Re: Fearless Autistic boy was stranded in the ocean for 12 hours

[Guest guest]

>

> http://www.justicenewsflash.com/2008/09/11/fearless-autistic-boy/

>

> Fearless Autistic boy was stranded in the ocean for 12 hours

>

I suppose there's a certain naivete, a certain bravery, that comes with

being autistic? While there are some situations I shy away from (like

having to face conflict), in other situations I can be hopelessly naive

and take what are more risks that other people tend to take. I tend to

be a worrier, but when the going actually gets tough, I tough it out,

and take care of everyone else, too. Wonder if that is a common thing

to do.

[Guest guest]

I do seem to be the calmest person when there is an emergency, but I

am otherwise a worrier.

[Guest guest]

" I tend to be a worrier, but when the going actually gets tough, I

tough it out, and take care of everyone else, too. Wonder if that is a

common thing to do. "

It seems to be common for autistics (at least for those of us in this

forum) to behave similarly. This has been a topic for discussion

periodically since the forum came into existence. It really does seem

that autistics are worriers, but then take charge and keep cool in

crisis situations. Possibly people would say we don't have the

emotional conflict that others do in these situations, and that is

right to a degree, but another aspect of this is self-preservation

coupled with the common sense idea that crying over crisis does not

help matters or solve the predicament.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

For some reason I have been able to have steely calm when dealing with

someone who is suicidal then afterwards I feel lethargic and need down

time to relieve/purge my emotions (cry, write, sleep, etc.). I have

also noted that in people out of this list.

[Guest guest]

I have been in more situations than I care to remember (but sadly

still do) where I've dealt with whatever it is that life happens to

be throwing me at the time and it is later, like some delayed re-

action that I re-act to perhaps the emotional component.

I have been told countless times in the past that I am not in touch

with my emotions, so I have worked at trying to get in touch with

such and do think I am better at that now. However I question how

important been in touch with one's emotions all the time is - I'll

try and clarify. In certain situations it is much better not to have

one's emotions overiding one's ability to act, I have observed that

some people are overcome with emotions in certain situations and

unable to do anything because of such.

Now this is not to say I am emotionless and there are times when I am

indeed overcome with emotion, but for some reason doesn't seem to be

the times when others expect me to be so. I can be faced with a

situation or news where others would re-act emotionally and I have

not because to be honest usually at the time of recieving such my

emotions are not present. This causes some to think I have not

understood the gravity of whatever issue I have been presented with

and this is not always the case. I take on board the news given,

often it is no surprise, however usually if it is some fact then me

having some emotional break down isn't going to change the facts. I

accept the facts and file such away and usually go away and research,

also my head is usually processing said information and forming

questions - to me there always seems to be questions and thinking

processes often override the emotional processes for me, but like I

aforementioned I do have emotions and at times I seem to have a flood

of such that drain me, that I become overwhelmed with, but usually

not coinciding with the times that may have caused such. Can kind of

be confusing at times.

Another thing that people have said of me (including some recent

psychological report) is that I avoid painful emotions. I am not sure

about such - I hardly go intentionally seeking painful emotions out.

Seeing a lot of what is happening in the world, both to people I know

and those who I do not tend to cause painful emotions, sadness I

guess; but what is the point in dwelling on or in painful emotions if

such accomplishes nothing?

Also it does not help when some people ask how I am feeling and I

tell them and they instantly respond 'oh you can't feel like that!'.

Extremely confusing since, yes I do feel like that and seems rather

odd to me that someone would ask how I am feeling about something and

then deny my feelings - is this some NT thing?

I do know that I worry about things, however often I see patterns and

can predict fairly accurately what is going to happen, however many

others accuse me of pre-empting and seeing negatives etc, when to me

I am just trying to avoid whatever I can see looming on the horizon,

but seems to me others do not want to listen and rather aimlessly

amble into such and rather than deal with things to avoid said

metaphorical collison for some reason seem to prefer (by their

behaviour) to deal with the aftermath. Obviously I do not see

everything coming, but compared to a many I seem to see much more.

Things have been rather hectic here recently and not long ago I had a

bit of a meltdown (about a week ago), this was caused mostly by too

much happening all at once, too much I had to deal with; also it

didn't help that as aforementioned I can see upcoming problems before

they arise, but seems as ever people will not listen - so I just have

to steel myself ready for the metaphorical crash and then when such

happens I am sure people will wonder why I am handeling it so calmly -

answer is 'I saw it coming' however it does get extremely

frustrating having to deal with so many things and often stupid

bureaucracy, that to me quite clearly could have been avoided.

>

> For some reason I have been able to have steely calm when dealing

with

> someone who is suicidal then afterwards I feel lethargic and need

down

> time to relieve/purge my emotions (cry, write, sleep, etc.). I have

> also noted that in people out of this list.

>

[Guest guest]

Possibly people would say we don't have the

> emotional conflict that others do in these situations, and that is

> right to a degree, but another aspect of this is self-preservation

> coupled with the common sense idea that crying over crisis does not

> help matters or solve the predicament.

My feeling is more, that if there is nobody to shout to then it can be

harmful to show you are feeling vulnerable. As my crisis situations

have always been with people, there takes over a logical survival

calculation to internalise all feeling and choose carefully how much

if any of it to show. This allows robotic-like functioning on the

outside, which an observer could quite accurately call emotionally

dead.

That said, an important item I can't control because I don't know

exactly what it consists of! is looking tense.

[Guest guest]

I'm the same way. In a crisis I am cool, calm, collected, level headed, and

usually in charge.

It's not until afterwards when I fall apart and freak out.

[Guest guest]

>

> I'm the same way. In a crisis I am cool, calm, collected, level

headed, and usually in charge.

>

> It's not until afterwards when I fall apart and freak out.

>

>

>

I've been criticized for being cool-headed, as if I didn't care about

what was happening. I had two miscarriages in a row one year, a few

months apart, and I didn't fall apart on either one of them, neither

at the doctor's office nor even after I got home. I was focused on

how I was going to have to have surgery at that point. It hit me much

later, but in the meantime, my husband thought I didn't care about

the babies, which wasn't true.

I guess I've had so many issues to deal with over time that I take

things very stoicly. I was also the oldest child in the family and

felt " responsible " to take care of the others. It would take

something really major, like losing a close family member, to react

immediately with extreme upset.

[Guest guest]

> Another thing that people have said of me (including some recent

> psychological report) is that I avoid painful emotions.

I would think and by what I remember from therapy, this isn't unusual.

Sometimes a situation that causes great amounts of grief, such as a

death in the family, isn't always cause for wailing and tears on the

spot but something that catches up to us later. At least that's how I

have been.

> Seeing a lot of what is happening in the world, both to people I know

> and those who I do not tend to cause painful emotions, sadness I

> guess; but what is the point in dwelling on or in painful emotions if

> such accomplishes nothing?

Well, from what I've heard is that if a person doesn't go through all

the grieving stages, they get stuck in one and if that stage is anger,

that will manifest at inappropriate times. I think we are all entitled

to feel what we do at the moment and in the future and process our

emotions in our own good time, no matter what others may think we should

be doing.

> Also it does not help when some people ask how I am feeling and I

> tell them and they instantly respond 'oh you can't feel like that!'.

Oh I absolutely despise that. My response has always been, " Well I am

not you and you are not me, so do not tell me how I must feel or that I

am not being truthful. " If you are known for being honest, then why

should you be told you are lying?

> Extremely confusing since, yes I do feel like that and seems rather

> odd to me that someone would ask how I am feeling about something and

> then deny my feelings - is this some NT thing?

That type of reaction confuses me as well but also makes me angry. I

dislike the insinuation that I may be lying.

> Things have been rather hectic here recently and not long ago I had a

> bit of a meltdown (about a week ago), this was caused mostly by too

> much happening all at once, too much I had to deal with;

I thank you for sharing your insights about how things effect you

and wish you the best during these stressful times.

Kim

[Guest guest]

> It hit me much

> later, but in the meantime, my husband thought I didn't care about

> the babies, which wasn't true.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I was just thinking that at times,

staying calm and emotionless can be a detriment. I know that when my

husband was trying to obtain more narcotics to feed his addiction and

then to try commiting suicide, my demeanor at the hospital did not

encourage the staff to take my words seriously. They would not commit

him and actually gave him another prescription! I was livid that they

ignored my warnings and gave him the means to try overdosing again.

Suppose I should have been gnashing my teeth and wailing up a storm

instead of calmly explaining what had happened and what would happen.

Kim

[Guest guest]

However, in some social crises I can fall apart because I overload

while attempting to process nonverbal cues and have a " crash " . In that

event I am nonviolent but lose emotional control, at times seeming to

be locked up and almost nonverbal. Usually that only happens under

extreme levels of social stress.

[Guest guest]

" I can see upcoming problems before they arise, but seems as ever

people will not listen - so I just have to steel myself ready for the

metaphorical crash and then when such happens I am sure people will

wonder why I am handeling it so calmly - answer is 'I saw it coming'

however it does get extremely frustrating having to deal with so many

things and often stupid bureaucracy, that to me quite clearly could

have been avoided. "

It's the same way with me in regards to what is happening with

financial institutions and the stock market. I predicted everything

that is happening now two years ago. No one listened and told me I

was being pessimistic. Those same people have lost their investments.

Serves them right for not listening as far as I am concerned. And it

is going to get worse before it gets better BTW, but they don't

believe THAT either.

Adminsitrator

[Guest guest]

" As my crisis situations have always been with people, there takes over

a logical survival calculation to internalise all feeling and choose

carefully how much if any of it to show. This allows robotic-like

functioning on the outside, which an observer could quite accurately

call emotionally dead. "

This tends to be true of me as well. I keep my feelings inside because

usually if I show the least amount of emotion I am accused of being

over-emotional. I cannot win though because appearing calm, cool, and

collected on the outside results in accusations that I am unfeeling.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I'm the same way. In a crisis I am cool, calm, collected, level

headed, and usually in charge.

" It's not until afterwards when I fall apart and freak out. "

I behave similarly afterwards. Usually the impact of what has happened

hits me after I have resolved the crisis for everyone, and then I might

tremble or have an outpouring of emotions...by which time people tell

me that I am over-reacting.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I know that when my husband was trying to obtain more narcotics to

feed his addiction and then to try commiting suicide, my demeanor at

the hospital did not encourage the staff to take my words seriously.

They would not commit him and actually gave him another

prescription! I was livid that they ignored my warnings and gave him

the means to try overdosing again.

" Suppose I should have been gnashing my teeth and wailing up a storm

instead of calmly explaining what had happened and what would happen. "

I've seen learned authorities behave similarly when confronted with

calmness instead of some weird ape-like reaction. It seems counter-

intuitive that people should pay attention to an irrational person

more than they would a rational person, but that is the way it works.

I think it explains why it is there are so many mistakes made in high-

tension professions. People listen to irrational people who are in no

position to be making sound prouncements, and thus poor advice gets

taken and used to everyone's detriment.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" In that event I am nonviolent but lose emotional control, at times

seeming to be locked up and almost nonverbal. Usually that only happens

under extreme levels of social stress. "

I become nonverbal also, and usually ONLY in response to a conflict

with another person. Acts of God don't have that sort of impact on me

at all.

When I become nonverbal, I generally feel like I don't want to respond

to anyone, but even when I DO want to respond, sometimes I cannot

without a strong effort, that really tires me out. It really feels like

I am burning off a lot of energy just to speak.

Administrator