he

literally does not know what to do with himself, except go to the next

screen. His father (also ADHD) watches alot of TV, so my son

(actually both sons) tend to collapse on the couch and watch with my

husband. It bothers me so much.

He had a long lapse in between Fall baseball and basketball which

starts in January, so he really was getting no exercise. From prior

posts you may remember that this is the kid who does not want to join

any school group or activity. He actually decided to go out for the

school ski team (of which I am grateful) and tryouts are this week.

Our school is very competitive so we are hopeful, but not sure if he

will make it. His OCD has actually gotten better lately (knock

on every piece of wood), although ever omni-present, so I think I have

re-focused on the screen situation. I know it may not sound like a

big deal, but the arguments have taken over our relationship.

Is a good amount of relaxing screen time necessary for our anxious

children? When is enough enough and when is it considered an addiction?

[Guest guest]

I have also found that video games and the computer are sources of

comfort for my 14 yr old son. It helps relax him from anxiety and

also helps keep his mind off OCD thoughts. I too worry that he

spends too much time on both, and at times try to get him to play a

game or sit and watch TV with me, but he gets bored quickly.

I also found the xbox 360 was a good source for him to stay social

at times when going over a friend's house was too stressful, as he

connects with his friends on xbox and they communicate via the

headsets and play games and even sometimes stay connected and watch

TV shows together.

So although I worry about the time too, for now I'll let it continue

as it is good to see him smile and hear him laugh when playing.

-Laurie

>

>

> Subject: When is it too much screen-time?

> To:

> Date: Sunday, December 7, 2008, 6:16 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I am wondering if you all would be willing to share how you

structure

> the amount of screen time your children are allowed each week? My

14

> year old thinks that I the 'only parent' amongst all his friends

who

> is strict with screen time. Mind you, I allow 2 hours per night

> during the week after homework is done, and am looser on weekends

> which can result in anywhere from 4 to 8 hours per day depending on

> what else is going on. We have figured out he has about 30 to 40

hours

> a week combined screen time which includes XBox, TV, computer and

his

> video IPod. It's probably closer to the 40 mark.

>

> My son has a panic disorder, OCD, and ADHD and claims that

he'needs'

> the screen

> time to relax. I believe that it does relax him, but I am concerned

> that it has grown into a screen addiction. It is the only thing I

> know that he would care about if I took away, so I tend to use it

> against him when he is being disciplined. When this happens (like

> today) he throws a complete horrible fit about not be allowed to

play

> his XBox

> and just goes at it with me all day. When we are away from screens

> (like over Thanksgiving) he repeatedly refers to being excited to

> return to his XBox. When his friends come over, they almost

> exclusively play XBox the whole time which can be 3,4 or more

hours if

> they are sleeping over. I think all the boys like to play, but I

> think it is my son who encourages it. Whenever we ask him to get

off

> he ALWAYS asks for more time. When we finally get him off, he

> literally does not know what to do with himself, except go to the

next

> screen. His father (also ADHD) watches alot of TV, so my son

> (actually both sons) tend to collapse on the couch and watch with

my

> husband. It bothers me so much.

>

> He had a long lapse in between Fall baseball and basketball which

> starts in January, so he really was getting no exercise. From prior

> posts you may remember that this is the kid who does not want to

join

> any school group or activity. He actually decided to go out for the

> school ski team (of which I am grateful) and tryouts are this

week.

> Our school is very competitive so we are hopeful, but not sure if

he

> will make it. His OCD has actually gotten better lately (knock

> on every piece of wood), although ever omni-present, so I think I

have

> re-focused on the screen situation. I know it may not sound like a

> big deal, but the arguments have taken over our relationship.

>

> Is a good amount of relaxing screen time necessary for our anxious

> children? When is enough enough and when is it considered an

addiction?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, thinking back about my 3 sons (one with OCD, Aspergers), they

probably all spent about as much time as your son between the video

games, TV and computer.

Ahem, certain video games I ended up spending too much time on too,

LOL. But they were a good way to just avoid the everyday stress,

problems and let me NOT think about stuff for a while; and they were

FUN and sometimes challenging too.

I know at times each sometimes seemed too absorbed or got mad/upset

playing some video games, which I'd tell them when it quits being fun

then I wasn't going to listen to it, they'd have to quit playing.

And, yes, that's all their friends did a lot of too. (Though my

oldest did do a lot of skateboarding spring/summer/fall.) And with

only one computer between 4 people, sometimes a bit of hassle on

getting them to let others have time " on " computer when they were

teens.

I do recall with once, at least, his being upset because he

needed (or wanted?) to finish some game, or stage of a game, and I

wondered was that an OCD thing or not. Actually for I think

it helped with his fine motor skills some too.

Overall with , I was glad to see him mostly enjoying something

that sometimes distracted him from his OCD. (Sometimes he repeated

things even in the game or pushing buttons.) Actually he later quit

playing games due to OCD but did " nag " his brothers to play so he

could watch them. He still won't play the games, only VERY rarely

has gotten him to do something.

My sons are now 23 and the twins 19. They gave up, or outgrew, the

video games quite a while back. My oldest did get back into them

online at one time, don't recall the game name, but was playing

online. I think partly it gave him something to do ($broke, stuck at

home) and he did seem engrossed with playing it. I don't think he

plays any longer (out on his own now) as he doesn't have internet

where he is living, has to go elsewhere for his laptop to work.

TV took up lots of time too, more with . Though these days he

is constantly on Facebook, sometimes with TV on too.

So -- they all outgrew the extreme video game playing they used to

do. When they get girlfriends, that helps cut the time down except

for phone and online, LOL. They vary with TV time now, but much

less than those teen years. I would have to say most all the time

now the 3 of them spend is online and on Facebook with their

friends. Though does watch movies/TV shows on his laptop too.

They all keep in touch with lots of kids from high school that way

since most are away at different colleges or living elsewhere.

It's really up to the parents and how you want to set the

guidelines/rules up in your family. I personally didn't have the

financial means when they were teens to take them out places or give

them $ to go out and do things (bought used video games, etc.); and

the twins didn't have anyone in our neighborhood their age/friends.

So for me " home entertainment " worked out better. But, yes, there

were many times I would rather have seen them outside doing something

or even inside with some hobby or other.

Maybe you can talk with your son, at what seems like a good time,

about ways to discipline him. Let him know ahead of time what he

could expect or he might have suggestions. Maybe have 2 hours during

the day (2-4:00 or 6-8, etc.) he can't play Xbox; or he can't get on

the computer that day but he can play Xbox.... Just thinking he

probably still needs some " outlet " and a distraction?

Very quick thoughts!

single mom, 3 sons

>

> I am wondering if you all would be willing to share how you

structure

> the amount of screen time your children are allowed each week? My

14

> year old thinks that I the 'only parent' amongst all his friends who

> is strict with screen time. Mind you, I allow 2 hours per night

[Guest guest]

Hi. My girls are not into video games (we don't have any) but both like

their computer time. Both are into Japanese anime and would spend hours on the

computer if I let them. For the both of them, it is obviously an OCD thing.

I finally had to limit their time because they were NOT getting their

homework done. Now, they are not allowed on at all during the week and this

weekend, I would not let them have it until some missing school work had been

done.

Both had pretty big reactions to my taking it away during the week. I have

OCD myself and playing solitaire on the computer is something I do when I am

having a hard time. The repetitive actions are very calming to me. My

nephews have game systems and spend a ton of time playing. I know they get

really into the games and have a hard time putting them down. Kelley in NV

**************Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and

favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

(http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp & icid=aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolcom00000010)

[Guest guest]

Wow, I am so surprised at the answers! It looks like OCD is a

game-changer. When I look at what the 'experts' say about it, they

suggest serious screen-time restrictions citing weight gain, lack of

learning social skills, and lack of exercise as primary reasons. It

is definitely quieter and easier in my house when my son is on

screens, but my 'Mamma' genes tend to kick in regardless, and I feel

that it is better for HIM for me to set limits. I was planning on

showing him these answers to prove that I am not alone in my quest,

but I guess I won't be doing that : ) !

Another aspect of this is that my son, and perhaps others, don't know

what to do if screens aren't available. He really just sits there and

complains about 'nothing to do' when he has reached his time limits.

I stuck to my guns yesterday about not letting him get back on the

XBox, and lo and behold after a few hours of doing nothing, I saw him

putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Naturally, I sat down next to him

and started

helping and it became a great opportunity to talk!

[Guest guest]

Kelley -

My daughter isn' t big into TV or video games, but when her OCD was at it's

worst she played computer solitare ALOT and it was very calming to her.  Thanks

for the insight as to why she played so much!

Amy 

Subject: Re: Re: When is it too much screen-time?

To:

Date: Monday, December 8, 2008, 5:16 AM

Hi. My girls are not into video games (we don't have any) but both like

their computer time. Both are into Japanese anime and would spend hours on the

computer if I let them. For the both of them, it is obviously an OCD thing.

I finally had to limit their time because they were NOT getting their

homework done. Now, they are not allowed on at all during the week and this

weekend, I would not let them have it until some missing school work had been

done.

Both had pretty big reactions to my taking it away during the week. I have

OCD myself and playing solitaire on the computer is something I do when I am

having a hard time. The repetitive actions are very calming to me. My

nephews have game systems and spend a ton of time playing. I know they get

really into the games and have a hard time putting them down. Kelley in NV

************ **Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and

favorite sites in one place. Try it now.

(http://www.aol. com/?optin= new-dp & icid= aolcom40vanity & ncid=emlcntaolco

m00000010)

[Guest guest]

Our son also finds something to do, if his games are taken away. But,

I have to say, they were a life saver when his OCD was bad. They kept

his mind occupied so it could have a break from the nonstop anxiety

producing thoughts, while we waited for the meds to start working, and

to get into a therapist. I even played with him at times, although I

wasn't much of a challenge for him. lol So, I agree with everyone

else, that it really does seem to relax him. And it's such a social

thing for boys. Whenever Josh has someone over, they spend most of

the time playing games, or on the computers. And if they are good at

the games, it seems to be a social benefit.

He does do other things too, when the weather is nice. But, we have a

lot of rain here, in Washington, so if it's not spring or summer, it's

not nice outside, so hard to get outside for exercise. He's getting

Wii Fit for Christmas, so I'm hoping to use the games to our

advantage. ) Because you are right, the sedentary lifestyle,

coupled with weight gain from meds, isn't ideal.

BJ

>

> Wow, I am so surprised at the answers! It looks like OCD is a

> game-changer. When I look at what the 'experts' say about it, they

> suggest serious screen-time restrictions citing weight gain, lack of

> learning social skills, and lack of exercise as primary reasons. It

> is definitely quieter and easier in my house when my son is on

> screens, but my 'Mamma' genes tend to kick in regardless, and I feel

> that it is better for HIM for me to set limits. I was planning on

> showing him these answers to prove that I am not alone in my quest,

> but I guess I won't be doing that : ) !

>

> Another aspect of this is that my son, and perhaps others, don't know

> what to do if screens aren't available. He really just sits there and

> complains about 'nothing to do' when he has reached his time limits.

> I stuck to my guns yesterday about not letting him get back on the

> XBox, and lo and behold after a few hours of doing nothing, I saw him

> putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Naturally, I sat down next to him

> and started

> helping and it became a great opportunity to talk!

>