Kids Talk

[Guest guest]

before somebody gets angry about this, I did not mean to send it to the OCD group. Don't know how it happened.

Judy

kids talk

Kids on Marriage~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports,she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips anddip coming. - Alan, age 10HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at thesame kids. - Derrick, age 8WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know eachother. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -Lynnette, age 8WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?When they're rich. - Pam, age 7IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone toclean up after them. - Anita, age 9HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age8HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky,age 10You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to the OCD and Homeschooling List at ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our list at . Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at lharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

GRRRRRRRR! Ok, just kidding, I'm not angry a bit and in fact enjoyed reading the kid's talk you posted. A bit off-topic, true, but we are all parents so . . . it follows, we have kids! :-)

My problem is more usually that something I send to the list goes astray. I haven't had the problem of having posts sent elsewhere end up on this list. Computers!!

Kathy r. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

From: Judy Lovchik

before somebody gets angry about this, I did not mean to send it to the OCD group. Don't know how it happened.

[Guest guest]

From Neurology Now:Volume 4(2)March/April 2008pp 26,28-30

Kids Talk

by

http://www.neurologynow.com/pt/re/neuronow/fulltext.01222928-

200804020-

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You can-and should-speak to your children about your neurological

condition. Here's how.

Kids don't miss much. Even if they're too young to understand

everything about multiple sclerosis (MS), epilepsy, head injury,

muscular dystrophy, or migraine headaches, you probably won't be able

to hide it from them.

And there's no reason to. Experts and parents agree that openness is

the best policy, at virtually every age.

Be Honest

It's usually not a good idea to try to hide your condition, no matter

how difficult it may seem to tell your child about the diagnosis.

It may mean going outside the comfort zone of normal family

conversation, says Kim Koch, director of family and support programs

at the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. But for the family to

function as a normal unit, kids need to learn about your disorder.

It's going to be there for the long haul, so it's important to talk

about it.

She says staying silent won't prevent kids from suspecting that

something is amiss. Kids have creative imaginations, she says.

They'll create diseases because they don't have a name for it.

They'll come up with something worse.

Above all, don't lie. You can simplify things or leave details out

according to your child's age, but don't tell them everything's fine,

says Adam Bender, M.D., an associate clinical professor of neurology

at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, NY.

Pick the Right Moment

Pick a calm time and place for the conversation, and make sure your

child isn't in the middle of homework or a video game or some other

distraction. Arrange for your spouse or partner to be there for

assistance and reassurance.

Choose a time when you're not in acute distress. For example, you

won't be able to explain migraines patiently and clearly if you are

suffering from a severe headache, says A. Rothner, M.D., a

pediatric neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio.

Stay Calm

It's important to move beyond your own fears, says Dr. Bender. You

need to feel comfortable, because children pick up on nonverbal

messages very well, he says.

If you are particularly nervous about the conversation, contact the

local chapter of a non-profit advocacy organization for your

disorder, suggests Kim Koch of the National Multiple Sclerosis

Society. Often, chapter representatives and volunteers can offer

their expertise to help you develop a script for talking to your

kids. Educational materials developed for children, such as the

National Multiple Sclerosis Society's Keep S'myelin newsletter and

Timmy's Journey, a cartoon about a young boy learning about his

father's MS, can be helpful too.

Use Their Questions as Your Guide

Children will let you know what level of information they're ready

for by the questions they ask. Don't discourage questions, and ask

them whether there's anything else they want to know as you're

finishing the conversations, says Dr. Bender.

If you pick up on the slightest bit of curiosity or concern, give

them the opportunity to talk about it, he says. Let the child let you

know about how much they're ready to hear.

To get the conversation started, you can ask them what they already

know about your disorder, says Dr. Rothner. Like all of us, children

sometimes have preconceived notions or fears that are far from

reality. They may need to be reassured that migraines aren't fatal or

that seizures will subside.

Don't Overwhelm Your Child

Your kids may need to understand why you tire easily or can't fix

their toys. But they don't necessarily have to be in on the intricate

details of medical procedures or know what their chances are of

inheriting your neurological disorder, especially if symptoms are

unlikely before they become teenagers or adults.

Koch advises parents to become well educated about their diagnosis,

but they don't have to share everything about the disease with their

children. Parents should not present the worse-case scenario, things

like wheelchairs or hospitalization, which are very scary to kids,

Koch advises. They shouldn't jump to extremes.

There's also no reason for children to know, for example, that they

have a 50 percent chance of inheriting migraines from a parent.

They'll be sitting around waiting for them to happen, Dr. Rothner

says.

If children ask whether they will get headaches, you can tell them

that it's possible, but emphasize that most children don't get

migraines. Stay positive and reassuring, Dr. Rothner says.

Accentuate the Positive

Sharon Dodge, a land mother with MS, celebrates advances in

medical research and advocacy with her three children.

Even difficult images and incidents can have a positive aspect.

Audrey , a mother in Eau , WI, tells her children the

long hairline scar she got from surgery following a traumatic brain

injury is the place where the doctors put me together. Rob Roozeboom,

who has limb girdle muscular dystrophy, regularly treats his children

to rides on the motorized scooter he uses to get around.

Trust Your Child to Accept You

Roozeboom secretly feared that one day his children would be

embarrassed to be seen with him because he wasn't a he-man, a

superman-especially if he had to use a wheelchair. Then his five-year-

old son Jager said to him, Daddy, if you end up in a wheelchair, can

I ride with you?

I said, 'Buddy, you have no idea what that means to me, to know you

love me for me,' Roozeboom remembers.

Parents are often surprised at how accepting kids are of their

condition, says A. French, M.D., director of the clinical

trials consortium at New York University's Comprehensive Epilepsy

Center in New York, NY. I don't see many kids who don't want to be

with their parents because of their disorder, Dr. French says. If I

see anything, it's parents who complicate their relationship with

their children by worrying about these things.

Prepare for Emergencies

Teach your children how to dial 911 in case of a medical emergency.

Some children can master this skill as early as five, but the typical

age is usually eight or nine.

Work with your children to develop an age-appropriate strategy in

case of a seizure, fall, or other circumstance that may require

medical attention. Make sure your children are not only capable of,

but also comfortable with, performing the necessary tasks. If they

aren't, develop a support system with trusted friends and neighbors

who can step in if you're disabled.

Know that Kids Want to Help

The first time Roozeboom's son Jager helped him put his pants on in

the morning, he had to choke back conflicted feelings about the role

reversal. I thought, I'm supposed to be helping him, Roozeboom

recalls.

Instead Roozeboom let Jager know how proud he was. I said, 'You did

awesome! You did it better than mommy!' He was proud as a peacock.

Though Roozeboom wishes he didn't need the help, he sees the way

helping benefits his son. It's good to see him know what it means to

assist someone else, he says.

Dr. French says kids who grow up with parents who have a serious

disorder tend to become responsible and very involved in their

parents' care. She's seen these mini-nurses as young as age six.

They're often hyper-responsible before their time, Dr. French says.

They call the office to ask why their mom's not doing well. They get

very involved.

But avoid relying on your child too much, too soon. Even when

children want to help, avoid shouldering them with adult-level

responsibilities, such as giving shots, managing medication, or

helping out on the toilet, says Koch. Hire help or look for other

family members or friends who could fill that role, she advises.

Encourage Peer Support

Sharon Dodge's three children, ages nine through 13, have benefited

enormously from attending Discovery Weekends run by the National

Multiple Sclerosis Society. The weekends feature art therapy and

other programs that encourage kids to express their feelings about

their parents' MS. Most importantly, Dodge says, Kids get to

socialize with other kids and talk about their common experiences.

Never Blame Your Child for Your Disorder

Most importantly, avoid outbursts like You stressed me out so much I

had a seizure or You gave me a migraine. It's harmful to make kids

feel they have a negative impact on your disorder, or to try to

control them or make them feel guilty with your illness, says Dr.

French.

Tips for Young Children - Keep It Simple

Preschool children may only need to know the most basic information:

Daddy has trouble with his balance and needs to be careful here;

Mommy has a headache and needs to rest.

Use age-appropriate explanations. A common tactic parents with MS use

to explain their illness is to wrap their finger in a blanket and

tell their children that the finger is the nerve and the myelin is

the blanket. They can remove some of the blanket to talk about the

wearing away of the myelin coating on the nerve.

Take Age-appropriate Cautions

If you have epilepsy or another disorder that may leave you suddenly

unaware of your surroundings, make sure you have someone else around

to help with toddlers. It doesn't take long for them to wander off or

get into something dangerous, Dr. French says.

Another precaution she recommends is to feed and change babies on the

floor to prevent them from falling or being dropped.

Tips for Teens - Satisfy Their Curiosity TOP

The teen years may bring more challenging questions. They'll learn

genetics in high school biology, which may raise questions about

their risk of getting what you have. Precocious children may ask

about hereditary factors as early as nine or 10.

Again, use their inquiries as a signal that they're ready for the

information. If you don't know their risk of getting your disorder,

research the answer with your child.

Monitor Internet

Dodge's 13-year-old son looked up stem cell research on the Internet

and stumbled upon Web sites generating rumors about researchers using

aborted fetuses to collect stem cells. When he asked her about it,

she took the opportunity to explain that though the Internet was a

wonderful research tool, not every Web site is credible.

Be sure to encourage your Internet-savvy teens to ask you about

anything they don't understand. Teach them how to identify reliable

sources of information, and guide them to helpful Web sites (see

Resource Central, page 37). And set up their computers so you can

monitor what Web sites they've been visiting.

, AAN Enterprises, Inc.