Sibling Rivalry

August 30, 2000

Hi to all. I have an interesting dilemma and I was hoping for some

advice. My oldest daughter Tabitha, age 5 is extremely jealous of the

time that Autumn spends with Mom & Dad. Autumn, of course, has been

sick almost since birth and most of the time we spend with her has been

at the doctor, hospital, etc.

I have tried explaining to Tabitha that we love her very much and Autumn

is not the " favorite " but she complains that since we spend so much time

with Autumn, we don't love her very much. Her behavior gets worse

during hospitalizations (when one of us has to be at the hospital 24/7)

and extreme sickness (asthma, etc.). She acts out quite a bit and tends

to scream and yell.

Now, you have to understand that Tabitha is, for the most part, a very

well-mannered child. She is extremely bright and is starting to

read--two weeks into kindergarten. She's taught herself some basic

gymnastics and will start gymnastics classes this week. My husband and

I are at our wits end with this behavior and are looking for ways to

help. I sent for the IDF book in an attempt to explain to Tabitha what

Autumn is going through, but it didn't seem to help.

Any thoughts?

Also, got new profile tests on Autumn back Monday. The IgG subclass

continues to decrease. The April profile showed the subclass 4

decreasing; now this test shows subclasses 1,2, & 4 decreasing. Right

now she's well so I'm not terribly worried, but I'm just a little upset

that the trend is downward instead of upward. The pneumococcal pre-test

is still out and may come in this week.

Ray, mother to Tabitha (age 5) and Autumn, age 2 (IgG def.,

asthma, chronic sinusitis, and allergies--unknown)

August 30, 2000

Hi, Ray--

I had a similar situation, only it was my pedpid son Wesley who felt a lack

of love since we had to spend so much time with , who was nearly one

when all his testing and therapies began. (he was born hypotonic, w/an

abdonminal hernia, and also had sensory integration problems) What

completely eliminated his perception of lack of love was homeschooling. I

homeschooled him K last year, and he got so much great one on one attention,

he didn't mind all the time i had to spend with samuel's therapies one

little bit. For some kids, love is spelled t i m e, and that is the best

way they feel loved. I know it's a sacrifice, but it was so good to see him

appreciated my time, and to be so at peace within knowing i loved him just

as much as . This year, my middle son is in K, and wes is in 1st, and

is thrilled to get to have school with us!!

I'm sure you were hoping for an easier answer,and perhaps others can provide

it. Not having all the beginning of the school year difficulties that

others have posted recently is such a relief!! And dealing with far fewer

infections due to less exposure is so great not only for wes, but for me, as

i'm iga def. , too. As others have said, he gets more extracurricular

activities in --soccer, park groups, field trips--because he is sick less

and has more energy by being homeschooled. One of the best benefits is the

way it strengthens all of our family relationships. It's not for everyone,

but it's something to consider.

Hope that was a little bit helpful! Warmly, maurita, mom to Wesley, andrew,

and samuel (and hopefully another on the way soon)

- Sibling Rivalry