Guest guest Posted December 26, 1999 Report Share Posted December 26, 1999 Jeff, It has been observed that our worst fears are rarely what cause us serious problems. I can relate to your sentiments of living with great uncertainty about what you can do, what you can cope with & what may in fact happen. We are a little different from the average folks (2/3 of everyone) who do not face significant disability during the adult (not older adult) portion of our lives. The decrease and interference in our own capacities is very reasonable cause for doubt & concern. It is not some neurosis based on an ingrown toe-nail (and yes, there is really a diagnosis for fear due to ingrown toenail, as I was reading yesterday.) We also become somewhat cutoff from friends & family, and those relationships can become, at best, confused. So we don't have many outward resources to reassure us or even wish us well. We must turn inward and accept the terrors that our conditions have brought. But we need to do this without giving up our will to fight, struggle, achieve and have balance in our lives. We must not compromise ourselves because our health has been compromised. There is also a great strength which comes from dealing with adversity which we (including you) develop, probably moreso than many others. While on a thought level this is logical and reassuring, on a raw feelings level it is cold comfort. But it is still so. You have learned strength in fighting; and also to accept real loss, pick up and carry on from there. This is the character of a soldier, and the soldier always has fear at his side. Fear perversely can bring strength. You have coped with a lot of adversity, and still you prevail sufficiently to have bright things in your future to worry about, as well as dark things we all worry about, disabled or not. In Tai Chi, which is the philosophical foundation of all martial arts, as well s a philosophy in it's own right, we are taught to embrace our enemy, for only then can we fully understand the enemy and marshall our own resources. To draw a practical suggestion from this, you could cultivate a constant overview of yourself when you become troubled, forcing yourself to observe not only your weakness, but your strength; and not only defeats, but your moment-to-moment triumphs over adversity. There is no assurance of anything in life. You cannot predict what wiill come, nor have you any more reason to expect failure than anyone else. People can choose to gain strength from religion, which I have learned; but you can also choose to gain strength from understanding the incredible power to survive we have, and the unique capacity to deal with new circumstances ll the time. Instead of hiding in a corner, you have chosen to take risks even though you have been damaged in life. There is great strength in this decision, but no guarantee. Thus you have chosen a path that will add to your fearfulness. You must accept this to follow your path. You need to learn to embrace your enemy and understand that success or failure are relative. There is always more to life. Yes, you have had to change your lifestyle, and social relationships, and this can & will probably repeat throughout life. You will be frightened, but that does not keep you from moving forward. It is only spiritual resignation that can truly defeat you. This has become long, so I will add just a bit more. Just as we have built this support network for ourselves, you must personally be constantly building your own in your daily life. Even though you do not now have a problem with the dogs, why not follow 's suggestion that you contact some concerned pet groups. You may not ever need such resources, but who knows where that will constructively lead. You also have to make your needs for help clear to others, on the chance you will need help. You may never need the help, but the process will bring you closer to others. Ken J wrote: > > > Ken: > I agree that I'm the same way " I'm Jeff I'm a Computer Addict " > I completely agree that the Holidays are a MAJOR Pain to peoples emotions, > recently being separated, possibly forever is so EXTREMLY frightning to me, > I can not even begin to put it into perspective. > What happens to me now if I have to be hospitilized, my 4 beloved > Dachshunds, in the long term should something happen and i end up in a > Nursing home, where i would rather die first than enter. Just trying to > look past this min. > I am starting to look foward to starting college ust for something to do, > and in fact am looking forward to the New Year hoping things turn around, > I'm so tired of feeling like I'm under the gun constantly. > > Jeff > > > Know someone who could profit from our list? 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