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[Guest guest]

I've gotten through 20some podcasts, and i feel a remarkable change

in myself. One that i can't exactly describe, just a sense of general

understanding.

I listen to them in the morning, when i'm getting ready for work,

trying on clothes (most which don't fit). This is normally a time

when i'm self critical (usally i've just stepped off the scale).

Lately, I find, listening to the podcasts as i get ready has changed

my focus. It starts my day off in a positive way. I haven't stepped

on the scale , because i've done that for years, it does nothing but

determine my mood for the day.

loss weight=great mood, get to eat little more

gained weight=bad mood, eat more to comfort myself.

I've decided that i don't need to step on the scale right now, I need

to focus on positive things that help me move forwards. I started

listing my small victories for the day and at the end of the day,

thinking of what my re-do would be.

I have a friend who's also litening to the podcasts who reminded me

the other day that i need to turn my negative thoughts into positive

ones and use those as motivation. I've really been trying to do that

homework, and i'm finding that the most difficult.

I've also changed a few things. Where i used to spend my free time

eating, or thinking of food, or having a negative body image, i'm

spending that extra time walking, listening to podcast and often i'm

self correcting immediately rather than waiting until tomorrow.

Two days ago i walked to the grocery store, which is just 5 min away.

For the first time ever it clicked in my mind that i can take the

time to walk there, enjoy fresh air (maybe a podcast). When i was

younger and pretty much UNDERweight, i walked or biked everywhere.

Incorporating activity has really helped in many ways. The odd thing

is, I hate working out, but i've always been one who works out 1 1/2

hours or not at all. I've learned that a 30 min walk when i can fit

one in, will be a lot more do-able in the long term.

My issues comes from weekends as my friend posted a few days ago.

I go to the cottage, i relax, i want to eat. Last weekend i self

corrected, i even took a long bike ride right in the middle of what

could have been a binge.

I don't know how to fix the fact that i'm so able to do anything

during the week, but when weekends hit, everything i 've done during

the week just seems to mean nothing.