a laugh

[Guest guest]

We are all so busy and serious I thought a Friday

night laugh might be in order.

Bill Dunlap

Why We Love Children

> A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a

cat, but it was dead.

" How do you know that the cat was dead? " she asked

her pupil.

" Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move, "

answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ? " the teacher exclaimed in

surprise.

" You know, " explained the boy, " I leaned over and

went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move. "

************************************************

>

>

> A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

> Five minutes later..... " Da-ad.... "

> " What? "

> " I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? "

> " No, You had your chance. Lights out. "

> Five minutes later: " Da-aaaad..... "

> " WHAT? "

> " I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? "

> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank

you!! "

> Five minutes later...... " Daaaa-aaaad..... "

> " WHAT! "

> " When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink

of water? "

>

> **************************************

>

>

> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting

into mischief, finally asked him " How do you expect

to get into Heaven? "

> The boy thought it over and said,

> " Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep

slamming the door until St says, 'For Heaven's

sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!' "

>

> ********************************************

>

> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

> a mother was tucking her son into bed.

> She was about to turn off the light when he asked

with a tremor in his

> voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? "

>

> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

> " I can't dear, " she said. " I have to sleep in

Daddy's room. "

> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky

little voice:

> " The big sissy. "

>

> ****************************************

>

> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,

for the children's sermon. All the children were

invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a

particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the

pastor leaned over and said,

" That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter

Dress? "

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's

clip-on microphone, " Yes, and my Mom says it's a

bitch to iron. "

>

> *************************************

> When I was six months pregnant with my third child,

my three year old came into the room when I was just

getting ready to get into the shower. She said,

" Mommy, you are getting fat! "

I replied, " Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby

growing in her tummy. "

" I know, " she replied, but what's growing in your

butt? "

> ***************************************

>

> A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to

himself,

> " Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.

> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine.... "

> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,

" What are you doing? "

> The little boy answered, " I'm doing my math

homework, Mom. "

> " And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? "

the mother asked.

> " Yes, " he answered.

> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next

day, " What are you teaching my son in math? "

The teacher replied, " Right now, we are learning

addition. "

The mother asked, " And are you teaching them to say

two plus two, that son of a bitch is four? "

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

" What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF

WHICH, is four. "

> ********************************************

>

> One day the first grade teacher was reading the

story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the

part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn

the farmer. She read, " .... and so Chicken Little

went up to the farmer and said, " The sky is falling,

the sky is falling! "

The teacher paused then asked the class,

" And what do you think that farmer said? "

One little girl raised her hand and said,

" I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!' "

> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10

minutes.

> *********************************

> A certain little girl, when asked her name, would

reply,

> " I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter. "

> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,

" I'm Jane Sugarbrown. "

> The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,

> " Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter? "

> She replied, " I thought I was, but mother says I'm

not " .

>

> *************************************

>

> A little girl asked her mother, " Can I go outside

and play with the boys? "

> Her mother replied, " No, you can't play with the

boys, they're too rough. "

The little girl thought about it for a few moments and

asked,

> " If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him? "

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