Re: The borderline Witch...

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your careful guidance, Edith. These selections

certainly are the gold from this valuable work.

>

> " No borderline mother is always a Witch, and some borderline

mothers are

> never Witches. But when the Witch appears adult children must

distance

> themselves immediately and completely... " (page 284)

> ______________

>

> Excerpts from the book, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , by

> Ann Lawson follow:

>

> " The Witch's children may feel disconnected from life, internally

dead,

> " trapped in a world of total domination, a world hostile to life

and any

> sign of dignity or resistance " (Des Pres 1976, p. 13). The human

spirit

> does not die as easily as the body. It shrivels slowly, like a plant

> deprived of water, and eventually succumbs from a " relentless

assault on

> the survivor's sense of Purity and worth " (p. 60). The body becomes

a

> cumbersome shell, the mind a wasteland, the eyes a mirror

reflecting the

> vanquished will. The human being becomes a human doing; the being no

> longer exists. " (page 271-2)

>

> " ...Merger-hungry personalities such as the borderline Witch desire

> complete control over their children... " (page 272)

>

> " The no-good child is most susceptible to annihilation anxiety,

> functioning primarily as a receptacle for the Witch's self-hatred.

Like

> an atrophied appendage of the Witch's body, the no-good child feels

> numb, useless, and despised... "

>

> " Although the Witch seeks to destroy the spirit of the no-good

child,

> she is unaware of her destructiveness... " (page 273)

>

> " Witch mothers do not recognize their behavior as destructive;

> consequently, they are defensive when therapists confront or report

> their abusive behavior. Medean Mothers may believe the child is

better

> off dead because the child is spared further suffering... "

>

> " Children have faith in their parents and believe in their greater

> wisdom. No child wants to believe that their mother is capable of

> brutality. Alice (1984) explains that both parent and child

come

> to believe that such treatment is for the child's own good... "

>

> " ...Young children need to believe that their mother knows what is

right

> and good. Their trust and loyalty are truly blind, for they have no

> other exerience by which to assess her judgment. They believe in her

> basic goodness, more so than they believe in their own goodness. It

is

> safer to accept the view that they are evil than to consider the

> consequences if mother is evil. " (page 274)

>

> " ...Every child raised by a borderline Witch knows that anger

kills, and

> feels the toll taken on the body when rage is repressed. " (page 275)

>

> " ...Degradation by someone who claims to love you is qualitatively

> different than degradation by a stranger. ...The Witch's children

cannot

> afford to live with hate. "

>

> " Although the Witch is capable of evoking murderous rage, the key to

> survival lies in *disarming*, not attacking her. ...the Witch's

adult

> children must free themselves by using the power they already

possess. "

> (page 276)

>

> " Disaster is certain to follow any attempt to control the Witch...

the

> Witch is terrified of not being in control, adult children must

respect

> her right to control her own life. " (page 279)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to respond to her domination with

firm

> resistance. Adults must not submit to the Witch's demands and should

> exert control only over their own behavior... "

>

> " ...Firmness demonstrates strength of character, domination

demonstrates

> underlying fear. " (page 280)

>

> " ...The Witch is trapped within her self-constructed cage of

> self-hatred. Inflicting pain on such a tortured soul is pointless.

Her

> children must transcend their hatred by holding on to the belief in

> their own goodness. Children who seek revenge destroy their good

> selves. " (page 282)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to create distance in three

separate

> realms of their being: spiritually, physically, and emotionally...

[They

> must] stand in the light of their own basic goodness, displayilng

> strength and character by doing no harm. "

>

> " Adult children can create emotional distance by not confiding in

the

> Witch. No one should trust a Witch. The Witch uses the words of

others

> in order to beguile and control.... " (page 283)

>

> " ...the Witch's children instinctively know not to reveal their ture

> selves, their desires, feelings, or opinions to their mother... "

(page

> 284)

>

> " Many adult female children create emotional distance by avoiding

being

> like the Witch in any way. They despise those parts of themselves

that

> remind them of her. They may undergo cosmetic surgery to change

physical

> features that remind them of their mother, and may avoid becoming a

> mother at all. The word " mother " may mean " witch " to the Witch's

> children. "

>

> " Structuring a relationship with the Witch requires one basic

> requirement: ZERO TOLERANCE. When the Witch appears, the adult child

> must leave, hang up, terminate the interaction. No borderline

mother is

> always a Witch, and some borderline mothers are never Witches. But

when

> the Witch appears adult children must distance themselves

immediately

> and completely... "

>

> " In order for adult chidren to survive the Witch, they must fight

hatred

> as well as fear... " (page 287)

>

> " Reflecting on their childhood, adult children of borderline Witches

> feel as though they passed through Dante's gates of hell, over

which was

> written, " Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. " Cruelty endured from

> one's mother is unlike any other. The child may repress rage,

direct it

> at the self, or direct it at those who represent the mother.

Frequently,

> internalized rage takes a toll on the child's body, possibly

> contributing to autoimmune disorders and other physical

ailments.... The

> body speaks for the soul if the soul does not find a voice. " (page

289)

>

> " Pain that is expressed, heard, and believed is not experienced in

vain.

> Pain that is heard can then be tolerated and healed. (page 290)

>

> And, Lawson concludes:

>

> " The Witch's children grow up. They learn to speak; they remember

the

> truth. Some may remain silent forever, protecting themselves from

the

> unendurable horror of telling the truth that no one believes. Those

who

> speak find that very few people are prepared to hear what they have

to

> say. " (page 290)

>

> __

>

> Posted by Edith

>

> .

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your careful guidance, Edith. These selections

certainly are the gold from this valuable work.

>

> " No borderline mother is always a Witch, and some borderline

mothers are

> never Witches. But when the Witch appears adult children must

distance

> themselves immediately and completely... " (page 284)

> ______________

>

> Excerpts from the book, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , by

> Ann Lawson follow:

>

> " The Witch's children may feel disconnected from life, internally

dead,

> " trapped in a world of total domination, a world hostile to life

and any

> sign of dignity or resistance " (Des Pres 1976, p. 13). The human

spirit

> does not die as easily as the body. It shrivels slowly, like a plant

> deprived of water, and eventually succumbs from a " relentless

assault on

> the survivor's sense of Purity and worth " (p. 60). The body becomes

a

> cumbersome shell, the mind a wasteland, the eyes a mirror

reflecting the

> vanquished will. The human being becomes a human doing; the being no

> longer exists. " (page 271-2)

>

> " ...Merger-hungry personalities such as the borderline Witch desire

> complete control over their children... " (page 272)

>

> " The no-good child is most susceptible to annihilation anxiety,

> functioning primarily as a receptacle for the Witch's self-hatred.

Like

> an atrophied appendage of the Witch's body, the no-good child feels

> numb, useless, and despised... "

>

> " Although the Witch seeks to destroy the spirit of the no-good

child,

> she is unaware of her destructiveness... " (page 273)

>

> " Witch mothers do not recognize their behavior as destructive;

> consequently, they are defensive when therapists confront or report

> their abusive behavior. Medean Mothers may believe the child is

better

> off dead because the child is spared further suffering... "

>

> " Children have faith in their parents and believe in their greater

> wisdom. No child wants to believe that their mother is capable of

> brutality. Alice (1984) explains that both parent and child

come

> to believe that such treatment is for the child's own good... "

>

> " ...Young children need to believe that their mother knows what is

right

> and good. Their trust and loyalty are truly blind, for they have no

> other exerience by which to assess her judgment. They believe in her

> basic goodness, more so than they believe in their own goodness. It

is

> safer to accept the view that they are evil than to consider the

> consequences if mother is evil. " (page 274)

>

> " ...Every child raised by a borderline Witch knows that anger

kills, and

> feels the toll taken on the body when rage is repressed. " (page 275)

>

> " ...Degradation by someone who claims to love you is qualitatively

> different than degradation by a stranger. ...The Witch's children

cannot

> afford to live with hate. "

>

> " Although the Witch is capable of evoking murderous rage, the key to

> survival lies in *disarming*, not attacking her. ...the Witch's

adult

> children must free themselves by using the power they already

possess. "

> (page 276)

>

> " Disaster is certain to follow any attempt to control the Witch...

the

> Witch is terrified of not being in control, adult children must

respect

> her right to control her own life. " (page 279)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to respond to her domination with

firm

> resistance. Adults must not submit to the Witch's demands and should

> exert control only over their own behavior... "

>

> " ...Firmness demonstrates strength of character, domination

demonstrates

> underlying fear. " (page 280)

>

> " ...The Witch is trapped within her self-constructed cage of

> self-hatred. Inflicting pain on such a tortured soul is pointless.

Her

> children must transcend their hatred by holding on to the belief in

> their own goodness. Children who seek revenge destroy their good

> selves. " (page 282)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to create distance in three

separate

> realms of their being: spiritually, physically, and emotionally...

[They

> must] stand in the light of their own basic goodness, displayilng

> strength and character by doing no harm. "

>

> " Adult children can create emotional distance by not confiding in

the

> Witch. No one should trust a Witch. The Witch uses the words of

others

> in order to beguile and control.... " (page 283)

>

> " ...the Witch's children instinctively know not to reveal their ture

> selves, their desires, feelings, or opinions to their mother... "

(page

> 284)

>

> " Many adult female children create emotional distance by avoiding

being

> like the Witch in any way. They despise those parts of themselves

that

> remind them of her. They may undergo cosmetic surgery to change

physical

> features that remind them of their mother, and may avoid becoming a

> mother at all. The word " mother " may mean " witch " to the Witch's

> children. "

>

> " Structuring a relationship with the Witch requires one basic

> requirement: ZERO TOLERANCE. When the Witch appears, the adult child

> must leave, hang up, terminate the interaction. No borderline

mother is

> always a Witch, and some borderline mothers are never Witches. But

when

> the Witch appears adult children must distance themselves

immediately

> and completely... "

>

> " In order for adult chidren to survive the Witch, they must fight

hatred

> as well as fear... " (page 287)

>

> " Reflecting on their childhood, adult children of borderline Witches

> feel as though they passed through Dante's gates of hell, over

which was

> written, " Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. " Cruelty endured from

> one's mother is unlike any other. The child may repress rage,

direct it

> at the self, or direct it at those who represent the mother.

Frequently,

> internalized rage takes a toll on the child's body, possibly

> contributing to autoimmune disorders and other physical

ailments.... The

> body speaks for the soul if the soul does not find a voice. " (page

289)

>

> " Pain that is expressed, heard, and believed is not experienced in

vain.

> Pain that is heard can then be tolerated and healed. (page 290)

>

> And, Lawson concludes:

>

> " The Witch's children grow up. They learn to speak; they remember

the

> truth. Some may remain silent forever, protecting themselves from

the

> unendurable horror of telling the truth that no one believes. Those

who

> speak find that very few people are prepared to hear what they have

to

> say. " (page 290)

>

> __

>

> Posted by Edith

>

> .

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your careful guidance, Edith. These selections

certainly are the gold from this valuable work.

>

> " No borderline mother is always a Witch, and some borderline

mothers are

> never Witches. But when the Witch appears adult children must

distance

> themselves immediately and completely... " (page 284)

> ______________

>

> Excerpts from the book, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , by

> Ann Lawson follow:

>

> " The Witch's children may feel disconnected from life, internally

dead,

> " trapped in a world of total domination, a world hostile to life

and any

> sign of dignity or resistance " (Des Pres 1976, p. 13). The human

spirit

> does not die as easily as the body. It shrivels slowly, like a plant

> deprived of water, and eventually succumbs from a " relentless

assault on

> the survivor's sense of Purity and worth " (p. 60). The body becomes

a

> cumbersome shell, the mind a wasteland, the eyes a mirror

reflecting the

> vanquished will. The human being becomes a human doing; the being no

> longer exists. " (page 271-2)

>

> " ...Merger-hungry personalities such as the borderline Witch desire

> complete control over their children... " (page 272)

>

> " The no-good child is most susceptible to annihilation anxiety,

> functioning primarily as a receptacle for the Witch's self-hatred.

Like

> an atrophied appendage of the Witch's body, the no-good child feels

> numb, useless, and despised... "

>

> " Although the Witch seeks to destroy the spirit of the no-good

child,

> she is unaware of her destructiveness... " (page 273)

>

> " Witch mothers do not recognize their behavior as destructive;

> consequently, they are defensive when therapists confront or report

> their abusive behavior. Medean Mothers may believe the child is

better

> off dead because the child is spared further suffering... "

>

> " Children have faith in their parents and believe in their greater

> wisdom. No child wants to believe that their mother is capable of

> brutality. Alice (1984) explains that both parent and child

come

> to believe that such treatment is for the child's own good... "

>

> " ...Young children need to believe that their mother knows what is

right

> and good. Their trust and loyalty are truly blind, for they have no

> other exerience by which to assess her judgment. They believe in her

> basic goodness, more so than they believe in their own goodness. It

is

> safer to accept the view that they are evil than to consider the

> consequences if mother is evil. " (page 274)

>

> " ...Every child raised by a borderline Witch knows that anger

kills, and

> feels the toll taken on the body when rage is repressed. " (page 275)

>

> " ...Degradation by someone who claims to love you is qualitatively

> different than degradation by a stranger. ...The Witch's children

cannot

> afford to live with hate. "

>

> " Although the Witch is capable of evoking murderous rage, the key to

> survival lies in *disarming*, not attacking her. ...the Witch's

adult

> children must free themselves by using the power they already

possess. "

> (page 276)

>

> " Disaster is certain to follow any attempt to control the Witch...

the

> Witch is terrified of not being in control, adult children must

respect

> her right to control her own life. " (page 279)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to respond to her domination with

firm

> resistance. Adults must not submit to the Witch's demands and should

> exert control only over their own behavior... "

>

> " ...Firmness demonstrates strength of character, domination

demonstrates

> underlying fear. " (page 280)

>

> " ...The Witch is trapped within her self-constructed cage of

> self-hatred. Inflicting pain on such a tortured soul is pointless.

Her

> children must transcend their hatred by holding on to the belief in

> their own goodness. Children who seek revenge destroy their good

> selves. " (page 282)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to create distance in three

separate

> realms of their being: spiritually, physically, and emotionally...

[They

> must] stand in the light of their own basic goodness, displayilng

> strength and character by doing no harm. "

>

> " Adult children can create emotional distance by not confiding in

the

> Witch. No one should trust a Witch. The Witch uses the words of

others

> in order to beguile and control.... " (page 283)

>

> " ...the Witch's children instinctively know not to reveal their ture

> selves, their desires, feelings, or opinions to their mother... "

(page

> 284)

>

> " Many adult female children create emotional distance by avoiding

being

> like the Witch in any way. They despise those parts of themselves

that

> remind them of her. They may undergo cosmetic surgery to change

physical

> features that remind them of their mother, and may avoid becoming a

> mother at all. The word " mother " may mean " witch " to the Witch's

> children. "

>

> " Structuring a relationship with the Witch requires one basic

> requirement: ZERO TOLERANCE. When the Witch appears, the adult child

> must leave, hang up, terminate the interaction. No borderline

mother is

> always a Witch, and some borderline mothers are never Witches. But

when

> the Witch appears adult children must distance themselves

immediately

> and completely... "

>

> " In order for adult chidren to survive the Witch, they must fight

hatred

> as well as fear... " (page 287)

>

> " Reflecting on their childhood, adult children of borderline Witches

> feel as though they passed through Dante's gates of hell, over

which was

> written, " Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. " Cruelty endured from

> one's mother is unlike any other. The child may repress rage,

direct it

> at the self, or direct it at those who represent the mother.

Frequently,

> internalized rage takes a toll on the child's body, possibly

> contributing to autoimmune disorders and other physical

ailments.... The

> body speaks for the soul if the soul does not find a voice. " (page

289)

>

> " Pain that is expressed, heard, and believed is not experienced in

vain.

> Pain that is heard can then be tolerated and healed. (page 290)

>

> And, Lawson concludes:

>

> " The Witch's children grow up. They learn to speak; they remember

the

> truth. Some may remain silent forever, protecting themselves from

the

> unendurable horror of telling the truth that no one believes. Those

who

> speak find that very few people are prepared to hear what they have

to

> say. " (page 290)

>

> __

>

> Posted by Edith

>

> .

[Guest guest]

Good grief, I really need to read that book. Thank you for clarifying

my childhood for me.

Cyndy

--- Edith wrote:

>

> " No borderline mother is always a Witch, and some borderline

> mothers are

> never Witches. But when the Witch appears adult children must

> distance

> themselves immediately and completely... " (page 284)

> ______________

>

> Excerpts from the book, " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , by

> Ann Lawson follow:

>

> " The Witch's children may feel disconnected from life, internally

> dead,

> " trapped in a world of total domination, a world hostile to life

> and any

> sign of dignity or resistance " (Des Pres 1976, p. 13). The human

> spirit

> does not die as easily as the body. It shrivels slowly, like a

> plant

> deprived of water, and eventually succumbs from a " relentless

> assault on

> the survivor's sense of Purity and worth " (p. 60). The body becomes

> a

> cumbersome shell, the mind a wasteland, the eyes a mirror

> reflecting the

> vanquished will. The human being becomes a human doing; the being

> no

> longer exists. " (page 271-2)

>

> " ...Merger-hungry personalities such as the borderline Witch desire

> complete control over their children... " (page 272)

>

> " The no-good child is most susceptible to annihilation anxiety,

> functioning primarily as a receptacle for the Witch's self-hatred.

> Like

> an atrophied appendage of the Witch's body, the no-good child feels

> numb, useless, and despised... "

>

> " Although the Witch seeks to destroy the spirit of the no-good

> child,

> she is unaware of her destructiveness... " (page 273)

>

> " Witch mothers do not recognize their behavior as destructive;

> consequently, they are defensive when therapists confront or report

> their abusive behavior. Medean Mothers may believe the child is

> better

> off dead because the child is spared further suffering... "

>

> " Children have faith in their parents and believe in their greater

> wisdom. No child wants to believe that their mother is capable of

> brutality. Alice (1984) explains that both parent and child

> come

> to believe that such treatment is for the child's own good... "

>

> " ...Young children need to believe that their mother knows what is

> right

> and good. Their trust and loyalty are truly blind, for they have no

> other exerience by which to assess her judgment. They believe in

> her

> basic goodness, more so than they believe in their own goodness. It

> is

> safer to accept the view that they are evil than to consider the

> consequences if mother is evil. " (page 274)

>

> " ...Every child raised by a borderline Witch knows that anger

> kills, and

> feels the toll taken on the body when rage is repressed. " (page

> 275)

>

> " ...Degradation by someone who claims to love you is qualitatively

> different than degradation by a stranger. ...The Witch's children

> cannot

> afford to live with hate. "

>

> " Although the Witch is capable of evoking murderous rage, the key

> to

> survival lies in *disarming*, not attacking her. ...the Witch's

> adult

> children must free themselves by using the power they already

> possess. "

> (page 276)

>

> " Disaster is certain to follow any attempt to control the Witch...

> the

> Witch is terrified of not being in control, adult children must

> respect

> her right to control her own life. " (page 279)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to respond to her domination with

> firm

> resistance. Adults must not submit to the Witch's demands and

> should

> exert control only over their own behavior... "

>

> " ...Firmness demonstrates strength of character, domination

> demonstrates

> underlying fear. " (page 280)

>

> " ...The Witch is trapped within her self-constructed cage of

> self-hatred. Inflicting pain on such a tortured soul is pointless.

> Her

> children must transcend their hatred by holding on to the belief in

> their own goodness. Children who seek revenge destroy their good

> selves. " (page 282)

>

> " The Witch's adult children need to create distance in three

> separate

> realms of their being: spiritually, physically, and emotionally...

> [They

> must] stand in the light of their own basic goodness, displayilng

> strength and character by doing no harm. "

>

> " Adult children can create emotional distance by not confiding in

> the

> Witch. No one should trust a Witch. The Witch uses the words of

> others

> in order to beguile and control.... " (page 283)

>

> " ...the Witch's children instinctively know not to reveal their

> ture

> selves, their desires, feelings, or opinions to their mother... "

> (page

> 284)

>

> " Many adult female children create emotional distance by avoiding

> being

> like the Witch in any way. They despise those parts of themselves

> that

> remind them of her. They may undergo cosmetic surgery to change

> physical

> features that remind them of their mother, and may avoid becoming a

> mother at all. The word " mother " may mean " witch " to the Witch's

> children. "

>

> " Structuring a relationship with the Witch requires one basic

> requirement: ZERO TOLERANCE. When the Witch appears, the adult

> child

> must leave, hang up, terminate the interaction. No borderline

> mother is

> always a Witch, and some borderline mothers are never Witches. But

> when

> the Witch appears adult children must distance themselves

> immediately

> and completely... "

>

> " In order for adult chidren to survive the Witch, they must fight

> hatred

> as well as fear... " (page 287)

>

> " Reflecting on their childhood, adult children of borderline

> Witches

> feel as though they passed through Dante's gates of hell, over

> which was

> written, " Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. " Cruelty endured

> from

> one's mother is unlike any other. The child may repress rage,

> direct it

> at the self, or direct it at those who represent the mother.

> Frequently,

> internalized rage takes a toll on the child's body, possibly

> contributing to autoimmune disorders and other physical

> ailments.... The

> body speaks for the soul if the soul does not find a voice. " (page

> 289)

>

> " Pain that is expressed, heard, and believed is not experienced in

> vain.

> Pain that is heard can then be tolerated and healed. (page 290)

>

> And, Lawson concludes:

>

> " The Witch's children grow up. They learn to speak; they remember

> the

> truth. Some may remain silent forever, protecting themselves from

> the

> unendurable horror of telling the truth that no one believes. Those

> who

> speak find that very few people are prepared to hear what they have

> to

> say. " (page 290)

>

> __

>

> Posted by Edith

>

> .

>

>

=====

PEACE and HEALING

/group/depression-cause-cure

http://www.hypnosis-audio.com

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__________________________________________________