Re: question about avoidance

[Guest guest]

This sounds like the approach Kate's therapist would take, too. She is much

younger and was very distressed about the germs of a particular child in her

class (in 1st and 2nd grades). The therapist said Kate should be fine with this

kid in her class for 3rd grade and, in fact, felt it would be good for her to

deal with it. Kate's teacher, though, felt like Kate needed a break from this

child (he's an odd duck and his mom drives me bananas but that's a different

tale). Kate's 2nd grade teacher also has OCD and it is so wonderful to have her

as a resource to bounce questions off of . . . anyway, Kate is not in the same

class as this child and is doing much better socially this year.

As for your son -- I don't know what I'd suggest. I guess it depends upon the

level of his distress and the value of reading the particular book the teacher

has chosen.

Beth

question about avoidance

Hi, I have a 15 year old that was diagnosed in Sept. with the scrupulosity

form of OCD. He is

reading a book in English class that is causing lots of nasty, horrible

thoughts. His English

teacher said he could read a different book but his therapist tends to take

things head on and

doesn't let him avoid things that distress him. It is hard to know how much to

push. Does

anyone have any ideas?

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

I don't know ... I tend to think there are some things all of us avoid because

they cause too much stress.  I think I would not force the book upon him if it

causes so many bad thoughts.

Subject: Re: question about avoidance

To:

Date: Tuesday, November 25, 2008, 10:11 PM

This sounds like the approach Kate's therapist would take, too. She is much

younger and was very distressed about the germs of a particular child in her

class (in 1st and 2nd grades). The therapist said Kate should be fine with this

kid in her class for 3rd grade and, in fact, felt it would be good for her to

deal with it. Kate's teacher, though, felt like Kate needed a break from this

child (he's an odd duck and his mom drives me bananas but that's a different

tale). Kate's 2nd grade teacher also has OCD and it is so wonderful to have her

as a resource to bounce questions off of . . . anyway, Kate is not in the same

class as this child and is doing much better socially this year.

As for your son -- I don't know what I'd suggest. I guess it depends upon the

level of his distress and the value of reading the particular book the teacher

has chosen.

Beth

question about avoidance

Hi, I have a 15 year old that was diagnosed in Sept. with the scrupulosity form

of OCD. He is

reading a book in English class that is causing lots of nasty, horrible

thoughts. His English

teacher said he could read a different book but his therapist tends to take

things head on and

doesn't let him avoid things that distress him. It is hard to know how much to

push. Does

anyone have any ideas?

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Hi , it's tough sometimes to know which way to go. I understand

what the therapist is saying. How have things worked out before, where

your son can't avoid? Did he get through it okay, if so maybe he can

use past successes to know he can tackle the book?

I think you and your son know best how this is affecting him. Is he

doing okay otherwise? Just wondering if the problems arising from the

book are sort of " flowing over " into his getting other schoolwork done

or in other ways at home, etc.

My other thoughts are that I know I wanted my son to get through his

classes and work okay, and tried to keep his stress level low. He also

suffers from scrupe. That began in high school. Before that, in

middle school, it was more compulsions, rituals he would do to keep

something bad from happening to him and the " just right " feeling too.

He did end up needing an elective one semester with only 2 or 3 choices

available and took a Bible study class. He managed and I think

it " pricked " his OCD some but I did tell him if it worsened his OCD

that we would talk to the school about it. School knew he had OCD but

not about the scrupulosity. I sort of thought it was a good idea for

him to take it (he does go to church too) but at the same time feared

it worsening his scrupe. Sigh, guess you can tell I'm no help here, I

go back & forth myself. I do think if his OCD had worsened

considerably and it was affecting his entire day, every day, that I

would probably have tried to intervene...so in your case would have

opted for the other book. I'm sure the therapist still has plenty of

things your son and he can work on.

Just my thoughts, sorry no decisive type answer!

>

> Hi, I have a 15 year old that was diagnosed in Sept. with the

scrupulosity form of OCD. He is

> reading a book in English class that is causing lots of nasty,

horrible thoughts. His English

> teacher said he could read a different book but his therapist tends

to take things head on and

> doesn't let him avoid things that distress him. It is hard to know

how much to push. Does

> anyone have any ideas?

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, . It's best to not avoid, because it can cause fear,

anxiety, etc. to grow. So I can only speculate that is why the

therapist doesn't want him to avoid with this. But, even with

exposure therapy, they are not expected to take on the hard stuff

until they are mentally ready. We found with our son that if he was

not ready, it was more damaging than good. How distressing is it for

your son? How does he feel about it? Does he feel this is more than

he can handle? Is it making his OCD spiral out of control? Or does

he feel challenged, but doing okay? It's so important that your son

has a voice in this too.

Our son has always had a voice in his therapy. He chooses what to

work on, when to work on it, and for how long. That way, he is ready

to take it on, when he is ready. I admit, the therapist and I have

had to encourage him at times to try, reassuring him he can do it, but

the option was always there for him to set it aside, for now, and work

on something a little easier, if it felt too overwhelming at the time.

Too much, too soon, if they are not ready to take it on, can cause

setbacks. Anyway, that has been our experience.

BJ

>

> Hi, I have a 15 year old that was diagnosed in Sept. with the

scrupulosity form of OCD. He is

> reading a book in English class that is causing lots of nasty,

horrible thoughts. His English

> teacher said he could read a different book but his therapist tends

to take things head on and

> doesn't let him avoid things that distress him. It is hard to know

how much to push. Does

> anyone have any ideas?

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

welcome to the group; you'll get a lot of support and helpful advice here. My

daughter, 14, is becoming the master of avoidance!

Her OCD fears center around shoes, our woods, and car tires. So she likes

everyone in our house to take off their shoes by the front door, will rarely go

outside our house just to " play " or take a walk, and tries to sit in the front

seat of our car all the time (to avoid the back tires). She also spends lots of

time on the computer/internet and reading in her room. I base my decision on

whether to accomodate her OCD rituals based on her stress level that day. If I

can tell it's a bad day vs a good one, then I'll back off. BUT, mostly these

days, I don't give in to her OCD demands. Yesterday, I was baking in my kitchen

and wearing my shoes (bad back). She wanted me to take them off and get my

slippers on (she wouldn't come out of the pantry). I said no, that I was busy,

and unless she wanted to stand in the pantry all day, she would just have to

accept it and go around me. She did. We've also told her that her younger

brother and sister are NOT required to participate in her rituals.

However, early on, when she was diagnosed in Aug, she was in a shop class at

school she was deathly afraid of (breathing the sawdust would kill her). Even

though I felt she should face it, we did take her out of it as there was another

type of class she could take instead because her anxiety level was out of

control over this. So I just have learned to choose my battles carefully. I am

more " on it " at home, and tend to be a little more accomodating in public.

Debbie

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