confused

[Guest guest]

well you know, maybe she will have to spend alot of time on the computer. when you don't feel good, you need to get answers and perservere. yeah, i want my life back too, but i want my life with balanced hormones and that takes work on my part, cuz i don't have much faith in doctors helping me.

i say to myself that i am blessed because for the most part i have large amounts of hope, faith, optimism and determination!!

it sounds like she needs estrogen REALLY bad. probably like me, LOL!!

how was the stew? i love making stew - it's one of my favorites. i'm making baked chicken with roasted taters and carrots.. and sauteed kale... yummy.

later, girlfriend!!

jen

Confused

I am 49 and cycling monthly but irregularly (21-34 days) Mostly around 26-27 days. Get monster PMS although P does help;(I think) Noticing a little vaginal dryness, headaches, palps, yadda yadda.My mother died from metastatic beast cancer. Will I get cancer from estrogen? Do I have to spend my life on the computer to figure it out? Will anyone ever have a definitive answer? I have an apt. with a doc for BHRT next Wed.What the hell am I supposed to do? I know, I know, individuality. But there is no map, no one protocol, nothing makes sense.It is all too confusing to me.WP, Reiss, Lee, Hertouge (sp), Viet (sp)Suzanne Somers, who is the hormone guru du jour now?I have Hashis take Armour-now I read E effects Thyroid levels-not to mention the demonization of P lately... It looks to me from reading these posts that "listening to your body" is a 24/7 job with no time left for a life. Even women who "listen" are getting it wrong.I am so disillusioned and saddened by the whole BHRT promise.I think it is all one big crap shoot.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I hear you...lots of times you could take the same words out of my

mouth. I spend oodles of time on the computer. First thing am and last

think pm. Always checking to see what I can add to my growing mental

database.

We've got lots of reasons to be hopeful though....look how far we've

come since Laurel first set this up in Oct. In 6 months we've made

unbelievable progress with Carole's research, the web site, the

progesterone discoveries. It'll happen, it's already happening.

It's really hard to keep up energy for all this and keep a life going

especially when hormones start bottoming out and getting blocked.

Even if you're discourage " right now " I'm glad you're hanging in and

posting honestly. It's the only way to know what's going on with each

other so we can help even if we don't have answers....yet!

Take care,

lynn

> I am 49 and cycling monthly but irregularly (21-34 days) Mostly

around 26-27

> days. Get monster PMS although P does help;(I think) Noticing a

little vaginal

> dryness, headaches, palps, yadda yadda.

> My mother died from metastatic beast cancer. Will I get cancer from

estrogen?

> Do I have to spend my life on the computer to figure it out? Will

anyone ever

> have a definitive answer?

> I have an apt. with a doc for BHRT next Wed.

> What the hell am I supposed to do? I know, I know, individuality.

But there

> is no map, no one protocol, nothing makes sense.

> It is all too confusing to me.

> WP, Reiss, Lee, Hertouge (sp), Viet (sp)

> Suzanne Somers, who is the hormone guru du jour now?

> I have Hashis take Armour-now I read E effects Thyroid levels-

> not to mention the demonization of P lately... It looks to me from

reading

> these posts that " listening to your body " is a 24/7 job with no time

left for a

> life. Even women who " listen " are getting it wrong.

> I am so disillusioned and saddened by the whole BHRT promise.

> I think it is all one big crap shoot.

>

[Guest guest]

I am reading all the messages, as far back as I can, and one thing keeps

striking me. Those of you who are on this list who are AS and the

spouses spoken of who are not on the list all seem to be much higher

functioning than my husband.

Honestly, I have to say in retrospect that if I had been thinking with

my head instead of my grieving heart I would not have married him. I was

horribly lonely, having lost my 48 year husband, the love of my life, to

pancreatic cancer. We were married for 28 years. He was 20 and I was 27

when we met in grad school (I was his instructor). It was a horrible

loss, and that first year was a nightmare. I suffer from chronic anxiety

disorder, and I spent most nights huddled in my back bedroom shaking in

dread and terror.

I met Rex at a camping event for an organization to which we both

belonged. We were both selling books, and had our stalls next to each

other. He was charming, soft spoken, handsome, and friendly. He

literally stole my heart (or so I thought). We had a quick courtship and

soon found ourselves living together.

It didn't take long for me to start having second thoughts: there were

just some very strange behaviors that I did not understand. I overlooked

so much: the horrible circumstances (physically) in which he was living;

his strange personal hygiene habits; his odd speech mannerisms. What

mattered was that he quite literally put me on a pedestal, and I had

physical intimacy again after a very long lonely almost two years. It

was such a joy to have someone in the house again that I closed my eyes

to all the warning signs.

None of this is to say that I don't love Rex. I do; very much. There is

a side to him that is gentle, naive, friendly and very caring. And I

care very much about what happens to him. But it seems that every

passing year that we are together he becomes more childlike, less able

to handle money, to schedule his time, to take responsibility for even

the most simple things. I hate being the one to set the schedules, to

pay the bills, to tell him what to do. But for my own sake I must.

Otherwise things don't get done.

You are probably asking yourself why I don't do them myself. I have

become profoundly disabled. In addition to arthritis that has left me

crippled and unable to walk unsupported I had breast cancer last year,

and the ensuing treatments have just taken all the steam out of me. The

simple act of cooking a meal is beyond my abilities at this point.

I'm tired of eating frozen dinners and going without food three nights a

week when he goes to his model railroad meetings. I'm tired of never

going anywhere, of living in this 10x10 room while he goes to hobby

shops and bookstores and model railroad meetings and out to lunch. I'm

tired of forgotten birthdays, and a kitchen so filthy it smells, and a

bathroom so dirty I don't want to use it. I'm tired of needing him to

help me bathe and having to go without if he doesn't feel like it. I'm

worn to the bone with no birthday presents, no Christmas, no sex, no

movies, and no friends.

And I'm bored with myself. I sound to myself like a whining baby. And

I'm terrified. Some day I am really going to need him, and he won't be

there. We have too much money to receiving social services; but the

money is his from his father's estate, and his family has made in quite

clear that if I were to leave and try to get any of the money they would

put every resource at their disposal to keeping me from getting any. As

it is, we only get a monthly " allowance " because his father specified in

the will that the money should be put in a trust for " Rex's maintenance

and benefit. "

I'm trapped, lonely, and bitter. And if someone has any ideas of how to

reach this little boy in a man's body and make him see what a misery he

is making of our lives, I wish they would share them.

Shoshana

--

Life is what happens to you; living is how you manage it.

read about our adventures at www.justjosmidden.blogspot.com

[Guest guest]

Shoshanna, many hugs go out to you. Some of what you wrote really

hit home for me. We have some similarities, such as failing to see

the warning signs early on, such as deplorable home conditions. I

know very little about Aspergers. I just became aware of Aspergers

this past September. What I have gleaned so far is there are varying

degrees of how Aspergers manifests itself in individuals. It doesn't

help your husband that his family is enabling him and creating a bad

attitude towards you. You are right that he may be less functional

than others with Aspergers because his family felt the need to set up

a protective trust for him. You need to get social services to

intervene in your behalf from what you have described. Also perhaps

you should see a professional to help you with your anxiety disorder

which may be causing you to hide out in your 10x10 room and depending

solely on your husband for everything in life. I have a serious

physical disability that puts me in a power wheelchair and there is no

way I would let this keep me from getting out of the house and living.

I hope others will come in and offer some suggestions. Good luck,

Verleen

>

>

>

> Honestly, I have to say in retrospect that if I had been thinking with

> my head instead of my grieving heart I would not have married him. I

was

> horribly lonely, having lost my 48 year husband, the love of my

life, to

> pancreatic cancer. We were married for 28 years. He was 20 and I was 27

> when we met in grad school (I was his instructor). It was a horrible

> loss, and that first year was a nightmare. I suffer from chronic

anxiety

> disorder, and I spent most nights huddled in my back bedroom shaking in

> dread and terror.

>

> I met Rex at a camping event for an organization to which we both

> belonged. We were both selling books, and had our stalls next to each

> other. He was charming, soft spoken, handsome, and friendly. He

> literally stole my heart (or so I thought). We had a quick courtship

and

> soon found ourselves living together.

>

> It didn't take long for me to start having second thoughts: there were

> just some very strange behaviors that I did not understand. I

overlooked

> so much: the horrible circumstances (physically) in which he was

living;

> his strange personal hygiene habits; his odd speech mannerisms. What

> mattered was that he quite literally put me on a pedestal, and I had

> physical intimacy again after a very long lonely almost two years. It

> was such a joy to have someone in the house again that I closed my eyes

> to all the warning signs.

>

> None of this is to say that I don't love Rex. I do; very much. There is

> a side to him that is gentle, naive, friendly and very caring. And I

> care very much about what happens to him. But it seems that every

> passing year that we are together he becomes more childlike, less able

> to handle money, to schedule his time, to take responsibility for even

> the most simple things. I hate being the one to set the schedules, to

> pay the bills, to tell him what to do. But for my own sake I must.

> Otherwise things don't get done.

>

> You are probably asking yourself why I don't do them myself. I have

> become profoundly disabled. In addition to arthritis that has left me

> crippled and unable to walk unsupported I had breast cancer last year,

> and the ensuing treatments have just taken all the steam out of me. The

> simple act of cooking a meal is beyond my abilities at this point.

>

> I'm tired of eating frozen dinners and going without food three

nights a

> week when he goes to his model railroad meetings. I'm tired of never

> going anywhere, of living in this 10x10 room while he goes to hobby

> shops and bookstores and model railroad meetings and out to lunch. I'm

> tired of forgotten birthdays, and a kitchen so filthy it smells, and a

> bathroom so dirty I don't want to use it. I'm tired of needing him to

> help me bathe and having to go without if he doesn't feel like it. I'm

> worn to the bone with no birthday presents, no Christmas, no sex, no

> movies, and no friends.

>

> And I'm bored with myself. I sound to myself like a whining baby. And

> I'm terrified. Some day I am really going to need him, and he won't be

> there. We have too much money to receiving social services; but the

> money is his from his father's estate, and his family has made in quite

> clear that if I were to leave and try to get any of the money they

would

> put every resource at their disposal to keeping me from getting any. As

> it is, we only get a monthly " allowance " because his father

specified in

> the will that the money should be put in a trust for " Rex's maintenance

> and benefit. "

>

> I'm trapped, lonely, and bitter. And if someone has any ideas of

how to

> reach this little boy in a man's body and make him see what a misery he

> is making of our lives, I wish they would share them.

>

> Shoshana

>

> --

> Life is what happens to you; living is how you manage it.

> read about our adventures at www.justjosmidden.blogspot.com

>

[Guest guest]

I can see how this would be confusing.... I think that perhaps we ARE more functional not because we were born that way but because we choose to be and/or because we were raised to be. I think that possibly we represent what your husband COULD be.

I do firmly believe that environment has a big impact. One reason I believe this is because my husband is NT and was raised in a controlling environment in which the parents taught the kids to be helpless and he acts much the same as many of the AS husbands NT women talk about on this list. My husbands parents to this day tell their adult children who still live at home, "Oh there's no need for you to move out on your own when you can live here so cheap." or "When you go to buy a car you just tell me and I'll make sure they give you a good deal." I suspect that perhaps many parents who were raising an AS child without knowing what AS was, became over protective, which in turn taught the AS child that they are helpless and unable to care for themselves. Which in turn created AS adults who find caretaking type folks to take care of them. My own parents were pretty much sink or swim types. I grew up very independent and taking care of things myself. Anyway.... this is just all my own theory based off observations I have made. This is why I recommend not caretaking and leaving them to sink or swim on their own. I think your husband in particular was probably raised to be dependant... that's why the money left to him was in a trust. Control from the grave. But then it is also personality. I told my parents to spend all their money before they die so there won't be any question of where it goes. I don't want their money, I want to make my own way and live on my own, be my own person. I learned long ago that when someone takes care of you like that it comes with big ropes (versus apron strings) and I can't stand being obligated. My husband's family, being raised with it, don't mind at all. They actually like being controlled because it makes them feel safe. (my theory as to why they don't just get out from under, why one brother is nearly 40 and still living at home being asked where he's going and when he'll be back.) My husband, thank the Lord, has seen this and isn't like this anymore. Naturally his family got mad at him when he stopped letting them be in control of his life. So there's always that aspect. Sometimes when a person stops being a victim and starts being in charge of their own life they lose their family and/or friends all of whom were based on the person staying helpless. Anyway, just my ideas on the subject.

Jennie