Teen with Asperger's says condition can be a gift

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Teen with Asperger's says condition can be a gift

ST. CATHARINES, Ont. - Inside his head, he has rules. Social rules.

He calls them The Seven Easy Steps to being a Sociable Person.

If someone is looking at you, that means they want to say hello. Look

back at them. Make eye-to-eye contact.

If someone rolls their eyes, they don't want to talk.

If their head is turned away, facing the opposite direction, that

also means they don't want to talk.

And if they start to walk away, don't chase after them hoping they'll

listen to you. Just let them walk away.

Then there's personal space. Stand at least an arm's length away.

If a teacher is busy, wait until she's done to ask a question. Raise

your hand to let her know you need help.

These are 16-year-old Seib's rules.

is funny. Polite. Articulate. Effervescent. A genuinely nice kid.

He's a Grade 11 student in Niagara Falls and has an amazing memory.

He's passionate about God and history. And he could tell you pretty

much anything about the War of 1812.

His dream is to be a re-enactor at Fort for the summer.

He gets 80s and 90s in most subjects but struggles in math.

And he has no fear of speaking in front of people. He was on student

council for two years. He helped organized a Christmas drive at his

high school.

And last year, he was nominated in The Search for Great Kids contest.

In his words, " I've been a very prosperous young man since Grade 9. "

He is confident. Sincere. All this, yet he struggles socially.

He simply can't pick up all the subtle-yet-important social cues that

govern how we act. Cues like body language, which most of us learn

innately, evade his social radar.

He has to be taught. Clearly. Directly. Explicitly. has

Asperger's syndrome.

It's a type of Autism Spectrum Disorder, yet differs significantly

from classic autism.

People with Asperger's typically have impaired social interactions

and narrow fields of interest and activities. But their language

skills are not delayed and they have average to above-average

intelligence.

Sharon Svob, regional director of Autism Ontario Niagara Region, puts

it this way: " It's a different kind of mind. "

wants to tell people about Asperger's. And he's not shy about it.

" Asperger's is nothing to be afraid of, " he said. " It's not

contagious. "

Much of his self-esteem blossomed around Grade 9, when many positive

factors merged in his life.

He started at a great school. His principal once told 's mother,

Tammy, " If you just allow to be , he'll blow you out of the

water. "

She liked his attitude.

In Grade 8, joined a group for children with Asperger's. Then,

in high school, a group for teenagers, offered by the Niagara branch

of Autism Ontario.

In the Asperger's Teens Group, the teenagers go on social outings

together to develop appropriate social skills while having fun.

They've been on adventures such as go-karting, bowling, to the movies

and to an Ice-Dogs game.

They are supervised by young adults, who are part of related programs

at Brock University and Niagara College.

The students are there to gently guide the teenagers. They give them

support. And space to try out their social skills.

After one session, came home and told his mother, " Mom, did you

know if people roll their eyes, they're being sarcastic? "

" Really? " his mom replied.

" Mom, " asked , " are you being sarcastic? "

Early on in life, his parents, Mark and Tammy Seib, saw signs that

something wasn't quite right with .

In preschool, seemed extra sensitive to sound. And he was very

dependent and insistent on routine.

If his class was going on a field trip first thing in the morning, he

couldn't just walk in the door, then leave like the rest of the kids.

He'd have to complete his regular routine, from taking off his coat,

to sitting down on the carpet for circle.

Then he'd get back up, put on his coat and be ready to go with his

classmates.

He liked his picture book. It was filled with pictures of people,

places and things meaningful to his life. The school bus driver in

his bus. during circle time. with his coat on. on a

field trip holding his teacher's hand.

It helped him transition from one activity to another. And prepare

him for different events during the day.

He didn't talk until he was five. But by then he was able to read and

understand well above his grade level.

In Grade 1, he was reading at a Grade 3-4 level. His first diagnosis

was Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

It wasn't until he was 10 that he was finally diagnosed with

Asperger's.

" Some people with Asperger's may think of it as a burden, " says

. " Other people think of it as a gift. "

And how does think of it?

He pauses for a moment.

" It's kind of both, " he says.

A burden, because some teens like him would rather " chill out in the

library where it's quiet " than hang out in a noisy cafeteria with a

bunch of friends.

" Other kids may think that's weird, " he says.

Sometimes kids with Asperger's avoid making friends because they fear

rejection. They're afraid if they make a mistake, they won't be

accepted. So they don't try at all, he says.

" It's like you're in a tight space, " he says. " There are no doors, no

windows. It's a small space with four walls blocking your way.

" That's how a social barrier works. You block out friendships. "

Mostly, though, Asperger's is a gift, he said.

It gives him creativity. Imagination. In Grade 9 drama, he wrote,

acted in and created the costumes for a play that he describes as

a " Simpson's adaptation of The Shining. "

He has a soft spot for animals and plants.

Asperger's affects how he reflects on the world.

" You see things in a different perspective, " he says.

His mother home-schooled for grades 3 to 7. In Grade 5, during a

unit on inventions, and his father each chose an invention,

wrote a report and debated its relative importance.

His father chose the telephone. chose the table.

Says Tammy: " I would have never thought of that. "

discussed the historical uses of tables. ( " The Mayans used

tables for sacrifices, " he points out.)

In front of his family, he presented the pros and cons of the table.

And won the debate by a unanimous family vote.

Then one day in Grade 9, he announced to his family that he was

running for student council. The election was the next day.

" We're the type of family that if you want to do it, we're going to

support you, " says Tammy.

Everyone spent the night making posters with slogans that reflected

his personality.

That night, he wrote his own speech. And while he didn't win, he so

impressed everyone that he was appointed as the principal's

representative on student council.

With generous amounts of work and love, is learning all sorts of

social nuances.

He tries not to see everything in black and white. Right and wrong.

If someone has a different point of view, he tries to understand

another opinion.

He works on remembering to talk about other people, not just himself,

in a conversation. To engage others.

He can easily walk up to someone and strike up a conversation.

Usually, it's all about himself.

" Now, all I have to do is look at him, " says Tammy, " and he'll

remember to say, 'Oh, and how are you?' "

He works on turn-taking. Not interrupting conversations.

He has incredible insight into his challenges.

A simple question, " How does Asperger's affect your life? " will cause

him to pause, then offer several thoughtful examples.

" I sometimes lose my temper if someone gets under my skin, " he says.

" One minute I'm as calm as the sea. The next, I'm raging like a

storm. "

At night after school, around the kitchen table, they talk about the

best and worst parts of his day. Sometimes they go for walks after

dinner.

It's part of his social story.

They use the time to discuss new social encounters, and how he

responded.

He learns. And together, they make rules. writes what he learns

in his notebook.

He uses the notebook as a reference guide of sorts. To remind him how

to deal with similar situations that come up in life.

Their journey with Asperger's has been long. There's been

frustration. Sadness. Even grief for the child they'll never have,

says Tammy.

But ultimately, there is joy. Joy for his accomplishments.

Joy for just being . Says Tammy: " I'm blown away by him

every single day. "