Guest guest Posted July 8, 2002 Report Share Posted July 8, 2002 Hi Sandie! I am so excited about the wedding I can hardly sit still! My mother-in-law was once a vibrant, outgoing, social butterfly! She is become such a different person now, but yes, she is special. She is a very loving and caring person. I was lucky to get to know her about 3 1/2 years ago. Visiting every other weekend allowed us the opportunity to get to know each other pretty well. I could talk to her about anything, and she never judged me or made me feel bad. She was very supportive. Sadly, she doesn't remember a lot of that now. I am very thankful found this group! It certainly has been a blessing! I am trying to get to know everyone. and I were joking that we wish we had a little chart that stated who was who, what family member they cared for, and where they are and other details! How long has your father had LBD? I too agree with Bertha. I think Dave (her husband) will take good care of her. The wedding is small and the actual ceremony shouldn't be too overwhelming. It is the reception I worry about. It is at Camp Snoopy in the Mall of America! Lots of noises, people, and general chaos! Thank you for responding and being there for us Sandie! I appreciate it very much. > RE: Re: newcomers > > > Congratulations on the upcoming wedding. So wonderful to see > sisters-in-law so concerned about a mom/mother-in-law. Wow, she must be > one very special lady and is so lucky to have so many people that love > her so much. > > I don't see a lot of over stimuli in my dad as he doesn't get out much. > There is a real change in him when new staff is in the Alzheimers Unit > where he lives. It is a locked unit, and I have found the residents do > so much better with familiar faces...and not just my dad. I totally > agree with Bertha in that you could get someone to be assigned to your > mom, and with all the family sort of monitoring her, all could tell if > she needed to leave or just have a break from all of the social aspect > of the wedding or reception. It is so hard to say as one day, or even > minute for that matter, my dad is fine and the next---wheeee, big > change. Please keep asking questions and posting as you will find > friends, comfort, and knowledge in here. > Sandie > Des Moines, IA > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2002 Report Share Posted July 8, 2002 Thank you Donna. Yes, I did read the message and I appreciate it very much. I want my Mother-in-law to have a good time too. I read in an earlier message about the " balancing " act. How true this is. You want to maintain a balance, but with this disease, that seems easier said then done. It is hard for me to understand how SHE (my Mother-in-law) feels for those two difficult days following stimuli. I don't want to sound rude here, but the staff caring for her will just have to tolerate and deal with whatever behavior comes out that day or for several days. They are trained professionals and only have 8 hours to deal with it. I am more concerned how hard it is on my Mother-in-law for those 2 days. There is so much good advice in this group!! Thank you for your messages! Take care, > RE: Re: newcomers > > , > > Welcome to your family. I hope you read the note I sent to your sister > in law. I just happen to be at her message but I meant it for both of > you. > > Especially that you have a wonderful wedding. You may need to remind > that you want her to not just caregiver, but to be a part of you > wedding. > > My Mom spent a lot of time trying to convince me and lots of people, and > successfully so, that she was " just fine. " I think that is want is > exhausting for them. > > Donna > > A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Courtsey of The-Mouth.com > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2002 Report Share Posted July 8, 2002 I have no doubt the right decision was made in having your Mom attend. Perhaps that breakdown in tears was a happy and sad mixture. Certainly understandable. Thank you for the email. > Re: Re: newcomers > > > > > > > > > Recently a wonderful letter was posted which gave calmness to some of > my > > > fears. It was talking about an Alzheimers person, yet focused on the > > > dementia side of the disease. It stated that even though our loved > one > > > may not be able to say our name, he/she will still know us. A bond > has > > > been made from our touch, smell, companionship and love. I asked my > dad > > > to say my name last night, yet was finally comforted in knowing when > the > > > time comes that he isn't able to " say " my name, my heart knows he will > > > still " know " me. As for the over stimulation, I believe this to be > > > true. Maybe your mom can go to the wedding, yet as for a reception, > > > make an appearance and if your family notices she is not coping well > > > someone can leave with her. This disease fluctuates so much that it > is > > > hard to say what kind of day she will be having the day of the > wedding, > > > and just how she will cope. Take it one day at a time, and enjoy the > > > fact that she is still in your life to look at her face, hug her, and > > > spend time with. This whole coping/grieving process takes time, so > > > please allow yourself time to feel, think, and react to knowing your > mom > > > has LBD. Do keep asking questions and venting as I have found it to > be > > > somewhat therapeutic! > > > Sandie > > > Des Moines, IA > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 Hi Sandie. What a good idea to print off the new comer emails! I can see how this group can become a " second " family to you. So if you did see a name missing, you would certainly worry. Do you know has anyone in this group had a family member struck with LBD as early as 59 (like my Mother-in-law)? Does your father talk to himself a lot? This is the one thing we see the most of, is the constant talking to herself. It seems to keep her happy, which I am glad for, but at the same time, it makes me sad. I will say I am so excited for the 19th you wouldn't believe it! It is not my first wedding, or his, so we are doing something really small. Only 34 people this time. Just family and close friends. Take care, > RE: Re: newcomers > > > So wonderful that you were granted such special and loving memories to > hold onto. Remember no one can take them from you!! > > My dad has been diagnosed almost 5 yrs with LBD. Like many others in > here, there were signs before diagnosis, for him it was off and on for > about 2 yrs. He has been in a nursing home for 3 yrs, this particular > one for 2 + yrs. > > As for having a chart of who's who in this group, I need to confess that > I print off every newcomers story so that I will have it in my file > folder to refer back to...never know when I will have a senior moment of > my own and won't remember. You will find that you will become more and > more familiar with everyone, and their loved ones. Everyone will become > like family to you, and for me, I look forward to seeing names in here. > Honestly, I get fear the day when a familiar name isn't posting...maybe > it is selfish of me however, I like to know that everyone is doing fine. > Also, in saying my prayers for everyone that LEWY has attacked, it helps > me to " know " the person and their specific struggles. > > So glad you and have found this group. You may find different > needs depending on the day or your mood...and remember, nothing is too > little or too big for this group to listen to! > Helping you to count down the days until your wedding ... :-) > Sandie > Des Moines, IA > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 I agree and I should probably put some thought into an alternative plan. I am sure Dave would take her home if necessary. Like I said, she is usually fine during whatever activity. It is afterwards that she usually shows the signs of the over stimuli. In fact, I have never seen her " overwhelmed " anywhere but the group home. There was one incident where there was some company (family and one couple that were friends) and we were all sitting outside chatting. My MIL (love the abbreviations I have learned in this group!) was not participating in the " group " chat, but rather was having her own chat. She seemed just happy as ever, but then the next two days were very difficult for her. Mia, what kind of symptoms does your husband display in an overwhelming environment? Not to say my MIL would have those same symptoms, but it would be nice to know what does, or could, happen. Thank you so much! > Re: Re: newcomers > > > I too agree with Bertha. I think Dave (her husband) will take good care > of > her. The wedding is small and the actual ceremony shouldn't be too > overwhelming. It is the reception I worry about. It is at Camp Snoopy > in > the Mall of America! Lots of noises, people, and general chaos! > > > This may be a bit much for your MIL. My husband who used to love noise > and activity sure would fall > apart in such an evironment. To be on the safe side, you might want to > have an alternate plan ready, > if she cannot handle the chaos. Mai-Liis > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 My doesn't talk to himself...in fact, he really doesn't talk. If or when he does, he comes out as a muffled growl. He doesn't and can't really carry on any type of conversation. Usually if he says anything it is answering yes or no to questions. I really miss hearing his voice, and have suggested in here before to have people record their LO's voices before they become silent. My mom passed away over 18 yrs ago and I sure would love to hear her voice also. My dad was around 58-59 when we were going through testing. Actually diagnosed around 60 yrs old, and he will be 65 July 31st. He has been in a nursing home for 3+ yrs, for some reason, without looking it up, I can't pinpoint the actual time he went in a nh. Anyway, he seems very young to me to have LBD, and to be living in a nh. The dimentia, parkinsons, and safety aspects are all part of the decision to move him to the nh. Wow, 10 more days until your wedding... wishing you a very happy wedding and wonderful life together!! Sandie Des Moines, IA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 Wow, so your father was also very young as my MIL when they contracted LBD. I think my hubby-to-be and the rest of her children feel " robbed " of time they could have had with their mother. What a great idea to record their voices! Do you have any home movies that may have had your mom and dads voices on them? I think I will take our cam corder over to my MIL's house and do some recording. Thank you for the great idea! Your Mom must have been so young when she passed away. I am sorry to hear that. Keep a hold of your photo albums. I just went through mine this weekend, and I can't believe how different my MIL looks now. I can actually see a big difference when I look at those pictures. 10 days and counting! Sadly, one of my co-workers contracted a bronchial infection with a cold. He passed it to 2 other co-workers in our lab. Now, the guy I share an office with is starting to display symptoms!! I am doomed! I told them if I have to be under the influence of Robitussin on my wedding day, that they are going to pay!!!!! Take care, > RE: Re: newcomers > > > My doesn't talk to himself...in fact, he really doesn't talk. If or > when he does, he comes out as a muffled growl. He doesn't and can't > really carry on any type of conversation. Usually if he says anything > it is answering yes or no to questions. I really miss hearing his > voice, and have suggested in here before to have people record their > LO's voices before they become silent. My mom passed away over 18 yrs > ago and I sure would love to hear her voice also. > > My dad was around 58-59 when we were going through testing. Actually > diagnosed around 60 yrs old, and he will be 65 July 31st. He has been > in a nursing home for 3+ yrs, for some reason, without looking it up, I > can't pinpoint the actual time he went in a nh. Anyway, he seems very > young to me to have LBD, and to be living in a nh. The dimentia, > parkinsons, and safety aspects are all part of the decision to move him > to the nh. > > Wow, 10 more days until your wedding... > wishing you a very happy wedding and wonderful life together!! > Sandie > Des Moines, IA > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 My husband was 61 when he was diagnosed. I am pretty sure he was already sick at 59. Mai-Liis Do you know has anyone in this group had a family member struck with LBD as early as 59 (like my Mother-in-law)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2002 Report Share Posted July 9, 2002 > Wow, so your father was also very young as my MIL when they contracted LBD. > I think my hubby-to-be and the rest of her children feel " robbed " of time > they could have had with their mother. What a great idea to record their > voices! Do you have any home movies that may have had your mom and dads > voices on them? I think I will take our cam corder over to my MIL's house > and do some recording. Thank you for the great idea! ...add to my list...buy tape recorder and tapes when I am home. That may be a good idea, especially with me deploying soon. How about a camcorder? Would videos be good too?? Or would that be a problem if my Mom doesn't recognize the places or even me (if I am younger in her mind?). I know some folks have said that photos and even mirrors can be upsetting though that goes against what the doctor suggested (a memory book). I am uncertain how we go about doing our part to help with the memory (of people and places) without upsetting my Mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2002 Report Share Posted July 11, 2002 My heart goes out to you. It seems you are dealing with a real " fear of the unknown " which is so hard to face. My suggestion is to take one day at a time, savoring each and every moment. All will work out and with your caring heart you will find the right words to say. Just remind yourself the reason you are coming home is for your brothers wedding...a very special and happy event. Enjoy it and the rest will fall into place. You will be in my prayers. Sandie Des Moines, IA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2002 Report Share Posted July 11, 2002 > > My heart goes out to you. It seems you are dealing with a real " fear of > the unknown " which is so hard to face. My suggestion is to take one day > at a time, savoring each and every moment. All will work out and with > your caring heart you will find the right words to say. Just remind > yourself the reason you are coming home is for your brothers wedding...a > very special and happy event. Enjoy it and the rest will fall into > place. You will be in my prayers. > Sandie > Des Moines, IA Thank you Sandie...I will enjoy my time at home however brief it will be. My sister-in-law, , made a great point last night when I was sharing my pity party with her...she said " perception and perspective " are key. She is right...after all, I have had my mother my entire life- she raised us well and provided a good home to her family and was my rock my whole adult life. So many out there have not been so blessed, I was. It will be a struggle but I will try to remember that when the days are trying. From the Mighty Warship NASSAU on a quiet duty day (unlike Sunday!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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