Re: overlooked

[Guest guest]

> Maureen

> That is terrible that your mother treated like that. That

must

> have been very painful for you. I just don't understand why some

people

> think that just because our chidren are autistic that its okay to

ignore

> them or pretend they don't exist. I applaud you for having the

strength

> to distance yourself from you mother. I find its amazing what we

are

> capable of when it comes to our kids.

>

> Tracey

Tracey, I really think that most people just DON'T KNOW what to do

with a handicapped child, even if it's their own family -- unless

they live with them. And there have been enough stories of fathers

having similar problems just in the short time since I found this

list that I don't think even living with the child is a guarantee --

some people are just clueless. I don't know why it is that almost

everyone in my family seems to treat Juniper just the way she needs

to be treated without any help or direction, while my husband's

family are among the clueless. But if she spent time with my mother,

Mom would take her for a walk, or read to her, or something, while

her other grandmother would park her in front of the TV with a dish

of ice cream -- both things that make Juniper happy, but a cop-out

for her grandma who doesn't know what else to do with her. My

husband has lived with Juniper all her 21 years, and isn't much

better than his mother about knowing what to do with her! He tries,

I have to give him credit for that, and he does do things with her

once in a while, but usually because I ask him to, or one of her

sisters does.

And then, of course, there's the problem that some people think a

person with an intellectual disability is less human somehow, less

important, less of a person with an individual personality, that they

don't notice slights or care about things. I just remembered the

first time I realized that Juniper DID notice when her sisters got

things she didn't get. Our two older girls had had ponies, but we

were preparing to move and wouldn't be able to keep the ponies, so

for middle daughter's 12th birthday, we got bikes for the two older

girls. None for Juniper, as at that point she still didn't know how

to pedal, and to this day she can't ride a bike. But she had a hissy

fit for two days because they got bikes and she didn't! (She still

wasn't very verbal, so I had to guess at what was going on.) We

didn't make that mistake again!!

And it does help, if someone is making you miserable, to just stay

away from them. I haven't spent time with my husband's parents in

over four years, and it's been wonderful not having that stress in my

life!

Kathleen