AS Female + NT Male = Better than the reverse??

January 6, 2008

Newland wrote:

> Dear Princess:

>

> I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + NS

> Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male.

[ snip ]

> I know several AS

> woman married to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS,

> they don't seem to place the emotional demands on their partner that

> many NT woman do. They are strong, independent and that can be very

> charming and attractive for some men.

Is the dx for these AS women " official " ? ...Just being snoopy:

" Inquiring minds want to know " .

Actually, the relevance here is my mother (R.I.P.) who...

> I think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be

> looking more at behavior of why or why not the relationship is not

> working for one or both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

AMEN!

Bear in mind the labels are *opinions* only! They have no support from

_objective tests_ because there *aren't* any. Sometimes, even those

(scientifically and medically weak) opinions are wrong.

>

> Just me. Others?

- Bill, 75, AS

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

January 6, 2008

...

You're right on target. Anyone can generalize any concept that

ASM/NTF <> ASF/NTM. I have learned that the words, Asperger's and

Attention Deficit Disorder, are just titles and descriptors used to

identify with what I have. They do not make me who I am. I am

someone with Asperger's, not the " Asperger's guy " .

I like what you said about some AS women - " They are strong,

independent and that can be very charming and attractive for some

men. " I would find that just as charming and attractive. I have

been very independent for a long period of time until finding out I

was diagnosed with Asperger's last year. I am the kind of person who

would say, " Plan on going to so and so? Great, I hope you enjoy

yourself. I can't wait until you get back, so you can tell me what

happened. " I am not a jealous type of individual that a NT male

could be. When I am in a very loving relationship, I feel safe and

secure (much like I was last Sunday when I openly shared with my

congregation about Asperger's and ADHD).

>

> Dear Princess:

>

> I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female +

NS Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

depends on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and no 2 human beings are the same. With that said, some have

reported that an AS female + NS male has worked better due to gender,

cultural differences + the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA

so my culture of my country might be different than others. I know

several AS woman married to NS men that have wonderful

relationships. Due to AS, they don't seem to place the emotional

demands on their partner that many NT woman do. They are strong,

independent and that can be very charming and attractive for some

men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is case by case.

Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a partner that

works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters outside of

trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I think we

tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at behavior

of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or both

partners and what partners can do to improve it.

>

> Just me. Others?

>

January 7, 2008

I agree that we must deal with the problem of finding the right mate bywhat works for us. Unfortunately, as we have talked about before onthis list, many of the behaviors that cause problems with communicationonly seem to show themselves after the marriage has been going on for afew months or even years. That is even common in NT/Nt marriages whenthe bloom has faded. Look at Liz - 7 and counting! We don'twant to throw in the towel everytime things get rough. The same thingwill usually show up in the next relationship, or some form of it.

Ann: I was married 18 years and when one throws in the towel it is a personal choice and decision, For some it is one infidelity or meltdown, with others it is years of trying to make it work. I think it is a personal choice. It differs from person to person and couple to couple. This is just my personal opinion.

January 7, 2008

Watch out ... the best laid plans.. ....hahah JaneT ZEEThat's why I am giving myself at least two years before getting myself involved in another relationship. My divorce has been official since Friday the 13th of September 2002 (I picked that date on purpose because I don't believe in superstitions) LOL. I want to make sure that I have taken care of myself first and have gotten my ducks lined up before thinking of anything much more than that. I am learning more and more to be my own best friend, which I think is critical. Critical, because if you don't love yourself first, how can anyone possibly love you? That's "heart knowledge" speaking to me, not "head knowledge" as once so often did in the past.I will know when the time is right for me to be in another relationship in the future. As things are now, I am enjoying this time in doing things I would not have in the past. One of the things on my list is to be going up on "The Most Overlooked Place in America" - the Incline Railway leading up to the top of Lookout Mountain. Towards the top of the railway is the steepest part at about a 73 degree angle. I say more power to me for doing this and for having fun in the process. As I mentioned in an earlier post, 2008 will be my "Year of Discovery". Along with discovery comes exploration and adventure. > >> > Dear Princess:> >> > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + NS> Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends> on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2> human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an AS> female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences +> the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my> country might be different than others. I know several AS woman married> to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't seem> to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do.> They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and> attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is> case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a> partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters> outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I> think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at> behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or> both partners and what partners can do to improve it.> >> > Just me. Others?> >> > > >>

January 7, 2008

Yes, things will happen when I least expect it.. blah blah blah

blah...LOL But what I have done, in essence, is take all the

pressure off of me and just take things as they happen.

> > > >

> > > > Dear Princess:

> > > >

> > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

Female

> > + NS

> > > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

> > depends

> > > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and no

> > 2

> > > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

that

> > an AS

> > > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

> > differences +

> > > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of

my

> > > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> > married

> > > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't

> > seem

> > > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

woman

> > do.

> > > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I

think it

> > is

> > > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

finding

> > a

> > > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

> > matters

> > > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

work??????

> > I

> > > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more at

> > > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

one

> > or

> > > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > > >

> > > > Just me. Others?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

January 7, 2008

I know what AS stands for. But what is NT? I am new to this. Thanks.panby10 wrote: , I agree that we must deal with the problem of finding the right mate by what works for us. Unfortunately, as we have talked about before on this list, many of the behaviors that cause problems with communication only seem to show themselves after the marriage has been going on for a few months or even years. That is even common in NT/Nt marriages when the bloom has faded. Look at

Liz - 7 and counting! We don't want to throw in the towel everytime things get rough. The same thing will usually show up in the next relationship, or some form of it. Ann > > Dear Princess: > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + NS Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2 human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an AS female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences + the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my country might be different than others. I know several AS woman married to NS men that have wonderful

relationships. Due to AS, they don't seem to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do. They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or both partners and what partners can do to improve it. > > Just me. Others? > > > phine

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

January 7, 2008

Neuro-typical. "NT" usually is used to refer to the spouse who is non-Aspergers. Another term commonly used for the same thing is NS (non-spectrum). I'm sure I'm missing others. Also, you'll see "dx" for diagnosed with Aspergers.Danekaphine Setyadi wrote: I know what AS stands for. But what is NT? I am new to this. Thanks.panby10 <panby10> wrote: , I agree that we must deal with the problem of finding the right mate by what works for us. Unfortunately, as we have talked about before on this list, many of the behaviors that cause problems with communication only seem to show themselves after the marriage has been going on for a few months or even years. That is even common in NT/Nt marriages when the bloom has faded. Look at Liz - 7 and counting! We don't want to throw in the towel everytime things get rough. The same thing will usually show up in the next relationship, or some form of it. Ann > > Dear Princess: > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + NS Male is better or

worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2 human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an AS female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences + the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my country might be different than others. I know several AS woman married to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't seem to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do. They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I think we tend to get hung

up on labels and should be looking more at behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or both partners and what partners can do to improve it. > > Just me. Others? > > > phine Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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January 7, 2008

> >

> > Dear Princess:

> >

> > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

Female + NS

> Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

depends

> on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and

no 2

> human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

that an AS

> female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

differences +

> the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my

> country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

married

> to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't seem

> to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

woman do.

> They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think

it is

> case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

finding a

> partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

matters

> outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

work?????? I

> think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more at

> behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

one or

> both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> >

> > Just me. Others?

> >

>

> phine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile. Try it now.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

>

January 7, 2008

Thank you so much for saying you were new to this. I am too. My husband

has been diagnosed with Aspergers about 1 year ago but doesn't think he

has it. He's been reading up on personaluty types and thinks he is a

type 4 which he is but there is so much more and he doesn't see it. I

am pretty confident he does. I have related to some of the issues I've

read which makes me feel better and others have this same issues. Our

marriage has probably changed drastically since we've had children.

Which in its self is stressful. I've wanted to walk away lots of times

but I know he needs my help. I'm just not sure what to do next...

> >

> > Dear Princess:

> >

> > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female +

NS

> Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends

> on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2

> human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an

AS

> female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences

+

> the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my

> country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

married

> to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't

seem

> to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do.

> They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is

> case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a

> partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters

> outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I

> think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at

> behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or

> both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> >

> > Just me. Others?

> >

>

> phine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try

it now.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

January 7, 2008

I have a 27-year-old daughter who we think might be AS. All the characteristics are there. She is bright, has a Ph D in Math, but quite an introvert. She is very awkward in social situations. (besides other characteristics). Whenever we try to bring up the subject of her "shyness" (which we at first thought was the problem), she gets very defensive. She keeps saying "I don't want to talk about it". And so, we are stuck. Recently, she told me that she is getting help from someone. She said she will let us know and share it with us when she is ready. That is all that we know. Maybe she is finally seeing it. Maybe whoever is helping her is someone qualified and can help her honestly. I have no idea who this person is. She won't talk about it. So, we just have to bite our tongues, waiting helplessly. And I just pray.sceomuska728

wrote: Thank you so much for saying you were new to this. I am too. My husband has been diagnosed with Aspergers about 1 year ago but doesn't think he has it. He's been reading up on personaluty types and thinks he is a type 4 which he is but there is so much more and he doesn't see it. I am pretty confident he does. I have related to some of the issues I've read which makes me feel better and others have this same issues. Our marriage has probably changed drastically since we've had children. Which in its self is stressful. I've wanted to walk away lots of times but I know he needs my help. I'm just not sure what to do next... > > > > Dear Princess: > > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + NS > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties

involved and no 2 > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an AS > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences + > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman married > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't seem > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do. > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be

looking more at > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or > both partners and what partners can do to improve it. > > > > Just me. Others? > > > > > > > > > > > > > phine > > --------------------------------- > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. > > > > > --------------------------------- > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > phine

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January 7, 2008

My husband doesn't want to talk about it either. He went on youtube and

watched some videos which I think are extreme cases of AS and says he is

not like them. I did find him reading a book about AS but I don't dare

say anything because it starts an argument and he doesn't want to

discuss it. Which in general he doesn't like to share his feelings so

this makes it twice as hard. My heart goes out to you and your family

because it is very hard to understand and sit by and wait. I hope your

daughter shares her information with you soon. Do you think she has AS?

My thoughts are with your family...

> > >

> > > Dear Princess:

> > >

> > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female +

> NS

> > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

depends

> > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no

2

> > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that

an

> AS

> > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

differences

> +

> > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my

> > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> married

> > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't

> seem

> > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman

do.

> > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it

is

> > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding

a

> > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

matters

> > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work??????

I

> > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at

> > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one

or

> > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > >

> > > Just me. Others?

> > >

> >

> > phine

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.

Try

> it now.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

> Search.

> >

>

> phine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

January 7, 2008

After reading cases of AS, and after sharing this with some of my friends, we are quite certain that she has it. In fact, one of our friends, and one of our relatives used the same term AS even before we mentioned it to anyone. But how can we be sure of it, and how can she be helped if she doesn't want to talk about it?? I can tell she is not happy with herself. But even about that, I cannot speak with her. She gets defensive and totally block us out. So, we just sit and watch and pray...sceomuska728 wrote: My husband doesn't want to talk about it either. He went on youtube and watched some videos which I think are extreme cases of AS and says he is not like them. I did find him reading a book about AS but I don't dare say anything because it starts an argument and he doesn't want to discuss it. Which in general he doesn't like to share his feelings so this makes it twice as hard. My heart goes out to you and your family because it is very hard to understand and sit by and wait. I hope your daughter shares her information with you soon. Do you think she has AS? My thoughts are with your family... > > > > > > Dear Princess: > > > > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female + > NS > > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends > > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2 > > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an > AS > > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences > + > > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my > > country might be different than others. I know

several AS woman > married > > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't > seem > > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do. > > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and > > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is > > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a > > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters > > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I > > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at > > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or > > both partners and what partners can do to improve it. > > > > > > Just me. Others? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > phine > > > > --------------------------------- > > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try > it now. > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! > Search. > > > > > > > > > phine > > --------------------------------- > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > phine

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January 7, 2008

HI phine, What kind of mathematics does she like? That is my special interest as well- although to be fair, there are probably lots of woman math PhDs who are not AS. (math PhD, AS)phine Setyadi wrote: I have a 27-year-old daughter who we think might be AS. All the characteristics are there. She is bright, has a Ph D in Math, but quite an introvert. She is very awkward in social situations. (besides other

characteristics). Whenever we try to bring up the subject of her "shyness" (which we at first thought was the problem), she gets very defensive. She keeps saying "I don't want to talk about it". And so, we are stuck. Recently, she told me that she is getting help from someone. She said she will let us know and share it with us when she is ready. That is all that we know. Maybe she is finally seeing it. Maybe whoever is helping her is someone qualified and can help her honestly. I have no idea who this person is. She won't talk about it. So, we just have to bite our tongues, waiting helplessly. And I just pray.sceomuska728 <sceomuska728> wrote: Thank you so much for saying you were new to this. I am too. My husbandhas been diagnosed with Aspergers about 1

year ago but doesn't think hehas it. He's been reading up on personaluty types and thinks he is atype 4 which he is but there is so much more and he doesn't see it. Iam pretty confident he does. I have related to some of the issues I'veread which makes me feel better and others have this same issues. Ourmarriage has probably changed drastically since we've had children. Which in its self is stressful. I've wanted to walk away lots of timesbut I know he needs my help. I'm just not sure what to do next...> >> > Dear Princess:> >> > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female +NS> Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends> on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2> human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that anAS> female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences+> the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my> country might be different than others. I know several AS womanmarried> to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don'tseem> to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do.> They are strong, independent and that can be very

charming and> attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is> case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a> partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters> outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I> think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at> behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or> both partners and what partners can do to improve it.> >> > Just me. Others?> >> > > >>>>>>>> phine>> ---------------------------------> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Tryit now.>>>>> ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping

deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!Search.>phine Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

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January 7, 2008

I feel for your daughter and can relate to her. I have a MS in

education and had planned to possibly pursue a PhD and teach at a

college or university down the road in my future. Like her, I am

very bright, excellent with numbers, could have all sorts of high

level conversations that would make people wonder, " Do I have a

social life of any sort? " . To this day, I use both algebra and

calculus when figuring things out. I don't even need a calculator

when adding things up.

If she is getting professional help, she will let y'all know when

she's ready. Much the same way I was when I was diagnosed with both

Aspergers and Attention Deficit Disorder (with Hyperactivity). If

she's looking for an academic type to talk with and such, I will be

very happy to share what I have been through with Asperger's and

such. While I can't see myself pursuing a PhD any longer, I don't

regret having gone to college and grad school. These are no small

achievements for me. There's plenty of things she could potentially

do with a PhD in math.

An academic type himself,

> > >

> > > Dear Princess:

> > >

> > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

Female +

> NS

> > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

depends

> > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and no 2

> > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

that an

> AS

> > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

differences

> +

> > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of

my

> > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> married

> > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't

> seem

> > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

woman do.

> > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I

think it is

> > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

finding a

> > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

matters

> > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

work?????? I

> > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more at

> > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

one or

> > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > >

> > > Just me. Others?

> > >

> >

> > phine

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile. Try

> it now.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> Search.

> >

>

> phine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

January 7, 2008

I feel she is trying in her own way to come to grips with what she is

facing, much as I did. I am sure it is not easy just having

graduated with a PhD recently and thinking your life has been turned

upside down as a result. I had planned to seek a promising career in

student affairs at a college/university setting when I was diagnosed

with Asperger's. I have come such a long ways in a very short period

of time.

> > > >

> > > > Dear Princess:

> > > >

> > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

Female +

> > NS

> > > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

> depends

> > > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and no

> 2

> > > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

that

> an

> > AS

> > > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

> differences

> > +

> > > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture

of my

> > > country might be different than others. I know several AS

woman

> > married

> > > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't

> > seem

> > > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

woman

> do.

> > > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I

think it

> is

> > > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

finding

> a

> > > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

> matters

> > > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

work??????

> I

> > > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more at

> > > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working

for one

> or

> > > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > > >

> > > > Just me. Others?

> > > >

> > >

> > > phine

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile.

> Try

> > it now.

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> > Search.

> > >

> >

> > phine

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> Search.

> >

>

> phine

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

January 7, 2008

... you're a PhD in math as well? Wow.

> > >

> > > Dear Princess:

> > >

> > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

Female +

> NS

> > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

depends

> > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and

no 2

> > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

that an

> AS

> > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

differences

> +

> > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my

> > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> married

> > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't

> seem

> > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

woman do.

> > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think

it is

> > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

finding a

> > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

matters

> > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

work?????? I

> > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more

at

> > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

one or

> > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > >

> > > Just me. Others?

> > >

> >

> > phine

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile. Try

> it now.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

> Search.

> >

>

> phine

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile.

Try it now.

>

January 7, 2008

phine Setyadi wrote:

> After reading cases of AS, and after sharing this with some of my

> friends, we are quite certain that she has it. In fact, one of our

> friends, and one of our relatives used the same term AS even before we

> mentioned it to anyone. But how can we be sure of it, and how can she

> be helped if she doesn't want to talk about it?? I can tell she is not

> happy with herself. But even about that, I cannot speak with her. She

> gets defensive and totally block us out. So, we just sit and watch and

> pray...

[ snip ]

Suggest she check out my website (in my sig-line below). See what might

resonate with her.

>

> >

> > I have a 27-year-old daughter who we think might be AS. All the

> characteristics are there. She is bright, has a Ph D in Math, but quite

> an introvert. She is very awkward in social situations. (besides other

> characteristics).

[ snip ]

- Bill, 75, AS; ...maybe a bit like your daughter?

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

January 7, 2008

, When I teach, I generally do not use a calculator at the board. I frequently do not need one either. Of course, computing trig functions can be a bit slow, but i can do it with infinite series as needed, by hand. Did you learn to compute quickly, or were you born that way? For me, it was a bit of each, but I am not at savant level. I do like proving a good theorem, though. : ~ ) As a child of 6, I learned times tables to 20 X 20, just because I liked numbers. wrote: ... you're a PhD in math as well? Wow.> > >> > > Dear Princess:> > >> > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS Female +> NS> > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it depends> > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved and no 2> > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported that an> AS> > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural differences> +> > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of my> > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman> married> > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they don't> seem> > to place the

emotional demands on their partner that many NT woman do.> > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and> > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I think it is> > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and finding a> > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label matters> > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not work?????? I> > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking more at> > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for one or> > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.> > >> > > Just me. Others?> > >> > > > > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > phine> >> >

---------------------------------> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try> it now.> >> >> >> >> > ---------------------------------> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!> Search.> >> > > > > > > phine > ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > > > > > ---------------------------------> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.>

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

January 8, 2008

I agree, . I was married the first time almost 16 years. I tried

everything to make it work, but he still ran around on me - for 10 of

those years. Sometimes I wish that I had divorced him when the kids

were still young, so they could have know what a real dad was like. (If

of course I could have found one. lol) I have been married this time

23 years. It hasn't been that great, as he is AS and we didn't know

that for a long time, but at least he wasn't out running around. He is

true to me and to the marriage as I am to him. What I meant was that we

should give our relationships a real good try and not give up too

easily. The grass is not always greener.

Ann

>

> I agree that we must deal with the problem of finding the right mate

by

> what works for us. Unfortunately, as we have talked about before on

> this list, many of the behaviors that cause problems with

communication

> only seem to show themselves after the marriage has been going on for

a

> few months or even years. That is even common in NT/Nt marriages when

> the bloom has faded. Look at Liz - 7 and counting! We don't

> want to throw in the towel everytime things get rough. The same thing

> will usually show up in the next relationship, or some form of it.

>

> Ann: I was married 18 years and when one throws in the towel it is a

personal choice and decision, For some it is one infidelity or meltdown,

with others it is years of trying to make it work. I think it is a

personal choice. It differs from person to person and couple to couple.

This is just my personal opinion.

>

January 8, 2008

That is so cool, Yeah, I know the " mathematically

challenged " would cringe at the thought of multiplying 20 x 20 in

their heads. I learned very quickly. Went through math workbooks

when I was very young like they were nothing. I could have been a

savant with numbers, but that changed when I moved to a rural school

district that was two years behind everyone else. Then, I ended up

going to the principal's office because I was " disrupting class " .

It's better known as not being challenged.

I enjoy calculating square roots manually from time to time (that

will make the " mathematically challenged " cringe more LOL). If

someone were to ask me what the square root of 441 was, that would be

21 (21 squared is 441..try it on a calculator). If someone were to

ask me what the cubed root of 125 is, I would say 5 (5 cubed is

125..try it on a calculator). So I have an appreciation for math..

math was the foreign language I learned growing up.. became so

proficient at it that I could speak it well. Had fun trying to

calculate the constant of energy, when it was equated with kinetic

energy.

Ok enough. I wouldn't want to confused the " mathematically

challenged " anymore than I have already And for everyone's

information, I haven't reached Mensa yet LOL.

> > > >

> > > > Dear Princess:

> > > >

> > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

> Female +

> > NS

> > > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

> depends

> > > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and

> no 2

> > > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

> that an

> > AS

> > > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

> differences

> > +

> > > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of

my

> > > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> > married

> > > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't

> > seem

> > > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

> woman do.

> > > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I

think

> it is

> > > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

> finding a

> > > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

> matters

> > > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

> work?????? I

> > > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more

> at

> > > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

> one or

> > > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > > >

> > > > Just me. Others?

> > > >

> > >

> > > phine

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

> Mobile. Try

> > it now.

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> > Search.

> > >

> >

> > phine

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> Yahoo! Search.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile.

> Try it now.

> >

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

January 8, 2008

So true the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

I hear it can be quite the desert actually.

> <bunch of stuff deleted 'cause I felt like it>

>

> The grass is not always greener.

>

> Ann

January 8, 2008

Let's see you prove the theorem of AS and NT relationships *laughing*.

> > > >

> > > > Dear Princess:

> > > >

> > > > I am not sure anyone can make a blanket statement that AS

> Female +

> > NS

> > > Male is better or worse than a NT Female + AS Male. I think it

> depends

> > > on the combination and chemistry of the two parties involved

and

> no 2

> > > human beings are the same. With that said, some have reported

> that an

> > AS

> > > female + NS male has worked better due to gender, cultural

> differences

> > +

> > > the nature of some with AS. I live in the USA so my culture of

my

> > > country might be different than others. I know several AS woman

> > married

> > > to NS men that have wonderful relationships. Due to AS, they

don't

> > seem

> > > to place the emotional demands on their partner that many NT

> woman do.

> > > They are strong, independent and that can be very charming and

> > > attractive for some men. Not all AS woman are like this. I

think

> it is

> > > case by case. Maybe it is just utilizing your strengths and

> finding a

> > > partner that works for YOU? It that is the case, neither label

> matters

> > > outside of trying to figure out why it works or does not

> work?????? I

> > > think we tend to get hung up on labels and should be looking

more

> at

> > > behavior of why or why not the relationship is not working for

> one or

> > > both partners and what partners can do to improve it.

> > > >

> > > > Just me. Others?

> > > >

> > >

> > > phine

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

> Mobile. Try

> > it now.

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> > Search.

> > >

> >

> > phine

> > ---------------------------------

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> Yahoo! Search.

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile.

> Try it now.

> >

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo!

Search.

>

January 8, 2008

Out of curiosity did either of you find some math easier than other? I'm curious because I skipped 8th grade math and went straight to Algebra which was easy. I was in College Algebra in my Junior year of high school but Trig made no sense to me whatsoever. I got through it with a B just by memorization but none of it made sense to me. Algebra on the other hand was fun.