nadas and wierd behavior

[Guest guest]

Ilene wrote:

<<

I remember getting pictures back after Christmas and my nada having a fit

because there were no pictures with my daughter. I pointed out there were

plenty of pictures of her holding her, but SHE was mad because there weren't

any pictures of her holding Penny in her RED dress.

>>

Uh huh, this sounds like a nada with an " object constancy " problem.

Nadas with an object constancy problem have lots of pictures on the walls so

they can remember what their loved ones look like when they're not right in

front of them. And, when someone dies or they split them all bad, then they

simply take their picture off the wall.

And, yup, you should have known that the only picture that mattered was the

one you didn't take!! Plus, that was the picture she wanted to show everyone

so they could see what a good nada she was. Now how was she supposed to

explain what the red dress looked like without a picture?

Hugs,

Edith

[Guest guest]

I remember getting pictures back after Christmas and my nada having a fit

because there were no pictures with my daughter. I pointed out there were

plenty of pictures of her holding her, but SHE was mad because there weren't any

pictures of her holding Penny in her RED dress. Good grief - there were

probably 30 people running around - at least 10 or so that wanted to hold the

cute 4 mos. old baby. We took pictures of everybody everywhere but didn't get a

picture of nada and the baby in her RED dress. I didn't understand it then and

my aunt and uncle just shook their heads, when I told them how mad she was - I

wish someone had said this is wierd or given me a clue, but of course it took

almost 15 more years of this kind of stuff before I got smart.

Ilene

[Guest guest]

My nada likes to find bad pictures of me and show them around

to people (esp. grand-nada), pityingly talking about my

unattractive features, etc. Then contrast that with pictures of my

younger sister, who did some modeling (actually, I did too, but I

think that's conveniently been erased from nada's memory).

More of the splitting that finally led me to minimize my contact

with nada as much as possible a few years ago.

On that note, I've heard some ironic news! I made it known in the

family that if nada wants to talk to me, she can call me, but that I

don't have any plans of ever reaching out to her. (This was my

way of more or less severing contact without causing a ruckus

that might polarize family members.) Evidently she's decided the

same thing last month after I didn't proactively tell her about my

cancer (which is probably removable as it's still early stage,

BTW, thanks Minja for asking) -- that because I never call her,

she's going to stop calling me. That's the best news I've had in a

while -- we'll see if she keeps this promise. I can stop checking

the caller ID box when I answer the phone! Her response was

probably meant to FOG me through the family grapevine, but it's

news that puts me in a good, relaxed mood. I was anticipating

that she'd be *more* invasive than usual given her new need to

" nurse/help " me after finding out about my diagnosis -- and that

I'd need to rebuff her strongly. Ack, the last thing I need to deal

with now. Boundaries are great!

Best,

Deb

> My mom likes to take the ugliest pictures she can find of me

and

> display them in prominent places. Sigh, the love of a mother is

> such a beautiful thing!

>

> Anon

[Guest guest]

My nada likes to find bad pictures of me and show them around

to people (esp. grand-nada), pityingly talking about my

unattractive features, etc. Then contrast that with pictures of my

younger sister, who did some modeling (actually, I did too, but I

think that's conveniently been erased from nada's memory).

More of the splitting that finally led me to minimize my contact

with nada as much as possible a few years ago.

On that note, I've heard some ironic news! I made it known in the

family that if nada wants to talk to me, she can call me, but that I

don't have any plans of ever reaching out to her. (This was my

way of more or less severing contact without causing a ruckus

that might polarize family members.) Evidently she's decided the

same thing last month after I didn't proactively tell her about my

cancer (which is probably removable as it's still early stage,

BTW, thanks Minja for asking) -- that because I never call her,

she's going to stop calling me. That's the best news I've had in a

while -- we'll see if she keeps this promise. I can stop checking

the caller ID box when I answer the phone! Her response was

probably meant to FOG me through the family grapevine, but it's

news that puts me in a good, relaxed mood. I was anticipating

that she'd be *more* invasive than usual given her new need to

" nurse/help " me after finding out about my diagnosis -- and that

I'd need to rebuff her strongly. Ack, the last thing I need to deal

with now. Boundaries are great!

Best,

Deb

> My mom likes to take the ugliest pictures she can find of me

and

> display them in prominent places. Sigh, the love of a mother is

> such a beautiful thing!

>

> Anon

[Guest guest]

My nada likes to find bad pictures of me and show them around

to people (esp. grand-nada), pityingly talking about my

unattractive features, etc. Then contrast that with pictures of my

younger sister, who did some modeling (actually, I did too, but I

think that's conveniently been erased from nada's memory).

More of the splitting that finally led me to minimize my contact

with nada as much as possible a few years ago.

On that note, I've heard some ironic news! I made it known in the

family that if nada wants to talk to me, she can call me, but that I

don't have any plans of ever reaching out to her. (This was my

way of more or less severing contact without causing a ruckus

that might polarize family members.) Evidently she's decided the

same thing last month after I didn't proactively tell her about my

cancer (which is probably removable as it's still early stage,

BTW, thanks Minja for asking) -- that because I never call her,

she's going to stop calling me. That's the best news I've had in a

while -- we'll see if she keeps this promise. I can stop checking

the caller ID box when I answer the phone! Her response was

probably meant to FOG me through the family grapevine, but it's

news that puts me in a good, relaxed mood. I was anticipating

that she'd be *more* invasive than usual given her new need to

" nurse/help " me after finding out about my diagnosis -- and that

I'd need to rebuff her strongly. Ack, the last thing I need to deal

with now. Boundaries are great!

Best,

Deb

> My mom likes to take the ugliest pictures she can find of me

and

> display them in prominent places. Sigh, the love of a mother is

> such a beautiful thing!

>

> Anon