Re: OCD and sibling rivalry

[Guest guest]

Hi, Wilma. As the mother of a teenager, some of this sounds like

typical teenage behavior. Controlling. . Wanting to be in control.

..Pushing people's buttons to see the reaction. . Bossing others around

a bit, etc. Josh seems to go through phases where he is testing the

boundaries, then when he sees he's getting nowhere, he calms back down

for a bit. There are moments. . . . . lol

I found myself wondering if their might even be a little bit of

sibling jealousy going on, with wanting the attention on himself.

Just my guess, could be wrong. If so, though, I would think that is

normal.

Since he has OCD, he could be a little on the immature side. I've

read that it's not uncommon for kids with anxiety disorders to mature

later than others their age. I figured that is because they anxiety

disorder holds them back from doing things that other kids their age

are doing. We've found that to be true for our son. He rode a bike

later and learned to swim later, because of his fears, just to name a

few.

BJ

>

> My friend's 17 year old son has ocd. He has twin 9 year old brothers.

> My friend and his wife are seperated, the teen lives with him and the

> twins with their Mom. The teen is very contolling, wanting to be the

> parent in the home, always telling Mom and Dad what to do, etc. Now

> that they are seperated, the teen constantly does things to get the

> twins, when they are visiting, angry. Never wanting the Dad to have

> time alone with the twins, interupting movie time, starting arguments,

> anything to get the attention on himself. It has always been that way,

> even before the seperation. He is on wellbutrin. Is this a symptom of

> ocd or is he just doing it because he can. They don't discipline him a

> whole lot because they chaulk it up to the fact he has ocd. He's

> immature and will be going off to college in a year and a half. I have

> no idea how if he doesn't mature a whole lot more than he is now. Any

> ideas, suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Wilma

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like there is so much going on here in this family that has nothing to

do with OCD.  This teen is dealing with significant issues that we can't know

about just from what you have written.  For example, why are the siblings split

up and how does this boy feel about it?  Does he feel hurt that he doesn't live

with his mom?  Is he jealous that the twins do?  Is he very dependent on his

dad for his emotional needs? Does he have friends?  Is he succeeding at school?

Wellbutrin, although it is an antidepressant, is not a medication that is useful

to treat the symptoms of OCD.  Who made the diagnosis of OCD?  If he truly is

struggling with OCD, he should be seeing someone with lots of experience and

training with regard to OCD and should probably be on a medication specifically

for OCD as well as cognitive behavior therapy.  It sounds like this teen needs

family counseling as well to help the whole family learn to better deal with the

family issues.

OCD and sibling rivalry

My friend's 17 year old son has ocd. He has twin 9 year old brothers.

My friend and his wife are seperated, the teen lives with him and the

twins with their Mom. The teen is very contolling, wa

nting to be the

parent in the home, always telling Mom and Dad what to do, etc. Now

that they are seperated, the teen constantly does things to get the

twins, when they are visiting, angry. Never wanting the Dad to have

time alone with the twins, interupting movie time, starting arguments,

anything to get the attention on himself. It has always been that way,

even before the seperation. He is on wellbutrin. Is this a symptom of

ocd or is he just doing it because he can. They don't discipline him a

whole lot because they chaulk it up to the fact he has ocd. He's

immature and will be going off to college in a year and a half. I have

no idea how if he doesn't mature a whole lot more than he is now. Any

ideas, suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Wilma

[Guest guest]

Hi Wilma,

It is great that you are looking for information to help understand

your friend's situation. It's difficult for anyone to ever

understand the inner dynamics of family relationships I think, so

without knowing the whole story I will give just give my thoughts

based on the information given.

Specific to OCD there can be a lot of controlling behavior in an

attempt to manage it, this is quite common. The " answers " to this

are individual to temperment, severity of the disorder, and

seriousness of the behviors amongst other considerations. However,

general parenting principles are the same in terms of dealing with

this, except that the OCD just makes the implementation of them

harder.

Teens are a distinct group when it comes to OCD, I find. In a parent

support group that I hold almost all members have teens(speaks to the

challenge of this age), and we all struggle to figure out how to

manage our situations. Their need for independence, rejection of

authority, identity issues, social isolation sometimes, all this and

more make them a hard bunch to parent, never mind help them learn to

take responsibility for their OCD.

Basically until they are ready to take it on it is an uphill battle.

Holding them accountable for behavior is important, and can push them

to confront the responsibility issue, but it depends on what all is

going on really. It is important to do so with compassion, realizing

that as rotten as they may seem, they are suffering and really are

looking for help, albeit in a negative, provoking way when they are

acting out.

Of course sometimes the negative behavior is just typical teen stuff,

but it generally mushes together with the OCD and can be so much

fun! Maturity is a big factor, and it can be mind numbing to fathom

how they will ever become responsible, decent citizens at times, I do

know....

One thing particular to your situation is that you may not have

benefit of having known this boy when he was younger, or pre-OCD,

when he may have been a great kid. For us, remembering who our kid

was, and who we believed he truly was, helped us hold on and ride out

some very difficult times. You might speak to the Dad and ask about

this?

You mention that he is on Wellbutrin, from what I understand this is

for depression, not sure what if any impact it would have on OCD, not

the frontline choice, rather antidepressants are as they affect

serotonin. Also, you do not mention if this boy is receiving

treatment for the OCD? CBT, specifically ERP(exposure and response

prevention) is the only evidence based treatment. If he is not

already seeing someone this is a critical piece for him to gain the

understanding necessary to learn to manage this disorder.

Warmly,

Barb

Son 17, LD, OCD - used to be controlling, act out big time, better

now that he has learned to manage the OCD!

[Guest guest]

***********************

Their need for independence, rejection of

authority, identity issues, social isolation sometimes, all this and

more make them a hard bunch to parent, never mind help them learn to

take responsibility for their OCD.

***********************

You described this well, Barb. I agree, a teen with OCD is different

than a younger child with OCD. Teens add a new dimension to it all.

Since we've experienced both, so never really had something to draw on

as far as how he used to be when he was younger (I envy you that), I

can say that they both has their own challenges, and both were/are

tough in different ways. But, the teen years are trying my patience

much more than when he was younger. Because sometimes he is crying

for help, but pushing me away at the same time. . Whether it's OCD

related or not. But, learning CBT/ERP has enabled him to handle the

OCD things without me too, which has been reassuring that he will

someday be able to function without me. As a parent, that is the

goal, but somewhat bittersweet too!

I don't have another child to compare it to, but have found that I've

always been a little protective of this son of ours, who seemed to

have a tougher time at everything than other children. They seem

vulnerable, and you find yourself being their champion, as you should

be, as they navigate their way through this life. But, that can be a

hard thing to turn off when they get older. And especially hard when

they have a disorder that makes things harder for them, and you've

been their helper for a long time. That's where the bittersweet part

comes in. You are glad to see them taking steps to handle things more

on their own, but it can be hard to let go and trust. For me, anyway.

Concerning Welbutrin. It was useful for us. Just wanted to share our

experience. It isn't the typical med for OCD, and SSRIs should always

be tried first. . That type of medication (SSRI) has helped our son

tremendously. But for my husband the Welbutrin does help some. He

was unable to tolerate the SSRIs. Welbutrin doesn't get his OCD under

control, but what it does that helps him is it calms the depression

down that goes with the whole package. And it keeps his anger that

comes with depression, under control. So, despite it not touching the

OCD itself, it affects the moods that OCD can bring with it. In that

regard it has been helpful for us. Just thought I would share that for

anyone interested. )

BJ

>

> It is great that you are looking for information to help understand

> your friend's situation. It's difficult for anyone to ever

> understand the inner dynamics of family relationships I think, so

> without knowing the whole story I will give just give my thoughts

> based on the information given.

>

> Specific to OCD there can be a lot of controlling behavior in an

> attempt to manage it, this is quite common. The " answers " to this

> are individual to temperment, severity of the disorder, and

> seriousness of the behviors amongst other considerations. However,

> general parenting principles are the same in terms of dealing with

> this, except that the OCD just makes the implementation of them

> harder.

>

> Teens are a distinct group when it comes to OCD, I find. In a parent

> support group that I hold almost all members have teens(speaks to the

> challenge of this age), and we all struggle to figure out how to

> manage our situations. Their need for independence, rejection of

> authority, identity issues, social isolation sometimes, all this and

> more make them a hard bunch to parent, never mind help them learn to

> take responsibility for their OCD.

>

> Basically until they are ready to take it on it is an uphill battle.

> Holding them accountable for behavior is important, and can push them

> to confront the responsibility issue, but it depends on what all is

> going on really. It is important to do so with compassion, realizing

> that as rotten as they may seem, they are suffering and really are

> looking for help, albeit in a negative, provoking way when they are

> acting out.

>

> Of course sometimes the negative behavior is just typical teen stuff,

> but it generally mushes together with the OCD and can be so much

> fun! Maturity is a big factor, and it can be mind numbing to fathom

> how they will ever become responsible, decent citizens at times, I do

> know....

>

> One thing particular to your situation is that you may not have

> benefit of having known this boy when he was younger, or pre-OCD,

> when he may have been a great kid. For us, remembering who our kid

> was, and who we believed he truly was, helped us hold on and ride out

> some very difficult times. You might speak to the Dad and ask about

> this?

>

> You mention that he is on Wellbutrin, from what I understand this is

> for depression, not sure what if any impact it would have on OCD, not

> the frontline choice, rather antidepressants are as they affect

> serotonin. Also, you do not mention if this boy is receiving

> treatment for the OCD? CBT, specifically ERP(exposure and response

> prevention) is the only evidence based treatment. If he is not

> already seeing someone this is a critical piece for him to gain the

> understanding necessary to learn to manage this disorder.

>

> Warmly,

> Barb

> Son 17, LD, OCD - used to be controlling, act out big time, better

> now that he has learned to manage the OCD!

>