Guest guest Posted September 29, 1999 Report Share Posted September 29, 1999 Resume Bloopers ------------------------------------------------------------ -------- How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: " My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable. " " Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting. " " Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. " " Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet. " " I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. " " I am a rabid typist. " " Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side. " " Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business. " " Proven ability to track down and correct erors. " " Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far. " " I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one. " " References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me. " " Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. " " Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers. " " My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. " " I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant. " " I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail. " " Qualifications: No education or experience. " " Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets. " " Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department. " " Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head! " Cover letter: " Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty! " ---------- Turbin | Mailto:kturbin@... | webmaster@... Net Biz Development | *Page me: http://www.mirabilis.com/17198172 Tel. (702) 312- 6888 | Fax | GetICQ http://www.icq.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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