Re: 'People Whisperers those people who help us understand human behaviour

[Guest guest]

" Have any of you had 'people whisperers' in their lives?? "

For me, Raven represents half of my two people whisperers.

The other half ar emy psychology books and psychology background.

In order for people to understand other people, one needs to understand

what drives and motivates them. We can look at someone and ask " What

does he mean? " Or, " Why does she act like that? "

There is a social answer to that question, but the primary motivations

for someones speech and behavior go much deeper.

I believe people hate psychology because it has a tendency to simplify

and categorize people and their behaviors, but people are indeed quite

simple, even though they are commonly thought to be the most complex

beings on the planet.

I tend to get on people's nerves because I can nail them to the wall by

figuring out their true intent and true motives. They hate that.

Very, very often I have been acused of being " judgemental " after having

met someone just once for a few short minutes, but in time I am

invariably proven right. You can tell a lot by the way a person speaks,

dresses, carries themselves, etc., about who they are and how honest

and sincere they are. And no, the standard profiling that police use is

not what I used. I do not naturally assume that an averted gaze means

an attempt at deception. Nor do I assume nervous gestures mean an

attempt at deception.

What you have to do is listen to to what a person says and how they say

it and then juxtapose that with what they wear, what they do now, and

what they do later.

After a while, one becomes cynical, because one begins to see people as

a bunch of images projected over the true person.

Another problem I have is with a person's (an NT person's in

particular) emotional frailty masking or shining through their true

selves. So much of an NT's life depends upon social acceptance. Or at

least they think it does. Yet if they would just show their true

selves, I think they might lead less stressful, and more positive lives

with positive self images.

Administrator

[Guest guest]

>

>

> " Have any of you had 'people whisperers' in their lives?? "

>

> For me, Raven represents half of my two people whisperers.

It's good that you have someone like that. I seem to be unique in

that I am AS and have learned to function as a " people whisperer " to

others. (I was often alone and to survive I had to observe, observe,

observe, and...observe before interacting. More than once I put my

foot in my mouth so to speak. Took a long time to learn.)

It's....strange at times because I still miss certain interactions

but I understand a great many others better than most.

> The other half ar emy psychology books and psychology background.

I'm not a fan of psychology books. My opinion is that they are

written by lemurs who claim to understand and be able to fix jet

engines. The few psychologists that I've known who appear otherwise

are too busy learning what they know that they don't know instead of

writing books. :-)

> In order for people to understand other people, one needs to

> understand

> what drives and motivates them. We can look at someone and ask " What

> does he mean? " Or, " Why does she act like that? "

>

> There is a social answer to that question, but the primary motivations

> for someones speech and behavior go much deeper.

True but to quote a recent musical I've found that " Sometimes there's

a third even deeper layer that's the same as the first one. Like pie. "

> I believe people hate psychology because it has a tendency to simplify

> and categorize people and their behaviors, but people are indeed quite

> simple, even though they are commonly thought to be the most complex

> beings on the planet.

They _are_ complex internally but their social interaction is often

simplified to the lowest common denominator to interact with others.

Even at that level of simplification though there's still a wide

range. Varied language alone causes the entire " color " of behavior

patterns to be different from one group to another. Appearance as

well as words also plays a part but I'm not going to get into that.

> I tend to get on people's nerves because I can nail them to the

> wall by

> figuring out their true intent and true motives. They hate that.

And they should - you've invaded their social space. You're not

supposed to do that without permission either tacit or explicit.

Many painful failed relationships with people taught me that is

they're wearing a " mask " so to speak it's best to leave it alone.

Best to understand those true motives and work around them. The most

successful conflict is one you don't have to fight. I'm not saying

you shouldn't lay it all out if someone has twigged your BS detector

but often it's better to give them the opportunity to prove to others

themselves other than what they wish to appear as.

I'm convinced that most AS individuals are " smarter than the average

bear " and can easily out think people that cause them problems.

Building on that case why would you use a hammer instead of a scalpel

unless necessary? It takes more work to swing the hammer and often

with less pleasing results.

I'm sorry. I'm speaking as if I'm rebuking you and that's not my

intent. I'm just trying to offer insight.

> Very, very often I have been acused of being " judgemental " after

> having

> met someone just once for a few short minutes, but in time I am

> invariably proven right. You can tell a lot by the way a person

> speaks,

> dresses, carries themselves, etc., about who they are and how honest

> and sincere they are. And no, the standard profiling that police

> use is

> not what I used. I do not naturally assume that an averted gaze means

> an attempt at deception. Nor do I assume nervous gestures mean an

> attempt at deception.

All those things change moment to moment with a great many people.

After almost 40 years on this planet I've given up taking " snapshot

judgments " of people. It's not that I " m often wrong it's that people

are for lack of a better word mercurial in nature. By the time

you've made a judgment on them they've often become something else.

> What you have to do is listen to to what a person says and how they

> say

> it and then juxtapose that with what they wear, what they do now, and

> what they do later.

I just store the data away and monitor the changes until I accumulate

enough data on a person to make the prediction rate of their actions

over 80%.

> After a while, one becomes cynical, because one begins to see

> people as

> a bunch of images projected over the true person.

Yes. They need those " masks " so that they are able to interact with

one another. Not one person on the planet seems to be designed to

interact with another at the bare core. Even in close relationships

those masks are used and more often than you'd think.

From my observations if you communicate in society at all you wear a

mask even if you don't realize it. Maybe part of the problem we have

as AS individuals is that we don't have enough of the right masks.

> Another problem I have is with a person's (an NT person's in

> particular) emotional frailty masking or shining through their true

> selves. So much of an NT's life depends upon social acceptance. Or at

> least they think it does. Yet if they would just show their true

> selves, I think they might lead less stressful, and more positive

> lives

> with positive self images.

I can't agree with this. From what I've observed the entire human

race wears those masks and often for interaction on common ground.

To remove those we'd all have to be telepathic and even then that

would just move the masks deeper " inside " .

--

Mike

In the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along

the way.

[Guest guest]

" Have any of you had 'people whisperers' in their lives?? "

Many people have tried to point things out to me, however most non

autistic people tend to be subtle and are not blunt possibly out of

fear of offending, so many times I did not pick up what people were

getting at until years later, I liken it to a jigsaw, where I kept

getting bits of the jigsaw (or clues) and it wasn't until years later

that I pieced them together.

Needless to say I prefer people to be blunt. What I did find helpful

was reading books such as 'Games People Play' by Berne, M.D. and

other psychology books that help towards explaining human

interaction. I've realised through reading about Aspergers that

social interaction is never going to come easy or naturally for me,

but I do believe I have made significant improvements - however

depends on who you speak to :-)

>

> Greetings:

> --A few weeks ago, I said somewhat annoyedly to a friend " I need

> a 'people whisperer', some one who could help me understand human

> behaviour and how to cope with people. "

> --Later I realized I have been blessed to have a few 'people

> whisperers' in my life, who have helped interpret the often

> perplexing human behaviour so that I am less upset or confused by

> other people's actions.

> --I coined the term 'people whisperer' as an analogy to 'Horse

> Whisperer,' a book and movie about a man who helped people

understand

> and relate to horses.

>

> --One of mine 'people whispers' was Marg; one of her suggestions

was

> to have 'pat answers' to the common converstional gambits most

people

> engage in. She explained that many peopl are uncomfortable with

> silence and try to fill it with small talk. Another 'people

whisper'

> was Joyce. She used the analogy of cats greeting a strange cat by

> touching noses etc. She said if I were a cat, I would tocuh noses,

> then if the other cat wanted further interaction I would hiss and

> snarl at it!

> My husband has an accurate comparison between our female Siamese

cat

> and me: we both decide whom we want as a friend, we have few

friends,

> we speak our minds, and we decide how much interaction is enough!!

> I later told a friend who was a psychiatric nurse about my

husband's

> observatioon, she had noticed the same similarities between the

cat

> and me but didn't know if I would be insulted if she menitoned them!

>

> Have any of you had 'people whisperers' in their lives??

>

> renaissanzelady

>

[Guest guest]

>

> You're most definitely not alone.

> --

> Mike

>

>

> In the end the journey only matters if you've helped someone along

> the way.

>

mimi would like to say she is an observer, doesn't like reality to

fully maifest too much.

Kinda like a ground squirrel-- peep up look around then hide.

but I do watch people and interactions from a distance

A quote I like is: I reject your reality and insert my own. I know

often that this is really only fooling me, but people seem nicer that

way. The opposite is seeing everything as it is and quietly waiting

wistfully for armageddon. Not a real grey huh?