WAS:Re: Too much to swallow NOW: Being smart.

[Guest guest]

Just to add to the confusion, when I was younger I was told that

studying and being smart was a good thing and then if I disagreed

with an adult on some issue I was told 'don't be smart!' and it

wasn't meant in a good way - can't please some people (sigh).

Thinking about it the same contradiction went for eye contact; on the

one hand I'd get the 'look at me when I'm talking to you' and yet if

I looked at them I'd get 'why are you looking at me like that?'

or 'stop looking at me like that' or words to that affect - sheesh,

basically can't win.

" ... <snip> ... Can't help you there - that happens to

> anybody that people label as " smart " AS or not. However as I stated

> elsewhere it can be overcome with time and effort ... <snip> ... "

>

> <Raven teases Mike>

>

> But ... but ... but ... I don't WANT to overcome being smart! ;-)

>

> Raven

>

[Guest guest]

> Just to add to the confusion, when I was younger I was told that

> studying and being smart was a good thing and then if I disagreed

> with an adult on some issue I was told 'don't be smart!' and it

> wasn't meant in a good way - can't please some people (sigh).

*nod* That much is certainly true and I've been there myself.

Was your native language English? If so then there's _part_ of the

problem. To repeat the well-worn idiom " English is the language that

mugs other languages in the dark. "

ly the English language, especially the American version of it,

is imprecise at best. (I think this is one reason native English

speakers have such a hard time learning other languages. Note: I

think I'm being repeato-boy here but I may have just posted similar

word on other forums.)

In the example above it appears obvious to me that the adult in

question shortened the phrase " Don't be a smart-alek! " or some some

similar thing to " Don't be smart! " which completely confuses the

issue and the child. And since Autistic/AS people often have

difficulties with language something like that becomes even more

troublesome.

The second part of the problem is that most adults have been taught,

partly by osmosis, that children should never be taken as smarter

than an adult because they have to be _taught_ some things by

adults. So when a child shows that he/she is smarter they discard

the data so to speak.

The third problem is that of pride. Even the worst adult takes some

pride in knowing more than a child. So when a child shows them up so

to speak it hits them right in their pride " button " and they react,

once again, defensively.

> Thinking about it the same contradiction went for eye contact; on the

> one hand I'd get the 'look at me when I'm talking to you' and yet if

> I looked at them I'd get 'why are you looking at me like that?'

> or 'stop looking at me like that' or words to that affect - sheesh,

> basically can't win.

There's a lot of things that could cause this unfortunately.

Sometimes it's the fact that the adult realizes once you looked at

him that he has yet to put the right " mask " on.

Sometimes it's the fact that once they look in your eyes they realize

that you have a stronger spirit than they do.

And sometimes it's because you don't have the right mask on and they

don't understand what they're seeing.

--

Mike

In the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along

the way.