Re: Why do you think your parent(s) has/have BPD?

[Guest guest]

What is OCD?

Pirjo

I've been diagnosed with OCD. So here's

> the genetic trail of our family:

> Manic-Depression

> BPD

> OCD

>

> Could it be different steps on a biological ladder of mental

illness? I

> wonder.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Lissa-

I'm just the same when it comes to my OCD. Mostly it's mild, but under

stress, look out. OCD is supposed to be a coping mechanism. I guess that

would make sense for us. We were never taught normal coping skills, so we

used the obsessions and compulsions to relieve our anxiety. Problem is, you

get caught in the cycle.

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Wed, 24 Jan 2001 20:58:08 EST, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> In a message dated 1/24/01 5:35:26 PM Pacific Standard Time,

> rpicado@... writes:

>

> << BPD must have some genetic cause. I've been diagnosed with OCD. >>

>

> Rosemary, that's really interesting. I have OCD, also. it seems to be

> pretty mild most of the time, but can really flare up if I am under

severe

> stress. Like you, my nada was the one with BPD. Perhaps there is a

genetic

> tie-in. My shrink said the OCD was hereditary. Hmmmm.

>

> Lissa

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

Hi Lissa-

I'm just the same when it comes to my OCD. Mostly it's mild, but under

stress, look out. OCD is supposed to be a coping mechanism. I guess that

would make sense for us. We were never taught normal coping skills, so we

used the obsessions and compulsions to relieve our anxiety. Problem is, you

get caught in the cycle.

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Wed, 24 Jan 2001 20:58:08 EST, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> In a message dated 1/24/01 5:35:26 PM Pacific Standard Time,

> rpicado@... writes:

>

> << BPD must have some genetic cause. I've been diagnosed with OCD. >>

>

> Rosemary, that's really interesting. I have OCD, also. it seems to be

> pretty mild most of the time, but can really flare up if I am under

severe

> stress. Like you, my nada was the one with BPD. Perhaps there is a

genetic

> tie-in. My shrink said the OCD was hereditary. Hmmmm.

>

> Lissa

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

Hi Lissa-

I'm just the same when it comes to my OCD. Mostly it's mild, but under

stress, look out. OCD is supposed to be a coping mechanism. I guess that

would make sense for us. We were never taught normal coping skills, so we

used the obsessions and compulsions to relieve our anxiety. Problem is, you

get caught in the cycle.

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Wed, 24 Jan 2001 20:58:08 EST, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> In a message dated 1/24/01 5:35:26 PM Pacific Standard Time,

> rpicado@... writes:

>

> << BPD must have some genetic cause. I've been diagnosed with OCD. >>

>

> Rosemary, that's really interesting. I have OCD, also. it seems to be

> pretty mild most of the time, but can really flare up if I am under

severe

> stress. Like you, my nada was the one with BPD. Perhaps there is a

genetic

> tie-in. My shrink said the OCD was hereditary. Hmmmm.

>

> Lissa

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

I was so lucky to have both of my grandparents in the home. My sister was

even closer to my grandmother than I was, and that's why nada made her the

scapegoat for everything, and the focus of her physical abuse. I was the

tomboy that played ball with my g'pa " Pop " . That didn't bother nada so much.

She assumed that my sister only loved our grandparents because she was

somehow after their money, not because they were wonderful people who lived

with us and took care of us when she didn't feel like it, which was most of

the time (too lazy, as you said). This was back when we were about 5 and 6

years old. What a ridiculous idea to have about a child!

Of course she was projecting. Even though her parents always took care of

her and us girls through sevral marriages, my nada always assumed that she

would be disinherited (abandoned) and that us girls would get the

house(their only real asset left after feeding and clothing all of us.)

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Thu, 25 Jan 2001 09:29:51 -0500, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> > I just realized the other day that I think the reason my mom

> > never really

> > liked me is that I had the very best relationship imaginable with my

> > grandma, my dad's mom.

> > Grandma " tended " to me when I was very young,

> > for 4 years, 5

> > days a week. Naturally, I think I bonded with her more than

> > I did with my

> > own mother. I actually have no memories of her from those

> > days. I have

> > lots of my dad and lots of my Grandma, but none of her. What

> > does that say?

> > Anyhow, I believe my problems with my mom might have stemed from my

> > relationship with Grandma. Here MM had this little girl, who

> > was supposed

> > to love her and adore her and give her the unconditional love

> > of a mother

> > and child. I probably prefered my Grandma and I'm sure this

> > began the " I

> > hate you, Don't leave me! " cycle for us.

> >

> Another 'Twin' moment!! My grandmother took care of me (we lived with my

> grandparents till they died) from the time I was born. She was very

young,

> and everyone thought I was her daughter because I looked like her, not

nada.

> I got my love of cooking, baking, and gardening from her, (nada is 'too

> lazy' for that stuff) as well as folk tales, stories of her life in 'the

old

> country' and religious teaching.

>

> I also don't have many memories of nada from back then. Nothing good,

> anyway.

>

>

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

I was so lucky to have both of my grandparents in the home. My sister was

even closer to my grandmother than I was, and that's why nada made her the

scapegoat for everything, and the focus of her physical abuse. I was the

tomboy that played ball with my g'pa " Pop " . That didn't bother nada so much.

She assumed that my sister only loved our grandparents because she was

somehow after their money, not because they were wonderful people who lived

with us and took care of us when she didn't feel like it, which was most of

the time (too lazy, as you said). This was back when we were about 5 and 6

years old. What a ridiculous idea to have about a child!

Of course she was projecting. Even though her parents always took care of

her and us girls through sevral marriages, my nada always assumed that she

would be disinherited (abandoned) and that us girls would get the

house(their only real asset left after feeding and clothing all of us.)

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Thu, 25 Jan 2001 09:29:51 -0500, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> > I just realized the other day that I think the reason my mom

> > never really

> > liked me is that I had the very best relationship imaginable with my

> > grandma, my dad's mom.

> > Grandma " tended " to me when I was very young,

> > for 4 years, 5

> > days a week. Naturally, I think I bonded with her more than

> > I did with my

> > own mother. I actually have no memories of her from those

> > days. I have

> > lots of my dad and lots of my Grandma, but none of her. What

> > does that say?

> > Anyhow, I believe my problems with my mom might have stemed from my

> > relationship with Grandma. Here MM had this little girl, who

> > was supposed

> > to love her and adore her and give her the unconditional love

> > of a mother

> > and child. I probably prefered my Grandma and I'm sure this

> > began the " I

> > hate you, Don't leave me! " cycle for us.

> >

> Another 'Twin' moment!! My grandmother took care of me (we lived with my

> grandparents till they died) from the time I was born. She was very

young,

> and everyone thought I was her daughter because I looked like her, not

nada.

> I got my love of cooking, baking, and gardening from her, (nada is 'too

> lazy' for that stuff) as well as folk tales, stories of her life in 'the

old

> country' and religious teaching.

>

> I also don't have many memories of nada from back then. Nothing good,

> anyway.

>

>

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

I was so lucky to have both of my grandparents in the home. My sister was

even closer to my grandmother than I was, and that's why nada made her the

scapegoat for everything, and the focus of her physical abuse. I was the

tomboy that played ball with my g'pa " Pop " . That didn't bother nada so much.

She assumed that my sister only loved our grandparents because she was

somehow after their money, not because they were wonderful people who lived

with us and took care of us when she didn't feel like it, which was most of

the time (too lazy, as you said). This was back when we were about 5 and 6

years old. What a ridiculous idea to have about a child!

Of course she was projecting. Even though her parents always took care of

her and us girls through sevral marriages, my nada always assumed that she

would be disinherited (abandoned) and that us girls would get the

house(their only real asset left after feeding and clothing all of us.)

Thanks,

Rosemary

On Thu, 25 Jan 2001 09:29:51 -0500, ModOasisegroups wrote:

> > I just realized the other day that I think the reason my mom

> > never really

> > liked me is that I had the very best relationship imaginable with my

> > grandma, my dad's mom.

> > Grandma " tended " to me when I was very young,

> > for 4 years, 5

> > days a week. Naturally, I think I bonded with her more than

> > I did with my

> > own mother. I actually have no memories of her from those

> > days. I have

> > lots of my dad and lots of my Grandma, but none of her. What

> > does that say?

> > Anyhow, I believe my problems with my mom might have stemed from my

> > relationship with Grandma. Here MM had this little girl, who

> > was supposed

> > to love her and adore her and give her the unconditional love

> > of a mother

> > and child. I probably prefered my Grandma and I'm sure this

> > began the " I

> > hate you, Don't leave me! " cycle for us.

> >

> Another 'Twin' moment!! My grandmother took care of me (we lived with my

> grandparents till they died) from the time I was born. She was very

young,

> and everyone thought I was her daughter because I looked like her, not

nada.

> I got my love of cooking, baking, and gardening from her, (nada is 'too

> lazy' for that stuff) as well as folk tales, stories of her life in 'the

old

> country' and religious teaching.

>

> I also don't have many memories of nada from back then. Nothing good,

> anyway.

>

>

Do or do not, there is no try. Lucas

_______________________________________________________

Send a cool gift with your E-Card

http://www.bluemountain.com/giftcenter/

[Guest guest]

OCD is short for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

--Anon

--- vinna@... wrote:

>

> What is OCD?

> Pirjo

>

> I've been diagnosed with OCD. So here's

> > the genetic trail of our family:

> > Manic-Depression

> > BPD

> > OCD

> >

> > Could it be different steps on a biological ladder of mental

> illness? I

> > wonder.

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

OCD is short for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

--Anon

--- vinna@... wrote:

>

> What is OCD?

> Pirjo

>

> I've been diagnosed with OCD. So here's

> > the genetic trail of our family:

> > Manic-Depression

> > BPD

> > OCD

> >

> > Could it be different steps on a biological ladder of mental

> illness? I

> > wonder.

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

OCD is short for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

--Anon

--- vinna@... wrote:

>

> What is OCD?

> Pirjo

>

> I've been diagnosed with OCD. So here's

> > the genetic trail of our family:

> > Manic-Depression

> > BPD

> > OCD

> >

> > Could it be different steps on a biological ladder of mental

> illness? I

> > wonder.

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/25/01 12:03:48 PM Pacific Standard Time,

vinna@... writes:

<< What is OCD?

Pirjo >>

obsessive compulsive disorder - its a condition in which the person so

afflicted is compelled to perform ritualistic acts in order to feel safe -

like checking the doors over and over to see if they are locked, or

rechecking the stove to see if its off. It also can take the form of

compulsive handwashing due to an obsessive fear of germs, and that sort of

thing.

Lissa

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/25/01 12:03:48 PM Pacific Standard Time,

vinna@... writes:

<< What is OCD?

Pirjo >>

obsessive compulsive disorder - its a condition in which the person so

afflicted is compelled to perform ritualistic acts in order to feel safe -

like checking the doors over and over to see if they are locked, or

rechecking the stove to see if its off. It also can take the form of

compulsive handwashing due to an obsessive fear of germs, and that sort of

thing.

Lissa

[Guest guest]

I see it is a common factor in most of the nada/fadas that they were abused

as a child... do you think that has something to do with it... although my

nada was not, so i dont comply with it there...

[Guest guest]

I see it is a common factor in most of the nada/fadas that they were abused

as a child... do you think that has something to do with it... although my

nada was not, so i dont comply with it there...

[Guest guest]

My nada, along with her other 5 siblings were very abused.

Physically, mostly. But with her, it was mostly abaondonment. I

remember reading a letter she showed me that was directed at her

mother (I was in my 20's at the time) and she said in the letter that

she remembered as a young child going into her mother's closet and

hugging her mother's clothes, just to be near something of hers. I

was so devastated by this I couldn't read the rest. It was so

emotional for me to imagine that relationship, because she was so

loving and caring to me (that was before all hell broke loose - when

I got married). I believe her mothing had some form of it (like the

Prime time program mother) and because of that she was unable to bond

with any of her children. The father in the house was a step

father who was sadistic (he was a cop) and treated all the kids (even

his own two) terribly. Sent my aunt to a convent for unwed mothers

at the age of 17 and she was still a virgin, but of course she

couldn't convince them of it - they just wanted her out of the house

because she never coward, wasn't afriad. Today (she's now 65) we are

very close. My nada has always had a BIG issue with our

relationship. Very jealous!!!

---- Original Message ----

From: BagiraXXI@...

To: ModOasisegroups,

Subject: RE: Why do you think your parent(s) has/have BPD?

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 17:46:39 -0000

>I apologize, because I don't have a time to answer my own question,

>I

>will do it later, but if you don't mind to share:

>What do you think contributed in the development of the disorder in

>your parent(s) or parent(s) figure(s)?

>Thanks

>Bagira

>

>

>

>~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to

>them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to

>ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to

>ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

>non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

>table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada, along with her other 5 siblings were very abused.

Physically, mostly. But with her, it was mostly abaondonment. I

remember reading a letter she showed me that was directed at her

mother (I was in my 20's at the time) and she said in the letter that

she remembered as a young child going into her mother's closet and

hugging her mother's clothes, just to be near something of hers. I

was so devastated by this I couldn't read the rest. It was so

emotional for me to imagine that relationship, because she was so

loving and caring to me (that was before all hell broke loose - when

I got married). I believe her mothing had some form of it (like the

Prime time program mother) and because of that she was unable to bond

with any of her children. The father in the house was a step

father who was sadistic (he was a cop) and treated all the kids (even

his own two) terribly. Sent my aunt to a convent for unwed mothers

at the age of 17 and she was still a virgin, but of course she

couldn't convince them of it - they just wanted her out of the house

because she never coward, wasn't afriad. Today (she's now 65) we are

very close. My nada has always had a BIG issue with our

relationship. Very jealous!!!

---- Original Message ----

From: BagiraXXI@...

To: ModOasisegroups,

Subject: RE: Why do you think your parent(s) has/have BPD?

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 17:46:39 -0000

>I apologize, because I don't have a time to answer my own question,

>I

>will do it later, but if you don't mind to share:

>What do you think contributed in the development of the disorder in

>your parent(s) or parent(s) figure(s)?

>Thanks

>Bagira

>

>

>

>~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to

>them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to

>ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to

>ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

>non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

>table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada, along with her other 5 siblings were very abused.

Physically, mostly. But with her, it was mostly abaondonment. I

remember reading a letter she showed me that was directed at her

mother (I was in my 20's at the time) and she said in the letter that

she remembered as a young child going into her mother's closet and

hugging her mother's clothes, just to be near something of hers. I

was so devastated by this I couldn't read the rest. It was so

emotional for me to imagine that relationship, because she was so

loving and caring to me (that was before all hell broke loose - when

I got married). I believe her mothing had some form of it (like the

Prime time program mother) and because of that she was unable to bond

with any of her children. The father in the house was a step

father who was sadistic (he was a cop) and treated all the kids (even

his own two) terribly. Sent my aunt to a convent for unwed mothers

at the age of 17 and she was still a virgin, but of course she

couldn't convince them of it - they just wanted her out of the house

because she never coward, wasn't afriad. Today (she's now 65) we are

very close. My nada has always had a BIG issue with our

relationship. Very jealous!!!

---- Original Message ----

From: BagiraXXI@...

To: ModOasisegroups,

Subject: RE: Why do you think your parent(s) has/have BPD?

Date: Wed, 24 Jan 2001 17:46:39 -0000

>I apologize, because I don't have a time to answer my own question,

>I

>will do it later, but if you don't mind to share:

>What do you think contributed in the development of the disorder in

>your parent(s) or parent(s) figure(s)?

>Thanks

>Bagira

>

>

>

>~ People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to

>them before posting. To get off the list, send a blank message to

>ModOasis-unsubscribeeGroups. Send questions & concerns to

>ModOasis-owneronelist. " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

>non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the

>table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OK! Time to answer my own question. What contributed to development

of BPD in my mother?

First it was World War 2 My mother was 3 when Nazis invaded our

country. Granddad send them away (nada, her brother – he was 11

by than,and my grandfather) into evacuation, and went to army. He was

40 by then and he served in auxiliary troops – I never notice in

him

any heavy signs of PTSD. As I remember him he was very caring, loving

and giving man, but he yelled on my grandma pretty explosively and

loudly when she was doing heavy chores, because he did not want her

to lift heavy things, etc. So probably this is where my nada learned

that it is OK to yell.

Anyway they ran from nazis, and settled on the other side of the

river, where very long and important battle took place a year later.

It was a turning point for Eastern Front. Germans turned back than.

They did not occupy the other side of the river, were my nada was

living and that time. If this battle was lost, it probably meant

death for them. I am sure it was very scary and tense time. It lasted

a couple of weeks. She was 4 then. They stayed there until the end

of the war, reunited with granddad and came back, to the same area,

but in different town, were grandpa got a job. Grandma lost her

younger brother during the war, and I think she was afraid of any

more losses after this, and was a bit overprotective.

My grandparents were not rich, but pretty respectable people in the

town, I am sure they provided their children with anything necessary

and bit more and plenty of love. In 3 years uncle left to school,

nada was like only child now. By the way my uncle did not develop

BPD. I think uncle was mommy's favorite, maybe nada was bit

jealous. Grandma was an elementary school teacher in the only school

in the town. Nada was school activist, straight A student,

cheerleader. I am not saying she did not deserve it, but probably

grandma influenced it a bit. Nada was a star. At 17 she left her

small town and went to school to the one of the biggest, most

beautiful and cosmopolitan cities in the country, center of cultural

life. She got admitted and graduated from University, but she was not

a star anymore. She was pretty average. She had pretty exiting life

there -she is still big theater and museumgoer. She was infatuated

with her fellow student, but he never loved her back. They never

dated. I think she never get over this. At age of 20 she got hit by

motorcycle, broke her leg, spend one year in the hospital. After that

she graduated and went back, to the same area, where her parents

live, but she lived in the capital now. Her romantic life was not

very successful over there, she had one bitter disappointment, and

she seemed never got over it again and she married my father at the

age 26(what was late, according to the standard, and she never got

over it too) after 2 months of courtship. She claims that she

married him because Grandma started to worry about her being

unmarried, and nada did not wanted to frustrate her. Another reason

for her getting married, she says she was about to receive an

apartment from government (we did not have private sector – all

belonged to government), and because she married, she got a bigger

apartment. I think her screaming and yelling started not later than

½ year into marriage, when she started raging at me I don't

exactly

remember – I think I was about 8. She claims she was raging

because she was unhappy, and my father disappointed her a lot. So it

was his fault. Also I did not study well enough – my average was

3.45,

but she did better, and my cousin did better, and our nieghbor

doughter did better, I never was good enogh for her. Never. She

graduated with honor - so she is better than me. As well I was a

*very* difficult teenager according to her. I did not remember why I

was so difficult, but yes I hated to hear her raging, and wanted to

avoid it as much as I can. BTW I did not drink, did not smoke, did

not do drugs and did not have sex, actually I did not date in high

school at all. This is the short picture of development of my MM.

I am not sure exactly when she become BP, I believe she also has

strong narcissistic tendencies, but what I think she become a

narcissist in her teens, and BPD shows up during her twenties. I

think WW2 and romantic failures developed fear of abandonment and

loss in her. She wanted to receive compensation through me. Since I

was her only child – I was chosen.

Bagira.

[Guest guest]

OK! Time to answer my own question. What contributed to development

of BPD in my mother?

First it was World War 2 My mother was 3 when Nazis invaded our

country. Granddad send them away (nada, her brother – he was 11

by than,and my grandfather) into evacuation, and went to army. He was

40 by then and he served in auxiliary troops – I never notice in

him

any heavy signs of PTSD. As I remember him he was very caring, loving

and giving man, but he yelled on my grandma pretty explosively and

loudly when she was doing heavy chores, because he did not want her

to lift heavy things, etc. So probably this is where my nada learned

that it is OK to yell.

Anyway they ran from nazis, and settled on the other side of the

river, where very long and important battle took place a year later.

It was a turning point for Eastern Front. Germans turned back than.

They did not occupy the other side of the river, were my nada was

living and that time. If this battle was lost, it probably meant

death for them. I am sure it was very scary and tense time. It lasted

a couple of weeks. She was 4 then. They stayed there until the end

of the war, reunited with granddad and came back, to the same area,

but in different town, were grandpa got a job. Grandma lost her

younger brother during the war, and I think she was afraid of any

more losses after this, and was a bit overprotective.

My grandparents were not rich, but pretty respectable people in the

town, I am sure they provided their children with anything necessary

and bit more and plenty of love. In 3 years uncle left to school,

nada was like only child now. By the way my uncle did not develop

BPD. I think uncle was mommy's favorite, maybe nada was bit

jealous. Grandma was an elementary school teacher in the only school

in the town. Nada was school activist, straight A student,

cheerleader. I am not saying she did not deserve it, but probably

grandma influenced it a bit. Nada was a star. At 17 she left her

small town and went to school to the one of the biggest, most

beautiful and cosmopolitan cities in the country, center of cultural

life. She got admitted and graduated from University, but she was not

a star anymore. She was pretty average. She had pretty exiting life

there -she is still big theater and museumgoer. She was infatuated

with her fellow student, but he never loved her back. They never

dated. I think she never get over this. At age of 20 she got hit by

motorcycle, broke her leg, spend one year in the hospital. After that

she graduated and went back, to the same area, where her parents

live, but she lived in the capital now. Her romantic life was not

very successful over there, she had one bitter disappointment, and

she seemed never got over it again and she married my father at the

age 26(what was late, according to the standard, and she never got

over it too) after 2 months of courtship. She claims that she

married him because Grandma started to worry about her being

unmarried, and nada did not wanted to frustrate her. Another reason

for her getting married, she says she was about to receive an

apartment from government (we did not have private sector – all

belonged to government), and because she married, she got a bigger

apartment. I think her screaming and yelling started not later than

½ year into marriage, when she started raging at me I don't

exactly

remember – I think I was about 8. She claims she was raging

because she was unhappy, and my father disappointed her a lot. So it

was his fault. Also I did not study well enough – my average was

3.45,

but she did better, and my cousin did better, and our nieghbor

doughter did better, I never was good enogh for her. Never. She

graduated with honor - so she is better than me. As well I was a

*very* difficult teenager according to her. I did not remember why I

was so difficult, but yes I hated to hear her raging, and wanted to

avoid it as much as I can. BTW I did not drink, did not smoke, did

not do drugs and did not have sex, actually I did not date in high

school at all. This is the short picture of development of my MM.

I am not sure exactly when she become BP, I believe she also has

strong narcissistic tendencies, but what I think she become a

narcissist in her teens, and BPD shows up during her twenties. I

think WW2 and romantic failures developed fear of abandonment and

loss in her. She wanted to receive compensation through me. Since I

was her only child – I was chosen.

Bagira.

[Guest guest]

OK! Time to answer my own question. What contributed to development

of BPD in my mother?

First it was World War 2 My mother was 3 when Nazis invaded our

country. Granddad send them away (nada, her brother – he was 11

by than,and my grandfather) into evacuation, and went to army. He was

40 by then and he served in auxiliary troops – I never notice in

him

any heavy signs of PTSD. As I remember him he was very caring, loving

and giving man, but he yelled on my grandma pretty explosively and

loudly when she was doing heavy chores, because he did not want her

to lift heavy things, etc. So probably this is where my nada learned

that it is OK to yell.

Anyway they ran from nazis, and settled on the other side of the

river, where very long and important battle took place a year later.

It was a turning point for Eastern Front. Germans turned back than.

They did not occupy the other side of the river, were my nada was

living and that time. If this battle was lost, it probably meant

death for them. I am sure it was very scary and tense time. It lasted

a couple of weeks. She was 4 then. They stayed there until the end

of the war, reunited with granddad and came back, to the same area,

but in different town, were grandpa got a job. Grandma lost her

younger brother during the war, and I think she was afraid of any

more losses after this, and was a bit overprotective.

My grandparents were not rich, but pretty respectable people in the

town, I am sure they provided their children with anything necessary

and bit more and plenty of love. In 3 years uncle left to school,

nada was like only child now. By the way my uncle did not develop

BPD. I think uncle was mommy's favorite, maybe nada was bit

jealous. Grandma was an elementary school teacher in the only school

in the town. Nada was school activist, straight A student,

cheerleader. I am not saying she did not deserve it, but probably

grandma influenced it a bit. Nada was a star. At 17 she left her

small town and went to school to the one of the biggest, most

beautiful and cosmopolitan cities in the country, center of cultural

life. She got admitted and graduated from University, but she was not

a star anymore. She was pretty average. She had pretty exiting life

there -she is still big theater and museumgoer. She was infatuated

with her fellow student, but he never loved her back. They never

dated. I think she never get over this. At age of 20 she got hit by

motorcycle, broke her leg, spend one year in the hospital. After that

she graduated and went back, to the same area, where her parents

live, but she lived in the capital now. Her romantic life was not

very successful over there, she had one bitter disappointment, and

she seemed never got over it again and she married my father at the

age 26(what was late, according to the standard, and she never got

over it too) after 2 months of courtship. She claims that she

married him because Grandma started to worry about her being

unmarried, and nada did not wanted to frustrate her. Another reason

for her getting married, she says she was about to receive an

apartment from government (we did not have private sector – all

belonged to government), and because she married, she got a bigger

apartment. I think her screaming and yelling started not later than

½ year into marriage, when she started raging at me I don't

exactly

remember – I think I was about 8. She claims she was raging

because she was unhappy, and my father disappointed her a lot. So it

was his fault. Also I did not study well enough – my average was

3.45,

but she did better, and my cousin did better, and our nieghbor

doughter did better, I never was good enogh for her. Never. She

graduated with honor - so she is better than me. As well I was a

*very* difficult teenager according to her. I did not remember why I

was so difficult, but yes I hated to hear her raging, and wanted to

avoid it as much as I can. BTW I did not drink, did not smoke, did

not do drugs and did not have sex, actually I did not date in high

school at all. This is the short picture of development of my MM.

I am not sure exactly when she become BP, I believe she also has

strong narcissistic tendencies, but what I think she become a

narcissist in her teens, and BPD shows up during her twenties. I

think WW2 and romantic failures developed fear of abandonment and

loss in her. She wanted to receive compensation through me. Since I

was her only child – I was chosen.

Bagira.