Re: Women: How would you take this?

[Guest guest]

He is obviously a 'bit' misguided, duh, pretty women use canes, have

AFOs, use wheelchairs, scooters, etc. However, sounds like he was

trying to compliment you. I would have thanked him, then educated him all about

CMT, lol

Gretchen

[Guest guest]

That happed to me too...but I was in my electric wheelchair. A older women came

up to me and said " Your to pretty to be in a wheelchair! I was speechless and

still am at remakes like that!!

For one thing is it ok to be in a chair or use a chair if you are ugly???

Gees people...take me away!!!!!!!! As far as what you said to that

guy..Blessings to ya!!!

Geri

[Guest guest]

It is very hard to be patient with remarks like that (although I feel it was

probably said in a complimentary manner) because we look normal. For the first

few years after I was diagnosed I frequently stared back fiercely at those I

thought were staring at me. Perhaps just a smile and a " thank you " would have

been a good reply.

Been there,

from NYS

[Guest guest]

Well, Donna, he is an example of a totally insensitive and uninformed jerk, but

I think I might have smiled pleasantly and said, " I use it to beat off all my

many admirers " .

Ruth.

[Guest guest]

I guess I have been using one for so long, that I would have just said Thanks

with a big smile on my face or I would have said aww, gee, shucks and that

probably would have made him feel stupid. Maybe he was just trying to break the

ice to say hi to you and couldn't have thought of anything else to say. Of

course, there have been times when I have reacted without thinking!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Hello Donna

I understand what your feelings were at that moment. Last Year I went from a

cane to a walker beacuse of the poor balance, and pain in the lower back. It

helps me be more stable. I was 50 then and a so called friend could not

understand why I would want to use a walker at my age. " s were for old

people " . I just told him " for the same reasons he has all those rings in his

nose " Love the attention!!!! and waddled away. LoL. There are alot of

insensitive people out there but remember there are alot of very caring,and

understanding people out there that out number the bad ones.

Take care,

Debra from Canada

[Guest guest]

Donna,

Your reaction makes sense and is completely understandable to me. He may have

been trying to just pay you a compliment, but the way he said it implied that

having a cane makes a person ugly or that all disabled people are unattractive.

That is incredibly offensive.

If he would have individualized it by saying something like, 'I don't think I've

ever seen anyone as young and beautiful as you using a cane before " , or " You

sure make that cane look good! " , you might not have reacted so strongly, despite

his obvious ignorance & bias. Therefore, it was the way he phrased his

'compliment' that was the problem. His words were a direct insult to the

disabled community and your 'instant reaction' indicates how hurtful that was to

you. It sounds to me like you reacted in defense of all of us.

I feel bad sometimes if my reactions aren't perfectly controlled or I can't

think of just the right words to say in the moment, but sometimes we just can't

help our visceral responses to the stupidity stimulii of our fellow man. At

least you didn't say, " And you are way too ugly to be talking to me! "

Hopefully, your indignation helped raise his awareness a little. At the very

least, he probably won't say anything as thoughtless to a disabled person again.

[Guest guest]

Now that's a good one Ruth. I'll remember that.

Donna in Indy.

Ruth Levitan <rulev@...> wrote:

Well, Donna, he is an example of a totally insensitive and uninformed

jerk, but I think I might have smiled pleasantly and said, " I use it to beat off

all my many admirers " .

Ruth.

[Guest guest]

I am glad you put him in his place. He needed a life lesson so that next time

he wants to give a compliment he stops to think about what he is saying.

[Guest guest]

I too have had really stupid things said about the way I walk, my favorite is "

you walk like your shoes are heavy. " I try to figure out where the comment is

coming from from....is it a caring place, a place of stupidity or a mean place.

Most of the time it is caring with a little stupidity thrown in.

At one point I had a new person at work that found out why I walked funny and

every time I ran into her she would look at me with sad puppy dog eyes and ask

me if it hurt! I wanted to strangle her but I know in her own way she was being

caring.

I recently started using a cane and find that it actually has cut down on the

comments because it is obvious that I walk funny for a reason. Although I have

seen women walking in very high heels that really seem to be struggling with

walking in them and I think to myself " and they say I walk funny! " LOL

I am just thankful that it is just my nerves and muscles that don't work instead

of my brain and my mouth!!!!

Cyndi

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna and everybody!!!

I´m again with you. I think your beauty was the first that this man saw of you,

you win a point. But many men don´t see far away their beauty stereotypes, the

man loss a point. In spanish there is a " dicho " (saying): " al vagazo poco caso "

something like put little atention to the unimportant things, I think a good

answer for his stupid observation would be the indifference, or maybe " this cane

is the only way that permit me give the mortals like you the privilege of admire

my great beauty " . In his´place I was said to you : " that cane is so efor support

all your beauty " or " you are a beautiful princess and your cane is the sceptre

of your power " .

People don´t know but we are to teach them.

Kisses

from cold Bogotá

[Guest guest]

Nice on the spot come-back. I can never think of things that quick.

It's always an hour later and I'm thinking, " I shoulda said... " I'm

sure he meant well, but maybe this experience will help him learn to

think before he speaks. I can relate to him -- I once asked a lady at

a children's birthday party who was wearing obvious maternity wear,

when she was due. She burst into tears and said the baby was born 6

weeks ago! Oh, please let the earth open up and swallow me! I

certainly learned my lesson. Unless someone tells me or I see the

baby on it's way out, I don't mention a thing!

Holli