Re: New-two children with possible OCD

December 28, 2008

Hi Kim,

Welcome to the group. Here is a link to the

http://ocfoundation.org/ OCFoundation. That may be helpful to you.

There are also some good books out there:

What to do when your Child has Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder by Aureen

Pinto Wagner Ph.D.

Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder by Tamar E. Chansky

Helping Your Child With Ocd: A Workbook for Parents of Children With

Obsessive-Compulsiv e Disorder by Lee Fitzgibbons and Cherry Pedrick

Talking Back to OCD by March

Kathy

Courage is not living without fear.

Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.

-Chae

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sunday, December 28, 2008 12:24:32 PM

Subject: New-two children with possible OCD

I found this group by accident yesterday while searching on the

internet for help regarding my daughter's symptoms. This may be

long, so forgive me in advance.

My husband had OCD while younger, he says he still has some struggles,

but has never been on medication, never seen a doctor for the

symptoms. While younger, he did the " 123's " as his parents called

them, blinked a lot, touched his bed from side-to-side before going to

sleep...and many other rituals to prevent something bad from happening

to his mom. He said when he got older, he read a book called " How to

Stop Worrying and Start Living " which changed his life. He still

struggles with " sick thoughts " sometimes that he is able to manage,

and tells me it is not something that controls his life anymore. I

did not even realize that he had this problem until we noticed OCD

symptoms in my son and that is when he shared with me his struggles

when he was younger.

We have 3 children. DS-10, DD-7, DD-3. We noticed OCD tendencies in

my son about 2 years ago. Probably there were symptoms earlier, but

noticed the sick thoughts symptoms two years ago. When he was younger,

he could only wear shorts, was extremely uncomfortable in new

situations or any sort of change. His room has to be just right but

is also messy. Of course he's a kid. He collects everything from

bottles to bugs. He has saved every Lego he has ever made since he

started making Legos at 6. His only ritual that I am aware of is his

bedtime routine at this point. The OCD area of concern with him is

the need to tell me everything. If he's done something wrong, or

feels it was wrong, or has a sick thought, he needs to confess it to

me in order to feel better. Also, he gets sick thoughts like his dad.

For example, he once told

me a few years ago that he imagines he's shooting people as we're

driving on the street, and he hates the thought and feels terribly

guilty afterwards. He also imagined the priest getting shot one day

during Mass. He felt terrible guilt about these thoughts until his dad

told him he was the same way and that it was just part of his brain

getting stuck in a weird place. When my son first told me these

things, I thought he had been playing too many video games, even

though he was only allowed to play for 2 hours a day on weekends only.

And then they are only E games, but even the E games can be violent.

Anyway, at first I thought it was a video game issue, until my

husband told me about his own OCD symptoms. DS seems to be okay right

now. In fact he hasn't had to share any thoughts with me in a while,

and once we told him about " talking back " to his OCD, and not letting

his OCD bully him, he has seemed to improve a great deal. I think he

was relieved to know he wasn't the only one who had this problem since

his dad had the same struggles. So he seems to be okay...for now.

Presently, our concern is our daughter who is 7. She has always been

into numbers and so I thought she was just good at Math. However,

recently we noticed that she is touching the inside of mouth with her

tongue from side-to-side. DH noticed it actually. He asked her what

she was doing, and she said she has to touch both sides even. If she

touches one side, she must end on the other side. She also shared

with me a few weeks ago that she was special and different from her

friends in that nobody does what she does...which is to take steps

evenly, so if she starts on one foot she must stop on the other foot.

She thinks it's funny right now. Told me she does it because she has

to....that it would feel weird not to do it, wouldn't feel right to

her. DH told her to end on an odd number every once in a while, just

to mix it up. Of course, he is concerned. To him it is a big red

flag for OCD. She also must say her bedtime routine just right.

Saying her prayers just right. Those are the only symptoms I have

noticed with her at this point.

First of all, do you think this is OCD or just normal kid stuff? If

it weren't for DH I wouldn't have noticed dd's quirks. Ds's weird

thoughts were definitely worrisome to me though.

Sorry so long. We have not bee to any doctor at this point. The kids

do well in their studies; it does not seem to affect them in their

daily living and so dh did not want to put them on meds or anything

like that. But I am looking for behavioral tools to help them. I need

to know what to say when I notice an OCD thing. I also want to know

what NOT to do, so as to not make it worse.

Thank you for your advice, and I look forward to perusing the archives

for more insight.

Kim

December 28, 2008

Hi Kim, they do sound like OCD behaviors. Glad dad was willing to

share about his, really seems to have helped with the kids.

With your DD, that was a good suggestion for her to " mix it up "

sometimes. That's what she would need to try, being able not

to " even things out. " There's really no way of telling if things

could get worse with her and develop into the disorder/problem. I

have a friend/coworker who also has to even things out and is a bit

of a " checker " too, but nothing that has gotten out of control,

disrupts her day, etc. But definitely a good idea to go ahead and

work with your DD on this stuff, I think. Even if DD stops on the

wrong foot, for instance, on purpose but then HAS to even it out,

that's okay (in the beginning) as it's just a target to work towards

(not stopping on that other foot), and putting for the effort,

feeling that bit of anxiety when she doesn't even it out, is part of

working towards getting past it. Pick one or two things she does to

work on, let her get some success at one, etc. Bedtime

routines/needs were the hardest in our case to work on (my son had to

get on the bed " just right " or would get back up and try again

repeatedly) so was something we tried at times to work on but I ended

up saying " save for last! " (I like my sleep)

The books suggested in another reply would be very helpful. There's

also some great kids books about OCD too that your DD and DS might

enjoy.

Quick thoughts! Glad you found our group, has been a sanity-saver

for me all these years!

single mom, 3 sons

, 19, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers/mild

>

> I found this group by accident yesterday while searching on the

> internet for help regarding my daughter's symptoms. This may be

> long, so forgive me in advance.

>

> My husband had OCD while younger, he says he still has some

struggles,

December 28, 2008

Welcome, Kim. No need to apologize for long posts. OCD is

complicated and it's hard to sum it all up in a few words.

Our son dealt with a lot of the " needs to feel just right " OCD stuff.

The ERP (exposure and response prevention) he did for it, quieted

most of it down to the point that it's very minor, seldom comes to

mind, and when it does, it's easily ignored. Other things he worked

on have gone away completely.

What worked so well for our son was to do an exposure where he did the

opposite of whatever the OCD wanted done. If he gave into it, the

compulsion would grow stronger, but if he did the opposite, with time

(some just a few times) it would lose it's power and he would gain

control over it. The brain gets retrained that way and the feelings

will either go away, or become insignificant. For most, it can cause

some feelings of uncomfortableness, or even anxiety. Our son started

on the easiest thing, then set the pace of how much to push, and what

to work on. He was in control, so he was challenged, but not overwhelmed.

The books Kathy recommended explain it much better than I am. It's

quite amazing how well it can work.

It's great that your husband has been so forthcoming with his own

experiences. My husband also has OCD, but is still in denial despite

more than one therapist saying he has it. For a long time he was in

denial about our son too, but with patience and work I've got him to a

point of understanding (concerning our son), where he is working with

us, instead of losing his temper.

Has your son tried any CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for his

thoughts? Because our son's anxiety was so bad, he is on medication,

but even despite that he had to use it on some thoughts, and it helped

him.

Glad you found us and are here, Kim.

BJ

-- In , " noahsmam " wrote:

>

> I found this group by accident yesterday while searching on the

> internet for help regarding my daughter's symptoms. This may be

> long, so forgive me in advance.

>

> My husband had OCD while younger, he says he still has some struggles,

> but has never been on medication, never seen a doctor for the

> symptoms. While younger, he did the " 123's " as his parents called

> them, blinked a lot, touched his bed from side-to-side before going to

> sleep...and many other rituals to prevent something bad from happening

> to his mom. He said when he got older, he read a book called " How to

> Stop Worrying and Start Living " which changed his life. He still

> struggles with " sick thoughts " sometimes that he is able to manage,

> and tells me it is not something that controls his life anymore. I

> did not even realize that he had this problem until we noticed OCD

> symptoms in my son and that is when he shared with me his struggles

> when he was younger.

>

> We have 3 children. DS-10, DD-7, DD-3. We noticed OCD tendencies in

> my son about 2 years ago. Probably there were symptoms earlier, but

> noticed the sick thoughts symptoms two years ago. When he was younger,

> he could only wear shorts, was extremely uncomfortable in new

> situations or any sort of change. His room has to be just right but

> is also messy. Of course he's a kid. He collects everything from

> bottles to bugs. He has saved every Lego he has ever made since he

> started making Legos at 6. His only ritual that I am aware of is his

> bedtime routine at this point. The OCD area of concern with him is

> the need to tell me everything. If he's done something wrong, or

> feels it was wrong, or has a sick thought, he needs to confess it to

> me in order to feel better. Also, he gets sick thoughts like his dad.

> For example, he once told

> me a few years ago that he imagines he's shooting people as we're

> driving on the street, and he hates the thought and feels terribly

> guilty afterwards. He also imagined the priest getting shot one day

> during Mass. He felt terrible guilt about these thoughts until his dad

> told him he was the same way and that it was just part of his brain

> getting stuck in a weird place. When my son first told me these

> things, I thought he had been playing too many video games, even

> though he was only allowed to play for 2 hours a day on weekends only.

> And then they are only E games, but even the E games can be violent.

> Anyway, at first I thought it was a video game issue, until my

> husband told me about his own OCD symptoms. DS seems to be okay right

> now. In fact he hasn't had to share any thoughts with me in a while,

> and once we told him about " talking back " to his OCD, and not letting

> his OCD bully him, he has seemed to improve a great deal. I think he

> was relieved to know he wasn't the only one who had this problem since

> his dad had the same struggles. So he seems to be okay...for now.

>

> Presently, our concern is our daughter who is 7. She has always been

> into numbers and so I thought she was just good at Math. However,

> recently we noticed that she is touching the inside of mouth with her

> tongue from side-to-side. DH noticed it actually. He asked her what

> she was doing, and she said she has to touch both sides even. If she

> touches one side, she must end on the other side. She also shared

> with me a few weeks ago that she was special and different from her

> friends in that nobody does what she does...which is to take steps

> evenly, so if she starts on one foot she must stop on the other foot.

> She thinks it's funny right now. Told me she does it because she has

> to....that it would feel weird not to do it, wouldn't feel right to

> her. DH told her to end on an odd number every once in a while, just

> to mix it up. Of course, he is concerned. To him it is a big red

> flag for OCD. She also must say her bedtime routine just right.

> Saying her prayers just right. Those are the only symptoms I have

> noticed with her at this point.

>

> First of all, do you think this is OCD or just normal kid stuff? If

> it weren't for DH I wouldn't have noticed dd's quirks. Ds's weird

> thoughts were definitely worrisome to me though.

>

> Sorry so long. We have not bee to any doctor at this point. The kids

> do well in their studies; it does not seem to affect them in their

> daily living and so dh did not want to put them on meds or anything

> like that. But I am looking for behavioral tools to help them. I need

> to know what to say when I notice an OCD thing. I also want to know

> what NOT to do, so as to not make it worse.

>

> Thank you for your advice, and I look forward to perusing the archives

> for more insight.

>

> Kim

>

December 28, 2008

Kim, it sounds like you have handled your son's issue very well, and that your

husband's suggestion to your daughter to " mix it up " is right on target as well.

Â With your husband's history with OCD, there is certainly a higher chance that

a child of his could inherit it, but it doesn't have to be so. Â There are lots

of wonderful books available for helping children with OCD, so it would probably

be a good idea for you to read one and gain some ideas of how to help your

daughter with her rituals. Â If it doesn't snowball further, then you may not

need to seek out treatment for your children, but if it starts to interfere with

either child's happiness or functioning, you can get help with a therapist who

specializes in treating OCD in children. Â Medication is usually recommended for

children with OCD only after a trial of CBT with a good OCD therapist is not

helpful.

New-two children with possible OCD

I found this group by accident yesterday while searching on the

internet for help regarding my daughter's symptoms. This may be

long, so forgive me in advance.

My husband had OCD while younger, he says he still has some struggles,

but has never been on medication, never seen a doctor for the

symptoms. While younger, he

did the " 123's " as his parents called