/re: logic, love and BPs

[Guest guest]

,

I don't know if I ever tried being logical with nada when I was

a child (your attempts were very bold and courageous -- they

showed an awareness that you were being wronged, and I'm not

sure I had that). It is, however, a tactic I have tried as an

adult. Ha, ha... fat chance that it would work. That whole

" feelings create facts " (from SWOE) is sooooo accurate. It's

amazing the way she will lie, twist and manipulate to get what

she wants (the ends ALWAYS justify the means). Trying to be

rational and logical with her is like trying to teach a cat to

fetch your newspaper -- a very futile exercise. Of course,

before I learned about BPD I didn't understand this. I always

believed that *I* was doing something wrong, and that's why

things didn't ever work out the way I intended. What a relief

to finally understand that it's NOT ME.

As far as her loving me, I do believe that she does, in her own

twisted way. But that knowledge was not much comfort when she

wasn't able to GIVE me her love.

Hugs,

Anon

--- already_free@... wrote:

>

> " McKay and his co-authors (1996) summarize studies

> showing that children of angry parents grow up to face more

> severe

> problems than those raised in less angry homes. In women,

> effects

> include depression, emotional numbness, painful yearnings for

> closeness and intimacy, a sense of powerlessness, and a limit

> of

> achievement in school and work. In men, the primary outcome

> seems to

> be difficulty sustaining emotional attachments. "

>

>

> Ok here's a lead in to another issue that I would like to

> bring

> up. There were times when I was little that I would try to

> connect

> with my logical mind to some kind of compassion or logic in my

>

> mother. When she was freaking out over everything and nothing,

> I

> would tell her that: monkeys with nervous mothers grew up to

> be more

> nervous. I would simply ask her not to hit or scream at me. I

> would

> tell her that: soldiers that are left at attention too long

> and

> don't move will faint, and that that I too was just not able

> to

> stand indefinitely without breathing or moving when she hung

> the hems

> on my dresses. I learned soon not to bother with this approach

>

> because it always led to a severe rage. But then so did

> getting angry

> and fighting back, and trying to physically escape made her

> rage

> worse. So the only real defense was to disassociate and wait.

>

> But I learned from this attempt at logic that I was sure she

> did not

> love me. I felt that if she didn't care if she hurt me that

> she

> couldn't love me. There was lots of other evidence too that

> she

> didn't love me but that was what convinced me when I was a

> child.

>

>

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