Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

[Guest guest]

True. And with all those shovels and picks and such, they should be

able to just climb UP over those items and finally OUT of the

pit. ;-)

Raven

> If they are in the pits they should stop digging and start looking

up.

>

>

[Guest guest]

True. And with all those shovels and picks and such, they should be

able to just climb UP over those items and finally OUT of the

pit. ;-)

Raven

> If they are in the pits they should stop digging and start looking

up.

>

>

[Guest guest]

" What's wrong with wanting attention? If someone has

been bullied, misunderstood and marginalised all their lives, what's

wrong with seeking contact with people who at least have the latent

possibility of being somewhat more understanding? "

There's nothing wrong with attention in varying amounts.

There's a problem, IMHO, with needing lots of attention for nothing

more than just for the sake of having drama in one's life.

It's akin to the difference between someone who needs huge amounts

of medical attention due to a severe health issue and someone who is

a hypochondriac, kwim?

Raven

[Guest guest]

" What's wrong with wanting attention? If someone has

been bullied, misunderstood and marginalised all their lives, what's

wrong with seeking contact with people who at least have the latent

possibility of being somewhat more understanding? "

There's nothing wrong with attention in varying amounts.

There's a problem, IMHO, with needing lots of attention for nothing

more than just for the sake of having drama in one's life.

It's akin to the difference between someone who needs huge amounts

of medical attention due to a severe health issue and someone who is

a hypochondriac, kwim?

Raven

[Guest guest]

" But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly

doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints,

then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words

makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.) "

I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning

with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may

have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them.

The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a

request for additional suggestions.

And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming back

repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and

suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know

what to make of it.

Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a

wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as

a possible answer for someone. When I start to cotton on to the

fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos,

that's when I get annoyed.

Raven

[Guest guest]

" But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly

doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints,

then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words

makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.) "

I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning

with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may

have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them.

The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a

request for additional suggestions.

And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming back

repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and

suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know

what to make of it.

Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a

wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as

a possible answer for someone. When I start to cotton on to the

fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos,

that's when I get annoyed.

Raven

[Guest guest]

" But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if

> you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly

doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints,

then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words

makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.) "

I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning

with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may

have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them.

The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a

request for additional suggestions.

And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming back

repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and

suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know

what to make of it.

Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a

wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as

a possible answer for someone. When I start to cotton on to the

fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos,

that's when I get annoyed.

Raven

[Guest guest]

, could you maybe post a little bit of the message you are

replying to. It's sometimes hard to know the subject.

Ken

> Inger,

>

> That's true. Personally, I have been there and this is pretty much

what I

> had to do to get passed it. It didn't look like it at the time, and

I'm sure it

> can take different forms with different people, but the basic

sentiment is

> the same.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, could you maybe post a little bit of the message you are

replying to. It's sometimes hard to know the subject.

Ken

> Inger,

>

> That's true. Personally, I have been there and this is pretty much

what I

> had to do to get passed it. It didn't look like it at the time, and

I'm sure it

> can take different forms with different people, but the basic

sentiment is

> the same.

>

>

[Guest guest]

, could you maybe post a little bit of the message you are

replying to. It's sometimes hard to know the subject.

Ken

> Inger,

>

> That's true. Personally, I have been there and this is pretty much

what I

> had to do to get passed it. It didn't look like it at the time, and

I'm sure it

> can take different forms with different people, but the basic

sentiment is

> the same.

>

>

[Guest guest]

>Inger wrote: "But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if > you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.)"

Raven:> I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them. The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a request for additional suggestions.

LOL! I see! > And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming

back repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know what to make of it.

But did they actually say to you: "Raven, I'd very much like your advice on how to solve this problem?" That's the cue to respond. If they don't say that, and you unsure if they want your advice or not, how about asking? "I actually think I have a solution to your problem, would you like to hear it?" (Hmm, I should learn to ask that too...) > Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as a possible answer for someone.

LOL! The neverending Aspie creativity at work.

> When I start to cotton on to the fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos, that's when I get annoyed.Even if some many enjoy being in a chaos, it doesn't mean that this is always the case. As I said, some people may need to go through difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that sitiation. What is possible for one may not be possible for another.

I do agree that a positive attitude definitely helps, but that's something which may take years to cultivate and possibly some profound experiences to inspire. I feel it like a gift that I've become more positive in later years; I can't really take credit for that as if I've chosen to have that mindset myself. It was not a conscious choice. The only conscious choice I have made is to stop watching the news and reading newspapers. When I stopped focusing my attention on everything that goes wrong in the world, I found to my surprise that I'm much more inclined to focus on all that is good instead. That was an unforseen side-effect of my conscious choice, but I only chose it because it was boring me, not to become a more positive person.

Inger

[Guest guest]

>Inger wrote: "But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if > you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.)"

Raven:> I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them. The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a request for additional suggestions.

LOL! I see! > And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming

back repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know what to make of it.

But did they actually say to you: "Raven, I'd very much like your advice on how to solve this problem?" That's the cue to respond. If they don't say that, and you unsure if they want your advice or not, how about asking? "I actually think I have a solution to your problem, would you like to hear it?" (Hmm, I should learn to ask that too...) > Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as a possible answer for someone.

LOL! The neverending Aspie creativity at work.

> When I start to cotton on to the fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos, that's when I get annoyed.Even if some many enjoy being in a chaos, it doesn't mean that this is always the case. As I said, some people may need to go through difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that sitiation. What is possible for one may not be possible for another.

I do agree that a positive attitude definitely helps, but that's something which may take years to cultivate and possibly some profound experiences to inspire. I feel it like a gift that I've become more positive in later years; I can't really take credit for that as if I've chosen to have that mindset myself. It was not a conscious choice. The only conscious choice I have made is to stop watching the news and reading newspapers. When I stopped focusing my attention on everything that goes wrong in the world, I found to my surprise that I'm much more inclined to focus on all that is good instead. That was an unforseen side-effect of my conscious choice, but I only chose it because it was boring me, not to become a more positive person.

Inger

[Guest guest]

>Inger wrote: "But if I may make a suggestion to both of you if > you run into a person who is like Kathy describes and clearly doesn't want a solution; if you don't want to hear their complaints, then tell them, not what they do 'wrong' but how their action/words makes you FEEL. (Just like Ken exemplified yesterday.)"

Raven:> I don't usually pick up on that. When the person keeps returning with the same problem repeatedly, I mistakenly beleive that they may have tried my previous suggestion(s) which did not work for them. The repeated claim on the other person's part is read by me as a request for additional suggestions.

LOL! I see! > And when people get PO'd at me because they have been coming

back repeatedly for answers and I have provided many options and suggestions and they still are stuck in their chaos, I don't know what to make of it.

But did they actually say to you: "Raven, I'd very much like your advice on how to solve this problem?" That's the cue to respond. If they don't say that, and you unsure if they want your advice or not, how about asking? "I actually think I have a solution to your problem, would you like to hear it?" (Hmm, I should learn to ask that too...) > Part of the problem is that I don't feel helpless because I am a wealth of resourceful possible resolutions waiting to be examined as a possible answer for someone.

LOL! The neverending Aspie creativity at work.

> When I start to cotton on to the fact that perhaps I am dealing with a person who enjoys the chaos, that's when I get annoyed.Even if some many enjoy being in a chaos, it doesn't mean that this is always the case. As I said, some people may need to go through difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that sitiation. What is possible for one may not be possible for another.

I do agree that a positive attitude definitely helps, but that's something which may take years to cultivate and possibly some profound experiences to inspire. I feel it like a gift that I've become more positive in later years; I can't really take credit for that as if I've chosen to have that mindset myself. It was not a conscious choice. The only conscious choice I have made is to stop watching the news and reading newspapers. When I stopped focusing my attention on everything that goes wrong in the world, I found to my surprise that I'm much more inclined to focus on all that is good instead. That was an unforseen side-effect of my conscious choice, but I only chose it because it was boring me, not to become a more positive person.

Inger

[Guest guest]

Raven,

I am not sure if your talking about me. If you are then you need to back off. If not perhaps you need to see your words for what they are. People come to these boards because they have A.S and despite the expectation of a positive mentality life is not perfect for those that have it in the more debilitating sense.

I'm going to keep posting my thoughts in whatever manner they appear to come. I read peoples replies and your the only one of them that seems judgmental.

People are not hypochondriacs for being who they are.

People do not desire attention as I see it due to the fact they are or may be in places they have no other option of being.

If it is to be considered attention gathering then why at all post in the first place?

People post whatever they want so be it.

None needs these blanketed stereotypical judgments..ravenmagic2003 wrote:

True, Kathy. And sometimes, the person just enjoys being in total chaos and feeds of their own drama. Sometimes the person doesn't want any help; they just want lots of attention.Raven> Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what you say they> are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then when the> raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked for you and> maybe even ready to try it for themselves.> > Kathy J.> Re:

Confirmation of Diagnosis> > > >> >> > It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start> > tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et> > al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy> > person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires> > and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After> > all, I was just trying to help. Oops!FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

" As I said, some people may need to go through

difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean

that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that situation.

What is possible for one may not be possible for another. "

True. Unfortunately, I think my default setting is .... " OK, here's

an idea that could work! " Doubly unfortunate is that this appears

to be my child's default setting as well.

Raven

[Guest guest]

" As I said, some people may need to go through

difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean

that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that situation.

What is possible for one may not be possible for another. "

True. Unfortunately, I think my default setting is .... " OK, here's

an idea that could work! " Doubly unfortunate is that this appears

to be my child's default setting as well.

Raven

[Guest guest]

" As I said, some people may need to go through

difficult times in order to learn something. But that does not mean

that they have consciously chosen to be or stay in that situation.

What is possible for one may not be possible for another. "

True. Unfortunately, I think my default setting is .... " OK, here's

an idea that could work! " Doubly unfortunate is that this appears

to be my child's default setting as well.

Raven

[Guest guest]

....

Your behaviour towards me in the other forum led to me unsubbing

from said forum. I see your behaviour towards me will continue here

as I cannot post without you accusing me of talking about you. If I

was talking about you, I would state your name clearly. I am not a

coward.

Since you have a desire to take everything I write personally, I see

I have no choice but to unsub from this group as well.

You are not the only Aspie who has overwhelming difficulties to

overcome in life. Some have a very difficult life but don't make a

huge deal out of it on the forums. I happen to be one of those

people who rolls with the punches.

So congratulations, , you can now have BOTH forums to yourself.

BTW, you *are* aware, are you not that -- contrary to your claims

otherwise in the other forum -- that I *am* AS and that I *am not* a

male.

Raven

P.S. There will be no more messages, unfortunately, from me, my

fellow AS posters. I am unsubbing from this group as well. If you

wish to contact me via email, I welcome your emails.

> > Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what

> you say they

> > are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then

when

> the

> > raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked

> for you and

> > maybe even ready to try it for themselves.

> >

> > Kathy J.

> > Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

> >

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to

> start

> > > tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-

glycerin,

> et

> > > al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the

> unhappy

> > > person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely

> backfires

> > > and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong.

> After

> > > all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

....

Your behaviour towards me in the other forum led to me unsubbing

from said forum. I see your behaviour towards me will continue here

as I cannot post without you accusing me of talking about you. If I

was talking about you, I would state your name clearly. I am not a

coward.

Since you have a desire to take everything I write personally, I see

I have no choice but to unsub from this group as well.

You are not the only Aspie who has overwhelming difficulties to

overcome in life. Some have a very difficult life but don't make a

huge deal out of it on the forums. I happen to be one of those

people who rolls with the punches.

So congratulations, , you can now have BOTH forums to yourself.

BTW, you *are* aware, are you not that -- contrary to your claims

otherwise in the other forum -- that I *am* AS and that I *am not* a

male.

Raven

P.S. There will be no more messages, unfortunately, from me, my

fellow AS posters. I am unsubbing from this group as well. If you

wish to contact me via email, I welcome your emails.

> > Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what

> you say they

> > are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then

when

> the

> > raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked

> for you and

> > maybe even ready to try it for themselves.

> >

> > Kathy J.

> > Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

> >

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to

> start

> > > tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-

glycerin,

> et

> > > al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the

> unhappy

> > > person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely

> backfires

> > > and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong.

> After

> > > all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

....

Your behaviour towards me in the other forum led to me unsubbing

from said forum. I see your behaviour towards me will continue here

as I cannot post without you accusing me of talking about you. If I

was talking about you, I would state your name clearly. I am not a

coward.

Since you have a desire to take everything I write personally, I see

I have no choice but to unsub from this group as well.

You are not the only Aspie who has overwhelming difficulties to

overcome in life. Some have a very difficult life but don't make a

huge deal out of it on the forums. I happen to be one of those

people who rolls with the punches.

So congratulations, , you can now have BOTH forums to yourself.

BTW, you *are* aware, are you not that -- contrary to your claims

otherwise in the other forum -- that I *am* AS and that I *am not* a

male.

Raven

P.S. There will be no more messages, unfortunately, from me, my

fellow AS posters. I am unsubbing from this group as well. If you

wish to contact me via email, I welcome your emails.

> > Sometimes they aren't ready to climb out yet and no matter what

> you say they

> > are still in the raging state, kind of like a meltdown? Then

when

> the

> > raging is done, they might be more able to hear what has worked

> for you and

> > maybe even ready to try it for themselves.

> >

> > Kathy J.

> > Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis

> >

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to

> start

> > > tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-

glycerin,

> et

> > > al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the

> unhappy

> > > person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely

> backfires

> > > and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong.

> After

> > > all, I was just trying to help. Oops!

>

>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't usually get chest pains but I have had times when I feel so stressed my heart just feels like it is going to thud right out of my chest. I felt that way earlier today and came back to these messages in hope of a break. I went to a very nasty forum that was supposed to be legal advice and stuff but it mostly seems to be nasty forum bullies making fun of people who ask for help and making fun of other people who give advice. Believe me this forum is restful after going there and I don't ever want to visit that site again. If there was a place to give reviews on how helpful/useless websites are I would like to give them a description of the one I went to.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis>>> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start> tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et> al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy> person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires> and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After> all, I was just trying to help. Oops!FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

I don't usually get chest pains but I have had times when I feel so stressed my heart just feels like it is going to thud right out of my chest. I felt that way earlier today and came back to these messages in hope of a break. I went to a very nasty forum that was supposed to be legal advice and stuff but it mostly seems to be nasty forum bullies making fun of people who ask for help and making fun of other people who give advice. Believe me this forum is restful after going there and I don't ever want to visit that site again. If there was a place to give reviews on how helpful/useless websites are I would like to give them a description of the one I went to.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis>>> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start> tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et> al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy> person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires> and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After> all, I was just trying to help. Oops!FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

I don't usually get chest pains but I have had times when I feel so stressed my heart just feels like it is going to thud right out of my chest. I felt that way earlier today and came back to these messages in hope of a break. I went to a very nasty forum that was supposed to be legal advice and stuff but it mostly seems to be nasty forum bullies making fun of people who ask for help and making fun of other people who give advice. Believe me this forum is restful after going there and I don't ever want to visit that site again. If there was a place to give reviews on how helpful/useless websites are I would like to give them a description of the one I went to.

Kathy J.

Re: Confirmation of Diagnosis>>> It's tricky for sure, Ken. As you know, I'm the first one to start> tossing shovels, picks, spoons, dynamite sticks, nitro-glycerin, et> al in the hopes that one of those things will help get the unhappy> person OUT of the pit they're in. Sometimes it completely backfires> and I'm at a loss as to what could possibly have gone wrong. After> all, I was just trying to help. Oops!FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

Kathy J:

> I don't usually get chest pains but I have had times when I feel so stressed my heart just feels like it is going to thud right out of my chest.

Happens to me too in cases of severe stress. What is odd is that even in the most extremely pressuring situations, my emotions almost never stir; it's only my body that reacts.

> I felt that way earlier today and came back to these messages in hope of a break. I went to a very nasty forum that was supposed to be legal advice and stuff but it mostly seems to be nasty forum bullies making fun of people who ask for help and making fun of other people who give advice. Believe me this forum is restful after going there and I don't ever want to visit that site again. If there was a place to give reviews on how helpful/useless websites are I would like to give them a description of the one I went to.

Sounds awful! I'm trying to preserve peace as best I can here, but it's a very delicate job.

Inger

[Guest guest]

Kathy J:

> I don't usually get chest pains but I have had times when I feel so stressed my heart just feels like it is going to thud right out of my chest.

Happens to me too in cases of severe stress. What is odd is that even in the most extremely pressuring situations, my emotions almost never stir; it's only my body that reacts.

> I felt that way earlier today and came back to these messages in hope of a break. I went to a very nasty forum that was supposed to be legal advice and stuff but it mostly seems to be nasty forum bullies making fun of people who ask for help and making fun of other people who give advice. Believe me this forum is restful after going there and I don't ever want to visit that site again. If there was a place to give reviews on how helpful/useless websites are I would like to give them a description of the one I went to.

Sounds awful! I'm trying to preserve peace as best I can here, but it's a very delicate job.

Inger