Guest guest Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 Nola, this is really hilarious!!! I recommend that everyone read this. At least it brought back a whale of memories for me!! I think I'll clip this and send it to my older kids, and save a copy for the youngest when she gets older!!! I love this one!! PJ N wrote: THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. - " If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. " 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. - " You better pray that'll come out of the carpet. " 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. - " If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week! " 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. - " Because I said so, that's why! " 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. - " If you fall out of that swing & break your neck, you're not going to the store with me. " 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. - " Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. " 7. My mother taught me IRONY. - " Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. " 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. - " Shut your mouth and eat your supper. " 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. - " Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! " 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. - " You'll sit there until all that spinach is all gone. " 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. - " This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. " 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. - " If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! " 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. - " I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. " 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. - " Stop acting like your father! " 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. - " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. " 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. - " Just wait until we get home. " 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. - " You are going to get it when you get home! " 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. - " If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way. " 19. My mother taught me ESP. - " Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? " 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. - " When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. - " If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. " 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. - " You're just like your father. " 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. - " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? " 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. - " When you get to be my age, you'll understand. " 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. - " One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 Nola, this is really hilarious!!! I recommend that everyone read this. At least it brought back a whale of memories for me!! I think I'll clip this and send it to my older kids, and save a copy for the youngest when she gets older!!! I love this one!! PJ N wrote: THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. - " If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. " 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. - " You better pray that'll come out of the carpet. " 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. - " If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week! " 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. - " Because I said so, that's why! " 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. - " If you fall out of that swing & break your neck, you're not going to the store with me. " 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. - " Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. " 7. My mother taught me IRONY. - " Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. " 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. - " Shut your mouth and eat your supper. " 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. - " Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! " 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. - " You'll sit there until all that spinach is all gone. " 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. - " This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. " 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. - " If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! " 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. - " I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. " 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. - " Stop acting like your father! " 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. - " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. " 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. - " Just wait until we get home. " 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. - " You are going to get it when you get home! " 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. - " If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way. " 19. My mother taught me ESP. - " Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? " 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. - " When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. - " If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. " 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. - " You're just like your father. " 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. - " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? " 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. - " When you get to be my age, you'll understand. " 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. - " One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 LOL, Nola! I can't remember how many times I almost time-travelled into " the middle of next week! " - LMAO! All of those are hysterical! And I remember hearing almost all of them! But you know what's scary?? Now I say some of them to my kids! LOLOLOL! Luv Michele ----- Original Message ----- From: N THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. - " If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. " 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. - " You better pray that'll come out of the carpet. " 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. - " If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week! " 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. - " Because I said so, that's why! " 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. - " If you fall out of that swing & break your neck, you're not going to the store with me. " 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. - " Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. " 7. My mother taught me IRONY. - " Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. " 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. - " Shut your mouth and eat your supper. " 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. - " Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! " 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. - " You'll sit there until all that spinach is all gone. " 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. - " This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. " 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. - " If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! " 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. - " I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. " 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. - " Stop acting like your father! " 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. - " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. " 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. - " Just wait until we get home. " 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. - " You are going to get it when you get home! " 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. - " If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way. " 19. My mother taught me ESP. - " Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? " 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. - " When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. - " If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. " 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. - " You're just like your father. " 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. - " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? " 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. - " When you get to be my age, you'll understand. " 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. - " One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2003 Report Share Posted October 3, 2003 LOL, Nola! I can't remember how many times I almost time-travelled into " the middle of next week! " - LMAO! All of those are hysterical! And I remember hearing almost all of them! But you know what's scary?? Now I say some of them to my kids! LOLOLOL! Luv Michele ----- Original Message ----- From: N THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. - " If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. " 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. - " You better pray that'll come out of the carpet. " 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. - " If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week! " 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. - " Because I said so, that's why! " 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. - " If you fall out of that swing & break your neck, you're not going to the store with me. " 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. - " Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. " 7. My mother taught me IRONY. - " Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. " 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. - " Shut your mouth and eat your supper. " 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. - " Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! " 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. - " You'll sit there until all that spinach is all gone. " 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. - " This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. " 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. - " If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! " 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. - " I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. " 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. - " Stop acting like your father! " 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. - " There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do. " 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. - " Just wait until we get home. " 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. - " You are going to get it when you get home! " 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. - " If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way. " 19. My mother taught me ESP. - " Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? " 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. - " When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. " 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. - " If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. " 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. - " You're just like your father. " 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. - " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? " 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. - " When you get to be my age, you'll understand. " 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. - " One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2008 Report Share Posted August 14, 2008 Subject: Gorgeous Redhead Joke! > > A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting > at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks > the nerve to talk with her. > > Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward > the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it > back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. > 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says. > They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre > followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams, and > he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he > would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had > a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all > the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You > know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you > meet?' 'No,' she replies. . . > > > > > > > > > > > Wait for it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > It's coming. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The suspense is killing you, isn't it? > > > > > > > > > > > > > She says: > > 'You just happened to catch my eye.' > > > (Oh shut up, and just forward it!)No viruses found in this incoming message > Scanned by iolo AntiVirus 1.5.3.5 > http://www.iolo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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