Re: Re: Judy, Dorelle

[Guest guest]

Dorelle,

I like your creative " money system "

Hugs

Judy

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, December 25, 2008 8:40:56 AM

Subject: Re: Judy

,

I can't imagine dealing with my mother on top of the holidays

and my DD's OCD/meltdowns. I don't care how " manipulative " my DD's

behavior looks to other people, I need to remind myself that if she

could control it she would. We are working with meds, a therapist,

nutritional supplements and this all takes time. We are all doing the

best we can do. I know, I am very resentful when she is in the midst

of a meltdown over the smallest of things and seems totally

unappreciative of the 24/7 effort I make to keep a calm household.

Afterwards I have to remind myself and mourn that we are not a

" normal " family and I have to accept that.

What works for us to minimize the duration of a meltdown

(doesn't yet prevent them..... will it ever??) is to give rewards for

the numerous times during the day when triggers don't result in

aggression. During a meltdown we just agree with the insane " logic "

of the reptilian, fight/flight brain that is driving her behavior.

FOR example: " Yes, next time when I hang up your wet bathing suit for

you, I will hang it upstairs not downstairs. " Afterwards, we charge

her for the bossiness. On a good day, she still has $$ credit because

she has less than 2 aggressions or less than 10 bossy's or some

combination. We also use chips to remind us all of the " near

triggers " that were averted for whatever reason. Or, her

acknowledging the mistake after the fact. She then can use the chips

to " payback for excessive bossiness which will result in a loss of

privilege if not paid back. She can also turn in her chips for 25

cents a chip. She definitely needs money to pay us back for the

damage she's caused this last year. One moment of rage cost her

$300.00 for ripping out my earring and throwing it into the lawn where

we have not been able to recover it. Surprisingly, she seems to want

to pay it back. I think she does feel bad afterwards and this gives

her back some of her dignity. I feel like an accountant keeping track

of all of this but I'm charting her aggression and it averages less

than 2/day now. Last spring it was 30/day and that was when she

needed hospitalization. After hospitalization it was still about 10/

day so I do think the meds plus this very structured behavioral

modification plan is helping. Perhaps some day we can look back and

laugh at the insanity of paying my DD $5.00/day for not hitting. It

may sound expensive but the damage she was doing was in the thousands

of dollars and inpatient hospitalization costs $1000.00/day. If this

is limiting these two things it's a great deal in the long run.

Dorelle