Re: do you work outside the home

[Guest guest]

First of all - Peggy! - t's wonderful to hear from you - fellow old

timer and home schooler! I hope I didn't shock you - or Jennie - or

the group - with the seeming cynicism of my last post. I know several

educators, and all praise my choice and wish they had home educated

their children too (surprising, isn't it!) The educator I was

commiserating with a couple of days ago - the one who was appalled

that volunteering didn't seem to count as " work " - has herself worked

part time for many years and said she would not work full time. She

said that mothers do the most important job of all (nice to hear,

coming from an educator!)

Nonetheless, I would heartily discourage anyone from walking away

from a profession - unless you are really and truly done with it and

are ready for a change - as Peggy was. And that's great if you are!

But for folks like me, it's tough (and it's going to be expensive) to

start from scratch at almost 53 years old, to try to get myself back

somewhere where I was before, so I can have a viable career until I

retire (not likely at this rate, LOL) The above may sound horribly

self centered BUT, what if someone in the family needed help? What if

my husband couldn't work any more? Then someone would need to be

making a livable income - and that someone would probably be me.

Right now I am qualified to do minimum wage semi skilled work, only.

Kandy, if I recall correctly, is the main support for her family for

two young school age children, one with AS. Her AS husband doesn't

seem able to pick up the slack - especially with the kids. She is

exhausted. In my opinion, she needs to take care of herself, she

needs to cut back on her overwhelming responsibilities, and she needs

more support. She needs to get hired help.

If taking care of herself means suspending work and studies, if she

is doing this for herself, fine, but I would still caution - in the

strongest terms - against closing the door on options that she will

need later. Maybe try it (taking a break) for six or nine months and

then re-assess again. She says she might get time to get her house in

order. I suspect she will not. Work expands to fill the time

allotted. She'll still be doing it all by herself, but now with no

change in gears or outside affirmations. And if you are staying home

because you were backed into a corner, rather than because you really

wanted to do it, you will come to resent it - I guarantee that.

Though this does seem like a pessimistic view, I think it's important

to present the flip side of things so that Kandy can at least look at

the various scenarios and decide, based on her experience thus far,

which one is most likely to play out. I hope her councillor can also

advise her too. At last report, she seemed to have no expectations

(from the counselling) for herself, and that has to change!

I am glad that Jennie and Peggy shared the upside of being a

" domestic engineer " as, though old timers have read my sharings on

that topic, the new timers wouldn't know of my lengthy home schooling

and volunteering experience in youth and other organizations. I

really loved being able to spend all the time I did with my son. I am

happy that I could " be there " to home school, to be involved in many

of his activities, see him receive awards, trophies and recognition

of his many achievements, and just be available when he needed me.

Now our son has started to spread his wings, and I'm trying to

prepare mentally and emotionally for what will come next -

independence. Success parents and child, and also a new passage in life.

Now that I have taken care of the family, I need to do this (revive

my career) for me - and we do need the income. Looking back, my one

regret is that I didn't maintain a foothold in the professional world

- part time would have been optimum. That's my point of view and I'm

sticking to it. <smile!> But do what you feel is right for YOU.

- Helen