How to help your child cope with a bully

[Guest guest]

How to help your child cope with a bully

By Judy Fortin CNN Medical Correspondent

http://medicalnewscenter.com/out/out.cgi?

http://rss.cnn.com/~r/rss/cnn_health/~3/374267787/index.html

A week before the start of the new school year, principal

Magee roamed the hallways of Middle School in Smyrna,

Georgia, preparing for battle.

Middle-school principal Magee says a best-case scenario would

be a school year without bullying.

The adversary? Preteen and teenage bullies.

Toting anti-bullying posters and masking tape, Magee was determined

to let students see from Day One that she had a zero-tolerance policy

when it came to that kind of harassment.

" Middle-school kids are just cruel to each other, " Magee said. " They

speak their minds, so you see bullying in the form of teasing,

taunting, social isolation and name calling. "

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimated that 30

percent of all children in grades six through 10 have been bullied or

have bullied other children during a school year.

Clinical psychologist Mark Crawford of Roswell, Georgia, called the

statistics unacceptable. " Bullying is not a rite of passage, " he

said. " It always has a bad outcome. "

Crawford said several times a month he hears complaints from young

patients who are victims of bullies. And he worried about the

consequences. " Kids who are bullied are at greater risk of physical

symptoms, physical complaints, emotional problems and academic

underachievement. "

Parenting expert Stacey DeBroff, author of " The Mom Book, " cautioned

that bullying often occurs in places that aren't monitored by adults,

such as a walking route to and from school, a corner of a playground

and the Internet.

She warned mothers and fathers to be on the lookout for signs a child

is being bullied. " When you see signs of being anxious, sad and

withdrawn, of having a kid move off their typical personality, it

alerts you that something is going on. "

Crawford noted that some of those symptoms can be attributed to

typical adolescent behavior, but he added, " When you see a real

change in a child's personality or their normal routine, it's a bad

sign. "

He also conceded that some children won't open up to their parents

about bullying. " One of the reasons kids don't tell their parents

they are being bullied is the fear that their parents will run in and

do something about it and they think that will make it worse. "

Anti-Bullying Tips

" Stop Bullying Now " suggests these tips to help your child:

1. Encourage your child to reach out to friendly students in his

class and in other environments.

2. Help your child gain more confidence by developing musical,

athletic or artistic talents.

3. Teach your child safety strategies; assure him that reporting a

bully isn't " tattling. "

4. Let your child know that home will always be a safe place. DeBroff

agreed that it is tempting for some parents to rush in to solve the

problem by calling the bully's parents. " You often know them, your

kids have been in school together, you feel like calling them up...so

they're on the defensive and really it's never a point of resolution. "

Crawford said that it's important to do your homework before

attempting to resolve the situation.

He encouraged parents to talk with their child first and get them to

open up about what's happening. " You need to find out when it is

happening, where it is happening and exactly what is going on, " he

said.

When elementary age children are involved, Crawford recommended

parents intervene more quickly. " Younger kids have a limited arsenal

from which to draw, " he said. " They don't necessarily know how to be

more assertive. "

Middle-school students may want to have some control over the

situation, according to Crawford.

In that case, he said it might be a good idea to go over possible

scenarios and options that will help them put a stop to the bullying.

DeBroff said it is important to ask for help from a teacher or school

administrator. " They want to know about it because it ripples into

the classrooms and places that aren't visible to them. "

Magee, the middle-school principal, agreed. " I do not want parents to

leave us out of the scenario, " she said. " I want them to immediately

contact us. "

But be judicious, she urged. Some parents can inflame the

situation. " You will encounter situations where parents will tell

their kids, 'If you are hit, I want you to hit back.' "

Experts point out it is important for parents to keep emotions in

check and to not encourage a child to hit back or retaliate.

Instead, DeBroff suggested parents become strategic advisers to their

child and help them avoid bullying situations.

In a couple of weeks, after her students get settled, Magee plans to

hold grade-level meetings about her school's anti-bullying policy.

In the meantime, she remained optimistic and hoped this school year

will be different. " The best-case scenario as local school principal?

We are bullyproof, fully free of any bully incidents, that we are

truly here with academic focus, no fighting, no teasing, no name

calling, none of that. We're here to learn. "