Guest guest Posted March 13, 2008 Report Share Posted March 13, 2008 Delyth Bolt wrote: > Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud > up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience. > > My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just > like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops > his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is > worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the > emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is > anxiety. Unrecognized or unadmitted anxiety in the AS partner is the principal driving force behind a *lot* of AS so-called " behavior " . And behind our relationship problems. Successfully addressing that one problem will do more for " fixing " a relationship than anything else. IMO. > > I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are > unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are > confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for > themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a > person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand. ....Which accords perfectly with the DSM-IV criterion of AS having problems with reciprocal social communication. > > The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my > opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start. BINGO! - Bill, 75, AS; ...not an automaton -- WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Delyth Bolt wrote: Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience. My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is anxiety. I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand. The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start. Best Wishes Delyth me here:i have said befoe that AS can be ice cool spock like but also too much the other way...over emotional outbursts and responses.it is getting the balance that can be dificult.Too much or too little analogy i used.i do both. im im working on the former. used to be all the later. 36 m diagnosed AS Rise to the challenge for Sport Relief with Yahoo! for Good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 Delyth and Anita, Acknlwledging that we have emotions is a great way to begin to recognize the degree to which we are people, too. We love facts, but we do not live just like androids- we feel and care, too. Anxiety is far from the only emotion we feel. If you can get one of us happy, we can feel really intense joy- or love- or delight, too! I have memories of being overwhelmed by joy as a very young child, when someone would smile at me intensely- the joy was so great that it would block out everything else completely- even light and vision! It felt great, too! I wonder if NT babiles feel it this intensely as well, when I smile at them, they smile back, and I share their delight, and remember these early experiences. ASDelyth Bolt wrote: Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience.My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is anxiety.I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand.The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start.Best WishesDelyth Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2008 Report Share Posted March 14, 2008 thank you Delyth. jkzAnita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience.My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is anxiety.I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand.The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start.Best WishesDelyth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Delyth - What you say rings very true. My husband certainly is victim to his emotions, though different emotions than those that overwhelm me. Anxiety is a perfect example.I also notice that as an NT, I am able to modulate my emotions better than he can. DanekaSubject: AS and emotionsTo: aspires-relationships Date: Thursday, March 13, 2008, 8:01 AM Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience. My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is anxiety. I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand. The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start. Best Wishes Delyth Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 modulate is a perfect form of communication to describe this discrepency.all or none i used in describing AS emotions...... too much or too little.modulate, is a good word. nt´s can modulate, some better than others. 36 m diagnosed ASDaneka Wheeler wrote: Delyth - What you say rings very true. My husband certainly is victim to his emotions, though different emotions than those that overwhelm me. Anxiety is a perfect example.I also notice that as an NT, I am able to modulate my emotions better than he can. DanekaFrom: Delyth Bolt <delythdelythbolt>Subject: AS and emotionsTo: aspires-relationships Date: Thursday, March 13, 2008, 8:01 AM Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience. My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is anxiety. I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand. The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start. Best Wishes Delyth Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Rise to the challenge for Sport Relief with Yahoo! for Good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 , Thanks for explaining your emotions in such a detailed manner. Just discussing joy brings a lot of balance to our discussions. Mem ________________________________ > To: aspires-relationships > From: creativelywired@... > Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2008 12:18:47 -0700 > Subject: Re: AS and emotions > > > Delyth and Anita, > > Acknlwledging that we have emotions is a great way to begin to recognize the degree to which we are people, too. We love facts, but we do not live just like androids- we feel and care, too. Anxiety is far from the only emotion we feel. If you can get one of us happy, we can feel really intense joy- or love- or delight, too! I have memories of being overwhelmed by joy as a very young child, when someone would smile at me intensely- the joy was so great that it would block out everything else completely- even light and vision! It felt great, too! I wonder if NT babiles feel it this intensely as well, when I smile at them, they smile back, and I share their delight, and remember these early experiences. > > AS > > Delyth Bolt wrote: > Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud > up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience. > > My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just > like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops > his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is > worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the > emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is > anxiety. > > I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are > unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are > confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for > themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a > person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand. > > The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my > opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start. > > Best Wishes > > Delyth > > > > ________________________________ > Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. > > _________________________________________________________________ Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2008 Report Share Posted March 15, 2008 Mem, I am glad you like it. : ~ ) I have an NT friend named Ida, who speaks only in feelings. She understands logic a bit, since I explained a little to her, and I have learned from her to speak in feelings! At first, a mutual friend of ours acted as a translator. In retrospect, it was very funny. Ida tried to tell me something, and it seemed to be a total non-sequitur--until our other friend translated. Then, I replied b ack, and Ida was completely befuddled! Again, we needed a translator. : ~ ) I was quite eager to keep trying, but Ida got frustrated, and wanted to give up! Our friend convinced us both to stick it out. The whole thing was over the phone (with three-way caling), which made it really hard for Ida, because she is extreme NT, and my face was not there for her to read! That was back in 2004, and we still talk by phone. (For those who remember my earlier posts, she is not the same friend I have spoken of before: she has never been mean to me at all!). We live in different states, so I see her in person only a couple times a year. As a result, we both learned more about communicating, and the experience has helped me in speaking to many other NTs I know. Memarie Christoforo wrote: ,Thanks for explaining your emotions in such a detailed manner. Just discussing joy brings a lot of balance to our discussions.Mem________________________________> To: aspires-relationships > From: creativelywired> Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2008 12:18:47 -0700> Subject: Re: AS and emotions> > > Delyth and Anita,> > Acknlwledging that we have emotions is a great way to begin to recognize the degree to which we are people, too. We love facts, but we do not live just like androids- we feel and care, too. Anxiety is far from the only emotion we feel. If you can get one of us happy, we can feel really intense joy- or love- or delight, too! I have memories of being overwhelmed by joy as a very young child, when someone would smile at me intensely- the joy was so great that it would block out everything else completely- even light and vision! It felt great, too! I wonder if NT babiles feel it this intensely as well, when I smile at them, they smile back, and I share their delight, and remember these early experiences.> > AS> > Delyth Bolt wrote:> Anita - I am delighted that you are recognising that an Aspie can cloud> up the facts with a bunch of emotion. That has been my experience.> > My husband lives his life according to his emotional experiences - just> like I do, but his experiences of emotions are confused. He develops> his routines so that he feels safe, he says very little because he is> worried about saying the wrong thing etc etc. For my husband, the> emotion that dictates his life and causes us considerable stress is> anxiety.> > I think the difficulties for AS in general is not that they are> unemotional, far from it, but that their emotional responses are> confused, exaggerated or under experienced, both internally for> themselves and externally for others who misread. This leads to a> person behaving in ways that can be difficult to understand.> > The simplistic idea that NT's are emotional and AS not, is, in my> opinion, utter nonsense and a false premise from the start.> > Best Wishes> > Delyth> > > > ________________________________> Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.> > __________________________________________________________Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live.http://www.windowslive.com/share.html?ocid=TXT_TAGHM_Wave2_sharelife_012008 Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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