Re: becoming a parent like nada

[Guest guest]

<< My nada used to get into the most

towering, explosive rages, she saw nothing but red and we used to cower in

fear. She would hit out at her target with her slipper until we'd be black

and blue. or she would pinch our arms if we did the slightest mistake - like

leaving a drop of water on the sink after we were supposed to have cleaned

it , or leaving a crumb on the floor or not dropping everything and coming

when she called us. >>

Yo Other O's,

Boy, does this ever sound familiar. I remember once not being able to get my

math problems when I was younger. I was shown how my nada with a blackboard

and screamed at so hard I shook. Then, on top of that, she would yell at me

for not being able to write after she yelled at me. A very brutal cycle in

itself. She does remember the incident though because she said once that my

teacher didn't know how to teach. (Notice again the blame again being

shifted to another person and not herself). But, I was the one who got

yelled at till I shook and cried so hard that I couldn't do my homework. So,

I got blamed for not only not getting the problems but for not getting my

homework done.

Another vinette. When I was young my pet cat got into a fight with another

cat outdoors. My nada tried to break up the cat-fight. Now, even as kid, I

knew that you didn't break up a cat fight but she went out there and tried to

pulled them apart. My cat scratched her all the was down the chest and,

well, Other O's, you guessed, it, it was, " see what your precious cat did to

me? " Again, the blame on me. All my fault. As if I coaxed her to go stick

her head in and break up a cat fight. But she came in and screamed her head

off at me for it being my pet.

If I didn't come when she called for dinner within a few minutes I just knew

I would get it, too. Also, my dad. She would bang on the floor, stomp and

yell at him when dinner was ready and we would absolutely have to drop

everything we were doing for dinner.

Love the nada vignettes,

Rita

" And she'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the keyboard away. "

[Guest guest]

<< My nada used to get into the most

towering, explosive rages, she saw nothing but red and we used to cower in

fear. She would hit out at her target with her slipper until we'd be black

and blue. or she would pinch our arms if we did the slightest mistake - like

leaving a drop of water on the sink after we were supposed to have cleaned

it , or leaving a crumb on the floor or not dropping everything and coming

when she called us. >>

Yo Other O's,

Boy, does this ever sound familiar. I remember once not being able to get my

math problems when I was younger. I was shown how my nada with a blackboard

and screamed at so hard I shook. Then, on top of that, she would yell at me

for not being able to write after she yelled at me. A very brutal cycle in

itself. She does remember the incident though because she said once that my

teacher didn't know how to teach. (Notice again the blame again being

shifted to another person and not herself). But, I was the one who got

yelled at till I shook and cried so hard that I couldn't do my homework. So,

I got blamed for not only not getting the problems but for not getting my

homework done.

Another vinette. When I was young my pet cat got into a fight with another

cat outdoors. My nada tried to break up the cat-fight. Now, even as kid, I

knew that you didn't break up a cat fight but she went out there and tried to

pulled them apart. My cat scratched her all the was down the chest and,

well, Other O's, you guessed, it, it was, " see what your precious cat did to

me? " Again, the blame on me. All my fault. As if I coaxed her to go stick

her head in and break up a cat fight. But she came in and screamed her head

off at me for it being my pet.

If I didn't come when she called for dinner within a few minutes I just knew

I would get it, too. Also, my dad. She would bang on the floor, stomp and

yell at him when dinner was ready and we would absolutely have to drop

everything we were doing for dinner.

Love the nada vignettes,

Rita

" And she'll have fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the keyboard away. "

[Guest guest]

" Lutman " wrote:

<One of my fears before becoming a parent is

> ending up like my mother.

,

I too was very scared that I would end up like my nada. I was married for a

few years before we had children, I was scared I would not have the patience

to deal with them in a calm manner. My nada used to get into the most

towering, explosive rages, she saw nothing but red and we used to cower in

fear. She would hit out at her target with her slipper until we'd be black

and blue. or she would pinch our arms if we did the slightest mistake - like

leaving a drop of water on the sink after we were supposed to have cleaned

it , or leaving a crumb on the floor or not dropping everything and coming

when she called us.

I used to promise myself when I was a teenager, that I would never ever hit

my children no matter what- that sort of punishment does not accomplish

anything.

I am happy to say that although I can get angry, I never explode like she

did. Sometimes even when I am exhausted and my daughter can be really

irritating, I do not lose my patience. I always have in front of me the

memory of how nada treated any wrong doings and I will never let my children

go through that.

Dee

[Guest guest]

>

> <One of my fears before becoming a parent is

> > ending up like my mother.

>

>

I never thought about having children until I got pregnant.. I was

lucky to live across the country when I became a mom and

luckier to be around really nice enlightened mommy types. I read

a lot about the psychology of kids.

Also in the Philippines where I grew up there is a bad habit of

handing over the babies to a " yaya " (nanny) at birth and a looking

down on the " scut work " (nada's words) of diapers, bathing and

feeding. Babies are basically handed primped and perfumed to

the mothers who admire them and hand them back to the

maids. I mostly remember the women in my family sitting around

all day gossiping, character assasinating whoever was out of the

group. Never saw them engaged in any endeavor that

contributed to the greater good. They didn't work except on their

appearance. Very shallow. This was is in the upper classes

(another pot of worms). I totally rejected that. Went in the other

direction with kangaroo mothering.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

>

> <One of my fears before becoming a parent is

> > ending up like my mother.

>

>

I never thought about having children until I got pregnant.. I was

lucky to live across the country when I became a mom and

luckier to be around really nice enlightened mommy types. I read

a lot about the psychology of kids.

Also in the Philippines where I grew up there is a bad habit of

handing over the babies to a " yaya " (nanny) at birth and a looking

down on the " scut work " (nada's words) of diapers, bathing and

feeding. Babies are basically handed primped and perfumed to

the mothers who admire them and hand them back to the

maids. I mostly remember the women in my family sitting around

all day gossiping, character assasinating whoever was out of the

group. Never saw them engaged in any endeavor that

contributed to the greater good. They didn't work except on their

appearance. Very shallow. This was is in the upper classes

(another pot of worms). I totally rejected that. Went in the other

direction with kangaroo mothering.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

>

> <One of my fears before becoming a parent is

> > ending up like my mother.

>

>

I never thought about having children until I got pregnant.. I was

lucky to live across the country when I became a mom and

luckier to be around really nice enlightened mommy types. I read

a lot about the psychology of kids.

Also in the Philippines where I grew up there is a bad habit of

handing over the babies to a " yaya " (nanny) at birth and a looking

down on the " scut work " (nada's words) of diapers, bathing and

feeding. Babies are basically handed primped and perfumed to

the mothers who admire them and hand them back to the

maids. I mostly remember the women in my family sitting around

all day gossiping, character assasinating whoever was out of the

group. Never saw them engaged in any endeavor that

contributed to the greater good. They didn't work except on their

appearance. Very shallow. This was is in the upper classes

(another pot of worms). I totally rejected that. Went in the other

direction with kangaroo mothering.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Dee,

Sometimes things on this list really touch me. When

you spoke of being pinched it brought back

memories...Sometimes I think about the things my

mother used to do to us. My whole life I guess they

all seemed normal or ordinary to me. But when I review

it in my adult life I can't believe I went through

that. My mother used to pinch us, pull our hair, dig

her nails into us, hit us with shoes, brushes,

whatever was available. But I think her verbal abuse

was much worse, calling us losers, b!@stards, and

other names I can't put on here.Terrible stuff..

You know what, thinking about it, I could never be

like that to my own son.

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

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