Guest guest Posted September 28, 2008 Report Share Posted September 28, 2008 Hi. I just wanted to clarify what I said, because maybe I didn't explain it well. What I said was. . . *****Who knows. . Sometimes when they get away from the person who " saves " them all of the time. . They do better than we think.***** I said sometimes, because there has been occasion where I misread the situation, and our son couldn't handle the situation, too. Most times that's not been the case, but there has been an occasion where it backfired on me. Yet, other times I worried the whole time he was gone, to find out that he had a great time, with no problems. The problem can be, if you/they don't try, they will never learn how to overcome, though. I've found if I protect too much, he doesn't grow and learn, but if I push too much, he can also go backwards so fast that he never wants to try again. It's tricky and it seems every situation has to be evaluated, individually. We've found it can be a fine line between encouraging them, pushing them (when needed), and supporting them when they can't handle it. The one thing you can count on is OCD will be unpredictable. <sigh> BJ > > Kathy, > I'd definitely let her go. It could be very important for her to realize she can do this and on her own. I think it was BJ who said " they're better when they're away from the person who SAVES them " . This soooo true for my daughter right now! She's doing well in school, and does fine when I'm not home. But as soon as I walk in the door, " it " shows up. > This weekend, she got irritated because we were grilling out; she got all worked up due to the carbon monoxide emissions from the charcoal and wouldn't go outside. Fine, I told her, stay inside, but don't expect us to be worried about it with you. We did make the concession of closing the patio door each time we came in. > Well, then she decided to pull a pity party and throw in the teenage attitude and sat on the couch going on about how we were all angry and didn't understand how hard it was. When she does this, I get tough with her. I told her if she was going to have a temper tantrum to go in her room, but I didn't listen to whining. I promptly turned around, continued fixing supper, and ignored her. Then she burst out " well, I've lost my appetite! " to which I replied again, " Fine, but take your pity party in your room and when you can interact sensibly, you may return " . > Well, she didn't go, but sat there " quietly " mumbling and sniffling. I COMPLETELY ignored her, got supper on the table,etc. When I called everyone to the table, she came, sat, and ate just fine, at which point I praised her. > We had our first therapy appt Friday,and her emotions have been close to the surface since then. When she has to really talk about her fears and feelings is when she's the most emotional; the outburst above came after she had to make her " list " . > Our goal at this point is to get her on an even keel by January, because me and her Dad will be gone to China for two weeks (we have adopted one little girl from there and are bringing home a 3 year old in Jan.) and she and her 11-year old brother will be staying with friends. But again, I think she'll be fine, because I WON'T be there to fall back on, you know? > Debbie > > ____________________________________________________________ > Click here to find experienced pros to help with your home improvement project. > http://thirdpartyoffers.netzero.net/TGL2241/fc/Ioyw6i4uDF5bK9s0NmRiE36QKTlcH3kHP\ bY8XrKxi0i62tfhkcStkt/ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2008 Report Share Posted September 28, 2008 My son, , age 13, is coming back tonight from a trip to Baton Rouge LA to clean up from Hurricane Ike. He went with his boy scout troop and the leader was concerned knowing can get bad thoughts and they may see some very upsetting things. I decided to let him go ... chance of a lifetime thinking if there were problems, I could go get him (6 hrs away); however, he called this afternoon and sounded really happy. I think the decision should be hers. If she wants to go, by all means let her. If she thinks it is too much at this time, then I think you need to respect that as well. I think the fact that she can room with the friend who is a huge support is just perfect! Things don't get much better than that! Good luck and I hope all turns out wonderful! in TN Subject: Re: unrealistic or optimistic To: Date: Sunday, September 28, 2008, 5:56 PM Hi. I just wanted to clarify what I said, because maybe I didn't explain it well. What I said was. . . *****Who knows. . Sometimes when they get away from the person who " saves " them all of the time. . They do better than we think.***** I said sometimes, because there has been occasion where I misread the situation, and our son couldn't handle the situation, too. Most times that's not been the case, but there has been an occasion where it backfired on me. Yet, other times I worried the whole time he was gone, to find out that he had a great time, with no problems. The problem can be, if you/they don't try, they will never learn how to overcome, though. I've found if I protect too much, he doesn't grow and learn, but if I push too much, he can also go backwards so fast that he never wants to try again. It's tricky and it seems every situation has to be evaluated, individually. We've found it can be a fine line between encouraging them, pushing them (when needed), and supporting them when they can't handle it. The one thing you can count on is OCD will be unpredictable. <sigh> BJ > > Kathy, > I'd definitely let her go. It could be very important for her to realize she can do this and on her own. I think it was BJ who said " they're better when they're away from the person who SAVES them " . This soooo true for my daughter right now! She's doing well in school, and does fine when I'm not home. But as soon as I walk in the door, " it " shows up. > This weekend, she got irritated because we were grilling out; she got all worked up due to the carbon monoxide emissions from the charcoal and wouldn't go outside. Fine, I told her, stay inside, but don't expect us to be worried about it with you. We did make the concession of closing the patio door each time we came in. > Well, then she decided to pull a pity party and throw in the teenage attitude and sat on the couch going on about how we were all angry and didn't understand how hard it was. When she does this, I get tough with her. I told her if she was going to have a temper tantrum to go in her room, but I didn't listen to whining. I promptly turned around, continued fixing supper, and ignored her. Then she burst out " well, I've lost my appetite! " to which I replied again, " Fine, but take your pity party in your room and when you can interact sensibly, you may return " . > Well, she didn't go, but sat there " quietly " mumbling and sniffling. I COMPLETELY ignored her, got supper on the table,etc. When I called everyone to the table, she came, sat, and ate just fine, at which point I praised her. > We had our first therapy appt Friday,and her emotions have been close to the surface since then. When she has to really talk about her fears and feelings is when she's the most emotional; the outburst above came after she had to make her " list " . > Our goal at this point is to get her on an even keel by January, because me and her Dad will be gone to China for two weeks (we have adopted one little girl from there and are bringing home a 3 year old in Jan.) and she and her 11-year old brother will be staying with friends. But again, I think she'll be fine, because I WON'T be there to fall back on, you know? > Debbie > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > Click here to find experienced pros to help with your home improvement project. > http://thirdpartyof fers.netzero. net/TGL2241/ fc/Ioyw6i4uDF5bK 9s0NmRiE36QKTlcH 3kHPbY8XrKxi0i62 tfhkcStkt/ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2008 Report Share Posted September 28, 2008 Thanks everyone. BJ... that's exactly where I am. The only thing I am counting on these days is that life is unpredictable. lol I'm letting her go. That was decided awhile ago. I am just hoping that my being optimistic isn't " pushing " her into something she is not ready for. The easiest thing to do would be to just say you are staying home, and after today's shopping trip it obviously would be much cheaper to! egads I guess I just have to learn to walk that line and clean up the mess if I fall off. ~~Kathy gkathy40@... http://www.myspace.com/clearingachannel yahoo messenger id gkathy40@... Courage is not living without fear. Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway. -Chae Subject: Re: unrealistic or optimistic To: Date: Sunday, September 28, 2008, 2:56 PM Hi. I just wanted to clarify what I said, because maybe I didn't explain it well. What I said was. . . *****Who knows. . Sometimes when they get away from the person who " saves " them all of the time. . They do better than we think.***** I said sometimes, because there has been occasion where I misread the situation, and our son couldn't handle the situation, too. Most times that's not been the case, but there has been an occasion where it backfired on me. Yet, other times I worried the whole time he was gone, to find out that he had a great time, with no problems. The problem can be, if you/they don't try, they will never learn how to overcome, though. I've found if I protect too much, he doesn't grow and learn, but if I push too much, he can also go backwards so fast that he never wants to try again. It's tricky and it seems every situation has to be evaluated, individually. We've found it can be a fine line between encouraging them, pushing them (when needed), and supporting them when they can't handle it. The one thing you can count on is OCD will be unpredictable. <sigh> BJ > > Kathy, > I'd definitely let her go. It could be very important for her to realize she can do this and on her own. I think it was BJ who said " they're better when they're away from the person who SAVES them " . This soooo true for my daughter right now! She's doing well in school, and does fine when I'm not home. But as soon as I walk in the door, " it " shows up. > This weekend, she got irritated because we were grilling out; she got all worked up due to the carbon monoxide emissions from the charcoal and wouldn't go outside. Fine, I told her, stay inside, but don't expect us to be worried about it with you. We did make the concession of closing the patio door each time we came in. > Well, then she decided to pull a pity party and throw in the teenage attitude and sat on the couch going on about how we were all angry and didn't understand how hard it was. When she does this, I get tough with her. I told her if she was going to have a temper tantrum to go in her room, but I didn't listen to whining. I promptly turned around, continued fixing supper, and ignored her. Then she burst out " well, I've lost my appetite! " to which I replied again, " Fine, but take your pity party in your room and when you can interact sensibly, you may return " . > Well, she didn't go, but sat there " quietly " mumbling and sniffling. I COMPLETELY ignored her, got supper on the table,etc. When I called everyone to the table, she came, sat, and ate just fine, at which point I praised her. > We had our first therapy appt Friday,and her emotions have been close to the surface since then. When she has to really talk about her fears and feelings is when she's the most emotional; the outburst above came after she had to make her " list " . > Our goal at this point is to get her on an even keel by January, because me and her Dad will be gone to China for two weeks (we have adopted one little girl from there and are bringing home a 3 year old in Jan.) and she and her 11-year old brother will be staying with friends. But again, I think she'll be fine, because I WON'T be there to fall back on, you know? > Debbie > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > Click here to find experienced pros to help with your home improvement project. > http://thirdpartyof fers.netzero. net/TGL2241/ fc/Ioyw6i4uDF5bK 9s0NmRiE36QKTlcH 3kHPbY8XrKxi0i62 tfhkcStkt/ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2008 Report Share Posted September 29, 2008 Sorry, BJ, you did say " sometimes " ; I missed that part. My DD is 14 so I let her pretty much choose what situations to participate in. One thing about the unpredictability of OCD is this: she still has a hard time (though it's better now) physically touching her brother or 5-year old sister YET she does nursery duty at the church on Sundays and has no problem??!! Can you believe she even asked us to let her stay home by herself the two weeks we'll be gone??!! Like, yeah, riiiight! Guess she's not too worried about it whereas I am! Debbie ____________________________________________________________ Free quote and debt consolidation information. Click Here. http://thirdpartyoffers.netzero.net/TGL2241/fc/Ioyw6i4txv1XDsnn9S5b3bTd9Vue9sW5a\ KCYidFwoElMCExBrhYU1z/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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