Re: Re: 'People Whisperers those people who help us understand human behaviour

[Guest guest]

Mike: OMG. You do that, too? We see things and know things about others, and then say it, and everyone decides we are a bit off, we tick off everbody, but we are so danged smart and figure out stuff & solve stuff, they keep us around. Because we can fix all the problems. That's what I do.

Years ago, right after his son died, many fundraisers and work later, a friend said, this is Jan, she pisses people off, but she is great and we love her. That really got to me. I'm a bit better.

Since then, I've learned to restrain what I say, while still solving everything. I see what others are, instantly. My best new reaction is: None.

Knowing so much about others is too powerful to use.

Knowing that I am not alone is nice .

To: FAMSecretSociety Sent: Friday, December 12, 2008 3:59:18 PMSubject: Re: Re: 'People Whisperers" those people who help us understand human behaviour

> >> "Have any of you had 'people whisperers' in their lives??">> For me, Raven represents half of my two people whisperers.It's good that you have someone like that. I seem to be unique in that I am AS and have learned to function as a "people whisperer" to others. (I was often alone and to survive I had to observe, observe, observe, and...observe before interacting. More than once I put my foot in my mouth so to speak. Took a long time to learn.)It's....strange at times because I still miss certain interactions but I understand a great many others better than most.> The other half ar emy psychology books and psychology

background.I'm not a fan of psychology books. My opinion is that they are written by lemurs who claim to understand and be able to fix jet engines. The few psychologists that I've known who appear otherwise are too busy learning what they know that they don't know instead of writing books. :-)> In order for people to understand other people, one needs to > understand> what drives and motivates them. We can look at someone and ask "What> does he mean?" Or, "Why does she act like that?">> There is a social answer to that question, but the primary motivations> for someones speech and behavior go much deeper.True but to quote a recent musical I've found that "Sometimes there's a third even deeper layer that's the same as the first one. Like pie."> I believe people hate psychology because it has a tendency to simplify> and categorize people and their

behaviors, but people are indeed quite> simple, even though they are commonly thought to be the most complex> beings on the planet.They _are_ complex internally but their social interaction is often simplified to the lowest common denominator to interact with others.Even at that level of simplification though there's still a wide range. Varied language alone causes the entire "color" of behavior patterns to be different from one group to another. Appearance as well as words also plays a part but I'm not going to get into that.> I tend to get on people's nerves because I can nail them to the > wall by> figuring out their true intent and true motives. They hate that.And they should - you've invaded their social space. You're not supposed to do that without permission either tacit or explicit. Many painful failed relationships with people taught me that is they're

wearing a "mask" so to speak it's best to leave it alone.Best to understand those true motives and work around them. The most successful conflict is one you don't have to fight. I'm not saying you shouldn't lay it all out if someone has twigged your BS detector but often it's better to give them the opportunity to prove to others themselves other than what they wish to appear as.I'm convinced that most AS individuals are "smarter than the average bear" and can easily out think people that cause them problems. Building on that case why would you use a hammer instead of a scalpel unless necessary? It takes more work to swing the hammer and often with less pleasing results.I'm sorry. I'm speaking as if I'm rebuking you and that's not my intent. I'm just trying to offer insight.> Very, very often I have been acused of being "judgemental" after > having> met someone just

once for a few short minutes, but in time I am> invariably proven right. You can tell a lot by the way a person > speaks,> dresses, carries themselves, etc., about who they are and how honest> and sincere they are. And no, the standard profiling that police > use is> not what I used. I do not naturally assume that an averted gaze means> an attempt at deception. Nor do I assume nervous gestures mean an> attempt at deception.All those things change moment to moment with a great many people.After almost 40 years on this planet I've given up taking "snapshot judgments" of people. It's not that I"m often wrong it's that people are for lack of a better word mercurial in nature. By the time you've made a judgment on them they've often become something else.> What you have to do is listen to to what a person says and how they > say> it and then juxtapose

that with what they wear, what they do now, and> what they do later.I just store the data away and monitor the changes until I accumulate enough data on a person to make the prediction rate of their actions over 80%.> After a while, one becomes cynical, because one begins to see > people as> a bunch of images projected over the true person.Yes. They need those "masks" so that they are able to interact with one another. Not one person on the planet seems to be designed to interact with another at the bare core. Even in close relationships those masks are used and more often than you'd think.From my observations if you communicate in society at all you wear a mask even if you don't realize it. Maybe part of the problem we have as AS individuals is that we don't have enough of the right masks.> Another problem I have is with a person's (an NT person's in>

particular) emotional frailty masking or shining through their true> selves. So much of an NT's life depends upon social acceptance. Or at> least they think it does. Yet if they would just show their true> selves, I think they might lead less stressful, and more positive > lives> with positive self images.I can't agree with this. From what I've observed the entire human race wears those masks and often for interaction on common ground. To remove those we'd all have to be telepathic and even then that would just move the masks deeper "inside".--MikeIn the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along the way.

[Guest guest]

> Mike: OMG. You do that, too? We see things and know things about

> others, and then say it, and everyone decides we are a bit off, we

> tick off everbody, but we are so danged smart and figure out stuff

> & solve stuff, they keep us around. Because we can fix all the

> problems. That's what I do.

> Years ago, right after his son died, many fundraisers and work

> later, a friend said, this is Jan, she pisses people off, but she

> is great and we love her. That really got to me. I'm a bit better.

> Since then, I've learned to restrain what I say, while still

> solving everything. I see what others are, instantly. My best new

> reaction is: None.

> Knowing so much about others is too powerful to use.

> Knowing that I am not alone is nice .

It's incredibly hard not to spout " You're don't know what the *bleep!

* you're talking about! " to people sometimes but I've gotten the hang

of it over the years finally.

As for keeping us around because we fix things I completely

understand that as well for I've been in the Information Technology

field for years. First doing on-site computer service in businesses

and homes then working my way to my current I/T Mangler position. ;-)

It was a bittersweet moment when my neighbors found out I can fix

computers. Fortunately I've managed to parlay it into a barter

situation. (I never know what to charge for my abilities.)

You're most definitely not alone.

--

Mike

In the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along

the way.

[Guest guest]

Hi miminm, mike and others:

I am sort of a lurker on the fringes of north american society, partly by choice.

renaissanzelady

>> You're most definitely not alone. > --> Mike> > > In the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along > the way.>mimi would like to say she is an observer, doesn't like reality to fully maifest too much.Kinda like a ground squirrel-- peep up look around then hide.but I do watch people and interactions from a distanceA quote I like is: I reject your reality and insert my own. I know often that this is really only fooling me, but people seem nicer that way. The opposite is seeing everything as it is and quietly waiting wistfully for armageddon. Not a real grey huh?

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