is changing my life!

December 19, 2008

I recently discovered my intent. I mean the big one. The one that's

causing me to eat healthy food AND causing me to overeat. The one

that's motivation me to be on this journey AND sabotaging me from time

to time.

This intent sounds really simple but I've never been able to put it

this way: My intent is TO FEEL GOOD.

It's as simple as that. This is what all of me wants, but different

parts of me achieve it in different ways. The part of me that says no

to weight loss is the part that thinks I'll feel better the way I am

now. That it's going to be hard work to lose and maintain the weight,

that I might attract unwanted attention, that I won't ever be able to

eat a bag of chips without feeling extremely guilty.

Now that I know, though, I can deal with that. I can help this part of

me find better solutions, things that will make me feel even better

than eating the chocolate, the donut or the tiramisu or whatever it

is. Could be all of the above if I'm having a really bad day.

Part of discovering this has led me to question whether the main

problem is really the weight and not just the lack of self-esteem.

Sure, this does go hand in hand. As of right now, though, I feel that

my main goal is no longer to lose weight. My main goal is to be

present in my body, to have the relationship with food of my dreams,

because *that* is what will make me feel truly good. Ten pounds less

but still craving things all the time and overeating and then

punishing myself for it is NOT what I want. I'd rather lose only two

more pounds but be really calm, relaxed and happy around food.

But not only is helping me discover what I really want to get

out of this, she's also helped me discover some other things that

don't have anything to do with food. I don't want to write all of this

in here as it has really nothing to do with weight loss but if you're

interested in what I've recently discovered about my love life (or

lack thereof, rather) and why it might be that way, I've posted this

I appreciate any thoughts you have on this of course, both here and on

the blog. What areas of your life has helped change and how?

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