Introduce Myself

[Guest guest]

What a relief! I just joined WTO this morning, but was unable to find a

list for adult children of a BP. Thankfully, someone on WTO just mentioned

this group, so here I am.

Looking through the archives, I see some pertinent data is requested:

Sex: female

Age: late 20s

BPMom or Dad: definitely my mom (undiagnosed) - maybe NPD as well

age: she's in her 50s

alive?: and kicking (hard)

I first learned about BPD several months ago when my marriage counselor (are

you surprised I'm in marriage counseling?) mentioned that it sounded like my

mom had it (that sounds weird - like it's a virus you catch!). It took a

crisis to light a fire under my butt, though. My mom is currently waging a

distortion campaign - accusing my father of emotional abuse, insisting he

join a support group for abusive men at a local domestic violence shelter,

and trying to drag me and my brother (early 20s) into the middle of it. So,

I bought " I Hate You, Don't Leave Me " (finished it) and SWOE (half done)

last week. I'm desperately looking for coping mechanisms. I am absolutely

terrified of this woman, but I am no longer willing to subsume my identity

(and opinions) to keep her from being mad at me - especially with the

current stakes. Unfortunately, work and sleep requirements are preventing

me from reading SWOE as fast as I would like. Any advice would be greatly

appreciated (especially considering Thanksgiving is next week and I'll have

to be in the same room as her). So far I have handled it by ignoring her

and not returning her calls (she is very angry at this). I have been in

close contact with my dad and bro (he's out of state) - trying to offer as

much support as possible to my dad (and he's reciprocating). I've shared

the BPD info with him and we are pretty much on the same page.

Although I probably just gave away enough information to betray my identity

if she were to look, I prefer to remain Anon Ymous (you can call me Anon).

Aside from seeking advice on coping mechanisms, I have another question. I

posted this earlier on WTO, but I think the question is more appropriate for

this list:

I have found it particularly devestating to realize that I also

have some BPD traits (poor sense of self, low self-esteem, fear of

abandonment, difficulty letting someone get emotionally close to me). I

don't believe I have BPD, and I was mostly already aware of these traits -

I've been in therapy for several years. Through therapy, I uncovered these

traits and have been working really hard to make some changes.

Understandably, the way I deal with my mom seems to be the hardest thing to

change (but perhaps the most important). I'm aware that many people believe

that having a BP parent ups the odds of having BPD (probably a combo of

nature and nurture). And, given the defense mechanisms of a BP (my mom is

extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative), it only makes sense that I

would be struggling with these things. Even given all of that, I still

found it to be incredibly upsetting to suddenly be able to file all of the

things I've been trying to change about myself under BPD - like someone had

punched me in the stomach. Has anybody out there felt this way? My usual

insightfulness seems to be lacking here and I am struggling to understand

this reaction. I suspect this may not be all that uncommon for children of

BPs.

I look forward to getting to know all of you. Just knowing there are others

that understand how I feel is a tremendous relief.

--Anon

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