Re: self-doubt

[Guest guest]

,

 

This is hard to say clearly, but here goes with my process.  Is there something

that you want or need in your life (or are working towards) that you don't have,

and your excess weight (and other baggage coming out sideways) is your " excuse "

for why you can't have that thing?    

 

You have to hang on to that excess weight or other vehicle of sabotage in order

to protect your self and have an excuse for why you don't have that ultimate

thing you want (love, professional success, a happy family, a loving partner,

feeling sexy . . . ).  The positive intent is to protect you from loss or

rejection.  It may help to tell that critic who thinks you can't have the thing

you ultimately want, " Thanks for protecting me, but I'm off to get that thing I

want, and I'm not afraid, so come focus with me on the exciting stuff.  It's OK,

I deserve that thing, want it, and it is realistically in my grasp, so thanks,

but I don't need any protection right now. "

 

Kind of deep, but it's important to figure out what is causing the inner

conflict.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It seems what your saying is that the extra weight is serving a purpose in some

way. How do you figure out what reason is to be holding on to the weight. I

somewhat disagree. For me I know the weight is a result of the binging. I

overeat to feel better in the short term getting a quick fix when stress full

feelings arise. I think I hate the extra 15 pounds I carry around. I think I

hate that my clothes are tight. Are you telling me I am somehow intentionally

holding on to this weight?

Denny

Subject: Re: self-doubt

To: insideoutweightloss

Date: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 8:17 PM

,

 

This is hard to say clearly, but here goes with my process.  Is there something

that you want or need in your life (or are working towards) that you don't have,

and your excess weight (and other baggage coming out sideways) is your " excuse "

for why you can't have that thing?    

 

You have to hang on to that excess weight or other vehicle of sabotage in order

to protect your self and have an excuse for why you don't have that ultimate

thing you want (love, professional success, a happy family, a loving partner,

feeling sexy . . . ).  The positive intent is to protect you from loss or

rejection.  It may help to tell that critic who thinks you can't have the thing

you ultimately want, " Thanks for protecting me, but I'm off to get that thing I

want, and I'm not afraid, so come focus with me on the exciting stuff.  It's OK,

I deserve that thing, want it, and it is realistically in my grasp, so thanks,

but I don't need any protection right now. "

 

Kind of deep, but it's important to figure out what is causing the inner

conflict.

[Guest guest]

Just taking a stab at it...the positive intent is to protect yourself. No risk

of failure, disappointment,embarrassment, etc. No risk of joy either.

I feel as though I'm writing this to myself so if it doesn't make sense to you,

I apologize!

Jean

Subject: self-doubt

To: insideoutweightloss

Date: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 8:47 PM

Hello, since I started listening to IOWL about a week ago, I started

from the beginning and have decided that what's holding me back is my

self-doubt. I have been wracking my brain but I cannot figure out what

the positive intent is of the relentless notion that I will fail at

this attempt to lose weight as I have with all the other attempts

I've made in the last 2 years. Any insight from a neutral third party?

[Guest guest]

Not intentionally  But it is serving a purpose - to avoid the stressful

situation and delay it, or to to avoid the fear of failing at the stressful

situation.

The extra weight is a compilation of all those stressors.

[Guest guest]

Nelse,

I like this! First, you have found a reason that my weird

subconscious mind wants to keep this weight on. A reason why I can

often rationalize an unhealthy meal over a good choice. For me, it

also offers a way to put a positive spin on my tendency to say

I " deserve " things like cookies and 2nd helpings. Instead, I can

say " I deserve to be 25 pounds lighter. " I'm going to start this

today.

, one thing that has always stuck with me from the podcasts

is the idea that our past failures are simply learning experiences.

says something like, the first time you successfully lose

weight and maintain it will OF COURSE be the first time. If you've

done it once, you don't ever need to do it again. She says it much

more eloquently of course.

Amy

>

> ,

>  

> This is hard to say clearly, but here goes with my process.  Is

there something that you want or need in your life (or are working

towards) that you don't have, and your excess weight (and other

baggage coming out sideways) is your " excuse " for why you can't have

that thing?    

>  

> You have to hang on to that excess weight or other vehicle of

sabotage in order to protect your self and have an excuse for why you

don't have that ultimate thing you want (love, professional success,

a happy family, a loving partner, feeling sexy . . . ).  The positive

intent is to protect you from loss or rejection.  It may help to tell

that critic who thinks you can't have the thing you ultimately

want, " Thanks for protecting me, but I'm off to get that thing I

want, and I'm not afraid, so come focus with me on the exciting

stuff.  It's OK, I deserve that thing, want it, and it is

realistically in my grasp, so thanks, but I don't need any protection

right now. "

>  

> Kind of deep, but it's important to figure out what is causing the

inner conflict.

[Guest guest]

Thanks All, Nelse and Amy in particular. I like the idea of saying " I

deserve to be 25 pounds lighter rather than saying I deserve to eat

M & Ms. " I'm going to start that, too. I think you are right too Nelse

that it was serving a purpose. I've decided that past attempts at

failure were meant to propel me to look for a nutrition podcast which

in turn lead me to IOWL. This process of self-discovery has been

beneficial on many levels. Interestingly, it is improving my parenting

skills. My son was frustrated over something he couldn't do and he

said he'd never be able to do it. He does this a lot. A habit picked

up from his mother??? I asked him if he would ever say that to a

friend and he said " No, that would be mean. " I told him that when he

says those things, he is being mean to himself. To set a better

example, I'm going to treat myself the way I would treat others and

I'm going to use your mantra Nelse when the doubts creep in... " Thanks

Doubt, but I don't really need you anymore. I'm looking for peace in

my life and you are not helping. "

Best to all,