Meltdowns, holidays, things have gotten really bad

[Guest guest]

 

If only it were that easy!! What a blessing that would be!

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sunday, December 28, 2008 9:06:58 AM

Subject: Re: Meltdowns, holidays, things have gotten really

bad

My daughter tends to get mad at me when things aren't working out because she

says she has this belief that I should be able to make things better for her

[Guest guest]

Umm, community mental health here is abysmal at best. It is really

bottom of the barrel care-even the school professionals admit that. I

need to keep looking.

>

> >

>

> >

>

> > From: <shellspace71@>

>

> > Subject: Meltdowns, holidays, things have

gotten

>

> really bad

>

> > To:

>

> > Date: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 8:13 AM

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> > I posted awhile ago about putting my 5 year old on zolft. He has

>

> now

>

> > been on it for about 11 weeks I think. He seemed to be doing

>

> alright

>

> > with some breakthrough meltdowns. Since the day xmas vacation

>

> started

>

> > we have had exactly one good day-xmas-that' s it! Of course he is

>

> good

>

> > when I am at work and he is with hubby though. Last friday and

xmas

>

> > eve and this friday were really bad, rages, hitting, throwing (he

>

> is

>

> > strong), lots of tears, anxiety (he is afraid of santa coming to

>

> our

>

> > house and I forgot hat till he mentioned it late xmas eve), then

he

>

> > was sad that xmas was over. He is irrational to the point of

making

>

> > me want to tear my hair out. Today he hit me(threw it) with a

metal

>

> > car in the face. Everyone says I just need to spank him (yeah,

>

> > that'll help his anxiety). he has begun to get obseesvie again-

must

>

> > do certain things even if it is impossible (one day was he needed

>

> to

>

> > get icicles off the building which were unreachable, major

meltdown

>

> > ensued). I don't knwo how we will make

> it through this next week or

>

> > what he will be like when school starts. I don't know if it's the

>

> > med. The time of year. WHo knows. I get so frustrated and it is

>

> hard

>

> > to keep my cool with him. I did today and had a car thrown at me.

I

>

> > need to find a psychiatrist for him but haven't been able to yet.

>

> The

>

> > doc prescribing the med won't make any changes as he wants him to

>

> see

>

> > a specialist. I just feel like this is against me because he

>

> doesn't

>

> > do this for anyone else. But this morning I don't know what could

>

> > have triggered him. Before xmas break I thought the med was

helping

>

> > him and thought the OCD was even getting better as were the anger

>

> and

>

> > sadness but now I don't know. Maybe it's me?

>

> >

>

> >

>

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[Guest guest]

Called home. My son is doing great with dad. Maybe those two can just

stay toegther?? This is very hard not to take personally. Now my

husband is oneof those " playtime " daddies " and I know the house is an

utter mess, every toy out (and it won't get pciked up until tomorrow

when I do it), every rule has been broken etc. I am feeling sorry for

myself I guess but gee, why doesn't he attack dad for once???

> >

> > > From: <shellspace71@>

> >

> > > Subject: Meltdowns, holidays, things have

> gotten

> >

> > really bad

> >

> > > To:

> >

> > > Date: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 8:13 AM

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I posted awhile ago about putting my 5 year old on zolft. He

has

> >

> > now

> >

> > > been on it for about 11 weeks I think. He seemed to be doing

> >

> > alright

> >

> > > with some breakthrough meltdowns. Since the day xmas vacation

> >

> > started

> >

> > > we have had exactly one good day-xmas-that' s it! Of course he

is

> >

> > good

> >

> > > when I am at work and he is with hubby though. Last friday and

> xmas

> >

> > > eve and this friday were really bad, rages, hitting, throwing

(he

> >

> > is

> >

> > > strong), lots of tears, anxiety (he is afraid of santa coming

to

> >

> > our

> >

> > > house and I forgot hat till he mentioned it late xmas eve),

then

> he

> >

> > > was sad that xmas was over. He is irrational to the point of

> making

> >

> > > me want to tear my hair out. Today he hit me(threw it) with a

> metal

> >

> > > car in the face. Everyone says I just need to spank him (yeah,

> >

> > > that'll help his anxiety). he has begun to get obseesvie again-

> must

> >

> > > do certain things even if it is impossible (one day was he

needed

> >

> > to

> >

> > > get icicles off the building which were unreachable, major

> meltdown

> >

> > > ensued). I don't knwo how we will make

> > it through this next week or

> >

> > > what he will be like when school starts. I don't know if it's

the

> >

> > > med. The time of year. WHo knows. I get so frustrated and it is

> >

> > hard

> >

> > > to keep my cool with him. I did today and had a car thrown at

me.

> I

> >

> > > need to find a psychiatrist for him but haven't been able to

yet.

> >

> > The

> >

> > > doc prescribing the med won't make any changes as he wants him

to

> >

> > see

> >

> > > a specialist. I just feel like this is against me because he

> >

> > doesn't

> >

> > > do this for anyone else. But this morning I don't know what

could

> >

> > > have triggered him. Before xmas break I thought the med was

> helping

> >

> > > him and thought the OCD was even getting better as were the

anger

> >

> > and

> >

> > > sadness but now I don't know. Maybe it's me?

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

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[Guest guest]

Hmmm..., have you tried a " playtime " day like dad? Just

wondering if son is kept busy (doing whatever he & dad do/play),

would he have less outbursts, be distracted from OCD too? Was dad

around with the icicle (sp?) problem, was wondering how he would have

handled that, distraction, hurrying to get somewhere fun...? Maybe

dad's idea of " doing great " and your's are a bit different too. And

where you (mom) might say something " sternly " to him, dads still tend

to be scarier than moms when giving a warning. Actually, dads are

scarier to throw things at too. Never threw anything at either of my

parents but cannot imagine throwing something at my dad! (LOL, why

are we moms less scary? I can be mean!! I can punish!! I still

think I should have learned martial arts!!)

>

> Called home. My son is doing great with dad. Maybe those two can

just

> stay toegther?? This is very hard not to take personally. Now my

> husband is oneof those " playtime " daddies " and I know the house is

an

> utter mess, every toy out (and it won't get pciked up until

tomorrow

[Guest guest]

lol Chris.   

 

~~Kathy

 Courage is not living without fear.

Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.

-Chae

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sunday, December 28, 2008 12:44:27 PM

Subject: Re: Meltdowns, holidays, things have gotten really

bad

Never threw anything at either of my

parents but cannot imagine throwing something at my dad! (LOL, why

are we moms less scary? I can be mean!! I can punish!! I still

think I should have learned martial arts!!)

[Guest guest]

HI ,

Another thought. Sometimes they provoke to be punished. I had a

parent of a son with OCD explain this to me. Was a scrupulousity

thing, he felt he deserved to be punished, so would do things so he

would be. Just a thought.

Our son will also choose between parents, I'm the bad guy, my husband

was/is the soft one. When I insisted my husband start taking more of

it on this did change and our son would react to him as well. Our

son would pick one of us to verbally attack, depending on the

situation. It was very distinct and we knew it was in part him

struggling, plus OCD stuff, just by what he would say. He had " just

right " stuff where a conversation would have to end a certain way, he

had to hear a certain word, it was awful and very tiresome. We would

put up our hand and say we were stopping now and he could either stop

or remove himself from our space. Often would find something to

throw, or punch before leaving, so learned to warn on this too.

However, I have to say the bond and the feelings stuff seem to go

deepest with Mum, and so the relationship is different. Also, my son

can't provoke the same reactions from my husband as with me, so I'm

more fun to try and get to. I think there generally is a family

dynamic that most kids learn to play into. You are who you are, as

is your husband and son, and sometimes just who you are provokes

someone.

My husband would often blame me, and it took a while before he

started to understand the whole dynamic of it. Whatever the reason,

you want to try and find a way to work together, you and your

husband, so you feel supported, and your son learns you guys are in

charge together. Kids are pretty smart about playing one parent off

against the other, and I'm betting your husband would rather his

position than yours. The OCD just adds another dymension to all

this.

Lastly, part of the answer to the riddle of this, I found, was

finding my point of power with it. When I finally got tough myself

and decided I was not going to receive abusive behavior of any kind

from my son, it did shift. Not to say it got all better, but my

perception of it shifted the experience of it, and I was better at

dealing with it, in general. And I brought my husband on board as I

mentioned. It took some time, and we were dealing with some pretty

big stuff by then, as messy as it got we came to a point where there

was a better understanding of everyone's piece of it.

Some days, and at some points with the illness, you just muddle

through, esp when it's really bad. Good to recognize there will be

no great answers and do whatever you can to take care of your needs

so you can just get through it.

Hard to know about med dose. You know that just changing it will

cause instability, so I would wait until routine restored too.

Hang in there! I DO get it I can assure you. Reading your posts

brings back vivid memories I have pretty much buried. It WILL get

better, keep telling yourself this, it was almost a mantra for me at

one point.

HUGS!!!

Barb

> > >

> > > I posted awhile ago about putting my 5 year old on zolft. He

has

> > now

> > > been on it for about 11 weeks I think. He seemed to be doing

> > alright

> > > with some breakthrough meltdowns. Since the day xmas vacation

> > started

> > > we have had exactly one good day-xmas-that's it! Of course he

is

> > good

> > > when I am at work and he is with hubby though. Last friday and

> xmas

> > > eve and this friday were really bad, rages, hitting, throwing

(he

> > is

> > > strong), lots of tears, anxiety (he is afraid of santa coming

to

> > our

> > > house and I forgot hat till he mentioned it late xmas eve),

then

> he

> > > was sad that xmas was over. He is irrational to the point of

> making

> > > me want to tear my hair out. Today he hit me(threw it) with a

> metal

> > > car in the face. Everyone says I just need to spank him (yeah,

> > > that'll help his anxiety). he has begun to get obseesvie again-

> must

> > > do certain things even if it is impossible (one day was he

> needed

> > to

> > > get icicles off the building which were unreachable, major

> meltdown

> > > ensued). I don't knwo how we will make it through this next

week

> or

> > > what he will be like when school starts. I don't know if it's

the

> > > med. The time of year. WHo knows. I get so frustrated and it is

> > hard

> > > to keep my cool with him. I did today and had a car thrown at

me.

> I

> > > need to find a psychiatrist for him but haven't been able to

yet.

> > The

> > > doc prescribing the med won't make any changes as he wants him

to

> > see

> > > a specialist. I just feel like this is against me because he

> > doesn't

> > > do this for anyone else. But this morning I don't know what

could

> > > have triggered him. Before xmas break I thought the med was

> helping

> > > him and thought the OCD was even getting better as were the

anger

> > and

> > > sadness but now I don't know. Maybe it's me?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Well, they tend to do things like drilling holes in things, taking

apart electronics so I can't do that stuff. Maybe this is OCD in me

but I can't leave huge messes that I know I will have to clean up.

The icicle thinig-dad would have tried to get it for him and given

in easier (also would have been able to reach the thing better). He

gets away with alot with dad. There is little structure expect

bedtime is the same time.-- In

, " "

wrote:

>

> Hmmm..., have you tried a " playtime " day like dad? Just

> wondering if son is kept busy (doing whatever he & dad do/play),

> would he have less outbursts, be distracted from OCD too? Was dad

> around with the icicle (sp?) problem, was wondering how he would

have

> handled that, distraction, hurrying to get somewhere fun...? Maybe

> dad's idea of " doing great " and your's are a bit different too.

And

> where you (mom) might say something " sternly " to him, dads still

tend

> to be scarier than moms when giving a warning. Actually, dads are

> scarier to throw things at too. Never threw anything at either of

my

> parents but cannot imagine throwing something at my dad! (LOL, why

> are we moms less scary? I can be mean!! I can punish!! I still

> think I should have learned martial arts!!)

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Called home. My son is doing great with dad. Maybe those two can

> just

> > stay toegther?? This is very hard not to take personally. Now my

> > husband is oneof those " playtime " daddies " and I know the house is

> an

> > utter mess, every toy out (and it won't get pciked up until

> tomorrow

>

[Guest guest]

lol, Chris. . Then you would have been a " lethal weapon " . rofl

BJ

> >

> > Called home. My son is doing great with dad. Maybe those two can

> just

> > stay toegther?? This is very hard not to take personally. Now my

> > husband is oneof those " playtime " daddies " and I know the house is

> an

> > utter mess, every toy out (and it won't get pciked up until

> tomorrow

>

[Guest guest]

I'm confused here....Is it when you make him clean up and follow rules that he

attacks you?   If the first, then it would be really helpful for you and your

husband to get some short term family counseling for how to be in agreement as

far as the structure in your house and how you both enforce rules and carry out

consequences.

My daughter doesn't show many signs of OCD in front of my dad, but does with me.

 She doesn't have rages at all, but when she is with my dad, if she is too

afraid to eat something or too afraid to do something, he doesn't push it.

 Also, she will tend to push herself more to do things she is afraid of when

she is with him because she doesn't want him to know about her OCD.  When she

is with me, I tend to make her eat when she is afraid of the food or make her do

something that she is hesitant to because of an OCD issue, thus there is more of

a chance of noticing the OCD when she is reluctant to go along with what I am

asking her to do to fight her fears.  On the other hand, when she is very

afraid due to OCD, you can just see it in her face and in her reactions.

 Tonight she was playing on her Nintendo DS. with her twin and a friend while

we ate dinner out.  Suddenly she came to me all obsessed with the fact that

someone named " Zoe " had responded on their Nintendo's when they were all in

wireless Pictochat mode.  The kids were at one table in the restaurant and the

adults (her

friend's parents and I) were at the table next to them.  She came to the adults

table and quietly told me that she was afraid that this unknown " zoe " who was

joining in on their wireless game might come and kill her.  She couldn't get it

out of her head and was starting to get tearful.  I tried to explain to her

rationally about why this made no sense, and when I could see it wasn't working,

I whispered to her that it was her " fears " and she needed to wait to discuss it

further when we were alone in our car.  I guess what I'm saying is that I think

if a child is having a major OCD fear, it would show to anyone who cared to

listen and observe the child that the child was in a highly anxious state.

Meltdowns, holidays, things have

> gotten

> >

> > really bad

> >

> > > To:

> >

> > > Date: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 8:13 AM

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I posted awhile ago about putting my 5 year old on zolft. He

has

> >

> > now

> >

> > > been on it for about 11 weeks I think. He seemed to be doing

> >

> > alright

> >

> > > with some breakthrough meltdowns. Since the day xmas vacation

> >

> > started

> >

> > > we have had exactly one good day-xmas-that' s it! Of course he

is

> >

> > good

> >

> > > when I am at work and he is with hubby though. Last friday and

> xmas

> >

> > > eve and this friday were really bad, rages, hitting, throwing

(he

> >

> > is

> >

> > > strong), lots of tears, anxiety (he is afraid of santa coming

to

> >

> > our

> >

> > > house and I forgot hat till he mentioned it late xmas eve),

then

> he

> >

> > > was sad that xmas was over. He is irrational to the point of

> making

> >

> > > me want to tear my hair out. Today he hit me(threw it) with a

> metal

> >

> > > car in the face. Everyone says I just need to spank him (yeah,

> >

> > > that'll help his anxiety). he has begun to get obseesvie again-

> must

> >

> > > do certain things even if it is impossible (one day was he

needed

> >

> > to

> >

> > > get icicles off the building which were unreachable, major

> meltdown

> >

> > > ensued). I don't knwo how we will make

> > it through this next week or

> >

> > > what he will be like when school starts. I don't know if it's

the

> >

> > > med. The time of year. WHo knows. I get so frustrated and it is

> >

> > hard

> >

> > > to keep my cool with him. I did today and had a car thrown at

me.

> I

> >

> > > need to find a psychiatrist for him but haven't been able to

yet.

> >

> > The

> >

> > > doc prescribing the med won't make any changes as he wants him

to

> >

> > see

> >

> > > a specialist. I just feel like this is against me because he

> >

> > doesn't

> >

> > > do this for anyone else. But this morning I don't know what

could

> >

> > > have triggered him. Before xmas break I thought the med was

> helping

> >

> > > him and thought the OCD was even getting better as were the

anger

> >

> > and

>

>

> > > sadness but now I don't know. Maybe it's me?

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

> >

> > >

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > > Called home. My son is doing great with dad. Maybe those two

can

> > just

> > > stay toegther?? This is very hard not to take personally. Now

my

> > > husband is oneof those " playtime " daddies " and I know the house

is

> > an

> > > utter mess, every toy out (and it won't get pciked up until

> > tomorrow

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

You had written in this thread:

" Our son would pick one of us to verbally attack, depending on the

situation. It was very distinct and we knew it was in part him

struggling, plus OCD stuff, just by what he would say. He had " just

right " stuff where a conversation would have to end a certain way, he

had to hear a certain word, it was awful and very tiresome. We would

put up our hand and say we were stopping now and he could either stop

or remove himself from our space. Often would find something to

throw, or punch before leaving, so learned to warn on this too. "

I am still trying to sort out my daughter's diagnosis. 5 psychs

have given us 5 different opinions and they all will say " she's really

complicated " with a little bit of this and a little bit of that. "

Before joining this list, I thought OCD was not associated with

aggression. So, since my daughter had been having meltdowns for years

and only " OCD stuff " for months, I assumed OCD was in addition to

something else. What you wrote in this thread is exactly what

triggers her now. Would you say this need to " respond verbally in

just the right words, intonation etc. " is definitely OCD? Or, is it

hard to say? Does your son have other diagnoses? Do others on this

list also have children with " just OCD " that has to have their parents

respond verbally in exactly the right way? (And, if we don't, do they

become aggressive?)

Thanks in advance for helping me get a handle on what I'm

dealing with.

Dorelle

[Guest guest]

Hi Dorelle,

Well....I can say with ours it was mainly OCD, with perhaps

contributing factors of wrong dose/medications fueling the intensity

at times. Also, more and more I believe with ours his LD is a very

big factor.

At the time we had many things mentioned to us, and bipolar was/is a

consideration, and a mood stabilizer was used for several months.

However, this piece was ruled out, in general, although still a

factor with medication, as in high dose of ssri's will trip it off,

and mood stabilizer changed his personality. So medications for us

easily made things worse, while low dose ssri is still part of the

solution. Nothing definitive there, really, is there???

I will say, though, that the OCD part, for us, was the central aspect

for most behavior, with the other aspects adding fuel to it. The

challenge though is without stability with the other stuff, and

without insight on the person's part into the illness, it's basically

impossible to make any headway.

That's where I feel the LD part is a key piece of it for us. Our son

has always had difficulty understanding things in all respects,

school, social, basic life stuff. It may be that this is all part

and parcel with his particular brain " design " , that also led to the

OCD. I have puzzled over this often. In our particular case I think

ours had to go through the experience of OCD and really get boxed

into a corner with it, to be forced to consider experiencing

something different. I'm not explaining it well...but basically, as

a kinesthetic learner he needed to learn by doing, even if it was all

the wrong things, in order to realize he needed to change what he was

doing.

Ours over the years has learned to pretend to understand, just go

along, and can hide the LD well, never mind the OCD stuff.... So, I

think for him his knowledge is hard won, and he will always struggle

in this respect. He is smart enough to be able to hide and

manipulate others(doctors) to believe what he wants them to, and this

was also a defense mechanism, as well, again OCD stuff. But it

prevented him from being helped and properly diagnosed at times, I

think.

Not sure if this helps any. It really can be a tangle, with more

questions than answers. But yes we had several labels mentioned, the

last one being personality disorder. When we stopped seeing doctors,

all the stuff attached to that fell away.

Good luck with finding clarity on this (I say this with sincerity).

When you are in the middle of it, it just feels impossible...

Warmly,

Barb

>

> Hi Barb,

>

> You had written in this thread:

>

> " Our son would pick one of us to verbally attack, depending on the

> situation. It was very distinct and we knew it was in part him

> struggling, plus OCD stuff, just by what he would say. He had " just

> right " stuff where a conversation would have to end a certain way,

he

> had to hear a certain word, it was awful and very tiresome. We would

> put up our hand and say we were stopping now and he could either

stop

> or remove himself from our space. Often would find something to

> throw, or punch before leaving, so learned to warn on this too. "

> I am still trying to sort out my daughter's diagnosis. 5

psychs

> have given us 5 different opinions and they all will say " she's

really

> complicated " with a little bit of this and a little bit of that. "

> Before joining this list, I thought OCD was not associated with

> aggression. So, since my daughter had been having meltdowns for

years

> and only " OCD stuff " for months, I assumed OCD was in addition to

> something else. What you wrote in this thread is exactly what

> triggers her now. Would you say this need to " respond verbally in

> just the right words, intonation etc. " is definitely OCD? Or, is

it

> hard to say? Does your son have other diagnoses? Do others on

this

> list also have children with " just OCD " that has to have their

parents

> respond verbally in exactly the right way? (And, if we don't, do

they

> become aggressive?)

> Thanks in advance for helping me get a handle on what I'm

> dealing with.

>

> Dorelle

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Dorrelle,

I'm not Barb, but I can tell you that my son has the " have to get people

to answer in the right way " problem big time, and he's 25 years old. And

yes, if we get " it " wrong for too long, desperately trying to understand

what question he wants answered, or what it is he wants us to say, he

gets aggressive.

When he was younger we found a good way to handle it is to let him know

we were only going to try to guess the " right " answer for 15 minutes and

once that 15 minutes was up that was it. Much to our surprise this

worked pretty well; it was like he was relieved that we were helping him

not get lost in this maze of questions and wrong answers that could go

on for hours.

Robin

Dorelle Ackermann wrote:

> Hi Barb,

>

> You had written in this thread:

>

> " Our son would pick one of us to verbally attack, depending on the

> situation. It was very distinct and we knew it was in part him

> struggling, plus OCD stuff, just by what he would say. He had " just

> right " stuff where a conversation would have to end a certain way, he

> had to hear a certain word, it was awful and very tiresome. We would

> put up our hand and say we were stopping now and he could either stop

> or remove himself from our space. Often would find something to

> throw, or punch before leaving, so learned to warn on this too. "

> I am still trying to sort out my daughter's diagnosis. 5 psychs

> have given us 5 different opinions and they all will say " she's really

> complicated " with a little bit of this and a little bit of that. "

> Before joining this list, I thought OCD was not associated with

> aggression. So, since my daughter had been having meltdowns for years

> and only " OCD stuff " for months, I assumed OCD was in addition to

> something else. What you wrote in this thread is exactly what

> triggers her now. Would you say this need to " respond verbally in

> just the right words, intonation etc. " is definitely OCD? Or, is it

> hard to say? Does your son have other diagnoses? Do others on this

> list also have children with " just OCD " that has to have their parents

> respond verbally in exactly the right way? (And, if we don't, do they

> become aggressive?)

> Thanks in advance for helping me get a handle on what I'm

> dealing with.

>

> Dorelle

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

just chiming in on this, but we've been down the Zoloft road. My DD, 14, was on

it for about 10-12 weeks. When we moved her from 75mg to 100mg, she was a

different kid. Belligerent, nasty, angry, even whacked me (first time ever and

never since). We moved back down to 75 and it all went away. At that point, we

felt it wasn't working well enough on the OCD, though, so she's now on 10mg of

Lexapro. And definitely find a psychiatrist for his meds; we started with the

pediatrician, but he had no clue. I called around for two weeks straight to get

my DD in somewhere. You really have to turn into a bulldog to advocate for your

child no matter who you might irritate.

Debbie

http://twochinadolls.blogspot.com

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[Guest guest]

Hi Dorelle, just jumping in to say that, yes, sometimes OCD requires

a person to respond with the right thing/words, could even include

tone, way it's responded to, etc. Another son of mine, when very

young, used to call me and want me to walk a certain way into the

room (2 steps in, left some steps, forward...whatever) or want me to

start over, would throw fits/tears if I messed up or refused.

>

> Hi Barb,

>

> You had written in this thread:

>

> " Our son would pick one of us to verbally attack, depending on the

> situation. It was very distinct and we knew it was in part him

> struggling, plus OCD stuff, just by what he would say. He had " just

> right " stuff where a conversation would have to end a certain way,

he