Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

[Guest guest]

It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start

tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et

al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy

person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires

and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After

all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

Raven

" What I'm not completely clear on is how to respond

when someone says they are in the pits and don't know how to get

out. "

[Guest guest]

I didn’t eat anything today so no food allergies. I was in melt down mode the other day.ravenmagic2003 wrote:

It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After all, I was just trying to help. Oops!Raven "What I'm not completely clear on is how to respond when someone says they are in the pits and don't know how to get out."FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what you say they

are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then when the

raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked for you and

maybe even ready to try it for themselves.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

>

>

> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start

> tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et

> al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy

> person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires

> and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After

> all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

[Guest guest]

To me a meld down is anxiety and soemtimes chest pains.Kathy wrote:

Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what you say theyare still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then when theraging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked for you andmaybe even ready to try it for themselves.Kathy J. Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis>>> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start> tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et> al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy> person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires> and I'm

at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After> all, I was just trying to help. Oops!FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

LOL! :-D

Inger

> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start

tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et

al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy

person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires

and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After

all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

Raven

" What I'm not completely clear on is how to respond

when someone says they are in the pits and don't know how to get

out. "

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

A childhood friend's mother was like that. She was very "high-strung" and very chaotic. I remember one time my mother and I were visiting and there was an accident. The youngest brother was chasing my friend around through the house outside and back in again. ON the way back in, my friend slammed the storm door in his brother's face. Little bro couldn't stop and went through the bottom pane of glass and landed on the floor inside the house. Amazingly he only had one bad cut under his left arm which was bleeding, not gushing or anything, just bleeding. We all saw it happen. The mother just flipped out screaming and carrying on and collapsed on the sofa crying and hollering. My mother looked at the wound and ended up being the one taking little bro to the hospital for stitches. The other mother was still having a fit when we got back over an hour later.

BTW, this woman was VERY NT. How NT? We (myself and mother, the two brothers and their mother) went on a trip for a couple of days. She had several big suitcases while the rest of us had one each. Two of those suitcases were full of makeup! We were just visiting one of the old historic cities and going some shopping, but she spent 2 hours (no exaggeration) putting on her makeup.

[Guest guest]

,

Close but not what the metaphor means. It means the the person is in the pits because they are digging themselves deeper with their attitude. What they need to do is stop digging first by stopping the negative thoughts. Then they need to look up literally out of the pit and using more positive thoughts. After all, the only way out of a pit is to climb out.

[Guest guest]

Inger,

That's true. Personally, I have been there and this is pretty much what I had to do to get passed it. It didn't look like it at the time, and I'm sure it can take different forms with different people, but the basic sentiment is the same.

[Guest guest]

Inger,

That's true. Personally, I have been there and this is pretty much what I had to do to get passed it. It didn't look like it at the time, and I'm sure it can take different forms with different people, but the basic sentiment is the same.

[Guest guest]

True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

want any help; they just want lots of attention.

Raven

> Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what

you say they

> are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then when

the

> raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked

for you and

> maybe even ready to try it for themselves.

>

> Kathy J.

> Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

>

>

> >

> >

> > It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to

start

> > tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin,

et

> > al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the

unhappy

> > person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely

backfires

> > and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong.

After

> > all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

[Guest guest]

Yes I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one. There

was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got hysterical

if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

Kathy J.

----- Original Message -----

From: ravenmagic2003

>

>

> True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

> chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

> want any help; they just want lots of attention.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one. There

was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got hysterical

if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

Kathy J.

----- Original Message -----

From: ravenmagic2003

>

>

> True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

> chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

> want any help; they just want lots of attention.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one. There

was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got hysterical

if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

Kathy J.

----- Original Message -----

From: ravenmagic2003

>

>

> True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

> chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

> want any help; they just want lots of attention.

>

[Guest guest]

I have known of people who seem to enjoy being miserable and who seem

to prefer bad news to good - I personally do not understand it?

Kind Regards,

> Yes I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with

one. There

> was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got

hysterical

> if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

>

> Kathy J.

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: ravenmagic2003

> >

> >

> > True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

> > chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

> > want any help; they just want lots of attention.

> >

[Guest guest]

I have known of people who seem to enjoy being miserable and who seem

to prefer bad news to good - I personally do not understand it?

Kind Regards,

> Yes I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with

one. There

> was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got

hysterical

> if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

>

> Kathy J.

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: ravenmagic2003

> >

> >

> > True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total

> > chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't

> > want any help; they just want lots of attention.

> >

[Guest guest]

Hm, perpaps I should read whole threads before replying....

Kathy J:

> I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one. There

was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got hysterical

if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

Raven:

> That must have been exhausting to deal with at work, Kathy.

> When I come into contact with someone who thrives on drama

and attention rather than on resolving the problems they claim are

causing them so much grief, it completely confuses me.

> After all, I'm the sort of person who, if unable to find the

solution on my own, honestly means it when I say, " Do you have any

suggestions I could consider trying? " and then I try the suggestions

that make the most sense and which are most appropriate to the

situation at hand.

I function like this too. But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want a

solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not

what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like

Ken exemplified yesterday.)

If you explain that " when you tell me of all these disasters I feel

helpless/frustrated/confused/annoyed because I would really like to see your

problem solved, and when you don't seem to like the advice I give you, I

feel unappreciated/irritated/like I'm wasting my time, and I don't want to

hear anymore about your problems unless you a) really want my advice and

intend to try to solve your problem. "

Then you can ignore that person unless they specifically ASK for your advice

and you feel like giving it.

Inger

[Guest guest]

Hm, perpaps I should read whole threads before replying....

Kathy J:

> I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one. There

was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got hysterical

if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

Raven:

> That must have been exhausting to deal with at work, Kathy.

> When I come into contact with someone who thrives on drama

and attention rather than on resolving the problems they claim are

causing them so much grief, it completely confuses me.

> After all, I'm the sort of person who, if unable to find the

solution on my own, honestly means it when I say, " Do you have any

suggestions I could consider trying? " and then I try the suggestions

that make the most sense and which are most appropriate to the

situation at hand.

I function like this too. But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want a

solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not

what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like

Ken exemplified yesterday.)

If you explain that " when you tell me of all these disasters I feel

helpless/frustrated/confused/annoyed because I would really like to see your

problem solved, and when you don't seem to like the advice I give you, I

feel unappreciated/irritated/like I'm wasting my time, and I don't want to

hear anymore about your problems unless you a) really want my advice and

intend to try to solve your problem. "

Then you can ignore that person unless they specifically ASK for your advice

and you feel like giving it.

Inger

[Guest guest]

That reminds me of someone once saying that I should lower my

standards (in regard to myself) and I remember saying to a

friend 'How can I lower my standards anymore?' her reply 'get a

shovel and start digging myself further down' :-)

Kind Regards,

> If they are in the pits they should stop digging and start looking

up.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That reminds me of someone once saying that I should lower my

standards (in regard to myself) and I remember saying to a

friend 'How can I lower my standards anymore?' her reply 'get a

shovel and start digging myself further down' :-)

Kind Regards,

> If they are in the pits they should stop digging and start looking

up.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I actually find people very confusing in this respect. Some people do

want advice and others just want to vent - I wish they would specify

which. If they say, 'I just want to get this off my chest and do not

want any advice/suggestions' that would be a lot more clearer :-)

Kind Regards,

> Hm, perpaps I should read whole threads before replying....

>

> Kathy J:

> > I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one.

There

> was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got

hysterical

> if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

>

> Raven:

> > That must have been exhausting to deal with at work, Kathy.

>

> > When I come into contact with someone who thrives on drama

> and attention rather than on resolving the problems they claim are

> causing them so much grief, it completely confuses me.

>

> > After all, I'm the sort of person who, if unable to find the

> solution on my own, honestly means it when I say, " Do you have any

> suggestions I could consider trying? " and then I try the suggestions

> that make the most sense and which are most appropriate to the

> situation at hand.

>

> I function like this too. But if I may make a suggestion to both of

you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly

doesn't want a

> solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell

them, not

> what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL.

(Just like

> Ken exemplified yesterday.)

>

> If you explain that " when you tell me of all these disasters I feel

> helpless/frustrated/confused/annoyed because I would really like to

see your

> problem solved, and when you don't seem to like the advice I give

you, I

> feel unappreciated/irritated/like I'm wasting my time, and I don't

want to

> hear anymore about your problems unless you a) really want my

advice and

> intend to try to solve your problem. "

>

> Then you can ignore that person unless they specifically ASK for

your advice

> and you feel like giving it.

>

> Inger

[Guest guest]

I actually find people very confusing in this respect. Some people do

want advice and others just want to vent - I wish they would specify

which. If they say, 'I just want to get this off my chest and do not

want any advice/suggestions' that would be a lot more clearer :-)

Kind Regards,

> Hm, perpaps I should read whole threads before replying....

>

> Kathy J:

> > I have seen some people like that too. I used to work with one.

There

> was always some crisis going on in her life and she actually got

hysterical

> if it seemed like it was going to be solved.

>

> Raven:

> > That must have been exhausting to deal with at work, Kathy.

>

> > When I come into contact with someone who thrives on drama

> and attention rather than on resolving the problems they claim are

> causing them so much grief, it completely confuses me.

>

> > After all, I'm the sort of person who, if unable to find the

> solution on my own, honestly means it when I say, " Do you have any

> suggestions I could consider trying? " and then I try the suggestions

> that make the most sense and which are most appropriate to the

> situation at hand.

>

> I function like this too. But if I may make a suggestion to both of

you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly

doesn't want a

> solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell

them, not

> what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL.

(Just like

> Ken exemplified yesterday.)

>

> If you explain that " when you tell me of all these disasters I feel

> helpless/frustrated/confused/annoyed because I would really like to

see your

> problem solved, and when you don't seem to like the advice I give

you, I

> feel unappreciated/irritated/like I'm wasting my time, and I don't

want to

> hear anymore about your problems unless you a) really want my

advice and

> intend to try to solve your problem. "

>

> Then you can ignore that person unless they specifically ASK for

your advice

> and you feel like giving it.

>

> Inger

[Guest guest]

I don't know either. I went on vacation and she was supposed to take care

of the computer report requests but it turns out she spent all her time with

her crisis airing and stuffed all the requests into a drawer to wait for me

to come back so the whole company was in an uproar and she got let go.

(Accounting, Payroll and Purchasing were very upset about their report

requests being ignored. So maybe it was a way of avoiding doing her real

work? Of course then she had a new crisis to complain about, losing her

job.

I found the report requests stuffed into a desk drawer after I got back and

she was already gone.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

>

>

>

> I have known of people who seem to enjoy being miserable and who seem

> to prefer bad news to good - I personally do not understand it?

>

> Kind Regards,

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know either. I went on vacation and she was supposed to take care

of the computer report requests but it turns out she spent all her time with

her crisis airing and stuffed all the requests into a drawer to wait for me

to come back so the whole company was in an uproar and she got let go.

(Accounting, Payroll and Purchasing were very upset about their report

requests being ignored. So maybe it was a way of avoiding doing her real

work? Of course then she had a new crisis to complain about, losing her

job.

I found the report requests stuffed into a desk drawer after I got back and

she was already gone.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

>

>

>

> I have known of people who seem to enjoy being miserable and who seem

> to prefer bad news to good - I personally do not understand it?

>

> Kind Regards,

>

>

[Guest guest]

That sounds like good advice. I just started to tune her out after a while

and thankfully I don't work with her anymore.

Kathy J.

----- Original Message -----

From: Inger Lorelei

> I function like this too. But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want

a

> solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not

> what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like

> Ken exemplified yesterday.)

>

> If you explain that " when you tell me of all these disasters I feel

> helpless/frustrated/confused/annoyed because I would really like to see

your

> problem solved, and when you don't seem to like the advice I give you, I

> feel unappreciated/irritated/like I'm wasting my time, and I don't want to

> hear anymore about your problems unless you a) really want my advice and

> intend to try to solve your problem. "

>

> Then you can ignore that person unless they specifically ASK for your

advice

> and you feel like giving it.

>

[Guest guest]

:

> Close but not what the metaphor means. It means the the person is in the pits because they are digging themselves deeper with their attitude. What they need to do is stop digging first by stopping the negative thoughts. Then they need to look up literally out of the pit and using more positive thoughts. After all, the only way out of a pit is to climb out.

That's always easier said than done, . Athough I always enjoy a clever play with words, I'm actually not overly fond of witty one-liners when used to make casual judgement of someone else's problem. Anyone who hasn't been in that particular person's shoes cannot possibly know what it's like. Or what it would take to get out of it.

Inger