Re: AS husband advice

[Guest guest]

And for those of us (like me) who ended up out of a relationship

because the other person diagnosed with us with AS, this group and

other like minded AS groups were my only support system. The only

reasons I have been successful in my journey was (1) I reflected on

my past experiences of being homeless as a child, (2) I know that

some people are worse off than me and I could be in a wheelchair or a

quadriplegic (or anything else), and (3) I have the fortitude of

overcoming even worse situations in my life than having AS or

ADD/ADHD. However, having this group helped to shed a new light on

my life. The group's members enabled me to realize that having AS

and ADHD is not about a curse or feeling less special than I am.

What I have learned is that I am special and that I have that much

more yet to give back to society.

Sure, people with AS need encouragement and support. I need it from

time to time, but not like I once did when I was first diagnosed back

in September last year. I am very independent, and my independent

streak shows as well. While that's good, it's not totally good. I

am learning where true happiness lies in being interdepedent (being

dependent and independent) of others. I keep working on myself not

to have expectations of myself (although that's still very hard for

me to not do because I expect more out of myself than everyone else)

and perhaps set the bar very high from time to time. I have an

adventurous " Indiana " streak within me, and it'll take much

more than being diagnosed with AS/ADHD or being homeless as a

teenager to bring me down permanently.

I am like a horse with an unbroken spirit. I go with the spirit

wind. While I may feel down as I did when homeless earlier or being

diagnosed, I don't stay down for long. I am like the fictitious

character, Rocky Balboa, whose manager Mickey dies after Rocky's

first boxing match with Clubber Lang. But I bounced back in victory.

Yes, much will need to happen to make me less spirited than what I

am. Not about to happen anytime soon.

>

> Dear Kandy,

>

> My heart goes out to you, I am sending big HUGS. . . . . it's

so important for

> us, who have AS spouses, and or children, or relatives, to get

encouragement.

> In reading your post, I get a feeling that you are an island unto

yourself. You are

> the brick or the building block that helps to support all the other

components. Your

> husband, your children, the social connections (or lack thereof),

the bills, the home.

> It would be most encouraging for you to go back to school and

complete your degree.

> Just being able to get out, and be stimulated by a different

environment will be helpful.

>

> I don't know where you live, but is there any possibility that

there can be a room, a

> den, or office that can be designated for your husband, so that he

can have a place to

> collect peaceful thoughts, when he needs to? Is there an agency,

friend, relative ( I know

> there often isn't) that can help with childcare?

>

> Something that helped our family a while ago, and I borrowed

this from a show called

> the " Nanny " a women who takes families to task about organizing

themselves, was getting

> a large peice of card board, say like you would buy for a child's

school project. I got white

> and then we set up a schedule of the day, say from when we woke up

in the morning until

> we went to bed at night. I put it in the dining room, we all had to

pass through there and eat

> at some point, and everyone got to see, their name (I've always

color coded my kids through

> their lives, so they knew their color even if they couldn't read)

and what their schedule looked

> like. It took time for them to see when they should be say brushing

teeth, or doing homework,

> or whatever their schedule involved. We took time before I posted

the schedule, talking about

> what they do in their day, what they wanted to do. We hung it, and

got used to it for a couple

> of days, and they started actively adhering to it. I bring this all

up, to point out, that sometimes

> we just have enormous drama going on when it doesn't have to, and I

used the schedule as a

> distraction sometimes, " Oh, I can see that you're sad about this,

but what does your schedule

> say? I don't see meltdown here, so we better move on. What's next

to do? " It is a long process

> but it really did help to settle everybody down, and some of the

drama issues became less of

> an issue. We don't use it anymore, as we are all functioning

better, and attuned with an unspoken

> schedule. The boys know when they come home, Mom will be there,

with a protein snack, and

> then we start homework, and then we have a break, and then we go

back to homework. . . . .etc.

> etc.

>

> Another thing that helped was to make a circle on a page and

make pie pieces on it. I then

> wrote in the things that were important to me, and the things that

were important to the person

> I was dealing with, whichever one of the boys, or my husband needed

help in dealing with an " issue " .

> I got a brad and then made an arrow and attached that in the

middle. Half of the pie pieces where

> responses to said issue that I thought would work better, half

represented how the person I was

> dealing with thought an issue should be dealt with. Two of the pie

peices were ones where we had

> to agree to compromise. One pie piece said MOO. We have a Maggie

Moo's ice-cream shop in

> town, we all love it, and we would just go get ice-cream that day.

It was determined that on even

> days one of us would spin and odd days the other would. The spinner

had to go one full revulution

> around the circle. We had family discussions about this, well, as

much as we could, with little ones,

> I used this alot with my teenage son, but it was a big help in

being able to have a conversation around

> how different things are perceived differently by different people.

There was not always one solution

> and since my husband and boys find change so difficult, this was

one of the ways that I was able to

> get them started on different visions, compromise, etc.

>

> I am very " noise " sensitive myself, and we tried something

with a timer, to institute a " quiet " time

> during the day (or in your case when you husband is home). We put a

funny looking timer on, and

> they boys could read books. It started out at just 5 minutes as all

my boys have short attention spans.

> We slowly increased it to 30 minutes as time went by.

>

> My observation, with my husband and with my boys, is that they

are very distractible. So I have always

> been ready to have some game, something out of my head, or just to

have them look away, and offer a new

> thought. On the days we would have to sit in the hospital and wait

for the Dr., and maybe I didn't have time

> to grab the go-any-where bag, we would play, I Spy with my little

eye, or I hear with my little ear, or how

> many words can you spell with these letters. . . . . . . . I would

always have to start any changes I wanted

> with the verbalization of what would change, days sometimes weeks

ahead (Vacation is very stressful for

> my husband so sometimes months in advance!). Lots of communication

about what to expect, what might

> change. Just getting the communication out there, would sometimes

make changes easier. And then

> sometimes not, I still hear, " You didn't tell me about that! " from

my little guys and I could go back in my

> mind and count 3-4 times I had said something. Sometimes we wrote

messages and taped them to the

> bathroom sink, for when they were brushing their teeth, or taped a

message to their place at the table for

> the intended to see, or put a note on the steering wheel for my

husband. It seemed that when they had

> to read something themselves with their brain, they picked up on it

more.

>

> Alot of what I've done or created, seems to me, to stem from

the shear desperation of dealing with situations

> that I was tired of dealing with. I've tried to program my mind

to " find what works and do it, knowing that what works

> one day doesn't always work the next " . Because my kids are older it

is better, but it was much more energy and

> thinking when they were 5 and 7. And I seemed much more sleep

deprived!

>

> If you lived close enough I would offer to come watch the

kids, so you could have a break. If I think of

> anything else, l'll post.

>

>

> Blessings,

> Angie married to AS, with 3 boys ADD/ADHD, AS,

ODD

>

>

> AS husband advice

>

>

> I'm at my wits end with my husband. Our now 5 yr old was

diagnosed

> as AS when he was 3. I never put it together that was what was

> making my husband a social recluse to us and the rest of the

world.

> I didn't understand why he had outbursts over simple things. I

now

> see that some things really overwhelm him and I try to

accommodate

> those things. The problem is we have a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old.

My

> hubby wants me to go back to school to finish my degree. I only

have

> 33 hrs. left to finish so taking 2 classes a sememster it will

take

> about 5 semesters. It's still so far off, but yet so close. He

> can't handle the kids at all. I think I'm going to get a baby

sitter

> even against his wishes on my school night because he just goes

> bonkers with them running around and being loud little

> boys...especially the 5 yr old with AS. He can't handle him at

all.

> He made the comment the other day that really put things into

> perspective for me. He said " all she wants me to do is think

outside

> the box " . I almost started laughing because I realized he doesn't

> even see the box or know what it consists of the see outside of

it.

> He's on meds, I'm on meds, the kids are on meds and we are still

all

> on a downward spiral. I left in Oct. for a couple of weeks so he

> could see he needed help. I turned the bill paying over to him

> hoping he would see how far behind we were and try to get caught

up

> on things since he made the big bucks and I didn't. That was a

huge

> mistake! We make each other miserable. I'm ready to leave, but

feel

> sorry for him because he really does not see things for what they

are

> so everything gets taken out of proportion. He is trying hard, I

> know he is, but with the two kids, I'm all out of energy

emotionally

> and physically. I don't know if I should stay and work through

the

> outbursts and take over his check or if it would be better for

him to

> have peaceful evenings without us to do what he wants in his own

> space without being interrupted. He says he wants us to stay, but

I

> just need some encouragement and advice in every area. I have

> nothing else left to put into the relationship and we've been

married

> 9 years....things are just getting worse...please help...

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I have a question for anywho wouldlike to answer. No one seems to discuss the sexual aspects of AS if there is one? I vaguely remember reading about inappropriate sexual behavior? What about intimacy? I'm not looking for details and maybe this is a subject to discuss offline. Thanks Janet Zimmerman wrote: I absolutley overlooked a lot of stuff... I thought he was 'mature' and not a frivolous youngster who only thought about sex, different from

the other men I knew. hahah little did I know. I was not very mature either.... and I didn[t expect much from any relationship... I was rather grateful actually, now that I think about it. oh me... Janet ZEE I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were they radically different people while you were

dating or do you think you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these behaviors would have down the line.tim Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

Hi Stephane,

Sex is NOT a taboo subject here, LOL. It's a very important part of

the relationship. <wink!> If you look back through our archives here

in this Yahoo Groups discussion board (check the " messages " link that

appears near the bottom of every post, and use a keyword search (eg

" sex:) you'll see that there have been several threads on this topic

already, including one that was begun on Nov. 11 by Janet Zee. The

subject header was " family life " I think. Also, at Newland's

ASPIRES website http://www.aspires-relationships.com/ you should be

able to find some articles on AS and sexuality.

- Helen

[Guest guest]

Helen,Thank you for the informationHelen Foisy wrote: Hi Stephane,Sex is NOT a taboo subject here, LOL. It's a very important part of the relationship. <wink!> If you look back through our archives here in this Yahoo Groups discussion board (check the "messages" link that appears near the bottom of every post, and use a keyword search (eg "sex:) you'll see that there have been several threads on this topic already, including one that was begun on Nov. 11 by Janet Zee. The subject header was

"family life" I think. Also, at Newland's ASPIRES website http://www.aspires-relationships.com/ you should be able to find some articles on AS and sexuality.- Helen

[Guest guest]

I'll give my two cents worth....it stinks! I feel like because of the emotional disconnection, I think he just wants my body to make him feel good. I've thought about bringing this up, but didn't know how. There is no intimacy with us. It's just sex and go on with the rest of life. It just stinks....that's when my resentment started building because I didn't understand the emotional disconnection that AS can have, not saying all have it, but mine does. I just felt used. Now I just understand it is a need that he has and if it makes life easier.....I'll let him have at it....then I can be happy, because it's finished.. Hope that wasn't too detailed.....that's just a

big frustration I have. Kandy

Re: AS husband advice

Hi,

I have a question for anywho wouldlike to answer. No one seems to discuss the sexual aspects of AS if there is one? I vaguely remember reading about inappropriate sexual behavior? What about intimacy? I'm not looking for details and maybe this is a subject to discuss offline.

Thanks

Janet Zimmerman <jkzmailTSSMT (DOT) NET> wrote:

I absolutley overlooked a lot of stuff... I thought he was 'mature' and not a frivolous youngster who only thought about sex, different from the other men I knew. hahah little did I know. I was not very mature either.... and I didn[t expect much from any relationship. .. I was rather grateful actually, now that I think about it. oh me... Janet ZEE

I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were they radically different people while you were dating or do you think you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these behaviors would have down the line.tim

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

I struggled for twenty years and ended up with burnout (adrenal exhaustion) and cancer.I've recently moved on and my life is now totally blissful. I have a lot of physical healing to do but mentally and emotionally I'm good. If you're reaching exhaustion point then I recommend you do what your heart tells you and not what you think you ought to do.

As I have reminded myself several times - I'm no good to anyone dead - and dead I won't be available to them anyway. It's taken me 8 months to actually make the move since I realised that it was definitely my family that was exhausting me and confusing me. I function fine when I'm not with them.

Top priority is your own health and strength. Everyone else gets some of you when you've something to spare!!Good luck!A.

I'm at my wits end with my husband. Our now 5 yr old was diagnosed

as AS when he was 3. I never put it together that was what was

making my husband a social recluse to us and the rest of the world.

I didn't understand why he had outbursts over simple things. I now

see that some things really overwhelm him and I try to accommodate

those things. The problem is we have a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old. My

hubby wants me to go back to school to finish my degree. I only have

33 hrs. left to finish so taking 2 classes a sememster it will take

about 5 semesters. It's still so far off, but yet so close. He

can't handle the kids at all. I think I'm going to get a baby sitter

even against his wishes on my school night because he just goes

bonkers with them running around and being loud little

boys...especially the 5 yr old with AS. He can't handle him at all.

He made the comment the other day that really put things into

perspective for me. He said " all she wants me to do is think outside

the box " . I almost started laughing because I realized he doesn't

even see the box or know what it consists of the see outside of it.

He's on meds, I'm on meds, the kids are on meds and we are still all

on a downward spiral. I left in Oct. for a couple of weeks so he

could see he needed help. I turned the bill paying over to him

hoping he would see how far behind we were and try to get caught up

on things since he made the big bucks and I didn't. That was a huge

mistake! We make each other miserable. I'm ready to leave, but feel

sorry for him because he really does not see things for what they are

so everything gets taken out of proportion. He is trying hard, I

know he is, but with the two kids, I'm all out of energy emotionally

and physically. I don't know if I should stay and work through the

outbursts and take over his check or if it would be better for him to

have peaceful evenings without us to do what he wants in his own

space without being interrupted. He says he wants us to stay, but I

just need some encouragement and advice in every area. I have

nothing else left to put into the relationship and we've been married

9 years....things are just getting worse...please help...

[Guest guest]

Look at it this way.. we learn from our mistakes. If we don't, we

keep making more of the same mistakes until the " light bulb " comes on

and says, " I finally got it! "

>

> >

> > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were

they

> > radically different people while you were dating or do you think

> > you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?

> >

> > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a

lot

> > of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these

> > behaviors would have down the line.

> >

> > tim

> >

> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo!

> > Search.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual

stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind

discussing it in an academic like way.

>

>

>

> I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were

they radically different people while you were dating or do you think

you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?

>

> In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot

of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these behaviors

would have down the line.

>

> tim

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

Yahoo! Search.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ok, I'll chime in on that subject. I'm no longer afraid of avoiding

that subject.

>

> Hi Stephane,

> Sex is NOT a taboo subject here, LOL. It's a very important part of

> the relationship. <wink!> If you look back through our archives here

> in this Yahoo Groups discussion board (check the " messages " link that

> appears near the bottom of every post, and use a keyword search (eg

> " sex:) you'll see that there have been several threads on this topic

> already, including one that was begun on Nov. 11 by Janet Zee. The

> subject header was " family life " I think. Also, at Newland's

> ASPIRES website http://www.aspires-relationships.com/ you should be

> able to find some articles on AS and sexuality.

> - Helen

>

[Guest guest]

Ok, I'll say something about it. I think sex and those kinds of

things should be explored to the level of comfort, per couple. Because

I have become quite comfortable having AS, I am much more likely to

want and explore a lot greater into depth than when I was first

diagnosed with it last year.

Maybe it's my more liberal self, who knows.

>

> Hi Stephane,

> Sex is NOT a taboo subject here, LOL. It's a very important part of

> the relationship. <wink!> If you look back through our archives here

> in this Yahoo Groups discussion board (check the " messages " link that

> appears near the bottom of every post, and use a keyword search (eg

> " sex:) you'll see that there have been several threads on this topic

> already, including one that was begun on Nov. 11 by Janet Zee. The

> subject header was " family life " I think. Also, at Newland's

> ASPIRES website http://www.aspires-relationships.com/ you should be

> able to find some articles on AS and sexuality.

> - Helen

>

[Guest guest]

thanks .  I was more embarrassed and angry than in pain, and now I am somewhat amused at the situation that I have gotten MYSELF  into.   My husband is a very loyal and faithful mate.  I am sure he just didn't think procedure and documentation was really too important at the time.  I am not making excuses for him(well maybe a little) he has always been outiside the mainstream which works well for him... OBVIOUSLY !   Janet ZEE counting my blessingsFor one of the things in having in AS, I have never been a bigamist. Guess it is different between people who have AS. Sorry to hear of your pain, Janet.> > >> > I knew there were issues, but thought that I could help him > > overcome some of his bitterness towards his family. They didn't > > understand him and I'm a good people person so dumb me thought I > > could help him find himself....Sometimes I wonder why I did marry > > him. Before the kids he did make more efforts to be more sociable > > with me so since the kids, life has gotten rocky.....> >> > Re: AS husband advice> >> >> > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were they > > radically different people while you were dating or do you think > > you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?> >> > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot > > of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these > > behaviors would have down the line.> >> > tim> >> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! > > Search.> >> >> > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! > > Search.> >> >>

[Guest guest]

Scot... If you feel you are in a growing relationship with someone,(that means you have deemed them trustworthy) I think you should disclose.  Everyone of us has elements of ourselves that we only share with those we trust ... jkzWhy do you think that those who have AS and haven't been diagnosed as such are able to do that? Happened to me in my most recent relationship. My most recent ex-girlfriend got really upset when she wanted to know I hadn't told her I had AS and such. Hard to tell someone something you have if you don't know you have been diagnosed with it yet  If I am in another relationship, will I disclose it? Definitely. If that person loves me for me, she'll accept it. If she doesn't, her loss and I move forward anyway. This is one reason I know I have become comfortable with having AS. I can be me and not worry about what other people think or don't think of me having AS. I haven't read anywhere yet when a person discloses something like AS to someone. Has anyone read that anyplace? If so, what did you find out? >> Hi Tim,> I think the answer is a bit of both.> > AS and NT alike are going to put their "best foot forward" when they > are courting. Once they've "closed the deal" they tend to relax. Big > mistake! This is especially more so for AS who may put on an act all > day at work, but look upon the home environment as a "sanctuary" > where they can "be themselves" and retreat to re-charge. Non AS > family members, or at least ones who are more energetic and outgoing, > may find this rather depressing when it becomes apparent that this is > all the future holds.> > And of course, as they say "love is blind." But after the initial > exhilaration wears off, there has to be something more to the > relationship, such as mutual respect, common goals, etc. to keep it going.> > I don't know if you are the same Tim who said you were calling it a > day. If so, my condolences to both of you.> take care,> Helen, 52, self-dx'd AS>

[Guest guest]

Kandy, I soooo understand what you mean.  I am trying to see our sex life in a different light but not sure what that is or if I can express it.  I try to relax and understand that this is his expression of his love for me.  I am hoping that someone here can re-post some very helpful info I saw here months ago that really helped me. It might be in the archives but I never look there. Maybe someone else knows what I am referring to and can re-post it.   thanks.  Janet ZEEI'll give my two cents worth....it stinks!  I feel like because of the emotional disconnection, I think he just wants my body to make him feel good.  I've thought about bringing this up, but didn't know how.  There is no intimacy with us.  It's just sex and go on with the rest of life.  It just stinks....that's when my resentment started building because I didn't understand the emotional disconnection that AS can have, not saying all have it, but mine does.  I just felt used.  Now I just understand it is a need that he has and if it makes life easier.....I'll let him have at it....then I can be happy, because it's finished..  Hope that wasn't too detailed.....that's just a big frustration I have.  Kandy Re: AS husband adviceHi,I have a question for anywho wouldlike to answer. No one seems to discuss the sexual aspects of AS if there is one? I vaguely remember reading about inappropriate sexual behavior?  What about intimacy?  I'm not looking for details and maybe this is a subject to discuss offline.Thanks Janet Zimmerman <jkzmailTSSMT (DOT) NET> wrote:I absolutley overlooked a lot of stuff... I thought he was 'mature' and not a frivolous youngster who only thought about sex, different from the other men I knew.    hahah little did I know.   I was not very mature either.... and I didn[t expect much from any relationship. .. I was rather grateful actually, now that I think about it. oh me... Janet ZEEI'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were they radically different people while you were dating or do you think you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these behaviors would have down the line.timLooking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

[Guest guest]

alright light-weights... sex is a part of who we all are... , as long as you don't tell any travelling salesman jokes,  ;-)  I think it will be ok to discuss this issue in the confines of our little group. jkzI don't think anyone wants to offend anyone else about the sexual stuff... maybe out of respect or something. Not that I don't mind discussing it in an academic like way. > > > > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were they radically different people while you were dating or do you think you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?> > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a lot of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these behaviors would have down the line.> > tim> > > > ---------------------------------> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > > > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Some people are outside the mainstream and there will be others who

are within it.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > I knew there were issues, but thought that I could help him

> > > > overcome some of his bitterness towards his family. They

didn't

> > > > understand him and I'm a good people person so dumb me

thought I

> > > > could help him find himself....Sometimes I wonder why I did

> > marry

> > > > him. Before the kids he did make more efforts to be more

> > sociable

> > > > with me so since the kids, life has gotten rocky.....

> > > >

> > > > Re: AS husband advice

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were

> > they

> > > > radically different people while you were dating or do you

think

> > > > you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?

> > > >

> > > > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept

a

> > lot

> > > > of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these

> > > > behaviors would have down the line.

> > > >

> > > > tim

> > > >

> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > Yahoo!

> > > > Search.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > Yahoo!

> > > > Search.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Some people are outside the mainstream and there will be others who

are within it.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > I knew there were issues, but thought that I could help him

> > > > overcome some of his bitterness towards his family. They

didn't

> > > > understand him and I'm a good people person so dumb me

thought I

> > > > could help him find himself....Sometimes I wonder why I did

> > marry

> > > > him. Before the kids he did make more efforts to be more

> > sociable

> > > > with me so since the kids, life has gotten rocky.....

> > > >

> > > > Re: AS husband advice

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were

> > they

> > > > radically different people while you were dating or do you

think

> > > > you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?

> > > >

> > > > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept

a

> > lot

> > > > of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these

> > > > behaviors would have down the line.

> > > >

> > > > tim

> > > >

> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > Yahoo!

> > > > Search.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > Yahoo!

> > > > Search.

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Totally agreed with you, Janet

> > >

> > > Hi Tim,

> > > I think the answer is a bit of both.

> > >

> > > AS and NT alike are going to put their " best foot forward " when

> > they

> > > are courting. Once they've " closed the deal " they tend to relax.

> > Big

> > > mistake! This is especially more so for AS who may put on an act

> > all

> > > day at work, but look upon the home environment as a " sanctuary "

> > > where they can " be themselves " and retreat to re-charge. Non AS

> > > family members, or at least ones who are more energetic and

> > outgoing,

> > > may find this rather depressing when it becomes apparent that

this

> > is

> > > all the future holds.

> > >

> > > And of course, as they say " love is blind. " But after the

initial

> > > exhilaration wears off, there has to be something more to the

> > > relationship, such as mutual respect, common goals, etc. to

keep it

> > going.

> > >

> > > I don't know if you are the same Tim who said you were calling

it a

> > > day. If so, my condolences to both of you.

> > > take care,

> > > Helen, 52, self-dx'd AS

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Don't worry.. I don't have a bunch of blonde jokes either.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm just curious. For all of us married to an AS spouse, were

> > they radically different people while you were dating or do you

think

> > you overlooked a lot of things in the beginning?

> > >

> > > In my case, I think I overlooked a lot of things and/or swept a

lot

> > of it under the rug not realizing the impact some of these

behaviors

> > would have down the line.

> > >

> > > tim

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with

> > Yahoo! Search.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>