[Fwd: FW: Aussie Phrases!]

[Guest guest]

Some of these are funny some are a little offensive but read them in the

fun that they have been sent in.

Mazz

From: Nguyen,

Sent: Monday, 28 August 2006 11:39

AM

To: Sayer,

(.Sayer@...); Clint Quinlivan (Quinlivan, Clint);

Dugald Gilkenson (Gilkeson, Dugald); DeSousa,

(.DeSousa@...); Wickman, Louis

(Louis.Wickman@...); , Marilyn

(Mariln.@...); Daykin,

(.Daykin@...); , Mellisa

(Mellisa.@...); Haque (Haque, ); Tsui, Chak

(Chak.Tsui@...)

Subject: Aussie Phrases!

Aussie Phrases

This should be handy for any travellers visiting Australia!

I'm hungry:

" I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies. "

" I could eat the horse and chase the jockey. "

" So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread. "

" I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair. "

" So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck. "

I'm thirsty:

" I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger. "

" I'm drier than a nuns nasty. "

" I'm dry as a fuck with no foreplay. "

" I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat. "

" I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards. "

" I'm drier than an Arab's fart. "

I need to go for a pee:

" Gonna drain me dragon. "

" My back teeth are floating. "

" Need to syphon the python. "

" Takin' the kids to the pool. "

" I got to take a snakes hiss. "

" Gotta go have a slash. "

" Gonna go water a horse. "

" I'm off to drain the main vein. "

" Time to splatter the bladder. "

" I'm dying for a piss so bad I can taste it. "

" Shake hands with the wife's best friend. "

I need to do a poo:

" I gotta go give birth to a politician. "

" I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl. "

" It was like giving birth to Kim Beasly. "

" Off to the bog to leave an offering. "

" Time to snap off a grogan. "

" Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave. "

" I'm gonna strangle a brownie. "

" There's a brown dog barking at the back door. "

" I'm going to give birth to your twin. "

" Need to choke a brown dog. "

" I've freed Mandela. "

" Going for a Rodney. "

" Taking out the garbage. "

" I gotta back one out. "

Vomit:

" Calling for . " (think

about it)

" I was driving the porcelain bus this morning. "

" I left him a lawn pizza. "

" Toss a tiger on the carpet. "

Insults:

" I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your

shoulders. "

" Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache! "

" About as useful as tits on a bull. "

" You must be the world's only living brain donor. "

" He's a few wanks short of an orgasm. "

" She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard. "

" He had a head on him like a sucked mango. "

" May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down. "

" He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock. "

" So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell

rang! "

" Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. "

" Pull your lip over your head and swallow! "

" As ugly as a bucket of arseholes. "

" If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it

walk backwards. "

" Got a face like a bashed in shit can. "

" Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground. "

" Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse. "

" Couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel with a fist full of

fifties. "

" About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking

competition. "

" I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds! "

" A stubbie short of a six pack. "

" Seen better heads in a piss trough. "

" You're as handy as shit on a stick. "

" Tighter than a fish's arse. "

" So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him. "

" Face like a smashed crab. "

" As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp. "

" He could talk a dog off a meatwagon. "

" Fucked in the head. "

" You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie. "

" He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door. "

" Mate, shes as rough as a pigs breakfast. "

" Your face is like a twisted ugg boot. "

" He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle. "

" She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times. "

" She's two pick handles wide. "

" An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag. "

" As ugly as a bag of spanners. "

" You've got a head like a dropped pie. "

" He thinks his shit don' stink, but his farts give him away. "

" I wish his dad had settled for a blow job. "

" Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down. "

" If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it. "

" Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck

chairs. "

" As thick as two short planks! "

Compliments:

" Ya bloods worth bottling! "

" He's True Blue. "

" I'd be up her like a rat up a drain pipe. "

" A better man never stood in two shoes! "

Yes:

" Does a fat dog fart? "

" Even Blind Freddy could see it. " " Is the Pope a

Catholic? " " Does a Koala shit in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a

Cockatoo? " " Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden

spoon? " " Bloody oath! " " No wucking furries. "

No:

" Pig's arse!! "

Assorted:

" Drilling for Vegemite. " (Anal sex)

" I'll have a super. " (I'll have a beer)

" Make mine an unleaded. " (I'll have a light beer)

" Going off like a frog in a sock. " (try to picture this one)

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