Re: Re: Need more Help - major flare up with school issues

[Guest guest]

Anne, it sounds like your daughter may actually have a case of school phobia.

 She sounds like she needs a specialist who really knows how to deal with this.

 Where do you live?  Do you live near a major university or teaching hospital

that might have a Child Study Center?  I wish I could reach out through the

computer and give you a big hug.  I can imagine how worried and frustrated you

are by all of this.  If only there was an easy diagnosis and cure for all of

this like there is for Chicken Pox!!  Hang in there!!

Re: Need more Help - major flare up with school

issues

Hi all,

Thank you to everyone who resonded to my plea for help. It's so

comforting to find others who have walked in our shoes and can give

some helpful advice.

To answer some of the questions...I believe her therapist also does

ERP. I know that I asked her that initially (she is known in our

area to be fabulous w/kids w/anxiety). I know that she does the CBT

and have to confirm about the ERP. I know awhile ago she did an

exercise w/my DD where they made fake throw up (kinda gross!!) - is

that a form of ERP?

DD gets extremely anxious when talking about school. Honestly, I20

feel like she is building it up to become one of her obsessions. We

don't know how far to push on certain things. I know if I take her

out of school - it will be a complete nightmare to get her to

return. That being said, she's not getting much out of it when she's

there as she's so anxious. She is TERRIFIED of returning to the

regular classroom - she feels " safe " in the smaller classroom.

Again, we're not sure where to go w/this because if we take her out

of the regular classroom completely - we are afraid that she will

never go back. That it will become an even bigger, scarier monster

and even when the meds stabilize - it won't work to get her back

there. She worked SO hard (hours of homework nightly) last year, to

catch up and get herself back in the regular classroom. She is

extremely social and outgoing - so, we are so concerned as well about

what this will do to her social life. I remember very well how mean

4th grade girls can be. Her therapist has suggested that we make 1

small change each week to try to get her back to her " normal "

schedule/environment. I'm not sure this will be possible with the

way her anxiety is escalating - but our goal was to try. For

example, next week - the goal was to have her eat lunch in the

cafeteria w/her friends (she's currently eating w/the counselor or

resource teacher).

The meeting this AM

with her IEP team was very difficult. It is so

hard to hear all this negative stuff about your child. The regular

teacher kept saying how on Tues (which was only the 2nd day of

school) - she cried/sobbed loudly which was disturbing the other

children. We have obviously been so on top of this situation and

trying to get DD under control but we understand that she can't

disturb other children. She went on to say that she's been receiving

emails " from parents complaining about the noise interfering w/their

children's learning " . When I questioned about how many emails she

received - she said " Well, just one on Tues " . It's just

frustrating. The other extremely frustrating thing was that it was

in our IEP to have this team meeting the week of pre-planning (before

school started) to try to explain DD's OCD - so, that if it flared -

that we could all be proactive (instead of reactive). Well, for the

second year in a row - I was told that we couldn't have the meeting

before school as scheduled (due to the teachers being too busy) and

we'd need to delay it. It truly has been the most frustrating thing

I've ever dealt with trying to deal w/the school during these rough

times.

Again, sorry this is so long - but it feels so good to vent to others

who truly understand. I have been an emotional basket case myself

and can't even imagine how we will get through months of20this. I'm

trying to take it day by day - but even that is so overwhelming.

I will definitely keep you all posted.

Thank you again,

Anne

[Guest guest]

FWIW--I'm not so sure about the school phobia. My DD presented that way

as well when her OCD thoughts about vomiting were constant. As soon as

the thoughts were under control, she was fine at school. She was

terrified and having full blown anxiety about throwing up at school.

She didn't want to be there because she really thought at any moment she

would just throw up. I'm sure it was making her physically nauseous as

well because she wasn't eating. Anyone feels sick under those

conditions. The school counselor called it school phobia, but really,

once her OCD was under control, school fixed itself. The reason school

was so scary for my DD was the separation from me. Her thoughts were so

out of control, I was the only safe person in a world that suddenly was

unknown.

HTH,

Dina

[Guest guest]

Hi Anne,

I just wanted to chime in and tell you, " Your not alone " . I too have a daughter ,

age 11, who says and does the same thing as your daughter. She is constantly

afraid of vomitting, and to top it off, she is so nervous and anxious all the

time that she constantly has diarhea.She actuall goes the diarhea from her

nerves, so I can't reassure her she won't have to go.So what I hear every minute

is, " Mom, I'm not going to throw up or have diarhea, right? " She is afraid to go

to school, or in the car,or any place for that matter, becasue she is so afraid

of having to vomit or needing to go to the bathroom.She also constantly feels

like she has to pee.She too, only feels safe with me.Her father and I are

divorced, and she sleeps over there every other weekend. She can't go to sleep

without calling me to reassure her that she won't vomit or need to go to the

bathroom. If she is at a friends she'll call me and whisper this into the

phone.I know I shouldn't be

reassuring and feeding into the OCD . I have been cutting down the amount

of reassurances. I feel so bad for our kids!!!!!!!! The schools don't seem to

understand ,and my daughter has been much worse with the bathroom issues becasue

school is coming up quick.

When my daughter has a social function and does well, like a play or

cheerleading event, gymnastics(which she had to quit) etc, I feel the tears

come to my eyes because it's very unusual she can ENJOY something.When she's

feeling well ,she's great with lots of friends etc,, but than when she gets

sick, the phone stops ringing for her. It's so sad because like you said, if she

had a physical condition it most likely wouldn't be this way.

I wish you luck  and hugs Anne!!! I just wanted to let you know , your not

alone.

Judy

Subject: Re: Need more Help - major flare up with school

issues

To:

Date: Saturday, August 16, 2008, 8:45 AM

Hi again,

Thanks so much for all the input. My heart just goes out to all

these children. I wish the school and other parents had some more

education on OCD and that it's a true brain disorder. My husband and

I were talking about how if DD had a physical condition that were

causing this much distress - she'd get some empathy from the children

and other parents. HOwever, since it's a mental disorder (perceived

this way, at least) - kids tend to be mean and parents are less

empathetic. DD is extremely social (on the Prozac and when the OCD

isn't flaring). In fact, 4 weeks ago, she took part in Aladdin Jr

and was up on stage for an hour singing and dancing. That's my real

DD!! But, honestly, I can't remember the last Birthday invitation

she received or last play date someone invited her on. Very sad.

My DD seems to present the exact same way as Dina's DD. Even down to

telling me that she " only feels safe with me " . She's so scared of

throwing up that when she has to go to school and be away from us -

it heightens this even more. Last year, when the OCD was under

control on the Prozac - she never once told us that she didn't want

to go to school. In fact (rather ironically), the big problem last

year was trying to educate her teachers in the event of a flare up.

Her main teacher kept telling me " I know what you're telling me - but

honestly, I just don't see it. I don't see a child with OCD " . If I

had a nickel for all the times he said that to me last year, I'd be

rich. Well, since she got really close to him last year - she goes

to see him daily now before class. Obviously, he sees now.

DD just got up this AM and has already started on how she isn't going

to school on Monday. Somehow we will get through this...

Thanks again,

Anne