What Would Be Chosen? Kandy

[Guest guest]

"If some of you had to choose, what would you do......take a leave of absence from work to get finances and stuff in line and take better care of appts etc. 2)quit school even though I have 36 hours left to finish my BA 3) quit the choir directing (even though if brings in extra $$ each month and it is something for ME) 4) Give up that things will never change, try to get things in order to leave? Just a thought to throw out there. I don't want to give up until I feel like I've done everything I possibly can, but it's really tough being a single parent in a married relationship......Thanks for any advice....Kandy"I can't speak for any of the other NT's on the list, but I choose daily, hourly sometimes. We don't have young children, our daughter is 18 and fielding college acceptances now. I'm not getting my needs met either. Ironically, my AS (now ADHD) husband isn't getting his needs met either. I need MORE of a relationship and he needs LESS.Potential solutions? I don't know. I would have to actually change who I am and what I want/need in life to such a degree I wouldn't even feel authentic anymore. I mean, I haven't felt authentic for years because of AS. I'm only going to get one life, this is not a dress rehearsal. He would have to work intensely on being something he isn't as well. He doesn't feel authentic when he has to wear a neurotypical mask so I can feel like I'm in a more normal environment. This faux solution doesn't work because he hates pretending and I know he *is* pretending.I "think" this is the ~acceptance~ part that comes at some point after the diagnosis. He and I both accept that he has these difficulties. We've made a great effort to understand what's going on. We don't argue anymore because I have no expectations of him anymore. He is as happy as a clam being left alone to be who he is, I suppose I will have to go elsewhere so I can be happy as a clam and left alone to be who I am.There may be a small percentage of AS/NT couples out there who can be content to live in a certain way that allows them to continue the relationship.Haze's post was so incredibly spot on in terms of which partner (the NT) would have to make the most concessions in the relationship. Right now, in my world, I'm trying to come to terms with what seem to be some very egocentric questions. I'm asking myself who I need to love more, him or me? Am I "in love" anymore, or have I been on the AS battlefield too long? Tough questions.There is a part of me at this moment that believes I must spend some time away from him for a while. A separation. Time to put back the pieces of ourselves as best we can so whatever decision is made will hopefully be made from a calm and introspective place.I wish you godspeed, I know how you feel. Perhaps my internal ramblings are of some value to you.Regards,Anita 55 NT