Your Choice...

[Guest guest]

Hi

It is unfortunate you don't have access to our archives' and like Helen, I sometimes feel I would like to delete some posts, but the posts on this subject were true when I wrote them and part of my life and my journey.

Sex was probably the single factor that brought us together and I talked about it when this group formed years ago. We had quite a discussion on how it was for other members on the board at the time. Some good, some bad. For me there had to be emotional attachment and as the years flew by the AS behavior or sometimes bad behavior turned me off towards him. I was the one who ended that part of the relationship. Not Larry. I asked him to leave the house and he refused but slept on the couch for years.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day, I had just had the Munkins {Cielo, , 4 yr old twins & Haley 3 - my surrogate grand kids. I have a room in my home just for them as I have helped raise them from birth. They spend more time with me and their grand parents than they do at home, but that is another story <wink>} Mom was shopping for a present for Dad as his Birthday is around the corner. I was listening to her talk and thinking, what is it about women who love BAD boys? What is the attraction? Than I thought about my life and said, been there, done that. There has to be a attraction and a need. We have talked about this before. Is it co-dependency? Is it a thrill living life on the edge? Do you think your love and support will some how change AS? Most people marry because they think it will work for what ever reason. I think the million dollar question has always been, how could I have NOT known? Easy. Splinter/adaptive skills + the ability to assimilate in when needed for survival.

Looking back and this took some time on our relationship, Larry had no idea he had AS till our son was dx.. He did not know. I did not know. When we did? We had choices. Larry needed more time. I had already given 20 years to this marriage, I chose not to wait another 20 for change. It was a good choice for both of us and let the record show, it was him that filed for divorce and the crazy part was we had to sell our home and were actually living together when I was served the papers that he thought was a hoot. I can remember his laughing to this day. What came next was I found a house and moved out and a new life began for me. He dragged me through a nasty divorce on his side and cost me 5,000.00 with no property, child support, retirement on the table due to the fact my attorney was in bed with his. I ended up firing my attorney and walked away with nothing. My FREEDOM from him and this attorney was worth more to me than any settlement that never came to be.

It is funny as there were times I wanted to see Larry and my attorney dipped in honey and feed to a bee farm. lol But life has a way of balancing out. Life actually goes on. I still worry what happens if I lose my job and I have to remind myself, life will go on, it always does. One day at a time. There IS hope and we all have choices. What ever you do, it is YOUR choice and don't let anyone make you feel bad about making it. YOU have the POWER to make that choice. I choose to stay in a broken relationship to keep my kids in their home for 19 years. Right or wrong, "I" made the choice that many never understood. It was MY decision and MY choice whether right or wrong at the time.

Things worked out. The anger went away and life began again for both of us. We still see each other and life went on. There is LIFE after divorce or a broken relationship. With AS, it is all about awareness, understanding and knowing when it is AS vs. bad behavior and you are just enabling it out of love. Bottom line? It takes 2 to dance. You have the power over YOUR destiny. How you use that is YOUR choice...........

Just me.