Re: - its a great time to start living?

[Guest guest]

Hi Your post is so encouraging. Well Done. May I explain that when Ian was diagnosed he started to express himself more, he opened up to his feelings and it was a brand new world. Its that old adage, love yourself before you can love others. Its not easy for Ian. Before his diagnosis he felt that the was getting things wrong 'socially' and had many confusions over what he should say, or how he should react to.a particular situation. He hated himself as he felt at odds with everyone else around him; that he saw things differently but couldnt work out why; he was 'sectioned' by his parents at age 14 because they said he was bad and mad; but the hospital released him after two days saying that Ian wasnt a mental health patient, he was in fact very clever so he shouldnt be incarcerated but given a chance to excel. His family never praised him or gave him love. To them he was 'that

awkward b*stard'. All this meant he was very careful with his behaviour thereafter and was completely overwhelmed with low self worth. But then came the diagnosis. His first words to the clinical psychologist when she explained about Aspergers: 'so that means I am not a bad man?'. He was so relieved. He has been much more relaxed since then. And starting to appreciate himself as a person living with AS which helps him to find ways to cope with situations that stymied him in the past. The stumbling block for Ian was that now he knew about himself and as we read up on the Syndrome, the new understanding hasnt equipped him for a resolution to his past angers. He harbours lots of resentment. We are working on that, day to day. Liking himself better after a lifetime of hard knocks has been difficult for him to learn but its getting better for

him as since diagnosis he is gaining a confidence that he didnt have before. Its a justification of sorts. For you to start loving yourself so soon after your diagnosis, is impressive. As I mentioned above, Ian hasnt got that licked yet, he still gets meltdowns based on what he thinks others have said or done against him, usually through his expectation that others will say negative things about him. Over the past three years he has started to see that other people do like him for himself and that he is worth loving and he is getting better at letting other people into his life (as long as they reach his high standards!). However, I often have to reassure him. So, bearing in mind how hard it must be, we are both pleased that you are finding your niche and hope you keep on appreciating yourself. Give yourself a pat on the

back! Judy B, housebound because of a snowstorm, Scotland (eating baked beans with avocado - the only food left in the house till the delivery van gets through!)

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Judy. Ironically, that adage is just what I was thinking

of a few days ago. It's interesting how I was like Ian and felt like

I was hating myself. I feel sorry for Ian because of the things he

endured. Although I was never in his shoes from that extreme, I have

empathy for his situation. Being the last one chosen. Feeling I

was never any good.

Everyone's journey with Asperger's will be at different rates. It's

taken me awhile after being diagnosed to start figuring all this

out. Then again, I was homeless as a teenager for one summer. So, I

know that my having Asperger's and ADHD is *nowhere* close to being

homeless out in the middle of nowhere and having to realize, " How do

I survive? " When I just happened to find THIS particular Yahoo

group, I noticed things began to change for me. I am grateful for

Aspires and the encouragement its people have given me to help to

grow and overcome my trauma (because that is what it was literaly).

I am very tough mentally, although I wasn't at first after being

diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD. *Laughing*... I am glad I was

diagnosed with both things instead of one of the other. My

adventuring, discovering, exploring personality went to work after

that My Indiana -like mojo took over me. I don't like the

idea of being " wrapped up " in a little world of my own. I have a

nice balance of being right in the middle of being an I (introvert)

and E (extrovert) on the Myers-Briggs inventory scale.

As for Ian, I'm proud of him that he is trying to give himself a

chance. I'm proud of you for being by his side and helping him

through with this. You both should be proud of working through all

of this.

Just last night, another woman on a public transit bus told me that I

was the first man she had ever seen knit. Like I have told everyone

else - if women can be auto mechanics, men csn knit. I'll knit on a

bus, knit outside while waiting for a bus, knit during my lunch

hour.. and probably knit in my sleep (although I haven't had any

exterrestrials inviting me to come onto their spaceship with my

knitting supplies and watching me knit yet.. I am waiting for that

one).

Thanks for your post,

>

> Hi

> Your post is so encouraging. Well Done. May I explain that when

Ian was diagnosed he started to express himself more, he opened up to

his feelings and it was a brand new world. Its that old adage, love

yourself before you can love others.

>

> Its not easy for Ian. Before his diagnosis he felt that the was

getting things wrong 'socially' and had many confusions over what he

should say, or how he should react to.a particular situation. He

hated himself as he felt at odds with everyone else around him; that

he saw things differently but couldnt work out why; he

was 'sectioned' by his parents at age 14 because they said he was bad

and mad; but the hospital released him after two days saying that Ian

wasnt a mental health patient, he was in fact very clever so he

shouldnt be incarcerated but given a chance to excel. His family

never praised him or gave him love. To them he was 'that awkward

b*stard'. All this meant he was very careful with his behaviour

thereafter and was completely overwhelmed with low self worth.

>

> But then came the diagnosis. His first words to the clinical

psychologist when she explained about Aspergers: 'so that means I am

not a bad man?'. He was so relieved. He has been much more relaxed

since then. And starting to appreciate himself as a person living

with AS which helps him to find ways to cope with situations that

stymied him in the past.

>

> The stumbling block for Ian was that now he knew about himself

and as we read up on the Syndrome, the new understanding hasnt

equipped him for a resolution to his past angers. He harbours lots of

resentment. We are working on that, day to day. Liking himself better

after a lifetime of hard knocks has been difficult for him to learn

but its getting better for him as since diagnosis he is gaining a

confidence that he didnt have before. Its a justification of sorts.

>

> For you to start loving yourself so soon after your diagnosis, is

impressive. As I mentioned above, Ian hasnt got that licked yet, he

still gets meltdowns based on what he thinks others have said or done

against him, usually through his expectation that others will say

negative things about him.

>

> Over the past three years he has started to see that other people

do like him for himself and that he is worth loving and he is getting

better at letting other people into his life (as long as they reach

his high standards!). However, I often have to reassure him.

>

> So, bearing in mind how hard it must be, we are both pleased that

you are finding your niche and hope you keep on appreciating

yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back!

>

> Judy B, housebound because of a snowstorm, Scotland (eating baked

beans with avocado - the only food left in the house till the

delivery van gets through!)

>