Revisiting the past...

[Guest guest]

wrote:

<<

.... My major problem is that I don't want to remember, but the memories

are coming anyways. ... It just seems to me right now that it is better

to forget about these things then to relive them. I guess what I am

saying is HELP. I feel so alone right now. My brother and sister don't

want to talk about it and right now I have a great need to talk about

it. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it.

>>

Hi ,

I have no advice.

There's no contest here. Everyone has choices and everyone makes their

own decisions and proceeds at their own pace. Like Anon wrote, you might

want to find a therapist who is cognizant of the special problems of

children of BPD parents, or you might want to share on the list. Another

choice might be to write stuff in a journal. One of my first major

breakthroughs came through journaling my childhood memories. By reading

my stuff at a later date I was able to recognize abuse for the first

time. Another choice might be to just leave the past alone. My sister

chose to put her childhood memories in a little box, with a ribbon tied

tightly around it, and to bury it deep inside.

When I began my journey five years ago I had no idea what lay ahead or

where the path led. I simply needed information to make sense out of

what had happened in my life. There was no one ahead of me on the path

to guide my way. I was just VERY, VERY highly motivated to find answers.

Because of the dysfunctionality in my family of origin and,

subsequently, in that in which my children were raised (with a BP fada),

my daughter in her early 20s joined a cult. That was 25 years ago. I

needed to know why. As I learned about BPD, I shared the info with my

daughter. We both drank deeply at the well these past five years and

this past month my daughter chose to get her life back. It was her

decision based on her own best knowledge. In retrospect, for me, I agree

with Ann Lawson when she wrote the following in her book,

Understanding the Borderline Mother:

" Adult children of borderline mothers must return to the past for the

sake of their future. The last half of their lives can become the best

half if they disinter the real self and rediscover their lost

exuberance, their own free will, and their uninhibited creative self. "

(page 303)

My daughter and I got the " two-for-the-price-of-one " bargain of the

century and we each get to enjoy the last and best halves of our lives.

There are now two of us leaning against the lamp post, under the light

at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs,

Edith

- End of this chapter of our lives.

..