Re: It is all about CHOICE...

[Guest guest]

, a voice from the other side,

I'm enjoying the ride already. Your missive brought tears to me eyes. Life is

about choice and options. Thank you for putting words to some of my feelings . . . . .

Angie

It is all about CHOICE...

Greg:

I felt like you expressed in your words what your wife feels. That is exactly what it felt like for me. Life is about changes and choices and I felt like Larry just could not make any changes or chose not to as he was comfortable being the way he was. Maybe he couldn't??? Maybe it was his age or choice? I can't speak for him.

I went through training today at work on CHANGE and change is a choice we all deal with every day. It would be great if we all had a PAUSE button in our lives before we made a impulse decision or a knee jerk response. It is called LIFE. That is how we learn. It is about choices we make every day. Like Bill and others with AS have articulated, it is a choice and having AS does not take away your ability to make that choice for change or a different outcome in your relationship unless their are other co-morbid disabilities in play.

I was watching the TV series Law and Order which is fictional but sometimes reflects the times we are living in. It was a case where the defense attorney was arguing "genes." The ultimate defense they called it. If genes made me who I am, than I cannot be held responsible for my behavior. Hmmmm? We live in a world where we are held responsible for our behavior. Relationships are no different. It takes two to tango and work through the rough times. But both parties have to be willing to do the heavy lifting and change for the better and grow for the better to be better people.

Even though Larry and I have only been officially divorced for 7 months, we have been separated for close to 1 to 1/2 year. It took me a good year not to feel like I was walking on egg shells. We have a much better relationship now as we no longer live together and that stress is gone. If it was not for our 3 kids, we probably would not see each other. He showed up at my home with my daughter the other day as her car was in the shop getting her back speakers in her jeep repaired and really showed concern for me in front of her. Funny, he dragged me through a nasty divorce for nothing. BUT, I have moved on in my life and really don't know him any more. He has become a "faint" memory in my life. Don't let that happen to YOU. "You" have a chance to make a better choice and make a difference. Like Bill says, do it NOW, before it is too late and YOU become a faint memory in her life. I say this to you with love and support. It is ALL about choices. You have the POWER to change the outcome. I am not saying she is without blame and neither was I. We only have your side and your words.

No one knew back than about AS. No one had any clue we had adults who had assimilated in or were flying under the radar. No one knew there were a zillion SHADES of AS. We just did not know and because of that, failed many generations and many of us have just floundered trying to make it to the mountain. You ALL make a difference every day by sharing your stories. You make other's feel less alone. That is what it is all about.

To new members: Welcome aboard. You are in for the ride of your life.

This is just my humble opinion.

Just me.

/ a voice from the other side

[Guest guest]

,

I cheated. I had the benefit of

lots of discussions where my wife repeated those same feelings ad nauseum.

The turning point for me was the counselling

which helped me understand more about what my wife was having to go through.

She had been telling me and it was not sinking in.

I can hear my wife saying: " So

you pay and listen to a counsellor when I have been giving you free counselling

all our married life? "

Why does it take someone outside the

relationship to make clear what your partner has been saying for years?

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement.

Greg

dx AS at 53

" Newland "

Sent by: aspires-relationships

15/01/2008 06:07 PM

Please respond to

aspires-relationships

To

<aspires-relationships >

cc

Subject

It is all about

CHOICE...

Greg:

I felt

like you expressed in your words what your wife feels. That is exactly

what it felt like for me. Life is about changes and choices and I

felt like Larry just could not make any changes or chose not to as he was

comfortable being the way he was. Maybe he couldn't??? Maybe

it was his age or choice? I can't speak for him.

I went through training today at work on

CHANGE and change is a choice we all deal with every day. It would

be great if we all had a PAUSE button in our lives before we made a impulse

decision or a knee jerk response. It is called LIFE. That is

how we learn. It is about choices we make every day. Like Bill

and others with AS have articulated, it is a choice and having AS does

not take away your ability to make that choice for change or a different

outcome in your relationship unless their are other co-morbid disabilities

in play.

I was watching the TV series Law and Order

which is fictional but sometimes reflects the times we are living in. It

was a case where the defense attorney was arguing " genes. " The

ultimate defense they called it. If genes made me who I am, than

I cannot be held responsible for my behavior. Hmmmm? We live

in a world where we are held responsible for our behavior. Relationships

are no different. It takes two to tango and work through the rough

times. But both parties have to be willing to do the heavy lifting

and change for the better and grow for the better to be better people.

Even though Larry and I have only been

officially divorced for 7 months, we have been separated for close to 1

to 1/2 year. It took me a good year not to feel like I was walking

on egg shells. We have a much better relationship now as we no longer

live together and that stress is gone. If it was not for our 3 kids,

we probably would not see each other. He showed up at my home with

my daughter the other day as her car was in the shop getting her back speakers

in her jeep repaired and really showed concern for me in front of her.

Funny, he dragged me through a nasty divorce for nothing. BUT,

I have moved on in my life and really don't know him any more. He

has become a " faint " memory in my life. Don't let that

happen to YOU. " You " have a chance to make a better choice

and make a difference. Like Bill says, do it NOW, before it is too

late and YOU become a faint memory in her life. I say this to you

with love and support. It is ALL about choices. You have the

POWER to change the outcome. I am not saying she is without blame

and neither was I. We only have your side and your words.

No one knew back than about AS. No

one had any clue we had adults who had assimilated in or were flying under

the radar. No one knew there were a zillion SHADES of AS. We

just did not know and because of that, failed many generations and many

of us have just floundered trying to make it to the mountain. You

ALL make a difference every day by sharing your stories. You make other's

feel less alone. That is what it is all about.

To new members: Welcome aboard. You

are in for the ride of your life.

This is just my humble opinion.

Just me.

/ a voice from the other side

[Guest guest]

good question Greg... I am rarely consulted about anything and then when I am I feel ignored.   I think he would disagree with me about this which makes it even more frustrating.  so I have just learned to let it go unless I really really have to be heard and then I say it once and let it go.   Keeps the stress level down for both of us ; I am not sure what it does to build communication.  I also find that when I repeat myself, it seems to cause a temporary deaf condition on his part !  haha.  jkz, I cheated.  I had the benefit of lots of discussions where my wife repeated those same feelings ad nauseum. The turning point for me was the counselling which helped me understand more about what my wife was having to go through.  She had been telling me and it was not sinking in. I can hear my wife saying: "So you pay and listen to a counsellor when I have been giving you free counselling all our married life?"   Why does it take someone outside the relationship to make clear what your partner has been saying for years? Thanks for your kind words and encouragement.Gregdx AS at 53  " Newland" <opubendbroadband> Sent by: aspires-relationships 15/01/2008 06:07 PMPlease respond toaspires-relationships To<aspires-relationships >ccSubject It is all about CHOICE...Greg:  I felt like you expressed in your words what your wife feels.  That is exactly what it felt like for me.  Life is about changes and choices and I felt like Larry just could not make any changes or chose not to as he was comfortable being the way he was.  Maybe he couldn't???  Maybe it was his age or choice?  I can't speak for him.     I went through training today at work on CHANGE and change is a choice we all deal with every day.  It would be great if we all had a PAUSE button in our lives before we made a impulse decision or a knee jerk response.  It is called LIFE.  That is how we learn.  It is about choices we make every day.  Like Bill and others with AS have articulated, it is a choice and having AS does not take away your ability to make that choice for change or a different outcome in your relationship unless their are other co-morbid disabilities in play.   I was watching the TV series Law and Order which is fictional but sometimes reflects the times we are living in.  It was a case where the defense attorney was arguing "genes."  The ultimate defense they called it.  If genes made me who I am, than I cannot be held responsible for my behavior.  Hmmmm?  We live in a world where weare held responsible for our behavior.  Relationships are no different.  It takes two to tango and work through the rough times.  But both parties have to be willing to do the heavy lifting and change for the better and grow for the better to be better people.     Even though Larry and I have only been officially divorced for 7 months, we have been separated for close to 1 to 1/2 year.  It took me a good year not to feel like I was walking on egg shells.  We have a much better relationship now as we no longer live together and that stress is gone.  If it was not for our 3 kids, we probably would not see each other.  He showed up at my home with my daughter the other day as her car was in the shop getting her back speakers in her jeep repaired and really showed concern for me in front of her.  Funny, he dragged me through a nasty divorce for nothing.  BUT, I have moved on in my life and really don't know him any more.  He has become a "faint" memory in my life.  Don't let that happen to YOU.  "You" have a chance to make a better choice and make a difference.  Like Bill says, do it NOW, before it is too late and YOU become a faint memory in her life.  I say this to you with love and support.  It is ALL about choices.  You have the POWER to change the outcome.  I am not saying she is without blame and neither was I.  We only have your side and your words.     No one knew back than about AS.  No one had any clue we had adults who had assimilated in or were flying under the radar.  No one knew there were a zillion SHADES of AS.  We just did not know and because of that, failed many generations and many of us have just floundered trying to make it to the mountain.   You ALL make a difference every day by sharing your stories. You make other's feel less alone.  That is what it is all about.   To new members:  Welcome aboard.  You are in for the ride of your life.     This is just my humble opinion.   Just me.   / a voice from the other side