Re: Re: /Rages

[Guest guest]

, I think there is much not known about the developmental progression of

OCD for those who get it early in childhood, so  maybe you are correct.  But

for now, I have never read or heard anywhere that what you wrote below is a

symptom of OCD, unless perhaps it is tied into a child having an intense OCD

need to do a ritual and you are preventing the child to do it.  Both my

daughter and I have OCD, and neither of us have rages like that.

In my limited experience, OCD isn't limited to obssessive thoughts. It

includes intense frustration with being overwhelmed by emotions. It is

PMS, menopause, bipolar and the terrible twos all rolled into 10

minutes of a meltdown. Followed by embarrassment and regret when you

feel normal again.

Re: /Rages

,

I'm glad to hear that Christmas settled down after the presents were

opened. Ours did too. We had a meltdown shortly afterward, when

something didn't go exactly according to his script, but I think it

was more like a pressure cooker needing to let out steam - he just had

to release the anxiety and emotions. After that, it was much better.

As for rages, my son also has issues with controlling his temper

during an episode. He has hit me - not in20a slap or with a fist. He'll

do something like kick me lightly or push me. He's only 6, so we're

not talking physical harm. And yes, the reaction is alarming, not

something you want to ignore or excuse. But on the other hand, the

timing of when and how you react to it is key.

I have to disagree with the suggestion that you put him in his room

without any toys until he calms down. With my son, making him go

somewhere alone is the very worst thing we've ever done when he's in a

rage. It terrifies him, because he already feels out of control and if

we " abandon " him and tell him he has to figure out how to calm down by

himself, it overwhelms him. For us, we have to be close to him and

just be there, not talking, just supporting, until he settles down. He

can't be restrained or held - he'll act like a wild animal if we do

that. Likewise, the door to the room has to be opened. Otherwise, he

feels trapped.

Not everyone has a calm temperment. My son and I are both intense

people and every emotion hits us with more intensity. Sometimes we act

even though at that very second you know you're about to regret what

you do or say. We are a work in progress.

For us, we've given my son some things that are safe to beat up - a

child's punching bag, a pillow, a squishy nerf ball he can squeeze and

throw. He's learned he can't throw the remote or harm our stuff. But

in that moment of anger, he does20need some acceptable outlet. It isn't

realistic to expect him to just not have that feeling. He needs to be

able to let that frustration out, just in a more acceptable manner.

As for the physical harm, that has gotten much better as we've worked

on it. But we can't address the behavior when it immediately happens.

In the middle of a meltdown, he's not listening. He knows hitting is

wrong. He doesn't do it when he's " normal " . We first have to deal with

the matter at hand and get that under control. Later, when things are

calm, we'll talk about ways we can prevent the physical lashing out

from happening again. We'll talk about an appropriate consequence for

what just happened. And we'll settle on something that seems fair -

not something he likes, but something he knows is in proportion to

whatever just happened. And on the rare but not unheard of occasion

where I've spanked in response to his acting out, then I give myself a

similar consequence. No double standards. If I view his behavior as

insolence or defiance, it sends me over the edge. I have to view it as

the actions of someone who's struggling with an illness. Then in a

calm moment, we talk about prevention and making amends. Not excuses,

not acceptance. It's not ok - for either of us. But the goal is

progess, not perfection.

In my limited experience, OCD isn't limited to obssessive thoughts. It

includes intense frustration with being overwhelmed by emotions. It is

PMS,

menopause, bipolar and the terrible twos all rolled into 10

minutes of a meltdown. Followed by embarrassment and regret when you

feel normal again.

I hope the rest of your holiday break goes well and your visit with

your mom is better than you expect.

[Guest guest]

You are so right! Thanks for reminding me!!!

Walk by Faith

Tyler

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 7:28:23 AM

Subject: Re: Re: /Rages

, I think there is much not known about the developmental progression of

OCD for those who get it early in childhood, so maybe you are correct. But for

now, I have never read or heard anywhere that what you wrote below is a symptom

of OCD, unless perhaps it is tied into a child having an intense OCD need to do

a ritual and you are preventing the child to do it. Both my daughter and I have

OCD, and neither of us have rages like that.

In my limited experience, OCD isn't limited to obssessive thoughts. It

includes intense frustration with being overwhelmed by emotions. It is

PMS, menopause, bipolar and the terrible twos all rolled into 10

minutes of a meltdown. Followed by embarrassment and regret when you

feel normal again.

Re: /Rages

,

I'm glad to hear that Christmas settled down after the presents were

opened. Ours did too. We had a meltdown shortly afterward, when

something didn't go exactly according to his script, but I think it

was more like a pressure cooker needing to let out steam - he just had

to release the anxiety and emotions. After that, it was much better.

As for rages, my son also has issues with controlling his temper

during an episode. He has hit me - not in20a slap or with a fist. He'll

do something like kick me lightly or push me. He's only 6, so we're

not talking physical harm. And yes, the reaction is alarming, not

something you want to ignore or excuse. But on the other hand, the

timing of when and how you react to it is key.

I have to disagree with the suggestion that you put him in his room

without any toys until he calms down. With my son, making him go

somewhere alone is the very worst thing we've ever done when he's in a

rage. It terrifies him, because he already feels out of control and if

we " abandon " him and tell him he has to figure out how to calm down by

himself, it overwhelms him. For us, we have to be close to him and

just be there, not talking, just supporting, until he settles down. He

can't be restrained or held - he'll act like a wild animal if we do

that. Likewise, the door to the room has to be opened. Otherwise, he

feels trapped.

Not everyone has a calm temperment. My son and I are both intense

people and every emotion hits us with more intensity. Sometimes we act

even though at that very second you know you're about to regret what

you do or say. We are a work in progress.

For us, we've given my son some things that are safe to beat up - a

child's punching bag, a pillow, a squishy nerf ball he can squeeze and

throw. He's learned he can't throw the remote or harm our stuff. But

in that moment of anger, he does20need some acceptable outlet. It isn't

realistic to expect him to just not have that feeling. He needs to be

able to let that frustration out, just in a more acceptable manner.

As for the physical harm, that has gotten much better as we've worked

on it. But we can't address the behavior when it immediately happens.

In the middle of a meltdown, he's not listening. He knows hitting is

wrong. He doesn't do it when he's " normal " . We first have to deal with

the matter at hand and get that under control. Later, when things are

calm, we'll talk about ways we can prevent the physical lashing out

from happening again. We'll talk about an appropriate consequence for

what just happened. And we'll settle on something that seems fair -

not something he likes, but something he knows is in proportion to

whatever just happened. And on the rare but not unheard of occasion

where I've spanked in response to his acting out, then I give myself a

similar consequence. No double standards. If I view his behavior as

insolence or defiance, it sends me over the edge. I have to view it as

the actions of someone who's struggling with an illness. Then in a

calm moment, we talk about prevention and making amends. Not excuses,

not acceptance. It's not ok - for either of us. But the goal is

progess, not perfection.

In my limited experience, OCD isn't limited to obssessive thoughts. It

includes intense frustration with being overwhelmed by emotions. It is

PMS,

menopause, bipolar and the terrible twos all rolled into 10

minutes of a meltdown. Followed by embarrassment and regret when you

feel normal again.

I hope the rest of your holiday break goes well and your visit with

your mom is better than you expect.

[Guest guest]

I have never seen that written anywhere.

In a message dated 12/26/08 11:21:38 Eastern Standard Time, dor2427@...

writes:

,

I agree with every thing you have suggested. I am curious that

you seem to say that OCD accounts for rages triggered by the smallest

thing. Could you expand on that? Thanks

Dorelle