Introduction by

[Guest guest]

This post is from . The post was " stuck " at Onelist. I am forwarding

it to the list. Ray

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you a little about

me. I have been disabled for almost five years now. I am in pain from

one thing or another all day and sometimes from all of the things. :-) I

am diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Conversion Disorder

This and the former illness just means that I have been abused for so

long now I can't function in the real world. I know that this is

oversimplifying it but it is hard to explain and I am new here so I

don't know how many of you have this disorder. I do know that my doctors

say that my case is very complicated and I am a hard patient to treat

because there are so many factors and they can't get me stable enough to

really do any real work with me. I also have intractable migraines

(means it has made itself at home and isn't budging) everyday now for

about nine months. This is really hard to deal with but the nausea is

the worst,not the pain usually. I also have seizures, Myoclonus jerks,

Essential Tremor fibromyalgia and Vertigo. I get embarrassed sometimes

when people ask me what is wrong with me. Does anyone else here do that?

Right now I am very sick. I have spent most of the past five months

bedridden or housebound. The past few weeks I have finally been showing

some improvement and I am walking much better. I can spend some time

with my family now although at times they are actually my worst enemies.

My psychologist, neurologist and psychiatrist all want me to go in the

hospital but I will wait for the pain clinic if I can.

The worst part to me is that every doctor has told me over the years

that they can help and yet after a time they realize they can't and try

to send me to someone else. Just last week I had three doctors appts.

and all three docs said that I was too sick for them to treat or that my

diagnosis was way over their heads and I will just have to wait another

two months to get into the pain clinic. I made the appt. four months in

advance. It's hard to believe that when you are so sick you are referred

by your doctor who calls for you and it takes four months to get an

appt.

Anyway, I am having to make major changes in my life such as I did

when I first became disabled 4 1/2 years ago. I sold my horse that I

have been holding on too all this time. I got married this past January

to a good man who is a Christian and I have known for a while but as

always you really don't know someone until you live with them. He is

very set in his ways, very disciplinary with the kids and has a habit of

jumping on me trying to help but actually causing more damage by

pointing out my faults such as saying I'm sorry or my relenting where

the kids are concerned. He is a very stern man and I didn't recognize it

for a very long time. His mother tried to tell me. I knew him for two

years prior to our marriage but the rules are different when you are

married,huh?

I have to sneak around to do this. I looked for a support group and

I think I have found one, but he doesn't agree. He says that support

groups are a big pity party. Oh well. It will work out with

I could say more but I am tired and I don't want to ramble.

Well, you know all about me now. I look forward to meeting all of

you.