Re: Re: A Woman with AS share her thoughts with us...

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, thank goodness not everyone spends a lot of time looking in the mirror, but we do live in a culture that makes a lot of profit from our anxieties about how we look.  Yu have a great positive outlook, I see something happening for you in my crystal ball!  Janet zEE sometimes psychicJanet.... I kinda noticed that too.. it does amaze me how a lot of NT's are so focused on what others thing about them. I see all the time on magazines, tv commercials, and just in general. People are like, "Will he think I'm attractive? What she think I look buff enough?" and so on. I have found the people I ended up dating and such would most likely not be seen as "attractive" by society's values which are placed on physical attractiveness (they were all NTs, by the way). I discovered the things that attracts me to someone has more to do with her mental, emotional, and spiritual sides, than the physical side. I talked with couples who had been married for at least 25 years and asked all of them, "What do you appreciate most in your spouse/partner?" Not once did I hear about anything related to physical attractiveness. Instead, things such as forgiveness, open communication, being supportive and appreciative of the other partner, and other high qualities, came from their responses.This leads me to conclude that I could be attractive to someone who might be NT or even someone who has AS. I like my chances very much with my future, in knowing that I'll meet someone very wonderful later on in my life.Ya know, everyone, I feel wonderful admitting to what I did in this post  > > > > Janet,> > ....> I wish I could come over and have tea with you, or invite you over, so that you could see someone who trusts you but still needs major help in understanding and interpreting social situations -- someone else, that it, because you already have AS folk in your life. Patience and clarification really go a long way toward helping us. > > > > > > > > Recent Activity> > 4> New Members> > Visit Your Group > Yahoo! Health> Fit for Life> Getting fit is now> easier than ever.> > Healthy Eating> on Yahoo! Groups> A place for parents> to share their ideas.> > Women of Curves> on Yahoo! Groups> A positive group> to discuss Curves.> > > > .> > > > > > ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.>

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, Thanks for replying: You had some ideas that might be helpful. Some could be bored, too- as in crossing legs (I will have to find a way to tell this defensive posture from the bored one that is similar). Your remarks about being offended are interesting. If someone were to meet me on a bus to talk about AS, I think I would have been for too chicken to pick that place in the first place. Did you plan to meet her on a bus, or did it jsut happen? that would be plenty scary to me, to have someone tell all my business to the whole town. I feel badly for you. I cannot imagine making an error like that, but maybe i have done it without imagining it- I hope not! If you decide to limit further confersation because you wanted to get under control

first, I can respect that. on the other hand, if an NT decides to limit further conversation, it will often lead to the person's stewing over it, and ultimately, a complete break in communications. I tend to get realy anxious when someone will not talk to me, and I am only barely learning why I do this in geeneral. I know that my faith teaches that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger when we are offended, but then, we are also not to speak in anger when we can do what you said- cool off first. I guess if I know someone has a temper, then I can use that knowledge to distinguish between these cases. Would an NT ack as an AS would, and wait to cool off before discussiong a matter? wrote: See below...just a few ideas for you, .. Here are a few that are hard for me to pick up on accurately:> > (1) I am talking about something, and the other person abruptly changes the subject. Are there non-verbal signals I should be interpreting to know which of several things it could be?> > 1A. The person does not want to talk about that

subject right now. (Could be...)> 1B The person never wants to talk about that subjecr (OK, I exaggerate!) > 1C. That honestly reminded him or her of what the new subject is, but I missed the connection. (but if the person abruptly changes it.. I guess I don't understand here)...> 1D. The person really wanted to change the subject to something (s)he had been waiting to tell me-- that's all! Nothing any deeper. (Could be as well...)> 1E. Spread-it-around- Sue just walked within earshot, and the person is letting me knw to chill for five minutes, till she wanders away, out of earshot, once again. (Could be..)> > 1F. None of the above.** 1 - From a non-verbal standpoint, I could see that the person might feel defensive, (a) if arms are crossed, ( no smile on face, © person might be tapping foot. Could be some of the things you suggested, but also depends on the situation that is

occuring at the time when the subject is changed. > (2) Someone is offended at something (either that I did or said or failed to do or failed to say, or at someone else). How can I read offence in a face? How can I tell if it is directed at me?** If you offended me, I would not have a smile on my face. Depending on how offensive it was, I might have my arms crossed, not look at you directly, or may just not say anything to you (even if you were to continue saying things to me and wondered why I wasn't saying anything in return). I might decide also to minimize further conversation with you until I felt ready to tell you what you did to upset me. I won't go off like a "quick firecracker" whatsoever. A .

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Ann, She gave me xeroxes of things, but I will try to look it up, and see if I can give you the reference. panby10 wrote: ,Could you please tell me what this literature is? I would like to seethe exercise.>snip>She gave me some

literature, and there was a cool exercise for AS folkabout following the lead of others, and not bringing up a subject out ofthe blue- very helpful for me.Thanks,Ann

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hah, you give me too much credit for accuracy... jkzThanks Janet I feel like 2008 will be the start to a great outlook. Don't tell me what you see happening. I would rather see it happening on my own. Makes the element of surprise greater > > >> > >> > >> > > Janet,> > >> > > ....> > > I wish I could come over and have tea with you, or invite you> > over, so that you could see someone who trusts you but still needs> > major help in understanding and interpreting social situations --> > someone else, that it, because you already have AS folk in your> > life. Patience and clarification really go a long way toward helping> > us.> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > Recent Activity> > >> > > 4> > > New Members> > >> > > Visit Your Group> > > Yahoo! Health> > > Fit for Life> > > Getting fit is now> > > easier than ever.> > >> > > Healthy Eating> > > on Yahoo! Groups> > > A place for parents> > > to share their ideas.> > >> > > Women of Curves> > > on Yahoo! Groups> > > A positive group> > > to discuss Curves.> > >> > >> > >> > > .> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ---------------------------------> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!> > Search.> > >> >> >> >>

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hah, you give me too much credit for accuracy... jkzThanks Janet I feel like 2008 will be the start to a great outlook. Don't tell me what you see happening. I would rather see it happening on my own. Makes the element of surprise greater > > >> > >> > >> > > Janet,> > >> > > ....> > > I wish I could come over and have tea with you, or invite you> > over, so that you could see someone who trusts you but still needs> > major help in understanding and interpreting social situations --> > someone else, that it, because you already have AS folk in your> > life. Patience and clarification really go a long way toward helping> > us.> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > Recent Activity> > >> > > 4> > > New Members> > >> > > Visit Your Group> > > Yahoo! Health> > > Fit for Life> > > Getting fit is now> > > easier than ever.> > >> > > Healthy Eating> > > on Yahoo! Groups> > > A place for parents> > > to share their ideas.> > >> > > Women of Curves> > > on Yahoo! Groups> > > A positive group> > > to discuss Curves.> > >> > >> > >> > > .> > >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ---------------------------------> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!> > Search.> > >> >> >> >>