Re: [Autism_in_Girls]

[Guest guest]

Hi Robin

Welcome to the list. My name is Tracey and we have two daughters, Coral who

will be 14 in July, and our youngest daughter, Skylar age 11. We live in a

small town in Ontario, Canada. Sky was diagnosed autistic at age 3. This is a

great group. Its good to have you with us. Look forward to hearing more from

you.

Tracey

Hi...........I'm new to the list. I have a soon to be 12 year old daughter

with Aspergers.

Does anyones child have issues with being perfect all the time and not

handling it well when things don't go their way? How do you handle this

with her? My daughter just breaks down in tears when she fails at something

even if it's the first time trying. Calls herself stupid and dumb. I'm

trying a reward system right now and it took two tries for it to work. I

don't know how successful she is when she's at school though. Getting her

to tell me about her day in detail is like pulling teeth. Any advice would

be greatly appreciated!

Robin in PA

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[Guest guest]

My daughter is HFA and is going on 10...with her, it all must be done a

certain way and routine, and if it is out of the pattern she is used

t....watch out........automatic tears etc. Like yesterday, she was the

last to come up from the sports grounds, which she doesn’t take part in,

as she can’t understand what palying soccor or softball is about anyway,

and because she didn’t get up to get her school bag, before the others,

it was immediate tears etc, but soon passed, as she knew she had to get

her bag and come to where I was waiting for her, otherwise more of her

routine would be out of line...........its a never ending battle, but

people and teachers, are slowly understanding her, and try not to take

too much notice in some instances.....hang in there, Cheryl S

[australia]

Hi...........I'm new to the list. I have a soon to be 12 year old

daughter with Aspergers.

Does anyones child have issues with being perfect all the time and not

handling it well when things don't go their way? How do you handle this

with her? My daughter just breaks down in tears when she fails at

something even if it's the first time trying. Calls herself stupid and

dumb. I'm trying a reward system right now and it took two tries for it

to work. I don't know how successful she is when she's at school though.

Getting her to tell me about her day in detail is like pulling teeth.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Robin in PA

Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

------------------------ Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

[Guest guest]

WELCOME Robin in Pa. I'm Robin in Ms. My daughter Whitney is 9 and we have

the same problem. I dont know where she gets it from, cause I've always praised

her just for trying something. It seems to get worse the older she gets, and

the only thing I can think of is that shes more aware of what she can/cant do

compared to the other kids.

Of course she also " knows everything " . When I get her something new & try

to show her how it works, she has a fit cause she already knows. Then when she

cant do it right, she has another fit. And on & on it goes. Gee this would be

a good topic for Whits Dr. today. If I get any good advice from him I'll write

back later.

I've had Whit in therapy for attention/focus/behavior modification. 3

months ago it was decided that her morning Dr. appts were interfering with

school.

Could'nt get appts. after school cause he was already booked, so I told him

that I wanted to stop until school let out. So he suggested I come for Whits

appts. That was the best thing to happen, I have finally learned the proper way

to talk to her, & deal with most of her behaviors. It has made a huge

difference in our lives. As Whit was only dxed 1 year ago, I'm still learning.

Did'nt mean to ramble on here. What part of Pa are you from? I was born in

Niagra Falls,Ny and all my relatives are there & in Pa.

Robin

[Guest guest]

Robin,

Whits Dr. ( Grad Flick) is an ADD expert. He has 5 books out on it, & just

finished his 6th. I origanally went to him cause he had advertised Social

Skills groups over the summer.Have you looked into a SS group for your daughter?

I tried to get Whit in 2 different social skills groups last summer, but they

both fell through. Next year Whits school will have a SS program. I dont know

if its part of the Life Skills program they are bringing in, and they are

just making me think I'm getting what I've been asking for. But shes getting it

so I'm happy.

Whit also will be going to the middle school next year. Its grade 5-8 here.

I dont think shes prepared, but I decided to send her on anyway. The spec-ed

director has my list of concerns for Whit for next year, and together we are

working on getting things right for next year. He said we will work on them all

summer if we have to. Hes very nice, I like working with him.

Have you been taking your daughter to her new school, so she can get used

to it? I pick up Whit & her teacher each week for a trip to walk around the new

school. I will also do this periodacly during the summer. The week before

school starts up we will meet with all her teachers, as we are not sure yet who

they will be.

Anyway, I did'nt learn anything helpful today. He told me if she was that

frustrated than it was too hard for her and I should work on something easier.

I feel that everything is easy that frustrates her.

Does your daughter have any type of therapies? Does she have an IEP? Is she

fully included in reg classes? What type of help is she getting in school?

Whats her name? You have'nt told us yet. Do you have a chapter of the Autism

Society in Pa? What about a local support group? I get most of my info through

the computer also, but it really helps to have someone to talk to personally.

What about a Regional Center? I know they deal mostly with mental retardation,

but they will know what types of services are in your area. Just throwing out

some ideas here. I must be in a talkative mood, I generally dont write so

much. LOL

Robin

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/10/04 1:37:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

rhellmann@... writes:

> Does anyones child have issues with being perfect all the time and not

> handling it well when things don't go their way? How do you handle this

> with her? My daughter just breaks down in tears when she fails at something

> even if it's the first time trying. Calls herself stupid and dumb. I'm

> trying a reward system right now and it took two tries for it to work. I

> don't know how successful she is when she's at school though. Getting her

> to tell me about her day in detail is like pulling teeth. Any advice would

> be greatly appreciated!

>

> Robin in PA

>

>

>

>

sound like kinda OCD or similar. maybe tell her no one gets it on the first

try but i know you would want to. other than that acknowledge her frustation

and move on to something else or talk about something else she would talk

about thats not related to the task at hand. dont say its 'not a big deal'

cause

to her it is. just an idea dont know if it will help or not, but i hope it

does.

eric

abbys dad

(shes 7, we are in michigan)

[Guest guest]

to add to what abby's dad said, here are some chemical links to

ocd. i'm looking at this myself because my nt daughter breaks down

in tears when she can't do something perfectly the first time, even

if it's something *I* have never learned to do! never thought about

it being OCD, tho!

http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/articles/walshMP.htm#Ob

> In a message dated 5/10/04 1:37:48 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> rhellmann@b... writes:

>

>

> > Does anyones child have issues with being perfect all the time

and not

> > handling it well when things don't go their way? How do you

handle this

> > with her? My daughter just breaks down in tears when she fails

at something

> > even if it's the first time trying. Calls herself stupid and

dumb. I'm

> > trying a reward system right now and it took two tries for it to

work. I

> > don't know how successful she is when she's at school though.

Getting her

> > to tell me about her day in detail is like pulling teeth. Any

advice would

> > be greatly appreciated!

> >

> > Robin in PA

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> sound like kinda OCD or similar. maybe tell her no one gets it on

the first

> try but i know you would want to. other than that acknowledge her

frustation

> and move on to something else or talk about something else she

would talk

> about thats not related to the task at hand. dont say its 'not a

big deal' cause

> to her it is. just an idea dont know if it will help or not, but

i hope it

> does.

>

> eric

> abbys dad

> (shes 7, we are in michigan)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

For the person seeking information's of Arizonia e mail me at private I to

have a very special friend who is of psychologist there in the Phoenix areas

or about a hours drive from the location you to speaked of. She is willing

to help answer questions to that families. She also has adult son with ASD.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Hey Robin,

First off, do not assume that will be put in the social skills group.

Make sure it goes on her IEP. Though I'm sure you already know that LOL. Its

amazing that with all the help kids can get with social skills groups, they

are so hard to find!!!!

As for the Regional Center, thats all I know it to be called. Betty here

may know more, as she gets services with her Regional Center. I had Whit

evaluated at our RC, but the waiting list for in-home services is 4-6 years, and

since I would have had to change her insurance, I decided not to go that route.

Whit will always have a file there & I do have a case worker though them, that

can help with finding services & Doctors.

As for support groups, Autism & ADD/ADHD are simular in a lot of areas. You

might want to check into those, as they are easier to find. With being so

high functioning this type of group may work for you & her.

Robin in Ms

[Guest guest]

Becky is could be aversion of night terrors common to some on spectrum. Two

of my children's to had that.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Tony what is you wife in hospital for and what do offed mean? do it mean

she to thinked one here offended her. I to hope not as this is good list and

refer much people here often.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Have you gone to a child Psycologist yet? I was just

curious because my daughter throws such tantrums that

we and the doctors thought they were siezures at 1st.

But after many tests they have now decided they don't

think they really are siezures, just tantrum induced

panic attacks, because she is so obsessed with things

sometimes. I kept telling them I was sure she had

autism, and they kept saying she seemed too smart and

normal, until the tantrums. But they don't live with

her. So I insisted they evaluate her. A really great

Child Psychologist evaluated her, and after 5 hours of

questions and evaluation said that she has high

functioning autism. He said the reason he thinks it

took 2 years to diagnose, is because she has a really

high IQ along with the Autism, and he said so many

kids have low IQs when they are Autistic, so it was

harder to recognize. Just a thought. It might help.

Esther

--- T & J Bartimus wrote:

> I have never thought about autism until at least the

> last year or so.. I dont mean to sound mean.. But it

> never occured to me.. My Nuero is an idiot and just

> says that she has a developmental delay and siezure

> disorder and now bipolar.. Havent had the chance to

> ask him about Autism yet.. Because she was having

> one of her Majjor Tantrums last visit and we couldnt

> get out of the Bathroom.. My mother was in

> there with her trying to calm her and it didnt

> work..

>

> So we are seeking help from another doc

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Have you gone to a child Psycologist yet? I was just

curious because my daughter throws such tantrums that

we and the doctors thought they were siezures at 1st.

But after many tests they have now decided they don't

think they really are siezures, just tantrum induced

panic attacks, because she is so obsessed with things

sometimes. I kept telling them I was sure she had

autism, and they kept saying she seemed too smart and

normal, until the tantrums. But they don't live with

her. So I insisted they evaluate her. A really great

Child Psychologist evaluated her, and after 5 hours of

questions and evaluation said that she has high

functioning autism. He said the reason he thinks it

took 2 years to diagnose, is because she has a really

high IQ along with the Autism, and he said so many

kids have low IQs when they are Autistic, so it was

harder to recognize. Just a thought. It might help.

Esther

--- T & J Bartimus wrote:

> I have never thought about autism until at least the

> last year or so.. I dont mean to sound mean.. But it

> never occured to me.. My Nuero is an idiot and just

> says that she has a developmental delay and siezure

> disorder and now bipolar.. Havent had the chance to

> ask him about Autism yet.. Because she was having

> one of her Majjor Tantrums last visit and we couldnt

> get out of the Bathroom.. My mother was in

> there with her trying to calm her and it didnt

> work..

>

> So we are seeking help from another doc

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I know this is off the subject, and this is not directed at you Esther,

but I really don't think this is true at all. I think most, if not

all, autistic children have much higher than average intelligence. Some

have intense sensory issues or processing problems that prevent them

from being able to give responses to test questions. That has nothing

at all do do with intelligence. How can you possibly administer a

" standard " I.Q. test to autistic children? It's just not possible. I

think I.Q. tests are basically worthless, and especially for autistic

children.

> and he said so many

> kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

[Guest guest]

I know this is off the subject, and this is not directed at you Esther,

but I really don't think this is true at all. I think most, if not

all, autistic children have much higher than average intelligence. Some

have intense sensory issues or processing problems that prevent them

from being able to give responses to test questions. That has nothing

at all do do with intelligence. How can you possibly administer a

" standard " I.Q. test to autistic children? It's just not possible. I

think I.Q. tests are basically worthless, and especially for autistic

children.

> and he said so many

> kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

[Guest guest]

you are so try couldn't have put it better my self...

Debbie F.

[Guest guest]

, I could not agree more. In fact, I'm considering getting my PhD

in educational psychology and am considering my thesis to deal with

this issue. I think the biggest problem are the constraints the

standardized testing gives. An example is when a psychologist asked

Allie to count to ten and Allie responded with the 1-2 buckle my

shoes... all the way to a big fat hen. She said she could not count

that, but Allie did obviously count to 10. She also asked Allie to

draw a circle, which Allie did, but then she kept going and added to

it. Well, the deal was to draw a line, so they couldn't count it. But

she clearly can draw a line. They also told me they are certain that

Allie's intelligence is much higher than what she tested because they

have seen her do many of the things the test questions. I think it's

gobbedly goop that an examiner cannot score based on the child's

abilities over time, rather than momentary performance. Is the goal to

measure performance or ability? If it's ability, then measure it, stop

measuring performance. Kids with autism are rarely on cue performers.

Debi

I

> think I.Q. tests are basically worthless, and especially for autistic

> children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I could not agree more. In fact, I'm considering getting my PhD

in educational psychology and am considering my thesis to deal with

this issue. I think the biggest problem are the constraints the

standardized testing gives. An example is when a psychologist asked

Allie to count to ten and Allie responded with the 1-2 buckle my

shoes... all the way to a big fat hen. She said she could not count

that, but Allie did obviously count to 10. She also asked Allie to

draw a circle, which Allie did, but then she kept going and added to

it. Well, the deal was to draw a line, so they couldn't count it. But

she clearly can draw a line. They also told me they are certain that

Allie's intelligence is much higher than what she tested because they

have seen her do many of the things the test questions. I think it's

gobbedly goop that an examiner cannot score based on the child's

abilities over time, rather than momentary performance. Is the goal to

measure performance or ability? If it's ability, then measure it, stop

measuring performance. Kids with autism are rarely on cue performers.

Debi

I

> think I.Q. tests are basically worthless, and especially for autistic

> children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I could not agree more. In fact, I'm considering getting my PhD

in educational psychology and am considering my thesis to deal with

this issue. I think the biggest problem are the constraints the

standardized testing gives. An example is when a psychologist asked

Allie to count to ten and Allie responded with the 1-2 buckle my

shoes... all the way to a big fat hen. She said she could not count

that, but Allie did obviously count to 10. She also asked Allie to

draw a circle, which Allie did, but then she kept going and added to

it. Well, the deal was to draw a line, so they couldn't count it. But

she clearly can draw a line. They also told me they are certain that

Allie's intelligence is much higher than what she tested because they

have seen her do many of the things the test questions. I think it's

gobbedly goop that an examiner cannot score based on the child's

abilities over time, rather than momentary performance. Is the goal to

measure performance or ability? If it's ability, then measure it, stop

measuring performance. Kids with autism are rarely on cue performers.

Debi

I

> think I.Q. tests are basically worthless, and especially for autistic

> children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to do well on an

IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So they are VERY

inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay much attention to

them unless it's to get some service for your child.

Amnesty

>

> > and he said so many

> > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

[Guest guest]

No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to do well on an

IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So they are VERY

inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay much attention to

them unless it's to get some service for your child.

Amnesty

>

> > and he said so many

> > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

[Guest guest]

No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to do well on an

IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So they are VERY

inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay much attention to

them unless it's to get some service for your child.

Amnesty

>

> > and he said so many

> > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

[Guest guest]

Oh, I completely agree. My daughter did not even come

close to answering or even paying attention to all the

things on the IQ test. It's just that since she can

talk a lot, many people have told me she is not

Autistic, and since she is very intellegent. I am not

saying that others children are not just as

intellegent, it's just one of her wierd autistic

things, to go around stating factual things she has

memorized and learned from videos and what I try to

teach her. However, she's only been doing this for

about 6 months now, and before that rarely spoke a

word, just made sqealing and squaking noises and

laughed histerically and yelled really loud without

using words. All I was saying is that the doctors and

people I had gone to for help, had always said she was

too smart or too well behaved to be Autistic, and so

they wouldn't help or listen to me, that she really

was autistic. But as I mentioned before, they don't

live with her. And she likes to go new places, so

usually behaves the first 2-3 times at a doctors or

therapists. After that, is when her true behavior and

symptoms begin to show. But thankfully after a 5 hour

appointment, it wasn't new anymore and the Psycologist

began to notice and see, what we (my husband and

I)were trying to tell him. ANd he saw that many of the

things that she says too, she does not understand, she

just copies or quotes phrases or things, but doesn't

correlate them with a picture or when asked a

question. Now, I said thankfully, but I don't mean

that I wanted Chantelle to be Autistic, it's just that

she is and it's better to accept and deal with the

truth, I feel, than for me to have to keep trying to

figure out what's wrong and work with her on my own,

with no help.Sorry If I came off to anyone like I was

trying to brag or be negative of anyone else. I was

just suggesting that if you feel your child has a

certain disorder and the doctors won't listen to you,

sometimes you have to just keep going to new ones, or

different types of doctors till you get what you need

to help your child, because it took us 2 years before

anyone would really listen and see what we were

telling them. Hope that this makes more sence. Esther

--- Amnesty wrote:

> No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to

> do well on an

> IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So

> they are VERY

> inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay

> much attention to

> them unless it's to get some service for your child.

> Amnesty

>

>

>

> >

> > > and he said so many

> > > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh, I completely agree. My daughter did not even come

close to answering or even paying attention to all the

things on the IQ test. It's just that since she can

talk a lot, many people have told me she is not

Autistic, and since she is very intellegent. I am not

saying that others children are not just as

intellegent, it's just one of her wierd autistic

things, to go around stating factual things she has

memorized and learned from videos and what I try to

teach her. However, she's only been doing this for

about 6 months now, and before that rarely spoke a

word, just made sqealing and squaking noises and

laughed histerically and yelled really loud without

using words. All I was saying is that the doctors and

people I had gone to for help, had always said she was

too smart or too well behaved to be Autistic, and so

they wouldn't help or listen to me, that she really

was autistic. But as I mentioned before, they don't

live with her. And she likes to go new places, so

usually behaves the first 2-3 times at a doctors or

therapists. After that, is when her true behavior and

symptoms begin to show. But thankfully after a 5 hour

appointment, it wasn't new anymore and the Psycologist

began to notice and see, what we (my husband and

I)were trying to tell him. ANd he saw that many of the

things that she says too, she does not understand, she

just copies or quotes phrases or things, but doesn't

correlate them with a picture or when asked a

question. Now, I said thankfully, but I don't mean

that I wanted Chantelle to be Autistic, it's just that

she is and it's better to accept and deal with the

truth, I feel, than for me to have to keep trying to

figure out what's wrong and work with her on my own,

with no help.Sorry If I came off to anyone like I was

trying to brag or be negative of anyone else. I was

just suggesting that if you feel your child has a

certain disorder and the doctors won't listen to you,

sometimes you have to just keep going to new ones, or

different types of doctors till you get what you need

to help your child, because it took us 2 years before

anyone would really listen and see what we were

telling them. Hope that this makes more sence. Esther

--- Amnesty wrote:

> No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to

> do well on an

> IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So

> they are VERY

> inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay

> much attention to

> them unless it's to get some service for your child.

> Amnesty

>

>

>

> >

> > > and he said so many

> > > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh, I completely agree. My daughter did not even come

close to answering or even paying attention to all the

things on the IQ test. It's just that since she can

talk a lot, many people have told me she is not

Autistic, and since she is very intellegent. I am not

saying that others children are not just as

intellegent, it's just one of her wierd autistic

things, to go around stating factual things she has

memorized and learned from videos and what I try to

teach her. However, she's only been doing this for

about 6 months now, and before that rarely spoke a

word, just made sqealing and squaking noises and

laughed histerically and yelled really loud without

using words. All I was saying is that the doctors and

people I had gone to for help, had always said she was

too smart or too well behaved to be Autistic, and so

they wouldn't help or listen to me, that she really

was autistic. But as I mentioned before, they don't

live with her. And she likes to go new places, so

usually behaves the first 2-3 times at a doctors or

therapists. After that, is when her true behavior and

symptoms begin to show. But thankfully after a 5 hour

appointment, it wasn't new anymore and the Psycologist

began to notice and see, what we (my husband and

I)were trying to tell him. ANd he saw that many of the

things that she says too, she does not understand, she

just copies or quotes phrases or things, but doesn't

correlate them with a picture or when asked a

question. Now, I said thankfully, but I don't mean

that I wanted Chantelle to be Autistic, it's just that

she is and it's better to accept and deal with the

truth, I feel, than for me to have to keep trying to

figure out what's wrong and work with her on my own,

with no help.Sorry If I came off to anyone like I was

trying to brag or be negative of anyone else. I was

just suggesting that if you feel your child has a

certain disorder and the doctors won't listen to you,

sometimes you have to just keep going to new ones, or

different types of doctors till you get what you need

to help your child, because it took us 2 years before

anyone would really listen and see what we were

telling them. Hope that this makes more sence. Esther

--- Amnesty wrote:

> No non-verbal kid, autistic or whatever, is going to

> do well on an

> IQ test. They are all primarily verbal based. So

> they are VERY

> inaccurate, and I always tell parents not to pay

> much attention to

> them unless it's to get some service for your child.

> Amnesty

>

>

>

> >

> > > and he said so many

> > > kids have low IQs when they are Autistic

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

She didnt start having the tantrums until we downsized her meds back in October.

The Nuero thought that since she hadnt had any for 2 years that we would

downsize and see what happen.. She was fine until we got to 1 pill morning and

2 at night then she started having severe mood swings (tantrums)..

We have had her checked for CP and Angelmans syndrome.. Come up with nothing.

have to go for the day... will be back later tomorrow..

Jenn B In SWMO

Mom 2 age 11 Developmental delays (mental & physical 1-4 years),

BiPolar, & Siezure Disorder, possible autism (undiagnosed)

& Tiny aka ADHD Age 9 Typically Good kid, Just likes to drive me batty.

Aunt to 16 Girls and Boys

Re:

Have you gone to a child Psycologist yet? I was just

curious because my daughter throws such tantrums that

we and the doctors thought they were siezures at 1st.

But after many tests they have now decided they don't

think they really are siezures, just tantrum induced

panic attacks, because she is so obsessed with things

sometimes. I kept telling them I was sure she had

autism, and they kept saying she seemed too smart and

normal, until the tantrums. But they don't live with

her. So I insisted they evaluate her. A really great

Child Psychologist evaluated her, and after 5 hours of

questions and evaluation said that she has high

functioning autism. He said the reason he thinks it

took 2 years to diagnose, is because she has a really

high IQ along with the Autism, and he said so many

kids have low IQs when they are Autistic, so it was

harder to recognize. Just a thought. It might help.

Esther

--- T & J Bartimus wrote:

> I have never thought about autism until at least the

> last year or so.. I dont mean to sound mean.. But it

> never occured to me.. My Nuero is an idiot and just

> says that she has a developmental delay and siezure

> disorder and now bipolar.. Havent had the chance to

> ask him about Autism yet.. Because she was having

> one of her Majjor Tantrums last visit and we couldnt

> get out of the Bathroom.. My mother was in

> there with her trying to calm her and it didnt

> work..

>

> So we are seeking help from another doc

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